Ep #195: Be Social and Stop Helping People

It’s time to stop helping people.

While your mind screams at me, enter into some cognitive dissonance this week as I break down who you should help instead, and why, and how you’re gonna bring social-ness back to your social media.

And create way more connection and engagement with your audience when you release the pressure of having to help people.

What I share with you in this week’s episode is what I’ve actually already been doing… for 195 podcast episodes.

Press play to put this into action for you..

The doors to Free to Paid Coach are officially open! If you’re ready to learn the foundational concepts of confidence that get you from being a free coach to a paid coach who makes six figures and beyond, join us right now!

What You’ll Learn:
  • Why sometimes, the best person to write for is yourself
  • The best way to deliver your core messages on socials
  • Why ‘not helping people’ can be a game-changer in your marketing approach
  • Personalizing your marketing approach and show up as yourself
Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:


Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to episode 195 of The Confident Coaches Podcast. When will you stop helping people? What am I talking about? Let’s go.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hey coaches. So yeah, right out of the gate. It’s kind of a fun topic today because it might break your brain just a little bit, and I actually want to have a conversation where I’m going to tell you right now I’m going to introduce some cognitive dissonance, I’m going to advocate for things that feel very contrary to one another. So don’t freak out.

And I’m even going to inject a couple of stop signs along the way to kind of go okay. I know this is contradictory to coaching I’ve given before and just remember, two things can be true at the same time, and you’re going to see a lot of that in this episode about not helping people. I know, let’s do it, let’s go in, okay. So, inside my coaching programs is important. You absolutely learn basic marketing strategy.

Now I didn’t used to include so much. I’ve explained so much of that for the past two to three months. You know there was a do this, this, this and this, and it was marketing strategy, but it was talked about more from a thinking, feeling, believing aspect, as opposed to what you will now absolutely find messaging, lead generation, creating a marketing strategy plan. You know your content planning, revenue goals that’s in there.

The to do, the what to do, is incredibly defined, if that’s what you’re looking for. And also, well, and actually before I get into the right also, like right out of the gate, when you joined Free To Paid Coach, you have access to a 30 days of offers content plan. Honestly, guys, the content plan, it’s not revolutionary. It’s literally just 30 writing prompts.

Any of us could come up with 30 writing prompts, but we don’t because our mind gets in the way and says we don’t know 30 different things that we could talk about. But if you actually sat down, I might like to mention my own work. But it’s not revolutionary, right? It’s literally just a writing prompt every day for 30 days. And when you tie those 30 days of offers to the core messages that you establish and the hot topics that you establish when you do your messaging. You know and keeping your lead strategy in mind and lead strategy, which I am getting ready to give, that that’s the class we’re teaching tomorrow, actually, and Free To Paid Coach. We do one monthly business class every single month.

The month of July was on messaging and the month of August, and that class is tomorrow. It’s the first Wednesday of every month. That’s going to be on lead strategy and all lead strategy is how you meet people and how you nurture them and how you build a relationship with them. We’ve been talking about this for forever, but now it’s we’re approaching it from a traditional marketing point of view as opposed to just a mindset point of view.

So, when you have your lead strategy in mind and you have these 30 writing prompts and you know what your core messages and your hot topics are, what you’re, what you’re key, what your messaging is like, you’re golden Right and I studied integrated marketing communications in business school.

I’m a nerd from integrated marketing communications, like the entire marketing for the Barbie movie is one of the most complex integrated marketing communication strategies I’ve ever seen. The nerd in me just like soft that up with a biscuit. And when I say soft it up with a biscuit. I didn’t love 100% of it. There were a lot of things that I could see that were like, oh, that’s problematic.

I don’t love this thing over here, but like as a whole, just the concept of it, I love it. I love it. I love it. Well-crafted and expertly created and executed marketing plan. Geek out. I actually gave an entire pep talk this past week in my free Facebook group play more, sell more, which you could join that like right now. If you want to see that I actually break down the things you can learn from the marketing movie, the things that you could like take with you and implement and the things that you should probably leave on the table and it’s waiting for you right now.

You go, listen to that for free. Inside play more, sell more. And on Facebook right now There’ll be a link to that in the show notes if you’re not already in there, or you just search Play More, Sell More in Facebook. And right out of the gate and Free To Paid Coach when you’re a newer coach.

