You are listening to episode 37 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where we banish imposter syndrome for good.
Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.
Hello my confident coaches. How’s everybody doing out there? We’re doing pretty darn good. I have to tell you, we have multiple projects going on around the house. As you guys know, my husband was let go from his job a couple of months ago. He’s working on a fence. We got a basement foundation work taken care of. We had to have a whole new retaining wall and some drain tile and a dry rock bed put in for our water issue.
We’ve created even more plans after the fence is done, maybe extend the patio beds, and stuff going on on the inside. And I am the general contractor. I am the one kind of overseeing everything. Husband’s the production side of things, I am like the larger idea and financier. We’re co-general contractors.
So it’s a good time, right? Have you ever done home improvement projects? And here’s the super fun thing; thanks to coaching, my husband and I are still married. If you’ve ever done a home improvement project, I know you know what I mean. This is why we could never build a house together.
Anyway, this is what’s been going down in the Latta household this month. This is what’s been going on and then I just keep working away. We just keep working. I’ve got two groups going on right now. I’m already looking to people and signing people into my next group that starts in September.
So if that is something that you want to be involved in, hello, reach out to me. Make sure that I know who you are and let’s talk about that. And one great way to reach out to me is to make sure you’re following me on Instagram because I’m telling you, my friends, I’ve been having a lot more fun with my Insta stories, learning about new ways, new fun technology things that you can in Insta stories, lots of behind the scenes here at Confident Coaches, lots of snippets of real life.
If you follow me on Insta stories, you saw the brand-new retaining wall. You’ve seen the fence project as it’s coming along. You’ve gotten video of my flower beds, as well as my kids, my husband. Not to mention motivation and inspiration, book and media recommendations. I always let you know what I’m up to, what I’m reading.
So it’s also a great way to find out how to schedule that consult call with me, how to find out more about the next mastermind that’s coming. So follow me at Amy Latta Coaching. My handle is @iamamylatta, and let me connect with you. And you actually get some say so in things when we connect.
This podcast episode as a for instance, today’s topic comes directly from an Insta stories post that I made last week where I asked people, what do you want to hear about? So Danielle Arce, she’s a real food registered dietician and coach, and she wanted to hear more about imposter syndrome.
This very podcast episode came from somebody who connected with me on Instagram. See, you become like, Insta famous. And I picked this topic as the next thing to do because she is not, Danielle is not the first person who has reached out to say this is something I struggle with. We have coached on this inside my coaching groups. I have coached on this when I was still doing one-on-one clients in the past couple of years.
Imposter syndrome is a thing that we have heard over and over again, and I thought, perfect. Let’s break it down, let’s debunk it. I’m going to debunk imposter syndrome in this episode? I am. And let’s figure out what you can do about it if you’re struggling.
So what does it mean, how is it killing your confidence, and what we can do about it. Let’s do this. You ready? Alright, let’s do this, my friends. So imposter syndrome is really a fancy name for thinking I don’t fit in here. It’s a fancy way of thinking I don’t belong.
For any variety of reasons, which we’re going to cover in just a little bit, but it is just I don’t fit in, I don’t belong. Now, here’s the thing about imposter syndrome. I said I was going to debunk it and here it goes. Imposter syndrome is not actually a thing. That’s right. Imposter syndrome is not a diagnosis. This is not something that you can go to a doctor, get a blood test, fill out a questionnaire and they’re going to say yes you have it, no you don’t.
Imposter syndrome is not a circumstance. It’s not a thing that you either have or you don’t have. Imposter syndrome is just a thought. Are you hurting brains out there? Is your brain kind of twitching a little bit? Good. I want it to.
Because this is seriously the best news ever. If imposter syndrome is not a thing, if it’s not something you can be diagnosed with and you either have it or you don’t, this is amazing news. Because that means you don’t have to follow some intricate protocol to get over it. There’s no regimen to overcome it. You don’t have to actually go see a doctor and get diagnosed and be put on medication because it’s not a thing.
All imposter syndrome is is, and I Googled this, it is the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills. This is fancy. All that means is your brain is a lion mother trying to tell you that you don’t fit in or that your success was a fluke or that you don’t deserve to believe where you are. That’s all imposter syndrome is. Did you know this? It’s just a series of thoughts. That’s all it is. Best news ever, right?
