Ep #9: How to Strengthen Your Commitment in 2020

You are listening to episode six of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you channel the grown-ass woman you were born to be.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hello, my confident squad, how are all of you today? No matter what, I hope you are finding the fabulousness of the day, of this week. So, full disclosure, I’m recording this in the past, but you probably already knew that. By the time you listen to this episode right now, I will actually be on Grand Cayman Island for a week with 32 other badass coaches, 12 master coach instructors, and 21 of us that are in master coach training.

Yes, that’s me. I’m in master coach training right now through The Life Coach School. I’m so excited. So, what that means is, at the time of the writing and recording of this, in this moment right now that you are listening to, I’m feeling incredibly nervous and just a bit barfy as I wrap up all of my to-dos before I leave work and my family for a week and I prepare to study and learn and work at a very high-level during that entire week in the Caymans.

I know this experience will be so life-changing. And by the time you listen to this, I will already be immersed in all of it. but for right now, send me some good juju because here I am a week out feeling incredibly nervous about what have I signed up for? Why did I do this? Can I just stay home? Can I change my mind? You know, all those thoughts that pop through your head, right?

So, for you, my friends, it’s just week number two of a new year, if you’re listening to this right now. So, it’s week number two of a new year and guess what, the hoopla is over. The BHAGs have been set, your words of the year deliberately chosen, and now it’s time to get to work.

So, before we dive in, let me give a shout-out to Confident Coaches listener Allison, who wrote this fabulous review of The Confident Coaches Podcast on Apple Podcasts. Allison wrote, “I’ve watched Amy grow and shift her business over the past few years and this podcast is further evidence that she not only talks the talk, but walks the walk and shows you how to do it too. I love the way Amy breaks down each confidence step and concept in a way that not only makes sense, but is also laced with her own relatable stories of how she has used it to grow her own business. Amy, thank you for showing us what’s possible and helping us to better serve our audiences.”

Yes, thank you, Allison, for such an amazing review. You have been a friend for a couple of years as we’ve both been doing this life coaching journey together. And also, just a side note, your nickname on social media is Alison Fab, so finding out that your name is actually Allison Howell gave me such a tickle. Plus, fabulous is one of my favorite words, if you guys haven’t already figured this out. So I’ve just kind of always had a little tender spot for Allison Fab, and now I’m like, “Oh, that’s not actually her name.”

So, let’s get back to where we are today. It’s week number two of January and life is happening. Last week, we talked about your big hairy audacious goal, which was all about setting your sites on the impossible dream and using your brain’s fear and its worries to your advantage instead of against you, because we’re going to plan to fail all over the place in 2020. And that’s what it’s going to take to get us to where you want to be, right?

And here’s the truth; failing sucks. Here I am going, “We’re going to plan to fail and let’s go fail our way to the top.” Let’s be honest, it sucks. It sucks because it exposes all of those feelings that you have purposely avoided your whole life. Very, very few of us are like, “Bring on the failure.” Very few of us are excited to bring on the disappointment, bring on the inadequacy, the embarrassment, the humiliation.

These feelings, even though we intellectually understand that they are only vibrations in our body that are created with the thoughts in our mind and they are all optional, these feelings don’t feel great. Mostly because we’ve never learned how to feel them, and not only learned how to feel them, but learned that we can feel them and they’re not going to kill us, that we can survive.

But remember, I’ve already taught you that skill back in episode three on feeling your feelings. So, here’s the thing; even with that skill of feeling your feelings in your toolbox, you’re going to need some commitment to go along with it, commitment to your BHAG, commitment to the life and the life coaching business of your dreams, because it is commitment and then taking massive action that is honestly the difference between hitting your goal this time and all the times it didn’t work out in the past.

Because most of us already know what to do to sign more clients. And we’ve decided it’s a lack of confidence that’s in the way or if it’s lack of something else, and that’s just not the case. It really is commitment to the goal and the massive action that must follow that.

Of course, full disclosure, there is a chance that you are lacking a specific piece of knowledge. Maybe there’s a piece of technology you haven’t figured out yet, say how to get your email service like Active Campaign or Mail Chimp to track email addresses that are coming in from your Facebook ads. But that’s learnable. There are YouTube videos on that. There are lots of experts on that.