We’re not really doing an integrated marketing plan necessarily, but we’re establishing a couple of marketing pieces. As you grow, you start integrating more pieces into it. It’s like the integration piece. Right, you’re integrating different elements, you’re crafting and you’re executing it.

Marketing strategies I’m starting to add free marketing strategy calls as a way to see what it’s like to work with me and decide which programs or which offerings are best for you. But you leave the conversation where we have actually gone over your marketing strategy and you’re putting these marketing strategies out into all of the various channels, and some of those channels are also social media channels.

Okay, so this is going to be the first place where our story starts to take a turn. Okay, this is going to be the first little like, kind of like stop sign, pause sign, because for well over 10 years now in this online and marketing space, we have been using social media channels to put our marketing sales messages into right.

That social media and much of social media has turned into a marketing production. And we can forget that Instagram actually just started as a way to share your pretty pictures, and now it’s influencers and coaches and online businesses using it as a sales platform.

And Facebook was helping people in colleges and universities connect with one another, and actually it’s way more nefarious than that if you’ve watched the movie social network, but and now it’s a whole marketing and selling engine, right, and even on people’s personal pages and yes, I’m looking at me too it’s covered in sales.

In other words, online influencers, online business, online coaching you, me, all of us we’ve turned social media into business media and has it gone too far?

Social media has become a marketing production and honestly, I do think it’s a big reason why not everybody loves being on social media. They feel like they’re constantly being sold to, because the bottom line is they are, we are, you are.

You are both selling and being sold to social media platforms. Again, none of this is inherently negative, right? Like I have a business account for Instagram, where I go on there specifically for business and it’s the purpose of it, and actually I would even say from a consumer point of view.

I go on TikTok to meet people and learn things. I’m going there to learn things that help me and to connect with people, and yet I have used it as a platform where I’ve ended up buying things. An example of this would be the midsize influencers that I follow.

They’re putting out TikToks specifically to make money, and yet I’m learning so much from them that I don’t feel like I’m being sold to, even though they’re telling me to go buy these shorts, right?

But that it’s conversational and it’s you know, I feel like I know them very well, I feel like I’m in their living rooms, I’m all in, but it’s not an advertisement and sales strategy, it is a social. There’s a social aspect to it.

So a couple of weeks ago, Meta the parent company of Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp created an offshoot of Instagram called Threads and Threads, while insisting that they are not a Twitter replacement, is it’s totally a Twitter replacement, and I know this because I am an avid Twitter user and I’m telling you right now there’s just like one more feature that they need to add to Threads, and they do say that it’s coming, and I will literally never have to log into Twitter again.

And what I love is that, since I am using it as Twitter, but it has all of my Instagram contacts, right, because Threads is an offshoot of Instagram, so all my Instagram contacts are on there. But my mindset is like oh, this is me on Twitter, and so it’s.

You know my random thoughts about so many different things, but now I am saying these things to an audience that has gotten to know me on Instagram, which is my more business platform. We’re speaking to this marriage of you know, marketing business and the space for where I’m just sharing random thoughts about any topic, about any business.

And I’ve always said, you know, there’s Twitter, Amy, there’s Facebook, Amy, there’s Instagram, Amy, and while there’s overlaps, there’s definitely different vibes and Threads.

What Threads has done is combined these things together. In one moment, I’m talking about ADHD. In another moment I might be sharing news about the labor movement and the current strikes that are going on, and then the next post might be, you know, a marketing musing that I have or a marketing prompt that I have that’s sitting on the top of my head, and then the next post might be like an insight to the coaching industry, and then the next post might be a funny you know puppy video.

And I want to be really clear I am not the only one having this conversation at all. Most of the marketing Instagram-y people on there are loving it and are talking about that. What Threads has done is bring this social back to social media that not everything on there is about. I can help you; I need to help you. I have help for you. Let me help you right.

And there have been some people who are attempting to capitalize and monetize Threads, but they’re not getting the biggest traction, or at least that’s not the people I’m hanging with most of the people I’m hanging with who have monetized an Instagram strategy and what I mean by that is not necessarily paid for ads, but I have an Instagram strategy right, or I have had Instagram strategies.

I kind of don’t currently have one because my mind and my brain are changing about how I want to do things. But like, here’s my strategy for this, whereas like Threads, we’re just being ourselves. We’re just putting out whatever is there. We don’t want everything to be part of a coordinated, integrated marketing communications plan that’s constantly telling people I can help you.

