Ep #101: Self-Connection

The Confident Coaches Podcast with Amy Latta | Self-Connection

We’re one week into the Connect 100 Days Challenge that I presented to you last week to become unstoppable in the last 100 days of the year! This is the antidote to overworking and hustling through the holidays, and on this episode, I’m diving into the power of connecting with the human that matters most: yourself.

We’ve all been sold the message that more working hours equates to more financial success. But we have to begin dismantling this work hard, play hard mentality because your path to 100K doesn’t have to include burnout. You can become unstoppable in a way that honors who you are, and it stems from seeking out your own guidance through self-connection. 

Join me on the podcast this week as I sell you on the power of self-connection. Too many people are wasting time and energy running things by other people, planning and consuming everything they can, and rushing to the finish line. But I’m showing you what’s possible when you tap into self-connection and self-trust instead. 

I’m putting together a connection prize pack that one of you will get the chance to win. If you want in, all you have to do is commit to connecting for 100 days. Capture that in some way, whether in a Dropbox or Google Drive folder and then email it to me, or tag me in your posts on Instagram! On January 12th, 2022, I’ll tally up all of your connection posts, drop your name in a hat, and draw a winner!

What You’ll Learn:
  • Why more working hours does not equate to more success.
  • How to dismantle the work hard, play hard mentality. 
  • Why connection is the emotion I’m suggesting we dive into.  
  • How self-connection is one of the most productive things you can do. 
  • What happens when you replace shame and judgment with self-connection.
  • How to identify when you’re not in self-connection. 

 

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:
Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to episode 101 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you connect with the human that matters most, that’d be you.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Well hello there episode 101. It’s like we have 100 episodes under your belt and this is the first of a fresh 100. It’s very exciting over here, I don’t know if you can tell.

I’ve just been marveling in the work that we have done in this podcast together. And when I was thinking about and commemorating last week of the 100th episode, I was thinking about the oodles, oodles of content, of coaching, of ideas and concepts, and just all of the goodness that you can find here.

I realize that I may never work with most of you listening to this and that is okay. Take me up on all of the free stuff. This is me in your ear every week. And if and when you are ready to have me in your head every week, I’ll be here. It’s all good.

I realize that this podcast is like the beacon of goodness out into the world. And it’s like my favorite thing to do. And I love you all so much for being on that receiving end, even if I have yet to know your name. I can’t wait to get to know it.

So how are you? Are you doing fabulously? We’re one week into the Connect 100 Days Challenge that I presented to you last week. So, what’s Connect 100 Days? Well, Connect 100 Days is the plan that I laid out for you, for me, for all of us to become unstoppable in the last 100 days of the year.

And unlike any previous training I’ve done about becoming unstoppable it’s not by killing it, by overworking and hustling yourself through exhaustion, through the holidays. It’s not killing it, it’s not like bro dude energy. It’s connection energy. Unstoppable through connection.

Now I’m going to tell you now, I’m just going to let you know right now that this episode right here and the next two episodes are going to make a heck of a lot more sense if you’ve already listened to last week’s episode. So episode 100 on connection and becoming unstoppable. If you have not already listened to it, I strongly suggest that you hit pause on this and you go back and you listen to that first.

Now, once you’ve listened to that, come back to me. Come back. Come back to me, my friends. Because becoming unstoppable, which is what last week’s episode, and this episode, and the next two episodes are all about becoming unstoppable through connection. Because we’re going to do it in a way that honors who you are. Your life, your body, your soul, your desire.

One of the tenets of the Confident Coaches Mastermind is that you’re going to make more offers, create more engagement, schedule more consults, sign more clients, not through overworking. Without the hustle and without having to change who you are as a person. Without you having to become an entirely different being.

Becoming unstoppable through connection honors who you are, who you want to be, what your definition of success is. This is why I’m so excited about this. That’s really the sweet spot, my love. That right there, that’s the golden ticket. You don’t need Willy Wonka, you just need connection, my friend.

Your path to 100K doesn’t have to include burnout. And I have to tell you how many $400,000 earners, $800,000 earners that I have met, that I’ve worked with, who’ve connected with me through this podcast, who are working 10 to 12 hours a day. Because so many of us have grown up equating more working hours to more success and results. And it’s just not true.

Because if that was true, if that was true, the single working mom working three jobs just to put food on her table would be the most financially rich person on earth. And yet that is not the case at all. Work hours do not create work results, and definitely not financial success.