These small areas of learning that you might still have to do, they’re not what is preventing you from the life coaching business of your dreams. That’s not what’s preventing you from signing more clients or from you feeling more confident. It’s not the small learnable details. It’s the commitment and massive action that follows.

In the most basic of terms, if you want to sign more clients, I follow the rules of thumb that my mentor Stacey Boehman shares; meet as many people as possible, tell them that you’re a life coach, make offers to help them. You can do this online, you can do this in person, you can do a combination of the two.

You can start with family. You can deep dive into online marketing and funnels. There’s no limit to the number of ways that you can meet as many people as possible, tell them that you’re a life coach, and make offers to help them. There’s also no lack of experts on how to network and how to build businesses in person. There’s no lack of experts on how to build online funnels and master online marketing.

You know you need to tell people that you’re a coach and tell them how you help people. And listen to what they have to say to see if you might be able to help them. And then, make an offer to help them if it seems like a right fit. This is like sales 101. This is like sales since the dawn of time, “You’ve got a problem, I’ve got a solution, do you want it?” This is how you sell anything.

That is not your struggle, how to do that. It’s like the basics of how anybody’s sold anything ever. That’s how Apple sells tons of iPhones. That’s how Coca-Cola sells you their Coke over somebody else’s Pepsi, right?

It’s showing up every day and doing it over and over again, that’s the thing. It’s doing what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it. It’s trusting yourself to have your own back and making your own decisions and giving things a try to figure out what worked.

So if you have the basic knowledge, why aren’t you signing more clients? It’s commitment and massive action, my friends. Are you going to do the thing, or aren’t you? This is really what it all comes down to.

Now, in future episodes, we can absolutely – and I’ve no doubt that we will – dive into the nerdy brain science behind all of this, because I totally love the brain science behind the five steps of creating self-confidence that I’ve talked about, how to form new neural pathways in your brain and all about neurotransmitters and dopamine and all of these things that go into creating what you really want to create.

It’s all super fun stuff to me, but at the end of the day, you are not at the whims of your urges. Yes, we may have a cavewoman living in part of our brain, but you are not a cavewoman. You are a grown-ass woman, a grown ass woman who takes emotional responsibility for her life. She does not blame mom and dad for the shit they laid on her.

And I know, moms and dads and all kinds of various family members have a well-documented history in laying some serious crap on the delicate minds of their children, right? But it’s all crap that can be unlearned and rewritten through those five steps of creating self-confidence.

A grown-ass woman does not blame that one big event or that thing that changed everything. Those events can certainly teach us so many things, but we’re only a victim once. We don’t have to continue to be a victim or continue to let something hurt us over the course of time. We can learn from it and we can move on.

A grown-ass woman does not blame the normal events of life, the husband that doesn’t do this, if only my kids would do that, there’s only 24 hours in a day, work this, clients that, and the amount of laundry and the housekeeping that needs to be done. All of that’s just life and it will never conform to what we want it to

Side note, your life is never going to calm down, or you’re never going to suddenly find more time. If you’ve ever thought that, that thought does not help in any way, shape, or form. That’s not how life works. And honestly, while we certainly receive a variety of mixed messages from society, a grown-ass woman does not blame society as a whole either.

Society doesn’t make you clean out the bathroom cabinet when you said you were going to write your new webinar, Amy. Society’s mixed messages are not taping your phone to your hand so that you can zone out on Facebook, instead of evaluating the performance of your emails and why you aren’t getting more opens or why people aren’t responding to your calls to action, right?

A grown ass woman has commitment. Commitment means wholehearted dedication to something. And so many life coaches want to sign more clients and they want to feel more confident. They want that coaching business of their dreams. The want is there, but that doesn’t mean that they are committed to it.

This life coaching business is something that they would like to see happen, like a, “Wouldn’t it be nice…” We see our mentors knocking it out of the park and we think, “I could do that. I mean, I want to do that.”