And so, what’s happening over the past couple of weeks is I’ve been doing that over here.

I’m seeing other people comment about that that they are, they’re experiencing the same thing, and quite a few people who have said, if you’re on Threads, feeling much freer and much looser, you’ve been doing Instagram and Facebook wrong, which was like, yeah, I can see that. I can see that I feel freer, I feel looser on Threads because I’m just sharing all of the parts of me, and I’m sharing all of the parts of me on Instagram and on Facebook too, and I wouldn’t have told you that it was curated until now that I can see how clearly that it was and that pressure that can be there, the tightness that can be there.

And so, what’s happening in the past couple of weeks is, as I’ve been coaching people, either my one-on-ones or in my group programs and they’re talking about feeling stuck or they’re talking about, like, my messaging doesn’t seem to be landing, I don’t seem to be getting engagement.

I’ve been inviting them to stop trying to help people so much and instead write for yourself, post for you. Now, what do I mean? Write for myself? Well, I have my core messages and I have my hot topics that I talk about.

You know I’ve established this as part of, like, this is the messaging of my business, but the messaging of my business has a lot of me in it. Right, it’s not all. Like. My hot topics are not business specific topics. I talk about patriarchy, I talk about feminism, I talk about fair pay, I talk about ADHD. If you follow me on Instagram, that’s not shocking, right?

Like you don’t not know that. But over on Twitter, which I’m now doing on Threads. I’m sharing way more of that, right. So, there’s my, and then my core messages are, like the core messages related to specifically what I help people do Belief, marketing, believing you can handle whatever comes your way competence, how to become paid, how to become profitable things very specific, right.

So that’s core messaging versus hot topics. So, I have all of that established, that I’ve established in my messaging, and this is essentially what people come to expect Amy to talk about.

And I just take one of those things and it’s like what do I need to hear today about this topic? What do I need to feel? What do I need help with today? What do I do, not even what I need help with? What’s on my mind about this today?

This is what I mean about writing for myself, taking any of my core messages, any of my hot topics, and not even be afraid to stray necessarily from that to explore, to see if maybe there’s another topic that you want to be that is something that’s important enough for you to talk about. But what do I need to hear about that today? I’m writing for me. What are my thoughts about that today?

The beautiful thing about Threads is. I really didn’t know who was there, who was listening, who was paying attention, and I just was like I’m just having conversations. I’m just like starting conversations with the world. I’m just putting it out there. I’m not trying to monetize it; I’m trying to not try to make it land. I’m literally just writing for myself and if you happen to come along and comment on it, amazing, I’m there and I’m engaging with you.

This writing feels lighter, it feels looser in the best way, because the expectation has been lifted and I’ve brought more of that energy to my Instagrams, to my emails, to what I’m sharing on Facebook. So, here’s what I want to propose to you what have you committed to for the next week and even up to a month?

To just write for yourself. What do you need to hear today? What’s on your mind? What do you just want to randomly talk about and choose any social media platform and just get in the habit of sharing what’s for you.

I have another client who’s going to do the same thing, but she’s going to do it on TikTok. She’s really been wanting to do that, but she’s been worried about you. Know, people aren’t going to want to hear this, or somebody else is already saying it better, but it’s something that she really wants to do.

So, she’s just going to take that pressure off and she’s just going to create TikToks for herself, like what am I thinking about today? What did I learn today? What do I want to learn? What’s the most recent experience that I’ve had that taught me something that I can’t stop thinking about? What am I struggling with today? What do I need to hear today? And I’m just going to pick up the camera and I’m going to talk into TikTok and I’m going to post it.

And I really want to give credit to two of my mastermind clients, Katie and Karen, when we had this conversation around deciding to stop helping people, taking the pressure of I have to help people off of these posts. Here’s the thing. So, there’s like another stop sign. You are inadvertently helping people, right?

So, I’m not trying to play a bait and switch in your mind, but the more you write for yourself and the more that you just put out there the concepts and the ideas and what’s on your mind today, the byproduct of that is helping people.

But we’ve made that secondary to writing for ourselves and the thing that is on our mind and on our heart that will move the needle for us. And actually, sometimes it’s something about moving needles, right, because whenever we talk about moving needles, we tend to talk about that in terms of like a production or an emotional growth.

