Ep #118: What’s In The Way

You are listening to episode 118 of Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you dropkick what is in the way. Let’s go.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hi coach, how are you doing today? I’m doing fabulously, as always. I’m actually recording this right at the start of my next three day live event, as a major snowstorm is descending across the entire country. I’ve just remapped the entire event to allow for travel delays of some of my February 2022 class. This is how we do.

This is how we do, we solve problems here at Confident Coaches. If you are a confident coach, you really learn that confidence doesn’t come from knowing that everything’s going to work out perfectly and you have nothing to worry about. No, confidence is knowing you can handle whatever comes your way. So I 100% freaked out for like 20, 30 minutes. And then I went to my peers in my mastermind, I got it all out, I took a shower, and then my brain immediately started problem solving, because that’s what we do.

And that’s a little bit of what we’re talking about here today. You’re going to see how you can become this person who just solves shit that’s happening. And you get better at doing that, because we’re going to talk about that today.

But before we do that, I just had to tell you how exciting it is, I’ve been talking about getting– Because Spotify started introducing ratings. And so I’ve mentioned you know, it’s been the PS on the email to every podcast, I’ve mentioned it a couple times here.

If you are a Spotify listener, I would love it if you would give me a five star rating. You don’t have to leave a written review because they don’t have that feature. We’ve kind of like forgotten that Apple Podcasts is still a thing and writing reviews on Apple podcasts is still a very exciting thing. And a new one came in this week.

So, shout out to Kate O’Rourke. First of all, it’s so fun, first episode and she’s hooked. And she’s going to reference something in here that my podcast team is trying to figure out that, for some reason some old podcasts are disappearing. We are aware of it.

So if you are listening to this and you’re trying to go back and listen to some old episodes and you’re like, episode 18 was the first episode I could find. There is an episode one through 17, my podcast team is trying to figure that out. So her review references that, so if this sounds confusing, A, she references a problem. And B, we know about it. And C, confidence is knowing we can handle whatever comes our way, right? Right. Okay.

So, “Oh my gosh, just listened to episode 18, the first one available to listen to. It was so, so good. I stopped the podcast to write this review before it was even over. The Old Navy super cash analogy, so good. Thank you, Amy.” Thank you, Kate O’Rourke.

So first of all, the Old Navy super cash analogy, I initially was sitting there going, what the hell is she talking about? Oh yeah, I don’t remember the analogy, I don’t know this episode exactly, but this is where I was talking about I have to be reminded over and over and over. And you cannot email your people too many times. You cannot connect with them too many times.

Now, there are definitely people who unsubscribe from me because they tell me that I send them too many emails. And I’m like, all right, that’s fine. I still believe that most of my listeners are like me and Old Navy super cash or Gap super cash. That they will email me 27 times, five times on the last day before it expires. And I have every intention of using it and I will still forget. So thank goodness they email so often. Because they email me so often I do tend to use it more than if they only emailed me like once a week.

So I remember what she was talking about there. And that was just a reminder that yes, you should be talking to your people as often as humanly possible. And if they really don’t want to hear from you, then they’ll unsubscribe and you can let them go with love. They weren’t your ideal people anyway.

Okay, so what are we talking about today? I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, what’s in the way is the way. And that is what we’re talking about today. Before we dive in I just really need you to know that this episode is loaded with tough love. But emphasis on the word love, and tough. This podcast episode was written from so much love. And it might, it might spark your Spidey senses a little bit, okay?

And I just want you to know that I’ve been there, I understand. And if you recognize yourself in anything that I’m sharing, understand that I’ve been there too. This is for all of us. In fact, I’m even going to share, I’m going to lead this podcast about what’s in the way is the way with my 2021.

So you guys already know that I’ve already shared a podcast episode from a couple of weeks ago about lessons from not hitting any goal. That was probably a couple weeks ago, it was one of my first January episodes. This episode is dropping February 8th, so it’s one of the past six episodes where it’s an entire episode how I tell you that it literally failed all last year. I didn’t hit one freaking goal, and it was perfect.

