Ep #176: The Danger of Being Safe

You’re not posting at all, or your not inviting people to take the next step, or you’re hiding in any number of ways in your business- you know, I know it, your brother’s cat knows it…

And yet you’ve been coached on this every which way till Sunday, and NO-THING seems to make a difference. I’ll tell you exactly what to do. I break it down in this week’s episode, how to finally get over yourself and show up for you and your business and your future clients, without having to shame or beat yourself up about it.

I have been here, tons of times, so many of my clients find themselves here – this episode is part do-this-then-that, part light your soul on fire and go do the thing.

Strap in, because we ain’t messin’ around.

The doors to Free to Paid Coach are officially open! If you’re ready to learn the foundational concepts of confidence that get you from being a free coach to a paid coach who makes six figures and beyond, join us right now! 

What You’ll Learn:
  • Why we may have been raised to not stand out, this reveals why we hide
  • Why you need to rock the boat if you want to be seen
  • Why you are in danger of being safe 
  • Why you are when you are seen, and even when you are talked about
  • Why adopting “I am worthy” statements help you avoid the danger of being safe 
Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:
Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to episode 176 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where I say, coach, you’re in danger. Let’s go.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m Amy Latta, let’s dive in.

Hey, coach, before we jump into today’s episode, I just want to drop in a quick note that in this episode I use some specifics and specific language and specific answers used from a recent Free to Paid Coach group coaching session, and I just wanted to let y’all. I have the permission of the people I coached to use their language in this episode, just dropping it out there so that you all know that I am very aware of private communities and making sure that, hey, if we’re sharing private information with the world, that the people who shared it, they said, hey, that’s okay with me.

So this might be one of the most powerful episodes I’ve ever done. Strap in, let’s go.

Hello my coaches. How is everybody doing out there? We are looking at what, third week of March. My kids are on spring break. Not right now. When I’m recording this, they’ll be next week. And listen, can we do a full disclosure here? You know me this episode I’m going to need you to strap in. This episode is powerful.

It’s important. It’s right out of the pages of some coaching sessions I’ve been doing. And it’s something that every single person with a dream, not just even a life coach who wants to build a business, but anybody who’s looking around at their life going, I know there’s something more. This is the episode you need to listen to.

And also, full disclosure here. that I have spent the past. Let’s see. I got the first cold in January. I got a second one towards the end of February. Both times I’ve gotten sinus infections. This last sinus infection has lasted three weeks. I prematurely announced on the podcast a new thing that I’m not ready to put out yet because I’ve been spending so much more time resting than I had ever planned.

and I share all of this because what I’m getting ready to share with you, we’re going to be talking about some of the things that you are desperately afraid of happening and the things that you are trying to avoid. And what I want to offer to you is that like the worst thing that can happen, you can survive it.

I have promised something was coming, and as of this recording, it is not ready, it was supposed to already be out. It’s not ready. I’ve been sick, I’ve been needing rest. Could I have accomplished it? Could I have powered through and gotten it done? Yes, I could have, but I chose rest instead, I chose me instead.

And there’s some other things that I’ve done recently. I’ve talked a lot about our willingness to fail our way towards what we want to create, and I have had conversations that have made a lot of people uncomfortable. I’ve had a lot of conversations that people have said, hey, I think I know where you’re going with this, but I, this thing you said here sounds really tone deaf to me.

These are like actual conversations that I’ve been having. People who are like, what you’re saying just isn’t even true at all. I don’t agree with it at all. I don’t like what you’re saying. These things. Our fear that we’re not going to deliver in the way that we planned our fear that people are going to not like what we say.

We’re going to get way more in depth into this, but I want you to know I am experiencing this. Myself, this podcast episode, which might be one of the most important episodes I ever create, like I really like. I feel that way about every episode I create, but like this one, you need to hear so badly, and I want you to know I’m not delivering this to you from a place of never having experienced this.

I’m experiencing this all of the time. So this episode, out of our coaching room, we’ve talked, I’ve had these conversations with coaches in every group I’ve ever had every mastermind I’ve ever had, multiple times in Free to Paid Coach. But it was the theme of the last Free to Paid Coach call.

