Welcome to the first-ever expert guest interview on the show! My guest today has never been a client of mine, but she’s quickly become one of my favorite business colleagues, sisters, and best friends.
Danielle Savory is a Master Certified Coach who helps women tap into their pleasure and connect to their minds and bodies. Her background in neuroscience and somatic work makes her an incredible sex coach, so get ready to never look at pleasure the same way.
Tune in to find out how to tap into pleasure both in and out of the bedroom, and why, as entrepreneurs, we have to accept and make pleasure an integral part of our being if we want to be seen in the world and get paid.
You are listening to episode 140 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where we get out of our head and into our bodies with pleasure. Oh, my friends, this juicy goodness. Let’s go.
Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.
All right, coaches, so this is kind of a first. This podcast episode is the first time I’m interviewing somebody as purely an expert. This person has never been a client, not a former client, not a current client. And the topic is so good. This interview blew me away.
So Miss Danielle Savory. Danielle and I met on a retreat in Cabo almost four years ago. She has become a best friend, a business colleague, a sister. I have vacationed at her mountain home with her family, she knows all of my meaty bits. My children have laughed with her children. We have drank, and sang, and danced together. And we are talking about lots of juicy and meaty bits today.
I was just simply blown away with what Danielle shares. She affirmed some of what I’ve already known, that we’ve already talked about on this podcast. She’s made connections about things we’ve talked about on this podcast, but that we’ve never put together before. And then she just flat out teaches some new stuff.
You will never look at pleasure the same way. And in fact, I suspect you’re going to be diving in after this conversation, because she’s going to tell you why you need it and what you can start doing today that’s part of what you already do. Okay? It’s so good.
Amy: Okay, my friends, I am excited to welcome to the podcast one of my business besties. And my very first just expert, she’s a straight up expert. Danielle Savory is a master certified coach. She helps women tap into their pleasure, connect to their mind and their body. She’s got a background in neuroscience, cymatics. And what I love most about Danielle is she’s tapping into pleasure in and out of the bedroom.
This conversation is going to blow your minds because we’re going to talk about pleasure and how it relates to you being a coach and your coaching business. Miss Danielle, hello.
Danielle: Hello, I’m so honored to be your first expert guest. This is so fun.
Amy: It is so fun. So everybody should know right away, like this woman has, I’ve stayed at her house, I know her family, we text each other all of the time. She knows all my dirty bits. She knows all my tender, vulnerable bits. And she holds space like you would not believe. So I’m really excited to hear what she’s going to tell us about pleasure, and your body, and making lots of money in this life coaching business that you want.
Okay, so Danielle, as I was sharing with you, and you know a lot of this, because Danielle has been a peer coach of mine and everybody listening to this podcast knows that I share the reason that I’m the best coach for you when it comes to feeling more confident as a coach so you can sign clients, because guess what I struggle with?
So this one has been on the coaching end for me. So she knows a lot of, you know, having trouble believing that you can do what you’ve never done before. I think what I first want to ask you about is one of the struggles that so many coaches have is being afraid to show up as they really want to. To look how they really want to. To say what they really want to.
This fear of like who they really are and what they think they’re supposed to project out into the world. So let’s talk about that first because I think that’s probably the biggest thing. How does your work as a pleasure coach really help? What have you learned about that?
Danielle: Yeah, well, I think it’s interesting and it’s kind of in a roundabout way. I wouldn’t say that pleasure directly relates to confidence, but it is in the same family. Because for those of us that are socialized as women, being able to connect to our pleasure in order to be like receptible for it, or I like to say creating these conditions to be able to receive pleasure, there has to be a lot of safety created.
There has to be, you know, from our mind, from our body, whether or not you’ve experienced big T traumas in your body. You know, so many of us have experienced more little T traumas and just the way that we’ve been socialized and the way that we’ve been talked about in the realm of being objects of pleasure.
So flipping that whole script to be able to create safety in the body to receive is huge. And when you learn how to do that, when you learn how to create safety in the body to receive and to open up to more pleasure. But when you also have the courage to navigate your body and see what’s turning you on, or what’s turning you off, or what you like, or all these sorts of things, and you communicate that.
Like you have created enough safety, to be able to communicate that to others, to create boundaries, to create needs, it makes your confidence in so many other areas feel so much easier, right? Because you’re like, Oh, I’ve like talked about my pleasure before, I’ve talked about my needs, I’ve been in touch with my body. And so your body now feels like a refuge.
We create this refuge, number one, of safety. We create it as like a home to come back to. And also it’s feeling good because now you’re using the balm of pleasure to feel good. And so you have this entire physical support system and a nervous system that’s ready to support you.