This is a little bit of a follow up as to why it was perfect. Because after I did that episode and then I ended up going to my coaches, you know, my mastermind. So I sell Confident Coaches Mastermind, but then I am also in a mastermind. And we had our first in-person meeting since October. And the realization of what all last year provided for me, to me, the work that I did, everybody there was like, “Who the fuck are you? You’re an entirely different human being.”

So last week I actually wrote this social media post, I’m going to share a post that I wrote when I got home from the mastermind. So I meet with my mastermind once a quarter, we coach every week in between. And my coaches repeatedly told us whatever triggers you in this room will unlock your business. It’s just a different way of saying what’s in your way is the way.

The work you keep avoiding is the work that will break it all open. The reasons you decide to quit, change your goal, not renew your coaching are the very reasons you need to work through in order to create the business that you want. Doing the work that triggers you will feel like your safety is on the line. This was my 2021. I set big goals, and then I didn’t meet any of them.

And in October, this is me getting really vulnerable right here, my coach gave me the choice, stay in this room and face the work you keep avoiding or go back to the lower level mastermind. And I understand those that choose to change the circumstance, decide they are okay not achieving the larger goal, to decide that you’re okay to not be a paid coach, to go back to the full time job or just switch coaching methods and start again.

I weighed every one of those options and they all felt better than doing the work where I felt exposed, and vulnerable, and in danger. But you want to know that I did instead? While my peers held space for me I chose to learn how to create safety for myself and do the hard work.

When you realize your safety is never actually on the line, that it’s always found in your mind, you won’t have to change your circumstances. And three months later, because that was the meeting in October and now here we are at the meeting in January when I wrote this. There’s literally nothing that can stop me. You can do what’s in the way. You can do the work that triggers you. You can unlock your business.

And this is what we do in Confident Coaches. And so then I go on to kind of talk more about the Confident Coaches process, the path to100K process, et cetera, et cetera. And you’ll do that process while learning to create safety and security where it matters most, which is from yourself. I know you can do it because I’ve done it.

This post right here got a ton of feedback. And that’s why I wanted to go in and dive just a little bit deeper on why doing the hard work is so important. And the fact is, whatever your resistance is, that is your work. That is your hard work.

And it’s actually really funny, literally the day that I’m recording this, I get notes from the universe, Mike Dooley’s Tut’s notes from the universe. And today’s note, the one that landed this morning, always listen to your doubts, Amy. Not just because they might teach you your fears, but because sometimes they might teach you your wisdom.

It’s the same idea, the thing that creates your doubt, the thing that creates your fear won’t just teach you what you’re afraid of, but it’s going to teach you what your wisdom is, where the goodness is, what’s on the other side of that. Where you think you have no control, that’s what has the most to teach you and to show you what you really are made of, what you’re really capable of, and what your brilliance is.

Now, when I say what’s in the way is the way and that’s your hard work, I kind of see that there’s two types of hard work. There’s the hard work you know about that you keep avoiding. And then there’s the hard work you don’t know about because you think the problem is outside of you. Okay?

Here’s the interesting thing, those might be two different kinds of hard work, but one is not necessarily easier than the other. Because if you know it’s your work and you keep avoiding it, there’s a reason you keep avoiding it. Right? It’s not easier because you know about it because clearly you have reasons for running the other way every time it comes up.

It’s not necessarily any easier because it’s literally the giant elephant in the room that you stare in the face every single day and you go nope. And there is a reason. It’s usually attached to some form of that’s dangerous over there. That’s scary over there. My safety is on the line, right?

And then the stuff you don’t know about may not actually be as hard, you just need a good coach to shine a spotlight on it. Or just listen to the podcast, this podcast right here, and do the work.