We see other life coaches hitting income goals or sharing their clients wins and their sales and the big shifts that they’re having and we think, “I want some of that too,” right? We know we can help people. In fact, so many of us, our major purpose is we want to help people. We want to help other people achieve their dreams and we know that we get to achieve our dreams by helping them, right?

When I talk to a coach on a consult call and I have them describe what their ideal business would be, most of y’all know what you want to create. I know that you’ve spent time thinking about it and you’re standing on the edge and you’re ready to move forward and you just don’t. So we go and we listen to podcasts and we read books and we set our big hairy audacious goals and we tap into our why or we tap into our purpose. Maybe we’ll spend time doing a mind map or spend time reading about SMART goals, you know, specific, measurable, Achievable, relevant, and time-based goals. None of that stuff addresses commitment and the massive action that has to follow.

I’ve been doing so much of this work on my own. This is so much of the work that I have done with my coaches over the past two years, because you all know that coaches have coaches, right? Again, I will never ask you to do anything that I haven’t done myself. And my coach is always all up in my business on my commitment to my big hairy audacious goals and my massive action that it’s going to take to get me there.

Commitment is no matter what. Are you committed to signing more clients and making your life coaching business and top priority in your life, even when the shit gets really hard, even when all those big bad emotions will pop up, like the shame or anxiety or regret or resentment, or disappointment, inadequacy, humiliation, embarrassment, you know, all the fun ones.

All the fun ones, they’re going to pop up on this journey that you have right now. It is super easy to stay committed when things are easy, when things go as planned, when life is just lobbing the easy balls your way. It’s a bit touchier when life throws a super-fast curveball your way that you didn’t see coming, right? It’s easy, when you walk into a networking event and someone just immediately walks right up to you and says, “Hey, I’m looking for a life coach, do you happen to know any?” How we wish that would happen, right?

It’s easy when every consult call says, “Yes,” without an objection. It’s an entirely different story when no one’s reaching out, when no one is saying yes, right? Are you still committed when you take action and you don’t get the results that you want after a day or a week? What about after a month or six months? Are you still committed no matter what?

Because the big truth here is that success comes to those coaches who are committed to their goals, no matter what. The coaches who don’t succeed are the coaches who are only committed as long as it is still fairly easy for them. It’s the difference between, “I’m committed no matter what happens,” versus, “I am committed as long as…” See that difference there?

How many times have we been committed but only as long as it doesn’t get too hard, only as long as it doesn’t require that I get too uncomfortable, as long as I have people commenting on my social media posts, as long as people are interacting with me on Instagram, as long as no one says anything snarky about me being a life coach. Like, “What’s a life coach anyway?” Your favorite question, right? As long as this person who signed up for a consult call says yes, as long as there’s money in the bank, as long as my husband supports me, as long as I never have any negative thoughts ever about any of this. That’s not going to happen. As long as it doesn’t cost me any more money. As long as I don’t have to try a ton of different things to figure out what works.

Think of all the reasons you have ever stopped, ever quit on yourself in small ways or big ways. And you know what I mean by not quitting on yourself in small ways, you know, you’re not going to give up on the big dream, bit it’s Tuesday and nothing’s happening right now, so I’m just going to go do something else. All those reasons you have ever stopped, either big or small, that’s your list of, “As long as.”

And those are the things you’re going to have to be okay with doing if you are truly committed to your big hairy audacious goal because commitment is no matter what. Commitment is even when…

I am committed to my life coaching business, even when it gets hard, even when I’m uncomfortable, even when no one is commenting on my social media posts, even when no one interacts with me on my Instagram, even when my mom says she doesn’t understand, maybe doesn’t even care what a life coach is, even when I’ve had five nos in a row, 10 nos in a row, 30 nos in a row, even when there’s not that much money in the bank, even when my husband tells me I should quit, even when my mind is full of negative thoughts about me and my ability to do this, even when I need to hire a coach of my own, even when I have to try 18 different things to figure out the one thing that’s going to work.

Do you see how totally different a mindset that is, the, “I’m only committed as long as things are going my way or things aren’t too hard,” versus, “I am committed even when it’s hard as fuck?” That was a hard F-bomb I just dropped right there.

