Ep #29: Special Unicorn Syndrome

You are listening to episode 29 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where we stop a pandemic in the coaching world.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hey, hey my confident coaches. How is everybody doing out there? I hope you’re doing wonderful. I hope you’re doing fabulous. I hope it’s warm where you are. I don’t know about you, but I am not loving this mid-May cold rainy weather we got going on here in the Midwest.

I’m ready for some sunshine. Ready to get outside, get some sunshine. Even though I won’t be hitting the beaches and the public pools this year, right? It’s all good. I hope you guys are doing well. I hope you are doing amazing.

I have to tell you right now, a brand-new group that has just started my May mastermind just started two weeks ago. I start a new one every two months and every single one, I’m evaluating like, how can I make this better and what can I make sure that my people are getting what they’re coming for. I can already see such a huge shift in this group in just a couple of weeks. I’m so excited by the work that they’re doing.

My previous group is still going too. That new group energy has spilled over into their group as well and this is why we do what we do, right? We’re continually figuring out how we can make things better, continuously how can I improve this? What more can I bring to the table?

Sometimes it’s not more stuff. Sometimes it’s just getting smarter about what we’re doing. Sometimes it’s just asking better questions, right? Sometimes it’s I’m applying this work to myself, here’s what I’m learning, and here’s how I can help you guys get there even faster.

It’s so fun, right? The Lattas are doing good. I realize that this is coming out a little bit later, but on this day right now, it’s actually the last day of school for my kiddos, so it’s been a really weird wrap up of that. Summer is starting, which is going to look a lot like the past couple of months, except they won’t have school assignments.

My groups are doing great, the family is doing great. I hope everybody is healthy on your end. If they are not, I’m sending out all kinds of love. Everybody is healthy on this end. And I’m just super proud and excited every week that I can bring you the work that I’m doing with my clients and sharing it out into the world.

This episode today is coming directly from a series of coaching sessions that I have had with some of my clients. You know that’s where I get all my ideas. Over and over again, just really seeing how many of you all and me too, fine, I’ll admit it too, but y’all really tend to have all the same problems and yet, you think you’re the only one.

And so that’s where this episode is coming from. So I need you all to gather round. Lean in because there’s a pandemic going on in the coaching world. I see it. You see it. Even if you refuse to admit it, there is a cure to this pandemic. We’re going to talk about the pandemic today. We’re going to talk about why it sucks for you, why you’re making it so much harder on yourself, and I’m going to give you the cure.

My friends, I got the cure going on for you right here. By the way, side note, The Cure, one of my favorite bands of all time. Just letting you know that. So what is it that I’m talking about, my friends? Alright, so we’re just flipping open a little WebMD a la Amy Latta Coaching. Confidence WebMD right here.

Here are the symptoms, here’s what I’m seeing. Does this sound familiar? You feel a little whiny, you feel a little foot stompy. You want to throw yourself a little pity party. Why? Why are you doing this? I know why.

Because you’re catching yourself saying things like, “This just doesn’t work for me. Everybody else is getting consults but I’m not. Everybody else is getting clients, I’m not. I see everybody else coming up with brilliant content, I can’t do that. When I say I want to quit Amy, you just don’t even understand. I really want to quit. It’s so much worse for me.”

You feeling that? It feels icky, right? Like even talking this way feels really gross, by the way. I had a client that said to me, “Yeah Amy, it’s not just a small quit. I really wanted to quit. Not like what you’re talking about. It’s what I’m talking about. It’s real. It’s so much bigger than what you’re talking about.”

It’s like, you’re fighting for your own failure. It’s like you’re fighting for your own mediocrity. It’s like clients trying to convince me why this suck that they’re experiencing is just so true and it’s just so real and there’s nothing we can do with it. Have you noticed that where you’re trying to convince me or your coach or whomever will listen why this just sucks for you and there’s nothing you can do about it and it’s never going to be fixed?

Foot stomping energy going on. It’s that kind of energy. Can you visualize what I’m doing right now? The head’s kind of flipping and the foot’s stomping. It’s very whiny. It’s very entitled too, right? Do you feel that entitlement in how I’m talking right now?

It’s very entitled, like, this should just be happening, it should just be easy, it shouldn’t be this hard. Why does it have to be this hard? It’s very teenager energy. Did you pick up on that? I picked up on that. I’m feeling very 15 years old right now. It’s very teenager-y.

It’s that part of your cavewoman. Like, sometimes your inner cavewoman is very toddler tantrum-y, like, I just don’t want to, throwing cookie on the floor. Sometimes it’s more like a Karen from Will and Grace. Like, “Oh honey, no, that’s just not going to work. Everything you’re doing is terrible.”

Sometimes it’s just kind of more like the old cynic. But sometimes your inner cavewoman is such a teenager. So entitled. So like, I’m doing all of this work and it’s not working and I don’t know why and all of this sucks and it shouldn’t be this hard. I should just have what I want already.

But it’s whiny. It’s entitlement with a huge side plate of whiny, why am I the only one that’s struggling with this, it’s not fair, it’s not fair at all. I can’t stop laughing because I know I have been here myself. This is stirring up old memories from a couple years ago where I totally indulged in this.

