What to Do When You’re Misunderstood in Public

It’s one thing to be misunderstood in a private conversation.
It’s a whole different animal when it happens in a room full of people. 

When you feel the eyes on you.
When you hear the silence (or the murmurs).
When you realize - oh crap, they’re not just misunderstanding me.
They’re misunderstanding me out loud. 

Your nervous system goes ballistic.
Your brain checks out.
You either want to disappear…or start swinging.

I’ve been there more times than I can count.

Public Misunderstanding: Online vs. In Person

As a content creator, I’ve been misunderstood publicly a lot. 

Disagreements in comment sections.
People telling me I’m wrong - factually, morally, fundamentally.
There's men yelling at me on Threads right now over a silly post about Tombstone. 

It’s mortifying at first.
But over time, I built the muscles to regulate myself online:

• Put the phone down.

• Walk away.

• Remind myself: Not everyone on the internet gets access to my nervous system.

But in person?
You’re in the room.
You can’t log off.
You can’t just mute the energy.
You can’t make yourself invisible.

And that is a whole different kind of skill set.

The Moment I Froze (And Why It Haunted Me)

One moment that still sticks with me:
I was in a coaching room, asking for advice.

I shared that I was getting consult calls from women in truly disadvantaged situations - living in shelters, sleeping on friends’ couches - and I didn’t want to waste their time or mine selling $6000 coaching they couldn’t realistically access.

I wanted to brainstorm:
How can I leave them better off without depleting myself?

And instead of support, I was not prepared for the reaction:
I was called elitist.
Told I was judging people.
That I shouldn’t assume anything about what people could afford.

And suddenly, the room wasn’t just misunderstanding me - they were mischaracterizing me.

I froze.
I forgot my words.
I forgot what I knew to be true.
Shit, I forgot what we were even talking about.

I went into full survival mode - I'm a Flight gal in the Fight or Flight or Fawn reaction.
All my cognitive ability? Gone.

Some people in the room were on the challenger’s side.
Some were quietly on mine.
Some were just deeply, uncomfortably wishing they were anywhere else.

And to top it off?
The whole thing was being recorded - and archived into a vault that thousands of people could watch later.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and tuck myself into my own pocket.

I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now

Because here’s what I know now:
When you are misunderstood publicly, it’s not a signal to collapse.

It’s an initiation.

And if you’re going to lead - your family, your business, your community - you have to learn how to stand tall, even when the room doesn’t get you.

How to Stay Grounded When You’re Misunderstood In Public

1. Anchor in Your Truth

The bigger the audience, the louder the misunderstanding feels.
So first - drop into your truth.

What do I know for sure about what I meant?
What do I know for sure about my values?

You don’t need the whole room’s agreement to validate you.
You just need your own anchor.

2. Regulate Your Body

When you feel the adrenaline dump?
That’s normal.

You can literally lose access to logic when your amygdala hijacks your brain.

Here's how to micro-regulate and get your brain back online:

• 1-2 Breaths:  In for 4, out for 8.

• Ground physically: Plant your feet. Press your fingers together.

• Cross-body move: Pass an object hand to hand to activate both brain hemispheres.

You’re not calming down to be polite.
You’re calming down to stay present with yourself in the conversation.

3. Slow the Conversation, If You Can

You don’t have to meet their chaos with speed.

You can say:

“I’m hearing a lot of emotion here.
I want to slow this down and make sure we’re actually addressing the same thing.”

Or:

“Let’s pause. I’m committed to this conversation - not to miscommunication.”

You’re not fighting for dominance.
You’re fighting for clarity - and keeping yourself centered while you do it.

4. Let the Room Be Uncomfortable

This might be the hardest one:
Not everyone will agree.
Not everyone will like how you’re handling it.
Some will twist it no matter what you say.

That doesn’t make you wrong.
It makes you a leader. 

Leadership means you go first, through discomfort, through misinterpretation, through public misunderstanding.

You Can’t Control Their Story. You Can Control Yours.

I can’t control the people who misunderstood me that day in the coaching room.
I can’t control the people misunderstanding me right now on Threads.

But I can control my response.

I can stay rooted.
I can lead myself through the spiral.
I can decide that my leadership is too important to waste chasing approval from people determined not to see me clearly.

And so can you.

Coming Next Week: It's Time to L.E.A.D.

I’m breaking down the four core steps of the L.E.A.D. framework, through the month of May.

Because real leadership isn’t about knowing everything.
It’s about knowing your next best step, and having the courage to take it.

Here’s what’s coming:

• Liberation: How to shine a light on what’s not working, without spiraling into self-doubt.

• Embodiment: How to stop performing leadership and start living it, especially when it’s hard.

• Authority: How to own your voice and your decisions - even when you’re nervous.

• Direction: How to take your next step, and keep going, without needing a permission slip.

If you’ve been feeling the pull to step up, speak up, and lead differently, this is the series you’ve been waiting for.

Want to Lead Without Apologizing for Your Clarity?

And if you’re ready to stop circling and start leading, my new 6-week beta coaching program, It’s Time to L.E.A.D., is open now.

We’ll take these four steps and put them into action - you’re not just thinking about leadership, you’re living it.

I’m opening just 10 spots for the beta round:
$500 for 6 weeks of coaching.

These are the steps to landing the new gig, acquiring those resources for your team, securing the new client, or even just a level of peace at home that's felt unimaginable.

If you’re ready to become the leader who doesn’t crumble under misunderstanding?
This is your moment.

Email me at [email protected] to claim your spot. 

Let’s Talk:

• Have you ever been misunderstood in front of a room?

• What helped you find your feet again?

• What advice would you give your past self for handling public leadership?

Drop a comment. You’re not the only one. Let’s open this up.