And it’s so important and it’s about. when you just are afraid to do the thing, right? So a couple of people in Free to Paid Coach they come every week. They get coaching every single week. We are addressing why they aren’t making offers at all or making offers that you know are just giving usefulness, but they’re not actually saying, I can help you with this.

Give me a call, which nobody’s saying, give me a call, send me a direct message. There’s no offer, there’s no call to action as to what to do next, or there is a call to action, but it’s tucked and hidden away, right? Somebody’s going to have to decipher code in order to figure out what it is that you’re trying to get them to do.

Where we know and this is the difference, we know we’re holding back. We know we are hiding. How you are hiding might look very different. How many people did I coach on this today? Four. Three. At least three different people just in this one call. And how they were hiding was very different from one another, but they were still for sure hiding.

Okay, and here’s the thing. We’re coming at it from every angle. These aren’t new conversations. You can see the thoughts. We know the thinking. that you are believing. We’ve ran models on them. I do something called coaching model. If you’re new to me, I do something. I use something called the model where we see what your thought is, you’re feeling the actions from that, and then the results that you’re creating.

We put it all, know, I have a whiteboard. We put it all out on paper. We coach through it. You’re feeling the feelings. You’re getting coaching, you’re raising your hands. Your awareness level is up there.

Okay. So this is particularly for those, like for some people, you don’t yet have the awareness and you still think, oh, it’s this thing here I’m talking about like we’ve done through all that we’ve gone through all the possible variations of the thing that it can be, and you’re still hiding in some way and you know it and you know it, and you can’t just figure out why.

Amy, I raise my hand for coaching every single week. I bring you something new. It’s all just a different flavor of, it’s all . I was about to say, everybody’s bringing me ice cream and it’s all just different flavors, but ice cream is delicious, and this is something that’s not delicious, but that’s the idea, right?

Like you just keep giving me different flavors of really the same thing, which is. I’m afraid I’m going to be judged. I’m afraid that people are going to what I have to say. I’m afraid people are going to go, who does she think she is? I’m afraid people are going to talk about me behind my back. I’m afraid my mom’s going to say this.

My sister’s going to do that. My coworkers are going to laugh at me and go, who does she think she is? She’s scamming people. All of those things that we are so afraid that people are going to judge us on. And we know it, right? We’re like, we’ve come at this from every single angle, which, like every which way possible.

And yet, you’re still hiding in your business. And again, how you’re hiding might vary per person. So today, of the three people that I coach, their, the way that they’re hiding is all very different. One person just literally is not making any offer. She’s got it all set up. She’s indulging in all of the technology.

She’s doing all of the side work, but she’s not actually making the offers. Another person, she’s like making, like she’s putting content out all of the time, but there’s no call to action to it. There’s it’s just happy. Feel good. There’s nothing that says I can help you with. And then the other person is eh, it was if something in between.

Oh my goodness. How did she say it? She said it was when I post and no one comments, I hide when I post, and a lot of people comment. I hide like any kind of exposure. She just wants to hide, right? So she’s posting, but it’s sporadic. It’s back and forth. So what do we do here? Okay,

what do we do when really being who you are, making powerful offers, really saying the thing that you want to say. This is one of those things where you’re like, you have great ideas in your head, and then you just don’t share them or you water them down, or you write something. Big and long, and you put the offers like tucked away or you’re speaking in all like flouncy euphemistic language that really doesn’t mean anything to anybody. But if you were talking to your BFF, you would totally talk in a di totally different manner, right? People hide in a bunch of different ways, and we all do it, and how. Maybe hiding may be very different than the coach next to you and the coach next to you.

This is why it’s so important to have a coach by your side to help you identify how you’re hiding and help you identify why. This is for those coaches who know how they’re identified, like they know how they’re hiding, and they know their why, and they’re still just doing it , and it’s, yep, I see it. Yep.

Don’t want to do it, and yet I do. So first we do some catastrophizing. And what I mean by catastrophizing is let’s go there and it will literally walk a person and say, okay, what’s a thing that you want to post that you haven’t yet? . It could be as simple as in your next TikTok or in your next Instagram post where you’re giving value because you’re already doing that.

