Ep #51: Stop Overcomplicating Confidence

You are listening to episode 51 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you stop making everything so damn complicated. Let’s go.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hello, my friends. How are my Confident Coaches doing out there? I hope you’re doing fabulously. And, when you’re thinking about making everything so damn complicated, who else is singing a little Avril Lavigne in their heads right now? No, just me? Alright, whatever.

So, how is everybody doing? Is everybody doing well? We are already at the end of October and I’m actually – I mean, I realize that I’m not there yet. But when you guys are listening to this, the family and I have booked a little trip down to a beach. I know.

So, I literally Googled, “Closest beach,” in a drive time from St Louis. What’s the shortest drive to the closest beach I could possibly get to? Nine and a half hours straight south. We’re going to be in Gulfport, Mississippi. Never been there. I don’t even care. Found a cottage. Booked it. It’s right on the beach. Yeah, so wherever you are in the world, that’s where I am right now.

And it was so funny because I was thinking about this trip and my husband kept trying to complicate things. Like, “Is that really where we want to go? We’ve never been there. are the beaches nice enough? What if we go to an area where we’ve maybe been before? Okay, well that’s farther and do we really want to be in a car that long? Do we want to leave Sunday? Do we want to leave Monday? I still have a couple of work things I still need to do.”

We just kept making it so stinking complicated. And finally, it was like, “Do we want to be at a beach next week or not?” Guys, I am recording this on Tuesday, October 20^th, and we are leaving on Sunday, October 25^th. We just made it so complicated.

And here’s the funny thing. I totally know why, in hindsight, why I was making it complicated. And we’re going to totally dive into why we make things so complicated. Why we make things so hard. Why we take something that doesn’t have to be difficult and we turn it into something difficult.

I just did it with this silly vacation here. It’s like, are we going or are we not going? Let’s just decide that we’re going. And then, as soon as I figured out why I was making things complicated, it became so much easier to fix that. And I’m going to tell you exactly how to fix that in this episode right here.

And now, we’re booked. We’re going. I’m going to love it. It’s going to be fabulous. It’s going to be the best decision we could have possibly made. You want to know why? Because it’s the one we stinking made.

But before we dive into how to stop overcomplicating everything, how to stop overcomplicating confidence, I want to give a listener shoutout right now to my client Annique. Annique has been in my May group. And this is actually from a couple of weeks ago when she sent this to me. So, this might even be over a month old when she sent this to me. But I just really love what she has shared about her growth this year.

Annique was talking about what’s changed since she started doing the work of Confident Coaches. And she shared that she’s bringing more curiosity and less judgment to her coaching, her coaching her clients, as well as her self-coaching, her coaching herself.

And this is a huge transformation because she’s willing to be more honest with herself and she’s more fascinated by her own brain. I love this because that’s where all of your answers are. By the way, I’m giving you a ton of foreshadowing just in reading this thing from Annique right here.

She also talked about giving herself permission to honor her family as a priority and to own it. and she gets to do her coaching business her way. This is another thing also, this balance between work and this balance between family and your coaching business.

And so, she says that “The shoulds have fallen away. I have an amazing family life and I get to be a successful coach. I can have both and success is something I get to define for me.” Her biggest thing that she noticed, however, was that she was just dating her business before and was afraid to go in and be all in on a committed relationship with her business.

And the work that she’s doing now is to focus on the belief, “I was designed with the capability to feel all of my emotions.” This is one of my favorite things, by the way. You were built to feel all human emotion. When you really sit in the belief of that and practice that, everything changes, my friends, including overcomplication, including how can we get you from a state of complicating and confusion and indecision to confidence? And that’s what we’re talking about today.

And here’s the thing. I know you’re doing it. I know you’re doing it because I do it. I just caught myself doing it this week with booking this vacation, right? I do it all the time in my business. We’re always overcomplicating things. And there’s three things I want to make sure that you understand from this podcast episode.