Because if this is not your first Confident Coaches podcast episode, then you know, if it’s just your thoughts, you can solve that. If you’re a follower of Confident Coaches, you know that when the problem is your thoughts, and almost all problems are just thoughts, then you can change it. You can fix this and you don’t need anything outside of you to change in order for you to fix it.
When you realize that most of your problems are thought problems, thoughts are happening in your head and the whole rest of the world can stay exactly as it is and you can still fix your problem because the problem is your thoughts and that’s your work, not the rest of the world’s work. So good.
So first, we’re debunking that imposter syndrome is even a thing. You can’t catch it or something. It’s just a series of beliefs that you have. And we know how to fix those thoughts and those beliefs. So how does it actually show up? What does imposter syndrome really look like in the real world?
I gave you the fancy definition. Well, here’s what I did. I posted on my Facebook page, my personal page today asking friends how they’ve experienced it. And hot damn, let me tell you, if they didn’t give me a ton of helpful examples.
First of all, it showed me this is universal. Even outside of life coaching. It’s just a life thing we struggle with. And it can show up in a few different ways. So here’s a couple of the ways, here’s six different ways that I found that it was showing up.
I don’t fit in. Like you are in a group and you feel like I don’t fit in with this group. You literally think you’re an imposter, like you’re wearing a mask or something. I have experienced this repeatedly. I’ve experienced this in almost all of my coaching groups at some time or another, in almost all of my friendship groups in some time or another, in all of my business groups, networking when I used to be an employee, when I was working in corporate marketing.
I’d be in groups of people and something in my brain would tell me I don’t fit in with these people. I am an imposter, I am not who they think I am, I don’t even know who I am. So I don’t fit in. Just like, a general I don’t fit in, and quite frankly, this has been most of my own life.
Like, know this right now. The reason I can talk so firmly about banishing imposter syndrome, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it a million times. Because I myself have indulged in it. My brain still wants to indulge in it but I just know better now.
So another way that it can show up is this thought of these people have it together better than I do. This is a little bit different than I don’t fit in. Like I don’t fit in just means like, one of these things is not like the other. This is a little bit nuanced. This is more like, this group that I’m in, they got it a little bit better than I do. They’re expert level but I’m not.
They’re coaches and they’re making money, and the money that I’ve made is just a fluke. Like, they actually know what they’re doing and they think I know what I’m doing, but I don’t think I know what I’m doing. If they really knew, they think I fit in, but there’s something about this where I’m feeling they’re more of an expert level than me, they have it together better than I do.
So as a for instance, maybe you’re a member of The Confident Coaches mastermind or another group, and these coaches are farther along than I am. I’m never going to catch up. They’re signing three clients a month and I’m signing three clients in six months. So that’s another nuanced way this imposter syndrome can catch up with us, how it can manifest.
Which leads me to this idea of I’m behind. So either people your age are ahead of you somehow, or people younger than you are as far as you, or maybe even farther. So this is super fascinating. I’m going to share this with you. My coach is 13 years younger than I am and she’s making 10 times, 100 times, a lot more.
She’s got another zero after my dollar amount, and even more than that. So my coach is 13 years younger than I am. And then I coach women who are as much as 20 years older than I am. I’ve also coached people who are 20 years younger than I am. I’ve coached a 24-year-old who’s going to be working alongside me in my coach’s mastermind.
She was born the year I graduated from college. So we can let age factor into this imposter syndrome. Like we can use this I don’t fit in and other people have it better together than I do, or we can actually do tit for tat numbers. And then we can also add age on top of that and make that mean an extra layer of imposter, which is really just so interesting.
And don’t worry, I have a remedy for that. So I know exactly how to debunk each one of these things, so stay for a few more minutes and let me tell you about that. Another way that that age thing can come up is it’s too late. So not only is there the age thing, but then we can get into this it’s too late.