In this next one, I want you to tell them this change is possible for you too. It all starts with a phone call. Click this link right here to schedule yours. We catastrophize. They’re going to judge me. Okay, great. And then what? What are they going to say? They’re going to say, I’ve seen her life. Who does she think she is?

Okay, great. And then what’s going to happen? Then they’re going to make fun of me, and they’re going to talk about me behind my back. I’m like, okay, great. Then what’s going to happen? I’m going to feel really lonely and ostracized. Okay. And then what’s going to happen? My boss might see it and I might lose my job.

Okay. And then what’s going to happen? Then if I might lose my job, I guess I would have to go get another job. But then my partner, my spouse, my boyfriend, they might think it’s bad too. And then they’re going to break up with me. Okay? And then what’s going to happen? Then I’m just going to be alone.

I’m going to be alone. Okay. And then what’s going to happen? So do you see how we keep going? We go all the way to the place where you’re really afraid of, and we find out, okay, I might not have a boyfriend, which means I will be single, and I might have to go get another job.

and then what would happen is, I guess I would just feel alone and shame. Okay, so the worst thing that’s going to happen is that you’re going to feel lonely and loneliness and shame, and almost every single time. I would say 99% of the time the person can see they’re already experiencing some level of that.

Now, in this person’s case in this example because I actually melded a couple different people into that one example. So in that example, what we’re d what we see is that you’re already feeling some shame ahead of. and you’re already feeling a sense of loneliness because you know there’s a disconnect between the version of you that you put out into the world and the real you and the loneliness you feel, the disconnect you feel is actually with yourself.

Whenever we catastrophize, we see that some level, some layer, sometimes it’s a hundred percent like spot on. Sometimes you are already living a version of your worst-case scenario. You are not avoiding the feelings, you are not, you’re not avoiding the circumstances in any way, you were experiencing them ahead of time and it was really interesting because wouldn’t you see it? And you’re like okay, I see that I’m already living a version of the absolute worst thing that could happen to me.

It was really interesting. One of my clients described it as it was anticipated loneliness, but she was already feeling alone now, because she feels alone with herself, right? The loneliness is actually with her because she knows that there’s something that she’s not sharing with the world and that she’s not honoring what is really important to her.

And she’s I’m already feeling that level. And there’s this idea oh, okay. Making direct offers and saying what I really want to say, want to say feels like this giant storm I would be. But I’m actually already in a storm. It’s just a storm I’m so familiar with. It’s a storm I’m already used to being in and it feels more comfortable, but it is a storm and what we are offering when we catastrophize.

And I and I show you, you’re in a storm now, but the worst-case scenario is that you’re just going to move to a different storm. It’s not necessarily going to be any worse than where you already are. And in that version, you are sharing with the world what’s really important to you. And I want to be really clear and like it makes sense that we do this.

Because so many of us have been told, don’t act up, don’t be a fool. One of my clients said that, growing up in a household where it was like she was told repeatedly, don’t give anyone anything to talk about, is that interesting? I’m like, of course, this makes so much sense. You were literally, this was inside Free to Paid Coach.

You were literally in a program. I do this in all my I’m, if you coach with me in any way or any way, shape, or form, I’m going to do this where it’s I’m going to challenge you to be a person that people talk about, I’m going to go rock boats. Give them something to talk about.

Go be seen. And if you were raised in a way that was like, don’t be seen, do not stand out, do not give other people something to talk about this family. It makes sense that you’re running from that. Right. And even if it wasn’t that direct, Women, especially through the ages, have been valued on what they can and can’t do for others.

And their value has always been in their perception and the judgment of others. It makes sense to break from. That feels scary. And then Amy comes along and I’m. Let’s find the thing that you really want to share. We identify it and you’re like, I can’t do that. I’m going to be seen. People are going to disagree with me.

Everything about my upbringing said, do not rock boats. Do not go against the status quo. Do not give them something to talk about. And I’m going to be like, hey guys, guess what we’re going to, I want you to go make a controversy post. I want you to go take something that is talked about and it’s just a given that you don’t agree with, and I want you to tell the world how you don’t agree with it.