And I think that, honestly, is the biggest key to confidence because when we go out and do courageous things, we need to know that we’re going to have our own backs. We need to know how to have support if things don’t work out the way that we want to or we feel triggered even just sharing a post for the first time that feels kind of vulnerable or something like that.
Knowing how to come back to your body as a refuge is so essential. And the way that we can do that is having pleasure on a reward and we will get to pleasure by creating that safety first. So it’s like it becomes like a receptacle for it. It becomes like this usable means to get there.
Amy: It’s so good, my body as a refuge. That is such a powerful statement because that is something that I have brought a lot more into both my two programs of creating self-safety. Of this expert says I’m supposed to do this thing and then it triggers, extreme like fight or flight or fear within our body. And so we can’t even discern whether or not that’s a good idea for us or not because we don’t feel safe. We don’t feel like we have a refuge.
I love this idea of my body as a refuge. And I think that is the connection. I love, you know, pleasure within my body requires a level of feeling safe in my body. And feeling safe in my body is required. And it’s required for oh, I’m going to go try to put out a reel for the first time. Some of the tools in my programs are like finding the things you really want to say if you weren’t so worried about what other people would think about you.
Amy: It feels like literal terror.
Amy: I want to share an idea, but in our body that feels like death, that feels like danger.
Danielle: You know, what happens when we’re going after pleasure and we’re seeking pleasure and we’re finding it in our bodies, because you’re doing that, because you learn to prioritize pleasure and work it into your weekly schedule, your daily schedule, all these sorts of things. You’re bringing your nervous system back to a balanced state more often than we typically do on any given day.
Because usually our nervous system, you know, it’s like we’re operating on this simmer level in modern day society. And I would even say a little bit above our simmer level when it comes to being an entrepreneur because there’s so many things that we are regulating on a daily basis. Like doing courageous things, putting ourselves out there to be rejected, or have somebody disagree with us, or creating a safe space, all those sorts of things.
Those are naturally, you know, can be triggering to our nervous system. Plus just like the constant stimulation that we have living in this modern day world. And if you’re a parent, then there’s that extra stimulation and all this stuff going on in the world. Like you can just keep layering all these things on and that puts us in a very dysregulated part and a reactive state of our nervous system.
But when you’re prioritizing pleasure, you’re bringing that balance in on a regular basis. You’re bringing that balance in so that you don’t, for lack of a better word, your brain doesn’t become as trigger happy, right?
Because our amygdala actually is like this trigger for our whole nervous system and if it keeps getting triggered over and over and over and over again and we’re not bringing that calm or we’re not feeding it with the pleasure, then it just becomes more and more reactive and it becomes this cumulative thing.
And so by regulating your nervous system more, by coming into a responsive place of our nervous system and our brain and being able to absorb pleasure, you are basically creating like a buffer system so that the bounce back isn’t as hard, right? So it’s not that you don’t get triggered, but it’s easier to come back. The bounce back is way quicker and it’s not so treacherous feeling.
Amy: Yeah, it does feel very treacherous. What was coming to mind as you were talking about this, I don’t know how clean this analogy is going to be, but I am a person that has severe allergies and I have actually landed in the emergency room, not from any one thing, but the doctor described it as a cup runneth over.
There was so much taxing my allergies at one time, any one individual thing wasn’t necessarily dangerous to me. But when it was all put into the cup all at the same time, it just overflowed. My body couldn’t handle it anymore. And this is an allergic reaction, but like imagine that in a metaphorical sense.
Danielle: Yes, no, it’s a perfect analogy. My daughter has the same thing, right? It could be our house gets cleaned and the cleaning supplies do it, and then she eats dairy, which her body doesn’t really like. She’s not allergic to it, but it works up. And then there’s pollen and there’s all these things where it gets to that place where it literally could be like a piece of grass touches her and it creates this entire response.
Not because of the piece of grass, but because her body has gotten to this place where it’s in such a reactive state. And that’s the exact same thing that happens with our nervous system and happens specifically with, you know, our amygdala and the HPA axis. Like all these sorts of things that create these triggering responses do have a cumulative effect.
Amy: And that’s so good because now it’s like, oh, so these individual things, it makes sense that they create a trigger. And also, by learning how to really embrace pleasure in our body we can actually, I don’t know if it’s making the cup bigger, or if it’s like just kind of lessening each of those things so that the cup does not overflow.
And it doesn’t, like I think so much of what can happen to coaches that I talk to and so many coaches that you and I both know is we can be triggered in such a way and then it just creates like a meltdown or like a shutdown. And then we go and checkout for a day, a week.