Sometimes the emotional growth that we need is not emotionally growing. That can be its own separate podcast. Sometimes the emotional growth we need is to be okay, not always growing and overcoming obstacles.

Sometimes the emotional growth that we need is no needles moving anywhere and still believing that we can have our best life and our best business right here. I know that, right there. Let that sink in.

So, Karen in The Mastermind shared this quote from the book Big Magic written by Elizabeth Gilbert, and I’ve shared good stuff from this book. If you’ve never read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, there’s been quite a few things in there that I’ve read twice.

Now I could probably give it another good read. Something different always lands, and Karen shared this with us. It’s from page 98 in Big Magic, where Elizabeth Gilbert is, so I’m going to, I’m quoting she says oh, and here’s another thing.

You are not required to save the world with your creativity. Not only does it not have to be original, it also doesn’t have to be important. For example, whenever anybody tells me they want to write a book in order to help other people, I always think, oh, please don’t, please don’t try to help me, I’m not going to do that, I’m not going to do that.

I always think, oh, please don’t, please don’t try to help me. I mean, it’s very kind of you to want to help me, but please don’t make it your soul creative motive, because we will feel all the weight of your heavy intention and it will put a strain upon our souls. I know right.

It reminds me of this wonderful adage from British columnist Catherine Whitehorn you can recognize the people who live for others by the haunted look on the faces of the others. I would so much rather you wrote a book in order to entertain yourself than to help me.

Or, if your subject matter is darker and more serious, I would prefer that you made your art in order to save yourself, to relieve yourself of some great psychic burden, rather than to save or relieve us. End quote. So yeah, uh-huh, do you feel that the part about the haunted look on the faces of the others?

And this is what I feel like a lot of people are experiencing when they’re on social media, those posts that are wanting engagement, wanting interaction, wanting to help us so badly so that the person who’s posting you, me, we’ve all been there can feel validated, can feel like they have worth, can feel like they belong in this space. The heaviness of that expectation.

So, I’m going to invite you instead to try writing for yourself. And again, I’m going to put another. Stop sign up here. I know, Amy, you told me to write from the place of helping just one person. Today. I have said that, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times, right, and I’m legitimately saying the opposite, right, I am saying the exact opposite of what I’ve always said, and I know minds right now are going away in a minute.

Amy, you told me to write from the place of helping just one person. Today, I’m still saying that I’m saying is make that person you.

And this doesn’t mean we never write from a place of ever offering to help people, right? This doesn’t mean we’re not creating marketing plans or sales sequences ever again. We’re not creating marketing strategies or anything like that. No, we’re still doing that. Again, I told you there’s going to be cognitive dissonance here, okay, but we are injecting you into those plans. We’re bringing the social back to social media.

We’re bringing the conversation back to social media. We’re bringing the conversation back to our marketing. We’re bringing the conversation back to our messaging. We’re just having conversations so much less.

Who can you go help today? What’s the conversation with today? And start with just having a conversation with yourself. What happens when that dial switches? And this doesn’t mean that I might be coaching somebody individually in, say, a Free To Paid Coach, which is a large group coaching program.

So, I think it’s important to coach somebody, to think about one person they can help today. But when you switch that dial in your mind just a bit to that person, I’m going to help is me letting people see all sides to you and connect to you outside of just she has a product that I can buy and that will help me.

You know like we can look at those analytics right, because right now, so much Instagram strategy is go to your analytics, see what has performed well before, create new versions of that or repeat that, and I’m like great, go look at those analytics, let’s see what topics people connect with.

Let’s make sure you’re talking about those topics without it having to be an analyzing of everything you write and everything that you put out right. We’re not dissecting it all Again. I even feel the cognitive dissonance, so that’s why I keep kind of putting up like little pause and stop signs. Evaluation is a key part of how I coach.

What’s working, what’s not working, Amy, for not supposed to do that. How are we supposed to not like wait, you’re telling me not to do that. You’re telling me to just talk off the cuff. You’re telling me yes and no. You can do both.

I think this is where we have fallen. I think this is where we have disconnected is that we’ve disconnected conversation. We’ve disconnected writing from ourselves. We’ve disconnected creativity and creating for the sake of just putting what’s on our souls out into the world.

We’ve disconnected that from our business, so that business is analytics and numbers and what’s trending and what’s not trending. And for the sake of helping as many people as possible, we have put ourselves into a situation where we aren’t being us.