The power of your thinking and feeling, on the other hand, that’s what does it. Now, of course, that doesn’t mean sitting on your ass thinking good thoughts and just like wishing and hoping and praying you get there, there’s action to take.

But it’s, A, not nearly the amount of action your Helga brain has been telling you you have to take. And, B, it’s not most of the action you’ve been taking when you’re not thinking and feeling powerfully.

And, C, when you are not connected to self, which is what this episode is all about, you’re probably taking action that’s not the stuff that’s actually going to get you results. You have been taking action, but it’s not the stuff that’s going to create you the results. And you’ve been probably taking way more of that action than you need to be.

Now, this is all a variation on something you’ve already heard, right? Your thoughts create your results. This is not news, Amy. You’re like, “Amy, 101 episodes, you’re still telling us this?” I am. But I’m telling it to you in yet another way. And that’s why I’m so excited about talking to you about self-connection today.

And this is really a side conversation just a little bit here about how we as coaches are always reexamining how we can do things better. Like how can I explain this simpler and easier than I ever have before? You know that your thoughts create results, but what’s a different way I can explain this to you? That I can talk to you about it that might connect, connection, that might connect with you in a way that thoughts create results hasn’t quite connected yet.

It’s kind of like one of those things that sometimes we need to hear something 17 different times before it connects. And it’s that 17th time that’s said just slightly differently, this is what this episode is for so many other people.

But I think what’s really important, what’s really important is that we are always reexamining how we can do things better, do things smarter. Because we want to be able to create fabulous results without killing ourselves, without burning out.

And it is so ingrained in our culture that you have to hustle and grind and you have to overwork in order to create results. Successful results, over the top results, results that other people haven’t created yet. You know, work hard play hard kind of mentality. And it’s simply not true.

I know, I know. How many people like, “Work hard play hard,”? That was so ingrained in my brain. And that was the way to do it in corporate and that was the way to do it when I first got into social selling, when I first got into multi-level marketing programs, direct sales programs. Work hard, play hard. And what if that’s not the case?

I believe that life coaches are at the forefront of showing the rest of the world what is possible when we really do put our thinking and feeling above what we’re doing. When we show the rest of the world to stop spinning out in long meetings and asking everyone else what they think we should do.

And instead, showing them what happens when we all learn that skill of Gigi thinking I’ve talked about here on the podcast. Going into your proactive brain and searching for answers there, that Gigi part of your brain. And building trust in yourself and building trust in your teams.

I mean, it’s fucking revolutionary to think about dismantling the work hard play hard mentality. And doing it through self-connection, what? What? What’s happening already? And it starts right here.

So why is connection the emotion that I’m suggesting that we dive into?
I’d say it’s because we’re missing the connection connection, so to speak. Sorry, I’m going to make that a running joke and it won’t be funny any of the times, but I will laugh.

So think about what I just shared. To be more efficient and effective with our time, to not be wasting so much of our time seeking out the work of others and running things by other people. And not trusting ourselves enough to do what we say we’re going to do. And not trusting other people in our line of command to do what they say they’re going to do. And spending so much time planning and consuming.

Think about all of the energy and the effort that goes into that. And that’s how so many of us have learned how to work hard play hard. So how do we dismantle that? And to illustrate how we dismantle that I’m actually going to take you to a little bit of an icky place real quick, I promise I’m going to bring you back, to show you how we suck at it.

When things aren’t working out, when you’re not sure what to say, when you’re catching yourself zoning out on Facebook. When you realize it’s been days, weeks, months that you’ve really taken action in your business, what’s that relationship with yourself looking like in that moment?

9.99999 times out of 10 when shit is going wrong, you’re judging yourself, shaming yourself, heaping on the guilt. You’re could have, would have, should having yourself. In the least you’re not trusting yourself to make the right decisions. You’re second guessing or questioning or comparing yourself to others.

And all of that is in the absence of connection with yourself. Because if you’re connected, if you’re in self-connection there’s just no room for shame or judgment or compare and despair. Self-connection is like, “Come here, love. We’ve had some shit, haven’t we? I know, come here, come spend some time with me.” It’s just like what you would do if one of your loved ones were struggling.

Moms, if this is one of your kiddos. Sisters, if this is one of your siblings, or if this is your significant other or your best friend, you would bring them in and hold space for them and spend just time and space with them from a place of love and understanding and allowing them to freak out and worry, while you hold space for that. And reassuring them that everything is okay.