So if you know what your hard work is and you’re not doing it, hold on a bit, we’re going to get to the reasons why you want to do it anyway. But if you don’t know what your hard work is and you’re like, how am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to figure out? I have kind of found some categories of how hard work that you’re not aware of that you need to do, how you might be able to find them.

And you really owe it to yourself to get coached on these things. To have someone asked you the tough questions and not settle for, so like this first set of things are just kind of – Well, it’s stuff like this is just who I am, or I don’t know, it just is. It is what it is. I don’t know what to do, I’ve already tried everything. I guess I’m just a people pleaser. I guess I’m just a perfectionist. I guess I’m just a procrastinator. I’m just not good with time management. I’m just not good with technology.

These are blocks. These are things that you’re just deciding just are, right? You kind of acknowledge that the problem is on this side of the table, like you’re not really projecting it completely outside of you, but you’ve just decided that it’s unchangeable. There’s nothing you can do about it. And this is a non-starter, right? These are thoughts that you are having that you are deciding are just fact and they can’t be changed.

And this really requires coaching for you to realize that this is a choice that you are making. And you don’t have to decide that this is just who you are, or it just is what it is. Or that I guess you’ve tried everything, or I guess I’m just a people pleaser.

When you hear yourself saying these things, these are signs that you are avoiding really good work. Really good hard work, yes. But these are signs that you are throwing up roadblocks. And if you chose to break down those roadblocks and take a good coach with you and dive into it, it wouldn’t be a roadblock anymore. You won’t hear yourself saying those things anymore. And on the other side of those answers and this coaching is a floodgate of ideas of brilliance, we’re going to talk a little bit more about that in just a bit.

So another way to notice if you’re avoiding hard work is if you change your mind about your goal. I don’t really need to create that much, let’s just make it a smaller goal. I don’t need to make $100,000, let’s just make it a little bit of money. We don’t have to make a lot of money.

If you change your goal, if you change your mind about your goal, if you program hop or you coach hop. If you decide maybe being a coach isn’t so much what you really want and so you go get a job, or you go back to full time work after you quit to be a coach. If you keep changing up your offers, if you keep changing up what you’re doing all of the time, or what you’re telling people that you do. If you keep changing your niche. So we call this changing the C.

You keep changing the circumstances, right? You keep changing the parameter with which you are doing all of your work because you think it’s the situation that you are in that is preventing you from creating what you really want.

This is a total the problem is outside of me, so let me go change the situation. It’s like it’s the room I’m in that’s the problem, so let me go change the room. We change jobs, we change spouses because we think the problem is them and not us.

Because if it’s us, then we actually have to do the hard work. And we have to internalize, and we’ve got to look at ourselves and we’ve got to see where we aren’t showing up and where we’re struggling. And we just weren’t taught to do this, right?

Now, be really clear what I’m saying. This is not to say that we don’t sometimes need to change Cs. If you’re in a situation where boundaries are being violated, or you’re being harmed, then yes. There’s always a caveat about not being in an abusive situation, so I really want to make sure that I add that.

But I have to tell you, 9.99 times out of 10, my Confident Coaches clients are changing Cs and it has nothing to do with boundaries being violated, or their actual physical or emotional safety being in danger from outside of them. So do you change your circumstances? Do you coach hop? Do you keep changing the room in hopes that you create a new result?

So another sign, and this is a whole series of things, this is where the real tough love is going to come in because you’re going to really have to be honest with yourself and be on to yourself here. And to be willing to have someone point out something that you have excused away.

Whereas the other two things that I’ve mentioned just seem more factual and just like it’s just the circumstance, one’s an internal circumstance and one’s an external circumstance. This is kind of like blame gaming. This is making excuses. And if this is a habit of yours, then you have to be really willing to be honest with yourself.

So how does this show up? So these are just excuses, these are reasons. These are still outside of you, and they will feel so very true. So what are we talking about? We’re talking about stuff like, I’ve already spent too much money. I’ve already spent too much time. I really need to contribute financially to my family.

