Sometimes, even after you use every communication tool in your toolkit -
You pause.
You clarify.
You breathe.
You regroup.

And the other person still doesn’t get it.

Worse - they decide you’re wrong. Or mean. Or manipulative. Or aggressive. Or fake.
They walk away with a version of you that doesn’t match your truth.

And you feel the heat rise in your chest. The urge to fix it.
To explain again.
To prove who you really are.

That’s the moment this post is about.
Because this is where leadership gets real.

Leadership Means You Go First

One of the hardest truths I’ve had to learn is this:

The best leaders are the ones who can be okay being misunderstood.

You are quite literally moving ahead of the crowd.
Holding a vision they may not fully see yet.
Speaking a truth they’re not ready to hear.
Pointing out a pattern they still want to ignore.

When you’re leading - especially with nuance, with care, or with discomfort - you will be misinterpreted.

You will be seen through other people’s projections, fears, and defenses.

And trying to correct every single misunderstanding is the fastest way to burn out and shrink back.

Misunderstood - so Now What?

Last week, we talked about what to do in the moment of being misunderstood:
How to Stay Grounded When You’re Misunderstood

But this week, we’re naming the reality that happens after that:
You did the things.
They doubled down.
They still think you’re wrong.
Now what?

Now… you let them be.

Not because it doesn’t matter.
But because you matter more.

The Hardest Leadership Skill I’ve Ever Learned

Letting someone be wrong about me is one of the most confronting, uncomfortable, growth-forcing things I’ve ever had to practice.

And I was recently tested to build my leadership here.

I had a super difficult conversation with a once-really-close colleague, where I did everything “right.”

• I spoke from my values.

• I paused and grounded myself when things escalated.

• I checked the energy and offered multiple points of connection.

• I said, “I think we’re having two different conversations - can we pause and come back to what we do agree on?”

Didn’t matter.
They weren’t interested in hearing me.
They weren’t engaging with my actual words.
They were reacting to a version of me they had already decided was wrong.

And let me tell you - I hated it.

I wanted to chase the misunderstanding down and fix it.
I wanted to rewrite every word.
I wanted to make them see who I really was.

Because I’ve spent my whole life doing that.

I used to bend myself inside out trying to get people to understand me.
Especially when they misinterpreted my tone or twisted my words or took something I said in a way I didn’t mean.

I would replay the conversation for days.
I’d imagine 47 better ways I could’ve said it.
I’d write imaginary follow-up emails, thinking this version would finally make them see.

And let's face it - it wasn’t about clarity at all.
It was about control. About my fear of being seen “wrong.”
About trying to protect my reputation in someone else’s mind.

But the biggest Adulting lesson I've learned:

If I am going to lead anything - my life, my business, a team, a movement - I have to learn how to let people be wrong about me.

What It Actually Takes to Let People Be Wrong About You

Here’s how I began practicing this. And how I help my clients do the same.

1. Make Sure You’re Safe First

Let’s be clear:
We’re not talking about letting dangerous people think what they want while you stay silent.

If there’s real risk to your income, your job, your safety, your family - you navigate that differently. That’s less leadership coaching, and more survival strategy.

(And I’ve got tools for that, too: What to Do When Speaking Isn’t Safe)

But if the “danger” is emotional?
Discomfort? Fear of being disliked? Worry that they’ll talk about you?

That’s leadership territory.
Which means you don’t need to panic. You need to hold steady.

2. Ask Yourself: How Can I Support Me Right Now?

You’re not going to get support from the person who’s misunderstood you.
So the question becomes:

“What do I need right now to support myself - even while they think I’m wrong?”

That could be:

• A moment to breathe, hands on heart and gut, and anchor back into your Self.

• A call to a friend who reminds you who you are.

• A voice note. A walk. A body shake. A moving meditation of your choice.

• A reminder that your integrity isn’t dependent on their approval.

3. Decide What You Want to Believe - About You

This is the turning point.
You can’t control what they believe about you.

But you can choose what you believe about yourself - especially in the moments when someone else gets you wrong.

Ask yourself:

• “What do I want to believe about myself - even when this person believes I’m wrong?”

• “How do I stay with me - without needing them to validate it?”

Try this:

“Even when I’m misunderstood, it's possible I’m a thoughtful, grounded leader.”

“Even when they misread me, I know I spoke from clarity and care.”

“Even when it doesn’t land, I stand by the truth I shared.”

This is the moment where leadership stops being performative, and becomes embodied.

You’re not leading for applause.
You’re leading for alignment.

It Still Sucks Sometimes

I’m not going to pretend this is easy.

Letting someone believe something untrue about you?
It’s a special kind of discomfort.

I hate that my once-close friend thinks I stand for things that I simply do not.

But I’ve learned how to stop regretting choosing integrity over explanation.
Every time I let someone be wrong about me without shrinking, contorting, or chasing their approval - I get stronger.

Because now I know:

You don’t have to fix the misunderstanding to lead forward.

You just have to stay rooted in what’s true, and keep walking.

Coming Next Week: Being Misunderstood in Public

It's one thing when a person get you wrong in a private conversation - but what about in front of an entire room? When there's an audience?
We’re going there.
Because public leadership comes with public misunderstanding, and it doesn’t have to shut you down.

Want to Lead Without Apologizing for Your Clarity? 

You’ve seen me teasing out a brand-new coaching program - and now it’s here.

It’s Time to L.E.A.D.

The 4 steps every woman needs to have the conversations that get her what she actually wants:
Liberation – Shine a light on what’s not working so you can stop spinning and start leading.
Embodiment – Stop just talking about leadership and start modeling it in real time.
Authority – Own your voice. Make the decision. Say the thing.
Direction – Take your next best step - and know exactly how to keep going.

This framework turns avoidance into action - and action into results.

This is a beta round, and I’m opening just 10 spots at a special rate:
$500 for 6 weeks of coaching.

If you’re ready to speak up without second-guessing, lead with more clarity, and stop performing leadership and start living it - this is your moment.

Email me at [email protected] to schedule your call and claim your spot.

We’ll get clear on the result you want in 6 weeks, and how L.E.A.D. will get you there.

Let’s Talk

• What’s one time you were completely misread - and it haunted you?

• How did you come back to yourself after that?

• What kind of support helps you hold steady when someone gets it wrong?

Drop a comment. Let’s open this one up. You’re not the only one.