Number one, that there’s a benefit to overcomplication. There’s a reason why you do it. You’re wired to do it. Number two is that overcomplicating things, those are just a series of actions. Like, overcomplication, it’s not this big, heady, hairy thing you have to unpack and unravel. It’s actually not that complicated. They are just actions. That’s all overcomplicating things is.

And the last thing, how easy it is to make things easy again, that it’s actually very easy to turn complicated into confidence. And you’re going to know exactly how to do that by the end of this episode.

Okay, so first off, why do we overcomplicate things? There’s a huge benefit you get by overcomplicating your confidence, by overcomplicating how to sign more clients. This is the number one thing, right? We overcomplicate how to tell people that we’re a life coach, meet them, tell them that, make offers to help them.

We overcomplicate sharing posts on social media, “Should I do it this way? Should I do it that way? Let me go research this,” right? There is a reason. Because overcomplication, overcomplicating things keeps us safe because if you are in the state of overcomplicating things, you probably aren’t making decisions. And you definitely not implementing those decisions because you’re not even making them. And even if you’re making them, you’re not implementing them, and therefore you’re not moving forward. And if you’re not moving forward, that means you aren’t trying new things and failing at them.

I just had one of my clients this week share, “I only want to play the games I know I’m going to win.” So, that right there, you’re definitely overcomplicating things if you only want to play games you want to win because that means you’re not willing to lose and fail and learn and grow.

Overcomplicating things means you aren’t expanding your comfort zone. You’re not feeling the discomfort of doing new things. You’re not feeling the discomfort of failing. You’re staying in a safe bubble.

But here’s what I want to offer you. That overcomplication creates so much confusion and a confused mind stands still. Even if that standing still looks like a shit-ton of action and being all over the place and doing all kinds of things. You still aren’t getting anywhere new. You are still staying in the cave, in the protection of staying safe and small in the cave. Or so Helga would have you believe, right?

Overcomplication is just a way for our Helga brain, our cavewoman brain to keep us in the cave so we don’t get eaten by sabertoothed tigers. Never mind that they don’t exist anymore.

So, of course you overcomplicate things. You are wired to overcomplicate things because, if you’re overcomplicating, you’re confused, you’re indecisive, you aren’t putting yourself out there. You’re not failing. You’re not losing. You’re not getting out of your comfort zone. You’re just staying in your safe, small bubble.

And listen, that’s okay if that’s what you want to choose. But I’m guessing, if you’re listening to episode 51 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, if you are wanting to become a life coach, if you can’t not do this thing, I guarantee you, you don’t actually want to stay in your safe, small bubble in the cave where you don’t feel the discomfort of doing new things.

Because that’s why we’re here. We know the benefits of it. We know the why. And you can’t not do this thing. We’ve talked about that so much. So, you totally can choose to stay here. I just think we all know that if you’re still listening to these words that are coming out of my mouth right now, we know that’s not what you really want.

You know you really want to see what you’re made of. You know that you really want to see what you’re capable of. You know because you know you are capable of amazing things and you’re willing to experience that in order to see exactly who you are and who you were meant to be and the lives that you can change by changing your life first. Like, who wants some of that? I’m all in on that.

So yes, there’s a benefit to it. But it’s a shitty benefit to it. and it’s not one worth keeping if you really want to be a successful life coach, changing your life, and changing the lives of others.

So, again, the second thing is understanding that overcomplicating things, that’s just an action. So, when you’re thinking about the model – and again, if you’re new to the podcast, the model is the coaching tool that I use the most, where you have the circumstances of your life. These are the facts of your life. That’s the C-line. And then you have your thoughts about those facts.

So, you have CTFAR. C stands for circumstances, the facts. T stands for your thoughts about the thoughts about those facts. F stands for the feelings that those thoughts create in you. A stands for the actions that you will take or not take when you’re feeling that way. And those actions crate your R, or your results.

So, understand that when we’re talking about, “I overcomplicate everything,” or you’re overcomplicating confidence or you’re overcomplicating signing clients, what you’re doing is some sort of series of actions on your A-line.