It sounds great in theory, but in practice. You’re like, that’s a shit storm, Amy That’s a fucking shit storm. And I’m going to stay in this shit storm because at least I know this one over here because it’s been my whole life and I’m comfortable over here. And I’m like, no, go rock the boats, go get ’em.

Something to talk about. You’re like, no, don’t want to. So hold so much grace for that version of you that is that’s scary and that is the next thing that we do. So first we could catastrophize. We’d go all the way out. And with the biggest fear that you have, we acknowledge that you’re already living some variation of that and also that fear is very warranted.

It makes sense. There’s almost always something in our upbringing that we can trace oh yeah, when I was. Five. Oh yeah. I still remember my grandmother said, oh, every morning when I got up, my mom said this. Or I still remember that conversation with my dad. Or the teacher, there’s always almost all of us now, some people were lucky enough to be raised by people.

who were like, you can do anything, go out and go against the status quo. And that is amazing. Their confidence issues might show up very differently than in this conversation here, but there’s still something, there’s still something in that catastrophizing that we can find a lot of value in.

So then we turn to finding safety in that catastrophizing. I am safe. Even when I’m seen. I am safe, even when I’m being talked about. This is something in Free to Paid Coach, and not only do I give you the what to do of how to sign more clients, I give you the what to do with all of the emotions.

And there’s five steps. And the fourth one is stop beating yourself up when something doesn’t work out. And I have the one of my favorite tools, this is left over from my weight coaching days. I don’t know if you all know 10 years ago when I started, I was a weight coach. And it’s, I am worthy statements, and you could adapt these statements.

To, I, I love myself even when, or in this case I am safe. Even when it’s just a way to train your mind. To believe that you are safe, no matter all of these hosts of things that could be happening right now. There’s a very specific way I do it inside the program. It’s very powerful.

It’s one of the first things that I ever learned when I was really learning to stretch myself and really show up in the world very differently than how I had been raised. It was very powerful tool. It’s one of my oldest tools or oldest in that. It’s like one of the tools I’ve had the longest.

There’s lots of tools I’ve let go over the years, and then I have a lot of newer tools, but it’s one of my tried and trues and it’s one of my favorites. So I am safe even when I’m seen. I am safe, even when I’m being talked about, and if that doesn’t feel true, adding possibility in front of it, it’s possible.

I’m safe even when I’m seen. It’s possible. I’m safe even when I’m being talked about. and practicing that and really going through a practice, something else that I teach in Free to Paid Coach and how to believe that step one of like really learning to sit in that belief that it’s possible I am safe even when I am being talked about or whatever the thing is that you’re so afraid of.

And I invite my clients to do that practice regularly, but we can go one step deeper. Once we catastrophize, once we see how we’re already living a version of it once we might maybe we don’t even see where it comes from, and we hold grace for that part of us that feel that just feels true and we practice finding safety.

There’s still another level that I invite you to go to, and that is this. How is it dangerous to be unseen? How is it dangerous to you to not be heard? To not be talked about, and maybe this language works a little bit better. How is it unsafe to you and your being and your soul to remain unseen? How is it unsafe to only do.

What feels safe from your lifetime? How is it unsafe to not be heard? How is it unsafe to not be talked about? How is it unsafe to be unseen? And can you believe that you are safe even while you feel unsafe? But it’s so powerful to think about. One of my clients talked about getting to the end of her life.

The danger, the unsafety, the lack of safety was getting to the end of her life and looking back with regret. A life unfulfilled is dangerous and the power of that, like we think we are protecting ourselves, but actually what if we are keeping ourselves in danger by trying to protect ourselves. So our minds can get really like now say what now?