When I first started as a coach and didn’t know anything about this kind of work because I hadn’t started doing the emotional connection work at all, I was just trying to use my brain to coach. I’d shut down for weeks at a time. And just the idea of coming back and making one post felt like, nope, I can’t do it. So I would go weeks and even like six to eight weeks at a time of not showing up in my business at all.
I still want to go into a let’s quit, but what used to be weeks or months then I got it down to weeks or days, and then days, and then hours. And now it’s like, yeah, 15 minutes on Wednesday.
Danielle: Yeah, usually for me it’s like a walk. It’s like a walk with my dog and then I can come back and it’s fine, right? But like think of it, like think of pleasure flooding your body and your nervous system, almost like creating, like it’s like vitamin C for your nervous system.
So I’m like so when we think about our immune system, right, like we’re going on a trip you’re kind of fueling your immune system. You know you’re going to be exposed to more germs, more kinds of germs, things in your face. And so you want to make your immune system robust, like maybe you change some things in your diet, and you’re not drinking as much, you’re not having as much dairy.
You’re doing all these things to just make your immune system better so that you’ll be able to kind of combat any kind of germs that come your way. And it’s the same kind of thing when we’re fueling ourselves with this like nourishing pleasure and dropping in and that mind body connection of the felt sense of pleasure. It’s almost like this vitamin C for your nervous system so that it just can have a little bit more resilience when the normal things of life come at you.
Amy: Oh, that’s so good. Now, one of the things that keeps coming up as we’re talking about this is how many of us have been told that pleasure is not okay? So like this entire conversation.
Amy: A voice to the people who are like, “Aah.”
Danielle: Well I mean, this is the thing, we have been told that it’s bad in so many different ways. And to be honest, when I first started doing this kind of coaching and really working with pleasure, you know, sensual pleasure, sexual pleasure, just the felt sense of like pleasure, I had a really hard time with the word pleasure. Like even just that word felt kind of triggering to my system because I do think that we have created so many different types of connotations.
And a lot of times the way that we even hear, so a lot of my background is also in Buddhist psychology and Buddhist religion. And so when I was really deep in the Buddhist community, you know, we talk about pleasures like these things that kind of get you away. You know, they’re the distractions, they’re the things that would distract you from your inner knowing, and your breath, and all these sorts of things.
And then, when we hear in a lot of other language how pleasure is talked about, it’s talked about not as a good thing, we use it as a buffer system. It’s like pleasure is like food, or alcohol, or sex. And I have a whole other beef with that when we talk about just sex as a pleasure. Like that’s kind of like that lustful sort of indulgent, urgent sex. Yeah, yeah.
So we have been talked about it and it also has been something that we have presented with, even if it’s “a good thing,” you have to earn it. You have to do all these other things to be able to experience it. Like if I get the rest of my stuff done, then I’ll give myself the gift of laying on the couch and reading a book. Or I remember when I was a mom it was like, oh, I’m going to reward myself with a bath. Give me a break, I should have had a bath before I did anything else, right?
So we wait for all the other things to be done. We wait for all of the other achievements to be taken care of. And pleasure feels like a reward for our hard work.
Amy: Yeah, so many people, they were either told pleasure is just bad period. It is a negative thing of us trying to avoid the reality of the world or it’s sinful.
Danielle: Right, yeah.
Amy: So it’s either sinful and just flat out morally bad. And even if it’s considered good, even then it’s a reward.
Danielle: Yeah, exactly. It’s like it’s a sinful thing, it’s this reward thing. And especially for the way that most women have been socialized, it’s also been this thing that it’s like, it’s almost like this deservedness thing or this thing that’s in our background, in our subconscious. Where it’s like we don’t even put it up front because it feels indulgent. It feels like everybody else needs to be taken care of, all of my other to-do list needs to be taken care of.
And when we’re operating on this system of not enoughness, which a lot of us are, we’re never really getting to the place where all of a sudden pleasure is okay. Maybe on your vacation, right? Or maybe a few minutes on the weekend. But it’s not prioritized and it’s not planned in the way that we are fueling ourselves with pleasure so that we can even create this resilience of our nervous system like we were talking about, because it’s so scarce, if ever really experienced.
Amy: And that’s what’s so wild, is like okay, adding pleasure to our daily life will actually bring our nervous system down, it’ll like chill out that cup before it runs over. And yet everything in our socialization has said either don’t do it at all or only after you’ve done all of the things, which doesn’t make an ounce of sense.
Danielle: No, and even if it is talked about, it’s like, oh, moms deserve a glass of wine at the end of the day, right? You know, it’s also talked about in this way of like, oh, you deserve the glass of wine. And it’s like this buffering sort of pleasure, this indulgent pleasure. Which actually jacks our nervous system up even more, disconnects us from our body even more, and takes us out, like puts us more into dysregulation so that we become dependent on more of these buffering sort of pleasures.