In these consult calls that I have, when the coach on the other end has described their dream business to me and they are this close to being all in, and yet they’re still hesitant to pull the trigger, it always comes down to them worrying what will make this time different. And do you realize that that’s what your clients are doing too when you’re on a consultation call?

They’re doing the same thing. They were in, they were totally there with me, and then all of a sudden, they just flaked out on me. What’s going on in their head? What’s going on in their head is they’re thinking, like, “How do I know this is the time it’s going to work? I’ve tried so much in the past and it didn’t work and can you guarantee me that this time it will work?”

What makes it work this time when it hasn’t worked before is the commitment piece, to stop taking action from a place of as long as and start taking action from a place of no matter what. And that’s what leads to the massive action.

When I first thought about taking massive action and what that meant, I always viewed it from this idea of a large amount of upfront action, like a big launch. Think of all the massive action involved in a big push of a new product or a service. It’s all about that leading up to the big launch day and that big push, that massive action and those first few critical hours of a new release.

We all know, as businesspeople, that we get the biggest amount of new coverage in those first few hours, days, weeks of a new endeavor. And this is how I’ve always conceptualized massive action, this big oomph. Until I went into coach training and I learned and I studied more about what massive action really was, and now I realize that it’s something entirely different.

Massive action is less about the big push at the beginning, you know, all this effort and oomph that you put into the first week of January to launch your New Year’s resolution, right? Massive action is actually all about the long haul. It’s moving forward towards your goal until you reach it day in and day out.

Massive action is not quitting until you hit your goal, even when you fail massively and you have to get up and brush yourself off, even when you keep taking action, even when things are not working. You assess and you see what’s working and what’s not working and you make adjustments along the way, but you don’t change your goal and you don’t stop. That is massive action.

Massive action is that fifth step that I talk about, that keep going step of creating self-confidence, right? Massive action is less in the mass amounts of work you put into putting a new thing out there into the world, and overworking tons of hours in one big push, one big, “Let’s give it our all this week,” Massive action is actually the small steps you will take day in, day out, the evaluating that you will do, day in, day out, with consistency until you get there. Massive action is the keep going, right?

Now, have you heard of Kaizen? It’s a Japanese word for continuous improvement, and it’s a huge factor in the business industry of the Japanese, right? A former business coach of mine, her name is Amy Bowie and she gave me a book, quite a few years ago, by Robert Maurer called One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizon way.

That entire idea revolves around how great change is made through small steps, that the great change is made through small steps, like, Japan is known for. That is how they have created so much success in business. And that is massive action; great change made through small steps, one small step every single day towards your goal until you reach it.

It’s also related to another book that another old mentor of mine gave me. Her name is Leah Fowch. This is way back from my AdvoCare days, and she gave me a book called The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. Again, it’s about how the small consistent steps that we take every single day are what make us successful, that help us reach our goals.

Both are excellent reads. I highly recommend them if you have not already read them. Add those to your Audible wish list, right? And I’m totally going to sidestep here. I just realized, AdvoCare was the first time I started coaching, and that was seven years ago. Seven years ago this week, I signed up to become a health coach through AdvoCare, which is a weight loss and supplement company.

Friends, I’ve been a coach for seven years this week. It’s so crazy. And of course, it was totally different coaching than what I do now. It’s entirely different coaching than what I do now, before I really understood about thoughts and feelings and how they need to come before actions and results.

The coaching I did then was I sold them a product and then we coached every week for a month. I coached them through a 24-day challenge and it came with a bunch of products. I was paid through the sales commission on the products. I didn’t really love that part of it, but I loved the calls with my clients. I loved helping them figure things out.

It would be a couple of years before I really shifted into full mindset work and really creating belief and feeling feelings. And I only started making more money than I spent a year ago. But the idea is there that I’ve been doing this coaching gig for seven years. That was the beginning.

Okay, sorry, I totally digress. Let’s come back to the topic at hand. We’re talking about commitment and massive action. But isn’t it funny how even stuff I was learning then, I’m only just now fully realizing, I’ve only just fully realized, in the past year or two, stuff that I have heard so much in my past, the concept of small steps to get what you want was actually not new to me, I just finally figured out how to do it.