And so doing it now, it just kind of feels ridiculous. Even my brain is like, stop it already. Even you are like, stop it already. I’m being ridiculous. But if you’re struggling with this problem, if you’re struggling with this pandemic issue, you then use the fact that you are being whiny, that you are wanting to throw yourself a little pity party, you then use that to beat yourself over the head even harder.

Like, you are fighting so hard to beat yourself down. You’re fighting so hard to keep yourself down. So not only are you indulging in the it’s working for everybody else and it’s not working for me, like, you just don’t even know how much bigger my problem is, it’s so much worse than what everybody else is struggling with.

So not only are you fighting for your own mediocrity. When you have the awareness that you’re fighting for your mediocrity, you take that awareness and you punch yourself in the face, keeping yourself down even harder and you don’t have to do that.

So it’s this very teenager-y, entitled, whiny, pity party, everybody hates me, nobody likes me, I might as well go eat worms energy. But the way that you know that you have this syndrome is are you not actually a teenager? So if you’re exhibiting all of that teenager energy and behavior about your coaching business, but you’re not actually a teenager, then we know what you really have. And what you have is special unicorn syndrome.

Yeah, that’s all this is. It’s super simple. You just think you’re a special unicorn. You just think you’re the only one who’s struggling with this. And if there is another life coach that’s struggling with this, they aren’t struggling with it near as bad as you are. No one else has it worse than you.

And what’s the most fascinating thing about special unicorn syndrome is that almost all life coaches that I have ever come into contact with do come down with it at some point, yet they believe they are all special unicorns, that they’re the only ones dealing with it. It’s such an oxymoron. There’s no other syndrome where the actual symptoms are in contradiction to the pervasiveness of the syndrome.

Like, everybody has it, yet everybody has it thinks they’re the only one that has it. How does that even happen? It’s very slippery, this little syndrome. But here’s the good news. How do we treat special unicorn syndrome? This is the fun part. This is what I love about special unicorn syndrome. If there’s something to love about it, it’s this.

Not only is it easy to identify. Are you experiencing teenager energy? Are you stomping around your house acting like a whiny ass 15-year-old teenager right now? By the way, I have a 14-year-old whiny ass teenager right now so it’s very much modeled for me on the regular basis over here.

So it’s very easy to identify. Sulking around your life coaching business, acting like a whiny teenager. It’s super easy to diagnose because you have the teenager energy but you’re not in fact a teenager. Then you have special unicorn syndrome.

And it’s super easy to treat. Don’t you wish all pandemics could be this easy to identify symptoms, diagnose, and treat? The CDC should be calling me right now. Actually don’t. I don’t have a clue how to treat anything else in this world. Don’t call me.

Alright, so here’s how we treat special unicorn syndrome. First of all, we recognize the fallacy of the disease. I am the only one, no one else struggles with this. That is factually and simply not true. I have yet to come across a life coach building a business on their own who is an entrepreneur who is trying to sign more clients and have this life coaching business of their dreams who hasn’t at least at one time struggled with this.

And honestly, this is why I love group coaching because it’s much harder to struggle with special unicorn syndrome when you’re working very closely with another group of coaches. I think this is why I have benefited so much from always being in a group coaching program.

Yes, I have had one-on-one coaches in addition to my group coaching program, but my group programs that I have been in have always allowed me to not only get the coaching on the things that I need, but watching other people getting coached on stuff that I’m like, holy crap, yeah, I struggle with that too.

Or as I’m getting coached, having the other coaches in the group going, “Me too. I totally get this. I’m all over that. I thought I was the only one.” So this is one of the reasons why I love group coaching because that I’m the only one, it’s really hard to believe you’re the only one when you’re in a small group of coaches and they’re like, “No, I have that same exact problem too.”

You can no longer try to convince yourself that you’re a special unicorn because you’re like, if I’m a special unicorn, then I’m just in a pack of special unicorns. And then maybe you’re not quite so unique as you think you are, right?

It’s like, yes, you are a special unicorn, you are special and amazing and unique and all of that. Like, you’re an individual human being and yes, you’re a special unicorn in that sense, but your problems are not. Your problems are human problems. Not you problems, alright my friends?

So yes, you’re a special unicorn who’s amazing and fabulous and no one else can put out into the world what you have, but you are not a special unicorn when it comes to the problems, the struggles of trying to become a life coach who’s trying to feel more confident and sign more client. Capiche? Got it.

Like right now, the members of my latest mastermind, we only started two weeks ago and they dove right into the private Facebook group and they’re sharing their struggles and there’s so much of this, “Oh my gosh, thank you for posting this. I get this. I have this struggle too. This is me too.”

We are ending this pandemic of special unicorn syndrome one Confident Coaches mastermind at a time over here, my friends. Alright, so second, if you aren’t the only one, then what? What is the benefit of choosing to believe that no one else struggles with what you struggle with? What’s the benefit that you’re getting to thinking that your problems are so unique and there’s no solution?

With so much curiosity and love, question why you even want to believe this. What’s the benefit of believing you’re so unique? What’s the benefit of believing there’s no solution to this? You’re getting a benefit to it and just be really curious and open as to why.