Amy: Yeah. Something that I was also just thinking about when I’m thinking about pleasure, and I don’t know if you can speak to this. The mind body connection aspect of pleasure is what is triggering this question of how this connects with creativity and ideas and like really connecting with like, not just your physical body, but how that stirs up the knowledge that’s in you.
Danielle: Yes, I’m so glad you asked because I love this question. There’s the woo-woo side of things and the science side of things. So first I’ll just talk about the woo-woo side of things.
So even if we’re talking about, let’s specifically say sexual pleasure. It doesn’t have to be, but let’s specifically say sexual pleasure. There is a lot out there, especially when you talk to sex coaches that are into the world of Tantra, and Goddess, and opening up channels and all of this sort of thing, that as women, that we are really able to tap into that part of us when all of this is aligned in our body, right? When we’re opening up kind of this portal that’s like larger than life, right?
So that’s kind of like the woo-woo side. You’ll hear a lot about that, but that is the way to just really tap into that creativity and that creative side, is being able to open up this channel that stems from our sacral center. That’s not typically how I speak about stuff. I love it, I’m very entertained by it. But I normally talk about just the neuroscience point of view.
So in the neuroscience point of view when we’re talking about pleasure and we’re talking about what’s going on in the brain, pleasure is one of these things that really fuels one of our three systems of our brain. So if you think about like we have an avoidance system in our brain, that’s more of our reptilian part. And then we have like a moving towards, so an approaching system part of our brain, like motivation, going after stuff, goal setting, all of that. And then we have an attachment part, which is our connection.
And so pleasure actually really satisfies that approaching system of our brain. It floods us with dopamine and serotonin and this overall experience of wellbeing. And by doing that, it opens up or it gives us let’s say more connection to the part of our brain that is involved in creativity and also the part of our brain operating system that has us wanting to go after a goal, which I think is so fun, right?
So it’s like being able to feel really satisfied, and the more satisfied you’re feeling, you’ll notice that you’re going to have more motivation to go after the things that you want in life. So not only does it open up and give us access to the creative part of our brain, which comes up with all these ideas. It also pushes us forward towards those dreams.
Danielle: Yes, so it’s really cool.
Amy I didn’t know this at all, it’s amazing.
Danielle: Yeah. Yeah, so that’s even another reason why it’s so important. And you hear this talked about a lot in the manifestation world, right? Like we don’t want to come from a place of scarcity, we want to come from a place of abundance. Well the place of abundance and what they’re talking about is really a system of approaching in our brain, right?
So it’s this system of approaching that gets with gratitude, with pleasure, with satisfaction, like with dropping into that sort of thing. It’s the same thing because when you’re feeling abundant and you’re feeling taken care of and satisfied and filled up, you’re more likely to approach things out of a place of love and not this graspy energy, and therefore able to magnetize more things towards you.
Amy: I just learned stuff.
Danielle: Well, that’s why you have experts on your podcast.
Amy: That’s why I have experts. I did not know the neuroscience. Like I was all on the woo explanation. I was like, obviously, that makes, done it before, believe it. But that whole neuroscience of like how sexual pleasure, how body pleasure actually motivates me towards that prefrontal cortex, what I call my Gigi brain. So my listeners know all about the Gigi that’s in your head, she’s the one that believes in what’s possible. She’s motivating us. She’s a feisty little girl who likes pleasure. I love it.
Amy: Okay. So I think when we’re talking about pleasure work, you’ve coached on this before. I know that you’ve done workshops on this before, of the connection between pleasure and just profit, and money, and business. And I’m kind of thinking it probably has something to do with that manifestation. But tell me more about that because I know that’s work you’ve done in the past. I’ve seen that you’ve done classes and trainings around that before.
Danielle: Yeah, well it kind of goes hand in hand with what we’re talking about, right? And it’s like that ability to keep going after what you want, right? Like pleasure, when you really think of pleasure fueling you, it is that connection that we have with that approaching part of our system that has us going out and being willing to create a profit.
When you think about profit and you think about what it requires, right? It usually requires some sort of forward movement. You know, like you’re not just sitting back, as much as the manifesting world can be misinterpreted like you’re sitting back and you’re just opening your hands and all this stuff is coming towards you. For most of us in this business it really just means that we’re moving forward.
We’re moving forward with trust, we’re moving forward with this certain level of satisfaction so we’re not feeling graspy. So you really think of it like that. But also pleasure is, like I said, it’s the overall feeling of wellbeing. You’re taken care of, you have these neurotransmitters coursing through your blood that you might not normally, or through your brain, through your nervous system, and through your blood, but that you normally wouldn’t have going on if you’re just in this victim mentality all the time or the story mentality, or this like, down, right?