Because not only are we talking about commitment and massive action. More importantly, now that you see the difference between taking action as-long-as and taking action no-matter-what, how can you get the idea of commitment from your brain into your bones? How do you make this time different? We get it intellectually. How can we actually learn it, do it, feel it, and actually do it every day?

If you do not have the number of clients you want, there’s a good chance that, on some level, you are taking as-long-as action and not no-matter-what action. And listen, there’s no judgment here. I still, at times, do this too I just don’t indulge in it for very long or very often, certainly not like I used to.

So your brain has a lot of evidence as to how you’re not committed because that’s what brains do. Your brain is looking to the past to decide what is possible for your future and it’s looking for evidence. Right now, it has evidence in your lack of commitment to signing clients, no matter what. And it’s listing all the times you quit on yourself just a little bit or in big ways.

So, as you are consciously deciding that this year will be different, and how we spent the past two episodes looking at what worked and didn’t work last year and we’re consciously creating new BHAGS for this year and we’re pumped and we’re excited, do you want to know what your brain’s doing? Your brain is scanning your past history, making a log of all your failures of the past and saying, “See, I don’t think it’s going to happen this year either.”

I know that this is what’s happening when I’m on the phone with a potential client and they were so excited just a few minutes ago, and now they’re suddenly not sure about it. This is what is happening in your brain and it’s what’s happening in your clients’ brains too.

It’s not that your brain’s a jerk. I mean, it is kind of a jerk. It says some pretty terrible things, right? But it’s a jerk with a purpose. And that purpose is to keep you safe. Change is crazy scary and it’s just so much easier and it’s safer to stay exactly where you are.

So what you need to do is to show your brain evidence that you can commit, that you do have a great ability to commitment, to yourself and to taking massive action to get what you want. And this is really not that hard to do. Here’s how we do it. Are you ready?

We’re going to start by taking a look at the rest of your life. You have had successes in your life, and they did require a level of commitment from you. Maybe you have past success in another business or a former career. Maybe it’s a successful marriage or parenting or a hobby you really love. Maybe you’ve built a solid nest egg or you have amazing friendships.

Unless you are literally in the gutter right now, you have successes that require commitment, and we’re going to channel that commitment energy into the commitment to sign more clients and achieve your BHAG in 2020.

So, when a new client signs up with me, I have them rate themselves on a scale of one to 10 in different areas of their life. So think about your commitment in a few different areas of your life, and then rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 in each of those areas. So, some areas might be your health, your career or business, your marriage, or significant relationships, your friendships and other relationships, your spirituality, your wealth and money growth, your parenting. Maybe it’s your recreation and your fun and your downtime.

Rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 on your commitment levels in those areas of your life. And maybe the areas that I listed don’t resonate with you, but maybe there’s another area of your life in which you have a high commitment, like a hobby or an educational endeavor. Include that then.

Pick at least six areas. You can definitely do as many as 10, between six and 10 areas of your life. Rate them on a scale of one to 10 on your commitment to them. And I’m going to guess that there are some numbers in the two, three, four range, and there are some in the eight, nine, 10 range.

Side note, if you have one, if you have no umbers above, say, seven, or six, if they’re all ones twos and threes and you’ve looked at 10 areas of your life, then you definitely need to reach out and let’s talk about helping you create commitment on an even deeper level. But most of us have a variety of numbers in a variety of those life areas.

And that right there is evidence for yourself and for your brain that you are in fact capable of high levels of commitment. So when your brain tells you that you aren’t disciplined enough or this can never work or you could never do this, you can point to the other areas of your life where you have a high commitment level and say, “No, wait a minute, that’s not true,  can absolutely be committed to my business goals this year and signing more clients because look at my commitment in…” and then fill in the blank with what you know you have a high commitment level in.

Your brain is looking for evidence of how this won’t work, and you will give it evidence of how it will work. When you have convinced yourself that you don’t have what it takes, you can remember that you do have what it takes and you can use your success in other areas of your life and apply it to your business area. Isn’t this so fun? It’s like little jedi mind tricks all over the place here.