So as a for instance, I didn’t become certified as a life coach until my 40s, whereas other people are getting certified as a life coach in their 20s. So there’s this idea of it’s too late to get started now, they’re much farther ahead, I can be in this room with other people, but just a different version of I don’t belong here, I don’t fit in, and it’s very, very common for those of us who maybe this is our second or third career, or a fourth or a fifth career and not our first one out of the gate.
Another way this can show up is they’re professionals and I’m an amateur. This has come up with a few people who posted on my Facebook post. Others have a bigger following, they’ve been studying this information for more years than I have, I need to be differential to them, I need to defer to them because of just the – they’ve been doing it longer than I have, they’re professional, I’m an amateur.
Who am I to write the next Harry Potter when it’s already been written? As opposed to the fact that maybe you have some genius inside of you. So it can show up that way too. It can also show up in a really interesting way, and I’ll talk a lot more about this too because this one is probably the most different way imposter syndrome can set up is just the idea that there are systems in place, that there are some general cultural beliefs about what women can do, what men can do, what different races can do, and we can find ourselves being the only one of something in a room, and that will make us feel like an imposter.
But this one feels a little bit more systemic. This one feels more like the system is against me. I got a lot to say on that one. So I’m hoping that you can see that all of these are just thoughts. I don’t fit in, they have it together better than I do, they’re farther along than I am, I’m behind, it’s too late, I’m an amateur, it’s the system.
I hope that you can see that these are all just thoughts and that they’re bullshit, but maybe you don’t, and that’s why we’re here. So how do we get over imposter syndrome is know this. All of these thoughts are in fact bullshit. This is just your inner cavewoman raising a ruckus to make you feel small and stay small, and you don’t have to listen to her.
If imposter syndrome is not a real thing and it’s just your thoughts, you don’t have to believe those thoughts. And there’s a lot of good reasons not to believe those thoughts because here are some of the things that you can find yourself doing. Here’s what can happen when you are believing those imposter syndrome thoughts.
Here’s how it shows up in your actions. That was your thinking, here’s how it shows up in your actions. You quit, you shut down, or you just don’t show up or you just don’t do any of the work. This was 100% me. Remember, I’m full on indulging in imposter syndrome I used to. That sounded very Yoda right there, didn’t it?
Indulging in imposter syndrome I used to. When I felt like I didn’t belong, I didn’t speak up. I didn’t show what I did know and what I was sure of because I was convinced that I didn’t actually know anything. I had convinced myself that I didn’t know anything or that I was sure of anything because I was all up in my head thinking about I don’t fit in and I don’t belong so I just completely shut down.
Another thing that you might do, you might overwork. The exact opposite. Crazy, right? You try to overcompensate for this feeling of lack and this feeling of imposter, and you try to overwork yourself to make up for it. Like maybe, just maybe, twice as much work will make me feel like I fit in or that I do know what I’m doing or that I do belong here.
So isn’t that so fascinating? One thing, this set of thoughts, can either shut you down or make you ramp way up. Neither one of them serves you because it’s both coming from really crappy energy, and both of them are exhausting.
Another thing that we can do when we’re indulging in imposter syndrome thoughts is we can go into compare and despair. I really want to offer you that compare and despair, it’s kind of like the red-headed stepchild to imposter syndrome, or imposter syndrome’s red-headed stepchild or stepsister to compare and despair.
They frequently go along with one another. If you’re thinking that you don’t fit in or you’re behind or you’re too late or anything like that, we’re usually using other people as a guidepost to that. We’re using their figures. We’re taking their success stories to mean that we can’t do it.
If we’re indulging in that imposter syndrome thinking, we have an anchor to which we are judging ourselves. And we will look at that one person or any person that is celebrating and we’ll think where we are to where they are. Here’s what’s sucky about that is that all of our brain’s energy, all of our problem solution, all of those genius ideas, all of that brain energy is being spent thinking about the other person and not you.
Here’s a different layer of compare and despair is that coaching nemesis. So stay with me here. You will take general other people and compare yourself like, in general. But one thing when you’re in imposter syndrome, you’ll also find that one person.
Here’s the interesting thing. That one person has no idea that you are so obsessed with them, but you are obsessed. You keep using everything that they say and everything that you do. You take all of your negative energy and you put it on them because you thinking this way all of the time and you quitting on yourself or you overworking yourself or you comparing yourself because you don’t fit in and you’re behind and you’re never going to catch up, it can become too much for us to deal with.