And a lot of this is the story about like, I’m spending too much money, this is taking too long and it would just be really way more comfortable if I could just see that my value is – Like my value is attached to my money, or my time, or how I spend time with my family, and so this is just real. And it’s just true. And I’ve spent too much time, I’ve spent too much money, this is too much time away from my family. And that’s why this isn’t working.

Or maybe it’s something along the lines of if you struggle to take any time off. If you only see working 10, 12 hours a day as the answer. If it’s all action line, action line, action line, it’s all actions. You’ll never discover the power of your brain, and your brain only, to solve problems for you.

If you can’t get moving, if you’re stuck in inaction and you are struggling to take action you’re never really going to discover the power of that 100% effort that we’ve talked about on the podcast before. What massive action looks like, doing it even though you feel uncomfortable.

If you think your money is at risk every time you invest in yourself, there’s a lot of money story to work on there. You’re going to think your clients shouldn’t invest with you. You’ll put pressure on yourself to get them results to prove that it was worth investing.

If you think your coach should be available between sessions and should be available via direct message, which I definitely have clients in the past,  some of them might even be listening to this right now and hearing me talk about this. They really thought that my availability was necessary for them to create results. And they’ve told other people, listen, she’s not available between sessions and this is a problem.

You aren’t dealing with the belief that you can really do this, that you have everything that you need. And you think it’s your coach that’s going to create your results for you. And you will show up like this with your clients and you will beat yourself up with them too.

I think really, the easiest way to find these kind of excuses or these reasons, is to make a list why coaches you’ve had in the past have not worked. And just be like every single thing that you believe about why those coaches have or have not worked, those might be excuses and reasons. Also make a list why you feel the need to change anything in your offer or your program right now.

So making a list of things that you feel need to change. That need to change about your offer, that need to change about your belief, that need to change about the coaches that you work with. These are answers, behind those answers lie work that you need to do.

Some of you may know that. Some of you might make these lists of why you haven’t reached your goal yet. And that’s actually, now that I’ve kind of rambled through a couple scenarios, that’s really what this last category is.

All the reasons that you see that you haven’t hit your goal yet that you don’t think have anything to do with you. Each one of those things, those answers, show you what your work is. Because each one of those answers is creating something for you right now that you don’t want.

And some of you may know that and that’s why you keep avoiding it. Some of you may not realize that yet, and they just seem real and true. Right? So this goes back to this work lies in one of two categories. So some of you may be very aware that you keep changing coaches, that you think this coach should be there, that you want your hand held. And you might know, I get that that’s not working for me, but I don’t really want to do the work to figure out why.

Some of you may not see. Some of that might feel just really real. No, listen, I need a coach that I can have 24/7 contact with if I need to. I really need them to hold me accountable, Amy. And these things just seem real or true.

But I want you to know right now, if your hackles are up in any way, I invite you to lean in. If your Spidey senses are pinging, right, if I’ve touched a nerve, if you’re feeling a little prickly right now, if you’re like, “I don’t really love Amy so much right now,” there’s work to explore there. And yes, some of this may be beyond coaching work. And I can’t necessarily know this to be true.

Sometimes therapy is work we need to do. Trauma healing, right. I am not a trauma healer, I am a life coach. I’m a confidence coach. And I have had loads of trauma in my life and I did resolve it with a combination of coaching and energy work. Not necessarily a therapist, but I have done energy work to release emotions that are trapped in my body. Pair that with life coaching and it has done wonders for me.

And I don’t know your story. And if you really are not making any progress with coaching, maybe you do need to investigate therapy. But if you are in a place to move forward, then it’s coaching. It’s coaching that you need. This is what we do in Confident Coaches.

This is the coaching that you get at the three day live event, the weekly coaching calls, the peer coaching that’s ingrained throughout the program. It’s all to hold space for you while you find your hard work, dive into it, and work through it. It really is everything you need, and I kept saying we’re going to get to the why. And now we are here.