Remember from last episode that your brain is going to be all wrapped up in fear and we’re going to use that fear and we’re going to channel it into a list of things that we are ready to fail at regularly. And we can channel a little bit of confidence in ourselves in the midst of all of that fear by pointing out, to our brains, “hey, we can in fact do hard things and be committed to ourselves.”

And we can even take what I just said there and we can take this a step further. So, let’s set that BHAG for 2020, that big hairy audacious goal. You did this in the last episode. What was your goal? Maybe it was to sign two clients a month every single month. Maybe it was hitting 100K in your life coaching business by the end of the year. Maybe it was launching a new big program, like an online course or a membership site. Maybe it was to bring your life coaching business into the corporate world. Maybe that’s a huge area you want to go into, whatever your big hairy audacious goal is.

And there’s no end to the list of goals you might have, but just pick the big one. Now, break that down to what you need to do to get there. This is also a little bit of the work that we did in the podcast last week. So, creating a weekly plan tied to the result you want each week, regular Facebook lives, weekly emails, maybe it’s learning Facebook ads, maybe it’s learning how to effectively use Active Campaign, maybe it’s creating three webinars, maybe it’s committing to three live trainings on Facebook. Maybe it’s daily self-coaching, daily thought work, and anything else that you know you need to do to hit that big hairy audacious goal. You know, all those things that you were planning to fail at week in and week out.

I bet some of those things, you feel more confident in than others. Some of those, you are more committed to doing. So you have your list of all of the things, you have the big goal and you have all the list of the things that are going to get you there Make your list of all you need to do in order to hit that six figures this year or whatever your goal is, and then rate each of those things on a scale of one to 10 on how committed you are to doing them.

Again, I bet you have some low numbers, and I bet you have some higher numbers. Use those higher number items to show your brain that you can in fact do the lower number items. This is so fun, right? We can rate our commitment to our life on a macro level, the different areas of our life, right? And then we can also do it on a micro level, the smaller things that make up that one area of your life.

And the methodology is all the same. We’re breaking it down methodically, and by doing this, we’re stopping that habit of making vague generalizations about how we can and cannot do certain things. We’re showing ourselves and our brains there are things that we’re really great at and things we can improve on. And we’re going to use that good mojo of what we’re really good at to fuel the confidence and the commitment needed to address those areas that we want to improve on and turning that into taking no-matter-what action, taking that massive action towards our goals.

Now, I had never broken down my goals this way before, but when I started doing this about two years ago, it became so much easier to see how I self-sabotaged and the reasons why I quit on myself, and it made it so much easier to stop that cycle because it’s just not true that you’re not a committed person who doesn’t know how to do hard things. Show yourself and your brain that you are a committed person who does do hard things.

So, what’s super fun here is that you can totally apply this technique to any goal anywhere in any part of your life. Now, for the sake of big hairy audacious goals, we’re only setting one big goal. But mark my words, when you work on one area of your life, those other areas will elevate also.

We will go deeper into massive action next week, another layer deeper of turning our fears into confidence in ourselves, to reach our goals. But for this week, what is your big hairy audacious goal from last week? Rate your commitment in at least six areas of your life, like health, business, marriage, parenting, spirituality, relationships, money. Pick at least six and rate them on a scale of one to 10.

And with those numbers, you now have evidence that at least in some areas of your life, you do have a strong commitment. You are a person who can be deeply committed to a goal. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. And then, make a list of all the smaller things you need to do to reach your BHAG and rate your commitment level on each of those. And now, you have a list of what you are more confident in and what you have more doubt in and how you can now use that confidence in one area to face your doubt in another area.

Because when you face those doubts head on, that is where the confidence comes from. That is confidence-producing, the confidence that you will create for yourself. This is such good stuff. I love it. alright, my friends, until next week.

Hey friends, to celebrate the launch of this show, I am giving away some serious fabulousness. And we already have some winners. So congratulations to Lucy Charmont, who won a $50 Amazon gift card this week. All she had to do was email me the review that she left for the podcast. She left it on Apple Podcasts and she just emailed me the review.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at www.amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.