So, write CTFAR down on a piece of paper. And if you’re overcomplicating things, it’s a series of actions on those A-lines. Do you know what they are? Listen, it’s going to show up in a variety of ways. You are going to overcomplicate things in all kinds of different ways.

Maybe you’re going to overthink your options or you’re going to do lots of research about something. Maybe overcomplicating things means asking a lot of people what they think you should do. Maybe it’s avoiding taking care of the thing that you said you were going to do by doing all of the other things.

Maybe it’s just kind of sitting in confusion. Maybe overcomplicating things – let’s take my vacation thing. I was researching beach after beach and I spent literally a day looking at the different drive times to all these different beaches.

I was on Trip Advisor figuring out, is this beach worth going to? Is this beach worth not going to? I tried to overcomplicate the perfect cottage of, like, was that really where we want to stay? Are we really okay with this? Is the wi-fi going to be okay? I just kept questioning and I kept researching and I spent days doing it.

And then, I kept defaulting by asking my husband what he thought we should do. All the series of actions I was doing, how is that showing up for you?

So, when you figure out what your actions are, what does the rest of this model look like? So, what’s the model of overcomplicating things? What are all of those actions and how are you feeling when you’re that way? Confused? Worried? Inadequate? I was absolutely confused about booking this vacation. I was just in a constant state of confusion for like three or four straight days, confused about what we should do.

And why? Why are you feeling that way? What are you thinking? For me, I realized that when I realized I was overcomplicating things by looking at all of these crazy actions of being all over the place and not really deciding anything and doing all the research and putting it all by my husband and all of that, I realized that what was really going on is I had the thought that I didn’t want to make the bad decision.

I didn’t want to choose the wrong vacation. I didn’t want to choose the wrong beach vacation as if you can choose a wrong beach vacation when you live in the Midwest. Like, what could possibly be wrong? It’s a cottage on a beach, nine and a half hours from home. Let’s do it.

But I really realized that the thought error I was having was that I was afraid I wasn’t going to make the best decision, the right decision, that there was going to be something that I was going to miss.

So, as soon as I realized that, then I could be like, “Now, what’s that full model that I was in?” If my circumstance was booking a beach vacation for fall break, my thought was, I don’t want to get this wrong. I don’t want to make a mistake. I felt confused, so I was doing all of those things, so it was the result that I had. I was wronging myself. I wasn’t making any decision in an effort to not make a bad decision.

So, what are some of the overcomplicating thoughts that you have about your business? Now, I’ve done some of this work myself because I realize that I totally overcomplicate my business all of the time. And I’m always needing to remind myself to stop, by figuring out what my thoughts are.

So, here are some of my overcomplicating thoughts that I have found, “I hope I am clear. They won’t understand. They aren’t interested in what I’m offering. I want them to be happy with me as they change. I have to blow their minds. I have to convince them that this is what they need.”

So, figure out what your overcomplicating thoughts are. Do a lot of those sound really familiar? What else might you experience? So, what are those thoughts, and then run each of those thoughts all the way to the R-line. When you think that way, how do you feel? When you feel that way, what are all of the actions you do and don’t do? And what’s the result of all of those actions and inactions?

Really understand that when you can own it and you can say, “This is what I’m thinking. And when I think this, I feel this way. And when I feel this way, this is how I show up. And when I show up, these are the results that I get. I could choose to think something different, but I’m not right now. I’m choosing to think this instead. And at any time, I am able to choose something else right now, I’m choosing to stay in this overcomplicating mode. And as soon as I decide I want to; I can choose something different.”

When you really spend time in that space right there, recognizing what your overcomplicating models are creating for you, recognizing that this is a choice that you are making, and recognizing that if it’s a choice you are making, you can always choose a different choice. Then it’s so much easier to drop them. It’s so much easier to drop those overcomplicating models when you realize that it’s a choice that you are making. And you can always choose something different.

And that is the next step. What are the other options that you could choose? Let’s unravel that complicated and turn it into confidence. And this is as easy as asking this question; you have the models that are creating your overcomplication, so how will you solve for those models?