Now, here’s the thing. So much of what we come back to again. Another little mini stop sign is so many times we can become so focused on us we have no idea what’s going on with our audience. We’re not. We’re making it all about us and never about them, and that’s not what this is.

This is starting conversations, starting with yourself. How do you talk to you? Do you need to hear today? And allowing those things to be doorways to other people, which is very different than just being obsessed with what’s happening with us and only with us. This is an opening up, not a closing in. I am inviting you to marry strategizing, analyzing, marketing and social human interaction by leading with the social human interaction.

Like Liz Gilbert says, don’t write it for them. Write it for you and then let it be that beautiful experience when it does help other people. Stop helping everyone else. Speak from your heart. Be useful to you and to yourself. What is it that you need to hear?

What is it that’s going to be lightning for you? What are the thoughts and the feelings and the ideas and the concepts that are on your mind and you don’t know what to do with? And stop being afraid of sharing them with other people because you’re so worried that it’s going to be judged to share it for you. Commit to at least a week of just writing for you.

I have a new project coming inside Free To Paid Coach. That’s going to start in September and we’re going to incorporate this idea into business planning, because, if Threads has taught me anything, I’m not a marketing person, and then that stops. And then over here, I’m a movie and a music and a pop culture lover, and then that stops. And then, over here, I’m a confidence expert, and then that stops.

And then I’m a political person, and then that stops. And then, over here, I’m a mom and a dog lover with ADHD who is a dairy-free food lover. I’m all of those things and more. And a next level, truly authentic business incorporates that, and it takes the heaviness off of every single thing that you write and record.

And do you want to know how I know this? Because this podcast is proof. I may have had, you know, strategized sales launches or an Instagram plan, but this podcast has been 195 episodes of what I need to hear. This is how I know that this works. I’ve been doing this the entire time with this podcast. What do I need to hear?

This is for me as much as it is for you. How many times have you heard me say that in a hundred and ninety-five episodes? And it connects, it lands. You all know I’ve gotten the feedback. You all know when I’m writing a podcast episode. That is a sales podcast episode.

I am going to bring my expertise and help one person today. You can tell the energy I know you can people have commented, versus the episodes where I’m like dudes, here’s what’s been. Here has been what’s on my mind. Here is what has been blocking the road for me.

Here’s what I’ve been struggling with like words right now, apparently and you know me better, you know me, Amy the person like I’m in your ear every single week and you can tell those tonal shifts of, like the episode that I’m just putting out. It’s like, hey, here’s the five things you need to do today. Versus guys, can we sit down?

Can we sit down, have a cup of coffee and like, talk this shit out? Here’s what’s on my mind today. It’s always only been me being me sharing what I need to hear today, as if I’m talking to my best friend, and that’s me and so many of you have actually become clients from this space.

Don’t do it to create the clients from this space. Do it because it’s putting that goodness out. Bring that into your business. Stop trying to help so many people. Go right for you. See what you create. Commit to this for the next week and if you haven’t already, I invite you to my free Facebook community. Play more, Sell More on Facebook. I will include the link in the show notes because I cannot wait to see what you create. Let’s go, fuck some shit up and until next week.

Coach, it’s time to sign your first free client, your first paid client, your next client, and to learn how to do it consistently and have a hell of a lot of fun along the way. This is exactly what you’re going to do in Free To Paid Coach. It’s the only program giving you step-by-step what to do to become a paid coach and step by step, how to handle the roller coaster emotions that come with doing what you need to do to become a paid coach.

 If you know you can’t not do this life coaching thing, but believing that you can do it, handling rejection and remembering how to do all of those things shuts you down. The Free To Paid Coach community is waiting for you.

Find everything that you’re looking for inside. It’s only $1,000 payments are available and then you are in forever. Visit www.amylatta.com/ftpc to join us right now. See you inside. Let’s get paid, Coach.

Thanks so much for listening to the Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at www.amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.

Enjoy the Show?

Share this post

Hi, I’m Amy.

For years, I took a ton of action to sign clients.

I learned to create self-confidence and powerfully believe in myself first, and then built a multiple six-figure coaching business.

And I can help you do it, too.

Scroll to Top

Ready to take the actions that sign clients?

Despite your certification and investing in business courses, no one taught you what you really need. The self-confidence needed to take the actions that consistently sign clients.

I am sharing the three secrets I learned about creating self-confidence, right here.