And really, it’s that connection with them, it’s that spending that time with them that really helps them, come up with a solution, figure out what to do next, or simply let that thing go. This is what self-connection can look like.

Self-connection overrides that shame, or judgment, or compare and despair. And then when that’s in place, your action line completely changes. If the model is always working, what you’re thinking creates what you’re feeling. And what you’re feeling drives your actions, what you do and don’t do. And then those actions create results.

If you are eliminating shame, judgment, and compare and despair on the feeling line, and you’re replacing it with self-connection, of course your action line, what you do and what you don’t do, has to automatically shift. Even if some of the actions are the same, the energy behind those actions can be entirely different. And here’s why, self-connection is an invitation to explore you, to spend time with you.

Just like that idea of what you would do for someone else, your child or a friend, or spouse, you would hold space. You’d be spending time with them. I’m inviting you to do that with you. And quite frankly, we as a society, just haven’t fostered this. We just really haven’t taught this very well.

It’s not seen as productive, which is really weird, because you’ll see in just a moment how self-connection could be one of the most productive things that you can do. But even when we were little we were encouraged to play with others for social development. Nobody really wants their kid to be the loner. We’re encouraged to work on teams.

And all of that’s well and good, this is not an either or. I’m not saying we never connect with the outside world. By the way, foreshadowing the next two episodes, we have to start with us first. And this isn’t necessarily an introvert versus extrovert conversation either.

I know lots of introverts that aren’t necessarily great at finding self-connection. And I know lots of extroverts who can absolutely be great at self-connection. Because what am I talking about here? Really, all I’m talking about is self-connection is as simple as a walk with yourself. Self-journaling, journaling, or writing, some meditation, or quiet bath. Maybe it’s working out.

Self-connection is exploring yourself, your own mind. And when we do that, here’s why it’s so important, here is where it connects with that unstoppableness here. This is the good stuff, lean in here. When we are engaging in self-connection, we’re strengthening your neural pathways where you seek your own guidance and your own knowledge.

Which comes in really fucking handy when shit is not working out and you don’t know what to do, and you need someone’s expertise and advice on what to do next.

So think about this, if you’re practicing self-connection, and you’ve strengthened those neural pathways of seeking your own guidance and exploring your own mind, you’re going to be starting your actions from a place of super thinking and Gigi thinking. Rather than diving into a bunch of, “Well someone else told me to do this,” or “Let me go seek out somebody else’s answer,” or, “I read this in the book.” Or spinning out in a lot of confusion or indecision.

You’re going to start with, “Okay, well what do I know? What do I believe? What am I sure of?” You’ll move through that confusion and that indecision so much faster than someone who hasn’t established great connection with themselves. And a lot of this is because self-connection really creates so much self-trust. And where there’s self-trust and self-love, where’s the judgment? Where’s the shaming?

There’s no reason to compare and despair when you are A-okay with you. It’s almost like that self-connection and that self-trust really kind of crowds out the space of where judgment and shaming and compare and despair want to play around in. 

When you create self-connection, you are so much more productive with your time because you’re not spending your work time beating yourself up about what’s not working. Instead, you’re critically thinking about what’s not working.

And you’re evaluating, and you’re analyzing, and you are going into that forward part of your brain going, “What else could I do? What else haven’t I tried? What do I know? What other things might be in there? How might I explain the simpler than I ever have before?” And then you’re only going forward with your best next best steps, not 101 different next best steps.

There’s also something about self-connection, and this is something that I personally have spent so much time on. That when we’re self-connected, the rush to get there isn’t as strong. Because I’m not racing to get my results now because I’m not depending on those results to make me feel better about myself.

I’m not depending on the results to create self-trust, and self-love. I’m not depending on the results to make myself feel valuable. I’m doing that on the front end so I don’t need that result right now or we’re all going to die, right?

No, with self-connection I show up every day with only the most important steps I need to take because I know that result is inevitable, and I don’t have to race there to make it happen so I can feel better. Self -connection is simply so much more sustainable. And it’s that sustainability that makes us unstoppable.

When you’re not in such a rush you see no need to work 10, 12 hours towards something in one day. You can absolutely create downtime and relaxation time because you know your work time, you’re going to use that connected brain of yours to solve problems and find answers and take decisive action. And of course then evaluate that action so you can decide what to do next.  So self-connection, it’s a good thing. I’m a little Martha Stewart-ing. It’s a good thing.