What does indulging in this get you? Is it allowing you to avoid the hard work? Is it allowing you to avoid getting dirty and scrappy and figuring out the tough things? Is it allowing you to avoid having people say that they don’t like what you’re saying? Is it allowing you to avoid getting rejected, having people tell you no, you’re not the one I’m really looking for?

By the way, that literally happened to me this past week. Like, a little bit of me too. Literally had someone get into my Facebook funnel, they saw my video, they saw my ad, they liked what they saw enough to sign up and learn more. They scheduled a consult call and I literally got an email that said, “I’ve watched two videos of you now and I don’t think we’re a good fit. Please cancel my call.”

Like, she’s flat out telling me I don’t like what you’re saying, I was wrong, never mind. You’re not a special unicorn. So are you trying to avoid that? If you’re trying to avoid that, that’s okay. Just acknowledge that you’re trying to avoid that. We can work on why you don’t need to avoid that. We can get coaching on that.

There’s entire podcast episodes about this. There’s entire modules inside my Confident Coaches mastermind all about trying to avoid each of these things. But just be honest with yourself and what you are trying to avoid. That teenage brain, it’s a slippery little sucker. Indulging in special unicorn syndrome is protecting you in some way. What is it? And just be willing to be honest with yourself.

So third, you want to realize how disempowering special unicorn syndrome is. If your situation is so unique and no one can understand it and there’s nothing you can do about it, then what? There’s nothing you can do about it, right? You’ve just given all your power away completely. You’re helpless.

Why do you want to feel helpless? Why do you want to indulge in that? What’s the point in that, right? This is a lose-lose situation when you go down that path, and the kicker is you don’t have to choose that. So be willing to ask yourself or get coached really hard by a really good coach. Why would you choose to believe you’re in a lose-lose situation?

Why would you want to do that? Because you could choose to believe this isn’t so crazy. This isn’t so special. It’s actually pretty normal. These are just thoughts I’m having in my brain and right now, I’m choosing to believe them and I don’t have to. I don’t have to believe any of this.

If the problem is your thoughts, nothing more, nothing less, then your solution is your thoughts as well, and that is so empowering. That’s the best damn news ever, right? Because if you think the solution is outside of you, then what? You’re just swimming in confusion and overwhelm and a teenager shows up and brings the entitlement and then wants to throw a pity party.

It’s all out of your control, it’s all unsolvable. Feels like shit too, can we just be honest about that? But if the solution is inside of you, then you can get to work on finding that solution. Be aware of the thinking that’s causing all of the crap. Find the line of thinking that’s going to help you feel better, move forward, and keep going.

That brings empowerment. That brings courage. That brings confidence, right? So what if every solution to every struggle or problem you have can be found in you and it’s not dependent on others? Then you can solve all your own problems. And that makes you a badass. Why wouldn’t you want to be a badass?

Lastly, alright my friends, once you admit you’re not alone, once you admit why you’re indulging in this, once you admit that it’s way more empowering to drop the special unicorn syndrome, then you know how to cure yourself, my friends.

It’s actually the same as the pause and assess tool that I shared last week on the mini quitting episode. Notice that teenager energy. Take a moment to pause. Like on any given Tuesday, any given Thursday at 2pm, it doesn’t even really matter. When you notice yourself swimming in the confusion or the overwhelm or the whiny or the pity or the entitlement, notice it.

Take a moment to pause. No matter what time of day, no matter the day of the week, doesn’t matter what your calendar says in that moment. Take a moment to pause and assess. Take a few minutes and let’s be honest, you’re probably not following your calendar anyway if you are indulging in your special unicorn syndrome. Am I right? I know I’m totally right on this one.

Take a few minutes to recognize what you’re doing. Noticing your thoughts about it, allowing for the uncomfortable feelings that come with special unicorn syndrome. Sit in them for a moment as you let them go. That emotional strength training that we’ve already talked about, that calm technique that I’ve shared in previous episodes.

Allow for them to be there and then you can bring yourself back into belief. Use that belief scale to bring yourself up in the moment. Sit in the belief that you can go write this post, that you can do this Facebook Live, that you can make an offer today to your people. You can get a consult, you can sign that next client.

So this is your work to do this week, my friends. Watch for the symptoms. Watch for the entitlement. Watch for the pity party. The woe is me, nobody has to deal with what I have to deal with, no one’s fails are as big as my fails. And if you aren’t an actual teenager, you have special unicorn syndrome, which is easily treatable when you remember that you are not in fact a special unicorn. You are not the only one struggling with this.

There’s a huge me too movement right here. Connect with your group of people. Share with them. Get curious. Ask yourself what you’re really trying to avoid. Bring the empowerment back to you by remembering that the solution is in you, not outside of you.

And then you can bring yourself back into belief, get yourself back to center as I like to say, and then go fucking kill it. Get back out there. Keep making your offers. I don’t know if we can find another syndrome that is this easy to recognize the symptoms of, to diagnose, and to treat.

It may be a pandemic in the life coaching world that’s going to be one of the easiest pandemics to get under control. Alright my friends, let’s go do epic stuff.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at www.amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.