Why do you want to do the work that you keep avoiding? Why do you want to do the hard work of hard work one and hard work two? Because when you do the hard work, yes, what’s in the way is the way. And it is what’s going to bust open your your business, but here’s why.

First of all, first of all, hi, have you heard what the name of this podcast is? It’s The Confident Coaches Podcast. You want a huge confidence booster? Go do some hard ass emotional work, you’re going to feel invincible. Right now you’re so scared of having to face what you’ve been avoiding that you’re denying yourself the feeling of facing what scares you the most and living through it.

And not just living through it, but thriving through it. Doing the hard work opens up blocks that you’ve had. I’m just telling you, right now I feel on fire because I spent all of last year butting up against work. Some of it was work I knew I was avoiding. Some of it was work I didn’t realize I was avoiding.

We’re going to be talking a lot more about creating self-safety and how to do that. I’m teaching it at the live event to my new February students this weekend, so we’re going to be talking a lot about that. Creating self-safety was a huge part of my 2021 and why I was avoiding so much work because it did feel so dangerous. But once you realize that it’s not actually dangerous, you’re going to feel invincible.

My energy is palpable. My peers at the mastermind couldn’t stop commenting on like, “Who is this person? You are so different. Your confidence is oozing from your skin.” And I powerfully peer coached. And I showed up for them and I held space for them in a way I hadn’t been doing, because I did my own damn work. Huge confidence booster, don’t deny yourself that.

And then, again, doing the hard work opens up blocks. It will create so many bursts of creativity. The only downside I’m creating right now is that my brain won’t stop giving me brilliant ideas. It’s like let me sleep, brain. Please stop waking me up at 3am with all of the solutions to all of the problems that I haven’t been able to solve for the past year. Can those answers come at a better time?

But it’s so amazing, other problems now have simple solutions. I explain things better than I ever have. Except for maybe sometimes when I still stumble across my words, but that’s just who I am. Part of that is because everything seems so much simpler than before.

I mean think about this, when you do what’s in the way, when you do the hard work, it’s like we’re David that has just slayed Goliath. So this piddly shit over here is nothing now. When you’ve scaled Mount Everest, this mound over here is nothing.

And because of this, like do you really see how it blows up in your business? Your offers are going to get so much better. You are so much more compelling because you feel like a fucking superhero, and it shows. Your engagement is going to be better, people are going to be more drawn to you.

And they may not even be able to put their finger on it. But that internal confidence, that holy cow I did that and I am not only still here, but I am stronger and better than I’ve ever been before. That’s going to be radiating off of your skin. I can feel it right now. Right?

Your engagement is better, you’re going to be able to overcome obstacles so much easier. You’re going to be able to overcome objections so much more confidently. And I want you to think about when you’re coaching your clients are going to be so much more powerful. And then they’re going to get new and faster results. This is a butterfly ripple effect situation.

So do you see why doing the work you’ve been avoiding actually blows up your business? When you’re willing to do the hard feels, when you learn how to create self-safety, you will come out on the other side a new an up-leveled person making boss moves. You’re going to be a taller, sturdier lighthouse with brighter light shining out into that deep dark ocean.

How could it not be that way after you’ve done the hard work? How can your business not explode to the next level? And here’s the best news, and it’s going to kind of sound like not good news. But I promise you it is. I feel like this entire podcast is like here’s this amazing, horrible thing, that’s so amazing. Go do it.

So what I think is the best news is that there’s always going to be more what’s in the way. There’s always going to be more hard work. This is where you’re like, “Amy, that’s not good news.” But it is, because you will have shown yourself that you can do the hard work. You will have seen the benefits. You will recognize it sooner. You will not allow yourself to stay in denial so long.

Even though the hard work continues, it gets easier because you keep getting better at it the more you do it. Right? All right. See, I told you, tough love, but love. And you got this, coach. I love you all so much. I can’t wait to see what you create. All right, and remember, until next week let’s go fuck some shit up.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.