Don't believe everything you think.
And definitely don't weaponize it.

It took me years to realize a family member of mine is an unreliable narrator.
She didn’t lie maliciously. But she stated her opinions like they were breaking news.

“She’s struggling financially,” she’d say.
And I’d believe her. Why wouldn’t I?
Until I asked, “How do you know that?”
And she said, “Well, they sold their car. And she hasn’t been dressing as nice lately.”

That was it.
An entire narrative - “They must be broke” - built off two assumptions she’d never checked.

Another time:
“She’s furious with her friend.”
What happened?
“Oh, she just didn’t respond to a text. So obviously something’s wrong.”

Again. Not facts. Just feelings, presented as certainty.
And I only realized it after years of confusion, when I finally learned to ask:
Is that what happened? Or is that what you think happened? 

And once you start seeing it?
You start seeing it everywhere. 

We All Do It. Especially Online.

Someone posts a weight loss photo and suddenly the comments flood in:
“That’s not real. It’s not even the same person.”
Why? Because it challenges what they believe is possible.

Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, drops a home and lifestyle series. Nothing radical. Just her making jam and talking about favorite meals.
And still, people jump to: “It’s fake. She’s fake. She’s acting.”
Because if you’ve already decided you don’t like her, everything becomes proof that you’re right.

It’s happening right now around the ICE raids in Los Angeles.
Peaceful protesters labeled as violent.
ICE framed as protecting the country.
Every headline filtered through someone’s preferred storyline.

We’ve had political leaders for years now who present assumptions as truth, project their own fears and insecurities onto others, and act like it’s just “telling it like it is.”

This is what happens when we don’t examine our own thoughts.
This is what happens when confirmation bias becomes our default mode.

Here’s the Deeper Truth:

We don't just do this to politicians and celebrities.
We do it to ourselves.
And the people we lead.

How often do you:

• Assume someone’s upset with you because they didn’t reply fast enough?
• Decide you’re failing based on one offhand comment?
• Conclude someone is “taking advantage of you” because of a single frustrating interaction?

We don’t just have thoughts.
We believe them.
We build entire stories around them.
And then we act accordingly.

Because when you believe the above assumptions, you'll end up thinking:

• “I’m not ready to speak up in that meeting.” 
• “They’re not taking me seriously.” 
• “They’re mad at me.” 
• “I’m being too much.” 

Maybe those assumptions are true.
But maybe they’re just stories.
And if we never check them, we lead from fear, not from fact.

That’s Not Leadership. That’s Projection.

Great leadership requires discernment.
It requires space between stimulus and response.
It requires you to pause and ask:

• Is this thought actually true?
• Is it the whole story?
• What else could be true here?
• Am I responding to reality, or just reacting to my own bias?

Otherwise, you’re not leading.
You’re projecting.
And if you’re not careful, you start weaponizing those unexamined thoughts.

Against your team.
Against your partner.
Against your community.
Against yourself.

Let’s Be Real:

The best leaders of the future aren't the loudest or the most certain.
They’re the ones who:

• Think critically
• Hold nuance
• Recognize when their thoughts are just thoughts, not truth
• Can sit with discomfort and not immediately assign blame
• Can hold two things as true at once

This is the kind of leadership we need.
And honestly? It’s in short supply.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think.

And don't weaponize what you refuse to examine.

You are allowed to have thoughts.
But you are responsible for how you treat them.

Some will be rooted in truth.
Some will be inherited bias.
Some will be fear or shame dressed up as fact.

And your job as a leader is to know the difference.

Want to Lead with More Clarity, and Less Reactivity?

This is what we do in coaching.
Not just mindset work.
Discernment work. Integration work. Leadership work. 

I help you recognize the story your brain is telling.
Decide what’s useful and what’s not.
And respond from a place of clarity, not confirmation bias.

If you’re tired of spiraling through unexamined stories and ready to lead with grounded power...
Email me “I’m ready” at [email protected] and let’s talk.

Let’s Talk:

Weaponize Confirmation Bias - where have you seen it?

I’d love to hear how you’ve seen this play out in real time.
Because this is one of those- once you see it, you'll see it everywhere.
And you’ll see the profound damage it can cause in relationships, in communities, and on teams.

And you'll see your leadership dramatically improve when you can name it and stop it in its tracks.

Share your examples below or drop me a line if you wanna keep it private - [email protected].