So we will put all of that energy on this poor person over here who’s done nothing other than every time they speak up, every time they comment on something, every time they share a post, you’re like, this ought to be good, what does she have to say now? Right?
I know you know what I’m talking about. That one person, that nemesis that your brain – it’s like your inner cavewoman has found a person in your life to put all of your stuff onto because it’s too much for you to deal with. Yeah, I’ve been there, I understand what that feels like.
First of all, it feels terrible because you know that you’re doing it, and it takes that general compare and despair, and it kicks it up a notch. So be aware of that. You’re quitting or you’re overworking, you’re comparing and despairing, and you might even be identifying a nemesis in your life that you’re going to put all of this negative imposter syndrome emotional crap onto so that you don’t have to deal with it.
Which goes into this fifth thing that we can do, which is we go into blame. So you see how all of these thoughts are very similar and all of these actions are very similar, but they’re just a little bit nuanced. So we can go into blame. If you believe these thoughts, you believe that you have to defer, that that is expected of you, and that the world will shut down a confident woman.
This is more along the lines of not so much the nemesis that you’re blaming, but kind of more the system that you’re blaming. You will see other people come up with ideas that you had but you were too scared to share them for fear that you were an imposter, and then you will get pissed at them because they’ll get all the glory.
This is really so insidious in our culture too. You will find that women especially will paint themselves into this situation. This does not seem to quite something that men struggle with as nearly as much. They can struggle with it sometimes, but this does seem to be more prevalent among women.
And we’ll start to blame the system, the culture. Now, hold on, I do have a remedy for this in just a bit, but it’s important to recognize if you are doing this, if you’re allowing your imposter syndrome, which is just a series of thoughts and beliefs, to make it mean that the system is against you.
This is incredibly defeatist. It feels terrible. And it is a non-starter. Talk about stopping in your tracks, right? How can you get ahead in a system designed to keep you down? If that’s what you’re choosing to believe that the system is doing, right?
So do you believe what I said before about it all being your thoughts? Do you still believe that imposter syndrome is just thinking? Do you believe that this still holds true? Because it does. And let me show you how.
So first of all, whatever thoughts that I said earlier, figuring out which ones you identify the most with, and ask yourself, why continue to believe them? What purpose do these thoughts serve you? Because they’re making you quit or they’re making you overwork or they have you spending all your time thinking about what other coaches are doing instead of yourself, or spending all your time blaming “them” or the system out there keeping you down.
By the way, side note, my grandma used to say, “That’s just the man who has this thumb on you to keep you down.” That was so ingrained into my upbringing that the man was going to try to keep me down somehow. Whoever the hell the man was.
And this line of thinking just doesn’t serve you at all. That much is clear because what I just mentioned, it feels terrible. You’re either shutting down or you’re overworking or you’re fretting or you’re blaming, and all of that just feels like shit. And you won’t show up in the world in the brilliance you do have and that you can offer in your inherent worth when you feel that way.
And are you indulging in that because you somehow think it’s protecting you from failure or protecting you from success? That it’s keeping you safe in some way? Well I mean, maybe, because you’re right, you can’t massively fail if you stay where you are. You can’t massively succeed if you stay where you are.
And technically, you’re safe staying exactly where you are. Like if you freeze, you’re probably safer than if you’re running. Except isn’t that all just an illusion? Is it really safe to stay where you are? To get to the end of your life and say, fuck, I wasted all that time and now I’m dead. Is that really safety? To live a life less happy for the rest of your life only to realize you could have chosen not to listen to your inner cavewoman and find out what was possible?
Are you really protecting yourself from failure or are you just consciously deciding you’re going to fail ahead of time? Are you really protecting yourself from success? Are you just protecting yourself from the thoughts that you’re going to have about what other people think of you and what you think of yourself that you’re going to have to face when you do become successful?
That right there by the way, fear of success, that’s a podcast in and of itself right there, but we’re talking about imposter syndrome today. And just see that indulging in imposter syndrome isn’t actually keeping you safe. It’s guaranteeing you a less happy, less fulfilled life while you are here on earth.