Like, what are the models that are creating the overcomplicating and what are the models that would solve for that overcomplicating? See, we think the answer has to be some fancy new tool. Did you think I was going to give you some fancy new tool or some complicated new thing or some huge deep coaching tool you’ve never considered before? No.

Our brains are so wrapped up in the overcomplication, it thinks that the solution has to be equally complicated. And it doesn’t. the solution is still in your thoughts. The solution to any problem, to feel better, to doing better is thinking better, every damn time.

So, these thoughts that are creating overcomplicating confidence, overcomplicating signing clients, what’s the solution to them? Another way to ask this question is, how would your Gigi brain answer your Helga brain? And this is a concept that I talk extensively throughout the Confident Coaches program; that you have your Helga brain. That’s your primitive brain. That’s your cavewoman brain. That’s how you are wired for safety. She’s back here in the back of your head.

But you also have a prefrontal cortex. You have an evolved women brain in the front of your brain, and that’s your Gigi brain. So, they both live in your head and they’re always going to live with you. They are never going to go away. This isn’t about never having any doubts ever again. This is about learning not to listen to that part of your brain when it doesn’t serve you.

So, Helga is over here, telling you all these things like, they’re not going to understand, and they need to like me, and I have to blow their minds. How would Gigi respond to that? What’s the, you know, “I hear you, but it’s also possible that…” And how would Gigi respond.

So, as for instance, I hope I am clear. Gigi might say, “Yeah, but I know how this works inside or out.” Helga might say, “They won’t understand.” And Gigi would say, “Yeah, but I understand what my ideal clients are struggling with.” They aren’t interested in what I’m offering.

I could just as easily choose to think I’m the perfect coach for my ideal client. I want them to like me. I could just as easily think, “You know what? I love my clients and I love me.” I have to blow their minds. I could also just believe, “You know what? The simpler I make it, the better it is for both of us.”

I have to convince them that this what they need. Actually, I could just as easily think people want what I’m selling. People want the solution that I have to offer.

Once you think about how your Gigi brain would respond to your Helga brain, now run those models. Run those Gigi thoughts. Run those uncomplicated thoughts that you have. How do those feel? How do those thoughts feel? Sure? Certain? Committed? Determined? Confident?

And run them all the way through the actions. How will you show up now? What will you try now? What new ideas will you execute? What new decision might you make? What are you willing to fail at today? What are you willing to just do and move forward on?

Kind of like me with booking the vacation. I just needed to book the damn thing and move forward. Now, I can think about what I’m going to pack. Now I’m going to think about what I need to bring for work, because there’s still a couple of things I’m going to need to do for that. Now I get to thin about where we’re going to go eat, you know? Now, I get to move onto the next decision, and then the next decision after that.

And run that all the way through the result line. Because when I think I know this work inside and out, I learn this work inside and out and I feel it in my bones. When I think, “I just love my clients and they love me.” I feel the love of that. When I think, “The simpler I make this, the better it is for both of us,” the better it is for me. And when I think people want what I’m selling, I want what I’m selling. I understand what I’m selling.

It’s so important to remember that when you ask, “How can I make this less complicated for me?” we are also making it less complicated for your clients. We’re making it less complicated for the people reading your posts.

Like, when you’re thinking about stop overcomplicating confidence and signing clients, I automatically think about my grandma. She would say, “You don’t need all that razzmatazz.” That is a Delores Herman-ism right there. That’s a Grandma Herman-ism right there.

You don’t need all the razzmatazz. You just need your brain. And you can reset your brain from complicated to confidence in any moment by just stopping, figuring out what thought you are feeling that’s creating the overcomplicating, and how would you solve for that? How would your Gigi brain answer that Helga brain?

You can do that in any moment and you can always flip that switch when you are willing to do it, when you are willing to realize that you are overcomplicating things and you don’t’ have to anymore and that the simpler is better.

Coaches, I cannot wait to see what you create when you realize that simpler is better and that there is not a complicated solution to overcomplicating things. Alright, Confident Coaches, remember, until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.