And when we’re having more fun, like pleasure, we can incorporate that into fun. But that’s also going to help you go after what you want. And in order to experience pleasure, you have to be open to receiving. You really have to learn how to receive. And for so many of us, that’s really, really hard. And if you want to make a profit, you have to learn how to receive.
So these go hand in hand because you start creating the felt sense of being open to reception. And then that is allowing you to kind of lower those barriers and those blocks to receiving income, or money, or invitations, or opportunities, or all these sorts of things as well.
Amy: That makes so much sense because that’s where you started with, is like really becoming open to receiving. One of the biggest struggles that I see in the comments that we get in the podcast, or clients that work with me is having trouble accepting that people want to pay them money.
Amy: Like that feels dangerous. Like who am I? Who am I to be the person that you’re going to pay a lot of money to to change your life?
Amy: So no wonder, like that ability to be open to receiving that.
Danielle: Yes, and I think it’s like an ability, it’s a skill level to be able to take in the good, right? Like we’re so used to taking in the bad. So it’s not that we don’t know how to receive, but we’re going to receive that one comment out of 100 that was like, “Who do you think you are?” Not the 100 that are like, “You’re amazing. You’re so inspiring. I love you. I want to work with you.” So it’s like, really, you’re training your brain to turn your attention towards pleasure, towards the good.
And we need to be able to do that when it comes to profit as being able to like literally take your head and turn it towards the good stuff and absorbing the good stuff and bringing the good stuff in and seeing your biggest fans, versus the haters and the naysayers and all the reasons it won’t work. So it’s that same skill set where you’re turning towards and taking in the good.
Amy: This is so good because I can’t think how many times I have coached a client in the mastermind or in Free To Paid Coach around the one person who said the one thing.
Danielle: Yeah, totally.
Amy: I love this idea of like wait a minute, you mean pleasure can help train my brain to, on a neurotransmitter level, not broadcast that so loud. The one guy in my head, I call it haters math of like a thousand people could say they love you. One guy can say they hate you, but 999 say they love you, and you only heard one.
Amy: So pleasure can actually lower his transmission and amplify the transmission of the 999?
Danielle: Yes, kind of. It’s more like think about like you’re developing the skill set to bring in the good when you are actively bringing pleasure in. So the neurotransmitters of what pleasure creates is partly it, but it’s mostly the skill set of being able to move your head and bring in the good because you’re basically hard wiring a system that is going to tend towards the negative.
Like one of my teachers, Rick Hanson, says, he says that your brain is like a Velcro for the bad or for the negative and it’s Teflon for the good, right? So we just repel the good. So we have to, on purpose, turn towards bring it in, and then start to absorb it and really let it be a part of our system. Which does help us not getting triggered, like I said, and that whole resilience. But it’s really that skill set of creating a more attuned focus towards the good that helps with that.
Amy: Okay, much, much clearer to me now. And you’ve mentioned this a couple of times, so I don’t know if— We didn’t talk about this in our pre-conversation, when you’re saying skill set and when you’re talking about more pleasure, what are some specific things that you teach on or are easy for people to just get? I don’t know if like, just get started is really the right word. We’re going to tell people how they can connect with you. But like, what are we talking about here?
Danielle: Yeah. Well, I think it’s such a great question because it does sound kind of like this out there sort of thing, like pleasure. Yes,
Amy: Yeah, can you bring this into like a practical…
Danielle: Yes, for sure. So one of the things to do is to create a practice, like I say a pleasure practice, daily. And it can be very easy. And I don’t want you to be like, “Oh great, another thing I have to do.” Do it with the stuff that you’re already doing. And what I mean by that is most of you probably have like a beverage you really enjoy every single day. Whether that be your cup of tea, or your first sip of coffee, or maybe a smoothie, or green juice, or glass of wine or something like that, right?
So you could even just take your first drink, that’s it. So really, it doesn’t have to be that hard, but connect with what feels good about it. So it might take just a couple extra seconds, close your eyes, drink the aroma in and let yourself notice in your body how that feels. And then notice the anticipation in your mouth before you take the drink. That’s the wanting, that’s the desire that most of us turn off from.
And then when you’re drinking it, notice how it just like touches your taste buds and it lights it up. And then if it’s a warm liquid or cool liquid you can connect with that first gulp down your throat and just that satisfaction and that relief that you feel from that desire and that anticipation. So even just like that first sip can be such a beautiful pleasure practice because it’s attuning your attention, you’re focusing your attention on a felt sense in the body, which is sensation.
And by doing that you’re allowing yourself to fully immerse in the experience of feeling good, and like what’s good here? Oh, I really like that smell. And I really like the warmth or I really like the coolness, and then absorbing it into your body. So that’s like a very easy way to just get started with a very easy pleasure practice.