I’m sorry. I’m going to need a moment with that one. I know my other client was like, I didn’t get hit by a bus next week. And here I am not telling people I can help them. Yes. That is the danger, that is the unsafe part. The safety you think you keep sitting in is a lie. It’s all fake. It’s fake news.

the safety you were holding onto. It’s all fake news, my friends. It’s not real. And that is it. It’s the danger of living a life of partial existence in one storm. Yes, it’s a storm that, it’s a storm that has become a safety net, but it is a storm, nonetheless, And I posit to you, it is even more dangerous than the storm you think you are avoiding where you are 100% yourself, for the entire world to see, and you open yourself up to that possibility of being judged.

Now, the episode that came out last week, if I’m timing this correctly, was all about my client, Adrienne, and how she had to go through this storm.

It took her two weeks. when she went viral. Tons, like millions of people looking at her content, she’s gone from a couple hundred, I think she’s well over to 50,000 fans at this point in literally a matter of months because she implemented all of the copy work that we do in Path to 100k, and she went from the one storm to the other storm.

It took her two weeks to acclimate that new storm. Did she have to acclimate to it? Hell yeah, she did. Of course she did. But is that worth it to you to take some time, to acclimate to it, to feel the discomfort, to learn, to reorient yourself and safety in the place where it might still feel like a storm?

Yes. Because it’s new and it’s different and people are telling you what they think of you and they’re disagreeing with you. She’s said lots of people do. When millions of people are looking at your content, you’re going to have lots of people disagreeing with you, but she’s sharing what she really believes to be true in a way that feels very powerful to her because she coached with me, and we found that voice.

Would that, if that’s what it took, would you be willing to do that? Would you be willing to follow a path like Adrienne and have two weeks of adapting to the new storm? But at hell? At least in this storm you’re you. And it’s safer in there because it’s you living your soul’s purpose. I really want you to think about this.

I saw a video of I don’t, I’m forgetting Pharrell. What the hell is Pharrell’s last name? Pharrell Giant music producer. I’m totally blanking on his last name because I’m happy . Oh my god. It’s Pharrell, the guy with a hat. Oh my God. I can’t believe I’m totally forgetting his last name right now.

Anyway, Pharrell, you just go by his, you he’s like a one name moniker now. I just decided it to be true. I saw him do a video it was years ago, I think 20 16, 20 15 or 2016, and he was talking to this music student, and he was talking about every single one of us has the ability to create something that stands on its own two feet that cannot be compared to anything else because it is so 100% true to you.

Blew me away because I’m all in on that idea. I so believe that about you, but it requires you to seek inside of you what you have kept hidden to be frank with yourself about what you will not tolerate being left unsaid anymore. When you leave this earth. Think about that. What will you not tolerate being left unsaid that the time you leave this earth and are you willing.

To seek that is inside of you that cannot be hidden anymore. It requires a self-discipline, honestly, not just to be consistent in your tasks, but to be consistent in the pursuit of who you really are in this universe. It takes discipline to learn to adapt to that new level of exposure like Adrienne had to, but damnit friends don’t be a version of someone else don’t be a watered-down version of someone else. Be 100% you because you protect no one. When you try to be a version of someone else, you only deny the world. They will not be able to see from anyone else what they can see from you. And you are denying them that pleasure. People are either going to like it or they won’t, but they won’t be able to compare you to anyone else because you are 100% you.

and that’s how people know why they should hire you and no one else. Your uniqueness is your power give you not a facsimile version. That facsimile version is no more safe. I offer to you that it’s less safe. And on that note, I want to bring up and I don’t listen to him much anymore. And he gets a lot of flak.

I actually heard that the Dave Matthews band is live, laugh, love , of bands. But I actually have seen 20 live shows from like 2000 to 2000 2020. I think I saw it. Last time I saw him was like 2019. And I’m pretty sure in those like 19 ish years I saw 20 shows. But I have two of my favorite.

Dancing. Nancy’s and lion, our graves. These are just some oldies but goodies from the nineties, right? Dancing. Nancy’s, could I have been anyone other than me? It’s just Dave pondering the idea that he could have been anyone other than himself, that he could have been a flight attendant, a millionaire in Belaire, a wanderer in Paris, but he is him, and this is the life that he has to live.