And I just ain’t having it for you, my friends. And you shouldn’t have it for yourself either. So how do we overcome these imposter thoughts? When you see these thoughts that I mentioned before, ask yourself, is that really true? Is it really true that they have it more together than I do? What if it’s not true that their years of experience mean more than what you have to say?
What if it’s possible that you do have something valuable to say? I shared a couple of episodes ago about what do you know, what are you sure of. Let’s use that here again. How is it true that you do fit in? How is it true that you do belong here? How is it true that your experience is important? What does your experience bring to the table? What valuable things do you know you have to say, that you are sure of when your brain isn’t running off on the imposter syndrome train?
Rather than focusing on what your inner cavewoman says makes you an imposter, turn your brain into and focus on what makes you an expert. This reminds me a lot of the are you a good enough coach episode. I did that a couple of episodes back. I can’t remember. I’ll have Pavel, my producer, look that up and post it for you in the show notes.
It’s a great follow up, if you haven’t listened to it already, I would highly recommend you listen to it after listening to this one because it’s related. But long story short, what makes you a good coach, what makes you an expert, what makes you somebody who fits in, you decide. You decide you’re the good coach. You decide you are an expert.
Because to someone, you are an expert. To the person who needs you right now and is ready for the knowledge that you do have, you are the perfect coach to teach them. They’re not ready for somebody who’s got 15 years on you. They’re ready for you.
And now as for the age conversation and the it’s too late conversation, listen, I can give you a list of famous people who didn’t hit their stride until their 40s or 50s or 60s, or even later. But you can Google that for yourself, and I strongly do. Go look at all the celebrities and the authors and the famous people who didn’t hit their stride until later in life.
But all I ask you now is why focus on where you are and being too old or being too behind? Why focus on that? What if what you have gone through up until now was necessary for you to be the expert you are today? Isn’t that just as believable?
This is about not arguing with reality. That your life has happened exactly as it was supposed to so that you could be here today, where are you, no matter your age, no matter your experience. Wishing you had started sooner denies the reasons why you didn’t and what you had to learn from that.
Looking at those who are younger than you doesn’t highlight what you bring to the table because you lived more life. That’s more perspective. That doesn’t diminish their perspective. But why highlight their lack of life lived in favor of denying what you have experienced. You have an insight that can only be gained through living life, and that is invaluable, and that’s what makes you uniquely you.
Younger people, they have imposter syndrome too. They’re thinking they don’t have enough experience; they’re thinking they haven’t lived enough life. And really, just focusing on that is denying what you do bring to the table. That’s why focusing on questions like why is your age perfect for who you have to serve, what do you bring to the table, what have you experienced that can help you, who is the person that needs your level of expertise at the age you are at, that’s what we want to redirect your brain to when it wants to talk about how you’re too young, too old, too late, too early, whatever, too something. It’s always too something, right?
Okay, so those thoughts about compare and despair or your coaching nemesis or you’re taking where you are versus where other people are, it’s a very similar conversation. You could look to see that what they have and you don’t have that, you could focus on that. You could also see it as inspiration.
The bottom line when it comes to whether you have a specific coaching nemesis, that specific person putting all your mental stuff onto or it’s just generalized compare and despair, that is a scarcity problem every day of the week. And why are you choosing to believe that there’s not enough to go around?
There’s seven and a half billion people on the planet. You need like, 10. There is more than enough business out there. Now, this also in and of itself could be a separate podcast episode. Scarcity mentality. And we are not going to dive 100% into that, but just know that right there.
If you are comparing and despairing, if you have a coaching nemesis, if you have this nemesis you put all your shit onto, that poor, poor person, this is because your mind is telling you that there’s not enough business to go around, that there’s a limited size pie and as everybody else gets some, your piece keeps getting smaller.
You could choose to focus on that, but my question is why and again, let’s redirect your brain. How is that not true? What is the size of your potential audience? Seven and a half billion people on the planet. Half of them are women, half of them are men. How many are in the United States? 330 million. Half of those are men, half of those are women.