Amy: Yeah, and it’s something that I’ve been made fun of for as long as I can remember. I love food, like I love mouth feel. And that first bite and the way it dances across my taste buds, and I’ll even kind of close my eyes. And I’ve had people be like, “Amy, are you okay over there?”
Amy: And I’m like, “I am taking this bite in completely.”
Amy: I’ve never associated that with, I mean, I guess now, you know, now knowing what I know, clearly, that was a pleasure experience.
Amy: And we’ve jokingly talked about like food that makes your toes curl, you know, that kind of thing.
Amy: What a simple way, and I think it would even be, like I’m now imagining that this could be the first step outside of the house into sunshine.
Amy: Stopping to—
Danielle: To smell the roses, which I actually did before we got on this call because I live in the city of roses and there’s roses everywhere. And I smelled so many before I sat down to do this podcast.
Amy: Stopping to smell the roses, like literally going out, you know, obviously this podcast is coming out in the middle of summer. So wherever you are in the world might depend on what that might be, but like taking in the sight, taking in the sensation of it. You’re doing this stuff anyway. You’re not asking anybody that’s listening to go do something that they’ve never done before.
Danielle: No, no. And it’s even like another example is like every night when I get into bed I love the feeling of sheets on my body. Like it just feels so good. So I love that, right? Or when you’re brushing your teeth and the tingling in your mouth, you know that first few moments where it’s like really minty and like fluffy in there. Or the scent of your lotion or your shampoo, like there’s so many different things.
The way that I like to think about it is like pleasure is occurring at any given moment if we only turned our attention towards it. So it’s really not something you have to go out and seek and create some special experience for. It can be right there in front of you when you just turn on your senses.
Amy: This is so good. And here’s the thing, I bet a lot of people listening to this thought that this was going to be some like sex tip you were going to give us.
Danielle: But you can see how it could play into sex, right? Like when we start to do this, then you do notice all of those things. And I think that’s what’s so interesting, is like what I really see with couples that go on, is their attention isn’t there anymore. They’re like, oh, we’ve done this before and we’re just on to the next.
Versus like when you first kissed that person it was like you felt everything. And then you had the anticipation, and then you felt their fingers like creeping up your thigh and you’re like, ooh, it feels so good and tingly. Like you were so into it, right? And it’s just because we were paying attention to every single thing.
Where now we’re in such a rush, or jumping ahead, or this probably isn’t good, or I don’t like that, or why is he doing that again? I told him I didn’t like my ears nibbled. Like stop, right? We just get so upset with all the little steps along the way that we completely lose sight of immersing ourself in the experience that can be pleasure with touch.
Amy: Oh this is so good. So I want everybody to really think about this and like just in your daily life what if you could create everything that we’ve talked about so far? Where we’re talking about really triggering, I don’t know if triggering is the right word, but really stimulating that motivation can be as simple as just looking at what you’re already doing in your day to day life. How can you bring more attention to the sensation of things?
Amy: I’m now thinking about, like my brain is suddenly exploding of how you have a dog, I have a dog, I’ve met I’ve actually met Brucie, he’s super sweet.
Danielle: Yes, he’s so cute.
Amy: He is so cute.
Danielle: He finally stop panting laying down next to me. He’s past that now.
Amy: Even like, oh, the dog wants to be petted, and really like sitting down with the dog and actually spending even five minutes of like really feeling the love and the connection there, feeling the sensation of a drink. While you were talking I even like lifted up my coffee mug of like we’re so quick to like throw it in our mouth and get the coffee so that we can do the next thing instead of just taking that moment.
It could be as simple as like maybe hugging your child just a little bit longer and really feeling the connection and the sensation of it.
Danielle: Yes, there’s a lot.
Amy: Yeah, how simply and easily every single person listening to this can bring in more pleasure.
Danielle: Yeah. And the minute you do that, right, the minute that you do that, like that’s what’s so cool is we think about like, oh, I have to regulate my nervous system and get out of stress cycle, blah, blah, blah. Like it’s going to take all this effort. It’s not, we’re talking about like maybe 12 seconds. But it’s in those 12 seconds, what is required for you to be able to bring pleasure in, is you have to slow down, right? You have to slow down to like breathe it in or really look.
And if you’re looking, like I have a lot of plants in my room because they bring me a lot of calm and ease and like my shoulders will just go away. You know, like you said, the dog. I mean, that’s a reason that we have therapy animals, because there’s so many scientific studies proving that it helps our nervous system, right?