And wondering, could I have been anyone other than me? Denies. Being who you actually are. The other, and this is my number one, I have a hard time figuring out what my top Dave Matthews numbers, like two through seven are constantly rotating, but number one, lie in our graves and the lines go like this. I can’t believe that we would lie in our graves wondering if we had spent our living days.

I can’t believe that we would lie in our graves dreaming of things that we might have been. I sing those words at the top of my lungs when I hear that song. I’ve been singing it that way for over 20 years, that this is now what I do. Telling you do not lie. In your grave. Dreaming of things that you might have been is serendipity, baby.

I know it’s scary. I know it’s terrifying to announce to the world that you’re going to launch something new and then you don’t. I know that it’s scary to come out with a really powerful opinion and have people go, you’re way off over here on this point, and you have to be willing to open the doors and engage in conversation.

Where might they be? Where might I be? I know that’s terrifying. I know how awful it is. When I run ads and people go, she’s just trying to sell something to me. She’s a scammer. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I know that. I know how terrifying it is to look a mentor in the face and say, I don’t think I want to be here anymore.

This is no longer a fit for me and I need to go stand on my own two feet in the. Terrifying feeling that is to stand on your own two feet, but you have to, because you on your own two feet just can’t compare to anything else in this world, and it’s needed. I know that it’s scary, but is it scarier than knowing that you have this in you and you not doing anything about it?

You not doing anything with it in your life that. The danger. Listen, if you’re hella scared, if you’re like fired up and ready to go, but also ah, and yet you sit down at your computer and your fingers still go, me? No. No typing. I have no words. I got it. Okay. If you are a new coach or if you’ve been floundering for a few years, Free to Paid Coach, baby.

Get your booty in. www.amylatta.com/ftpc It’s $1,000. You can join any time we’re waiting for you right now. Do not wait any longer. We live Coach you get the backlog of amazing content is beyond. I walk you through all of those steps. I’ve mentioned multiple tools. Just in this podcast alone. The How-to unbelief alone is worth thousands of dollars.

The live coaching with me every single week is worth thousands of dollars, and I’m offering the whole thing to you for 1000, and you can even make payments. Join us right now if you’ve already made at least 10 K and you don’t need to learn how to go sign your first few consistent clients and you.

Really want to work on why people should hire you and no one else than Path to 100k. My friend, Path to 100k Mastermind is for you. I have those kinds of conversations. If you prefer a one-on-one format, I do have a one-on-one option, but that’s where you want to be. This is my vibe, this is my specialty, this is where you want to be, and the time is now.

What are we waiting for? . Like my client said, we could hit be, we could be hit by a bus next week. I don’t think that should be your motivation, but why wait. I’m ready for you right now. If you don’t know where to start, just hit me up. Amy@Amylatta.com Hit me up. Let’s figure out where you belong.

Adrienne ‘s story could be yours. I pass clients. We’ve talked about Shawna; we’ve talked about Kristen. So many other people I’ve interviewed on the podcast. Any of these stories could be yours. Coaches who have figured it out, who are making 5K months, who have moved into multiple, six figures and multiple six figures.

It all starts with your willingness to say to the world what you’ve been hiding. Okay. All right, if this episode is landing for you, if you’re like, hell yeah, I needed to hear that, then find me on the socials. Tag me in Instagram at Im Amy Latta. Share what the one thing that landed for you today that you needed to hear.

Let me know what it is. I cannot wait to hear from you. I’m so excited to see what you’re going to create in the world, and I’m going to talk to you next week.

Coach, it’s time to sign your first free client, your first paid client, your next client, and to learn how to do it consistently and having a hell of a lot of fun along the way. This is exactly what you’re going to do in Free to Paid Coach. It’s the only program giving you step-by-step what to do to become a paid coach and step-by-step how to handle the roller coaster emotions that come with doing what you need to do to become a paid coach.

If you know you can’t not do this life coaching thing, but believing that you can do it, handling rejection and remembering how to do all of those things shuts you down, the Free to Paid Coach Community is waiting for you. Find everything that you’re looking for inside. It’s only $1,000. Payments are available, and then you’re in forever.

Visit www.amylatta.com/ftpc to join us right now. See you inside. Let’s get paid, coach.

Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.

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