How many of them are moms? Do the numbers. I guarantee you, you still have a pool of a couple million people and you need like, 10 to 20. There’s more than enough. And if you’re focusing how you do fit in and what your expertise is and how your age and what you have to offer is absolutely invaluable and it supports even more how there’s more than enough and you don’t have to focus on the scarcity.
So lastly, what about the system? What about the system that told us all from we were very young girls that we have to be polite and raise our hand and that we need to defer? So can we acknowledge – so first of all, let’s acknowledge that there is a system.
There is a culture, there is a hierarchy. So like racism, there is sexism, there is systemic racism, and there is systemic sexism. It is built into our culture. This is not positive thinking our way out of that. This is not denying that it exists.
And seriously, when we are a powerful woman in a room full of men, that imposter syndrome can absolutely kick up. Am I right? If you are a Black coach in a room full of white coaches, I have no doubt. I have no doubt because I’m a woman, but as a white woman, I can go I can see how that would kick up your imposter syndrome.
I mean, talk about I don’t belong here. Okay, so then what do you want to do about it? That’s your work. We still get to decide what we want to make that mean. Now, I have been listening a lot to my very good friend, Brig Johnson. She’s a Black certified coach through the same school I am, who’s been a wealth of knowledge during this time of Black Lives Matter.
And she’s been talking about viewing systemic racism or systemic sexism as neutral. Not that racism or sexism in and of itself is neutral. It sucks. But that we can view it through a neutral lens. We can pass through neutral. That rather than feeling helpless or that we are in no position to do anything, how can you pass through a neutral place through coaching so that you can then decide what you will think about the system.
Here is a system that places undue burden on women, on people of color, on people with disabilities, et cetera. What do we want to think about that? We can think in a way that makes us feel very disempowered, there’s nothing I can do, I’m a victim to this, or we can think about it in a way that is very empowered.
Here is the system and here is my place in it and here’s how I’m going to think about it that elevates and empowers me and not shuts me down. There will be people who will think you don’t have anything to say. There will be people who think you don’t have the right credentials or the expertise or that you are too big for your bridges. Then what?
This work reminds me of Brené Brown’s work. By the way, hi Brené, BFF who doesn’t yet know me. How will you speak truth to that bullshit? How will you speak truth to that power? Here’s the thing; if you lose out on opportunities because of the system, then that opportunity was not for you.
I think about this. I think about this a lot, if I would have had these tools back in my corporate days, when I think about getting passed up for stuff, et cetera, I’m now looking back, I’m like, oh, that’s because that was a shitty organization, a shitty system I was in. That’s not where I was supposed to be.
Being able to get coaching to a place where you can speak truth to the bullshit of a system, that my friends, is not imposter energy. That is empowered confident energy. You feeling me on this? So if you are struggling with imposter syndrome, decide today that you are ready to banish it.
Acknowledge that imposter syndrome is not a thing that you can be diagnosed with. It is beliefs and it is thoughts, and those can be changed. It is acknowledging how you show up when you are in that imposter syndrome, deciding that this does not serve me, whether I’m shutting down or overworking or comparing or blaming. None of that serves you. None of that helps you move forward.
And then we focus on what do you know, how are you sure that you fit in or how are you sure that you deserve to be here, or how are you sure that you are an expert. When your brain wants to go low, we go high. Watch for your desire to argue with reality.
What has happened up until this moment is done and it happened exactly as it was supposed to happen to bring you to this moment right here today. And that when your brain starts to compare and despair, that we remind it that that is scarcity mentality and you don’t have to believe it.
How are sure there are more than enough people who want what you have to offer? There are plenty of people who would love to work with you. There are plenty of people who would love to have the tools that are ready for you right now. Again, go listen to that how you know you’re a good enough coach. It’s perfect for you if that’s something you’re struggling right there.
And lastly, even if your imposter syndrome is rooted in the systems designed to not work with your brilliance, how can you speak truth to that bullshit? How can you own your own power in that environment instead of feel victim to it? How can you view it as a thing that absolutely exists and what are you going to do about it?
Alright my friends, let’s banish that imposter syndrome when it pops us and let’s go do epic stuff.
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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at www.amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.