So it’s like you are taking this pause regularly, which is going to remind your nervous system like, hey, we can calm down. Like it’s okay to chill out. And we’re not doing it in a way where it’s like numbing out with food or alcohol or something else either.
Amy: Yeah, it’s like we’re so hesitant to take those 12 seconds to just slow down and pay attention. And instead we’re filling all of these 12 second bursts with just jumping to the next thing and jumping to the next thing.
Amy: And I’m totally guilty of it, for sure.
Danielle: Oh yeah. I mean, I am too. I’m a pleasure coach, right? It happens because it’s something that you intentionally have to do. And it is a practice. It’s not like, oh, I’m just an expert at it and then I just do it every day without intention. I have to train my brain to pay attention for when my nervous system gets triggered. Like when am I amped up, right?
That is constant because we’re not always getting triggered by the same thing. So we have to really pay attention to our body and to our nervous system at such a level that you can notice when it’s gone there so then you can meet it with understanding and compassion, and then bring it back down.
Amy: Oh my goodness, so good. I think we’ve already had the conversation, but I want to help for people who, a lot of my people also struggle with self-trust. So I feel like a lot of what we’ve talked about also can help strengthen that self-trust muscle in terms of creating self-safety and trusting yourself. Can you speak to that for a moment about like how your pleasure work helps build trust in themselves?
Danielle: Yeah, I haven’t really thought of it in that way, so give me a moment. But the first thing that’s coming to me when you say like that self-trust and how pleasure really helps us with that is, number one, it’s again, creating the safety in your body and creating that refuge, right? That’s a big part of it.
But I think about the self-trust more in the pursuit of pleasure outside of maybe what’s in your comfort zone. So when we are talking about, you know, maybe it’s sexual pleasure, that we’re afraid to let go of control, or surrendering, or meeting your partner, or asking for what you want, right?
Or tapping in, when you really start tapping into your body you might notice like, ooh, this is turning me on, or this is turning me off. And having that trust that I’m not supposed to experience pleasure maybe the way other people do, or I’ve seen it done this way, right?
So I think a lot of self-trust just comes in in that navigating of what is lighting you up. And it doesn’t have to be the same as everybody, you know, that you can be lit up by anything. I think that it does take that level of trust.
But also we’re talking about communicating our desires, right, or communicating our pleasure. That even if the person that you’re communicating this to has a reaction that you don’t really like, or is disappointed, or doesn’t receive it, that you have your own back.
So I think there’s a lot of trust just in the pursuit of pleasure that’s saying like, I’m worth it, I know I am. I want to do this. My desire isn’t lying to me. And even if it’s not met with open arms and receptivity, I still got me. So I think it’s more that.
Amy: And here’s the beauty of what I just heard, you framed that from a place of pleasure and more sex and intimacy, but take all that and replace it with I’m going to put my knowledge out into the world and I don’t know how it’s going to be received. In fact, some people may not like it at all, but I trust myself to have my own back and I create self-safety.
And I think it ties back to where you started this whole conversation was about, you know, not only opening yourself up to receiving, but creating so much safety in your body. To me self-trust and self-love and self-safety are all—
Danielle: Yeah, they’re very closely intertwined. Yeah.
Amy: So if you have one, if you’re building on one, it’s almost inevitable that the other two are coming up alongside it.
Amy: And pleasure is a way to get there.
Amy: That’s so good. All right, so do you have anything else that you want to share with my audience before I tell them how they can connect with you?
Danielle: Well, I mean, I always like to throw this in there because I just think that this is something, especially as women and entrepreneurs, that we just don’t incorporate. And we touched on it a little bit, like sexual pleasure. But that is, I don’t want to say it’s like the final frontier, but it is an area that we tend to leave out, right?
And it’s not just pleasure we leave out, but like when we really are leaving sexual pleasure out it’s almost this micro rejection of a part of who we are as a human being and a part of our bodies, right, and being able to have a part of that connection.
And what I have experienced with my clients, and also just with myself, is learning how to incorporate that really allows you to show up in your full potential and your full pleasure and your full experience of a human being.
And when, especially as entrepreneurs, if we want to be our most powerful self and be fueled to keep going, then us rejecting this part of us, like there’s so many things wrapped up into our sexuality that when you learn how to incorporate that, when you really learn how to accept that and make it part of your whole being, it’s so much easier.
When you were talking about being seen in the world. It’s so much easier being seen in the world because now you’ve truly accepted and embraced like every single delicious inch of who you are as a woman.
Danielle: Yeah, and it’s like it’s hard to say that we can just go out and be like, “Hey, here I am, here’s this one side,” when in your personal life you’re still not embracing and accepting and pulling all these parts of who we are into the whole picture.
Amy: Oh my goodness, yes. Yeah, I’m keeping my hankies over here, my friend. And I think what this really does come down to, you and I know this, we have been working alongside each other for literally years now I still. I still remember when I saw Danielle at the little Patio Cantina at the airport in Cabo.
Danielle: What was that, like 2018? Four years ago, something like that.
Amy: Yeah, it was like four years ago. You and I have grown so much together. And one of the things that I’ve really learned even more from you is, not that we’re going to get into the details of my bedroom life, but like I always felt very confident there and comfortable there.
But how I show up here is a part of how I show up out there because the more comfortable I am, the more I am like here are all, and I think you even said it or maybe I’m saying, here are all my juicy, delicious, scrumptious bits. It’s what makes me delectable and delightful.
And that’s what I want to bring to the coaching world of coaches who are like, “Hey, do you think maybe you’d like to work with me?” Of like, “Hey, here are all my delectable, juicy, amazing bits. Here’s everything I know, here’s everything I’m proud of. And spending time with me is going to blow your mind.” And when we can do that, like you said, pleasure in and out of the bedroom.
Danielle: Yes, it goes hand in hand. Yes, love it.
Amy: All right, sister. How can people connect with you?
Danielle: One of the best ways to connect with me is just get on my mailing list. I have some fun trainings going up just so you can learn more about the neuroscience, whether you want to incorporate that with your clients or just in your own life like we talked about. So that’s coming up, so get on my mailing list for that.
And then the other place is The Turned On Woman. It’s my membership where you get to actually embody and experience consistently seeing where you’re turning your body off and how can we turn more to pleasure? How can we turn more onto this full human experience? And so the link for that will be on there.
And then I have a podcast called It’s My Pleasure. So there you go.
Amy: It’s My Pleasure.
Amy: And what is your Instagram handle? Because I’m going to invite everybody, when this episode comes out you guys know what to do. When this episode comes out I would love to hear the biggest takeaway that you listeners are running with and to tag Danielle and I on Instagram. So what is your Instagram handle?
Danielle: It’s @danielle.savory. I’m currently taking a social media hiatus, but still you can tag me. I might be back on, but it’s going to be very minimal. So I’m taking off some time, but still go ahead and tag me because I might be having somebody else take over my social media that will share it and see it and give me the feedback of it. Which I love to hear.
Amy: So good. All right, Danielle, that was amazing.
Danielle: Thank you.
Amy: I learned new stuff, I’ve generated what I already knew, made some connections of like, oh, I knew this and I knew this. But I’d never put those two things together. And then you literally taught me some brand new, I never knew that before.
Danielle: Yay, I love it. Thanks for having me. It’s been my pleasure.
Amy: It’s been your pleasure. Thanks, Danielle.
I mean, after that interview are you going to be drinking your morning coffee a little bit different now? I bet you are. Are you going to be seeing your space a little bit different? It wasn’t all just like orgasm talk, though we could have had an entire hour long conversation just about that. This is why I love the work that Danielle does, the work that is being added to Path to 100K Mastermind.
Like who’s going to stop and smell the roses and actually smell them and savor them? And don’t you love that her last name is Savory, given the work that she does in the world? She is a brilliant teacher.
And how this work around pleasure literally translates to more motivation, more pursuing what you really want to create. How that translates to creating more money in your business, talk about blowing my transmitters out, right? I love geeking out on all of the brain stuff, all the woo connection, all of the actual brain science connection behind why pleasure creates more profit and money in your business.
Pleasure will sign more clients. Pleasure is a part of your path to 100K. Got it? Now you know why. We’ve talked so much on this podcast about fun, having lots of fun. Now you know why we talk about it so much.
More than anything, I think the connection between pleasure calming down your nervous system so that you don’t hit that cup runneth over situation when you shut down, oh my goodness, it made so much sense. Pleasure first, my friends. How are you going to incorporate more of that along with us?
Make sure you tell us on social media what you learned today that blew your mind. I’d love to hear all of your ideas we gave you on how to incorporate more pleasure into your life and like just pick one and share with us, tag me, tag Danielle on Instagram, @Iamamylatta, @danielle.savory. Look for this post, share it, and tag us. This is a foundational concept to the work that we do in both Free To Paid Coach and Path To 100K Mastermind.
In Path To 100K Mastermind we are incorporating it into the daily coaching, you’re going to see a lot of this conversation at the live event. And you can still join us the first week of August in St. Louis at the live event and then for the next six months.
The August round of Path To 100K Mastermind is enrolling right now, amylatta.com/mastermind. Get your application in, meet us in St. Louis in just a few weeks and let’s get pleasure and fun as the foundational center of your business. A heck of a lot better than drudgery, right? Okay coaches, and until next week, let’s go get paid, coach.
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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.