So how do we get self-connection wrong? I want you to just be aware of when you’re alone time, what you are thinking of as self-connection time, is actually filled with other, other outside things. Yes, you’re technically alone, but you’re not necessarily using that alone time to connect with yourself. Because you’ve just listened to five hours of somebody else’s podcast.

Oh, I’m self-connecting right now, but I’ve had my air pods in and I’ve had Amy’s voice in my head the entire time. No, you’re probably feeling very connected to me, but maybe not necessarily to you. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with listening to podcasts.

Obviously, you should be listening to this one and telling everyone you know about it. And giving me all the five star ratings and all of the glowing reviews on Apple Podcasts so that everybody else will find me, obviously, but it’s just not self-connection time. Podcasts, audio books, TV shows, even fiction books.

And again, these are great things to have in your life. I’m a big, big fan of all of those things, but they just aren’t self-connection. Make sure you’re not confusing that with self-connection.

Also, I want to make a note about when you are consuming these things. Because if you’re waking up and you’re immediately checking social media, or Twitter, or listening to the news, you’re already filling your brain with other people’s thoughts and ideas before you’ve accessed your own.

Because that is what self-connection really is, it’s spending time with you without the outside clutter and distractions. And preferably before the world has infiltrated your psyche with all their bullshit first.

Now, obviously, depending on your stage of life depends on how easy this may be for you. All self-connection is good connection, it’s just easier earlier in the day than later. If only for the fact that no one or nothing else has had the chance to get in there and start clouding your judgment and start clouding who you are and what you’ve got going on on your own.

So ideally, self-connection is as early in the morning as you can before the outside world has come in. And it’s walking, working out, journaling, self-coaching, thought downloads, writing, meditating, visualizing. It might be drinking a cup of coffee on your back patio while staring at the changing leaves on the trees. It might be standing barefoot on the grass or in the dirt breathing in the air and the Earth into you. It’s you and you.

Now, I do like to have music sometimes depending on how squirrely my ADD brain likes to be. But my playlist that I listen to in self-connection time are very different than the playlist that I listen to when I’m just like dancing in my kitchen.

It’s mostly instrumental music, maybe acid jazz, or trip hop, or like the soundtrack of a TV show or movie, like Outlander or Game of Thrones. That’s some of my favorite self-connection music because there aren’t too many lyrics to distract me from me. But there’s something there in case my brain is just a little bit squirrely.

Now, in the least you’re going to become calmer. Like for the newest newbie in the self-connection game, you’ll at least notice right away, you’re just a little bit calmer. I teach this concept inside the mastermind called Gradient Models. Where it’s like, here’s this model over here where everything’s complete shit. And then here’s this model over here where everything’s ideal. And I want to offer that there are these tiny little models in between.

So even if just a little bit calmer shows up on your feeling line, you’re already going to be able to act much more unstoppable than you were before. Even if it’s not fully self-connected and in tune with you, and in tune with the universe, and all is connected through your amazing God rod and all of that, even if you’re not into that ideal space.

Even if you’re just a little bit calmer. Because you’re not letting the outside world in before you start exploring your own space and you’re spending a little bit of time with just yourself. If that’s the least thing that happens, it’s already a little bit better.

But if you truly spend this self-connection time with just a bit of intention and your willingness to practice it over the next 100 days. And what I mean by spending it with some intention is asking yourself beforehand, what kind of problems are you trying to solve? What wisdom are you seeking from yourself? Have a focus of where you want your brain to go explore. What’s the topic?

And then letting that intention go and spending that time with you in any of the ways listed before, or possibly any number of like 100 other possibilities I haven’t even thought of before. You will be amazed at how your brain will solve for those things when you’re not trying to wring it out of you. You just have to give your brain the space to explore, and self-connection is the key.

Okay, so in your Connect 100 Days here’s what I want to invite every single one of you listening right now, is you head to social media and you share how you are self-connecting. How’s your self-connection game going? Tag me @Iamamylatta and #connect100days.

Again, over the course of 100 days from October 5 through January 12 every time you tag me at @Iamamylatta or #connect100days, first of all, I will be sharing that stuff. And I invite you to screenshot all of it. And at the end send me a Dropbox or a Google link that has all of these screenshots. And I’m going to be giving away a connection prize. A Connect 100 Day prize in mid-January for these 100 days.

That’s fun, winning prizes is amazing. But I really want you to start to see what the possibility is there for you when you spend 100 days truly focused on connection. Because how much farther will you be ahead in 100 days when that is your focus? I can’t wait to see what you come up with. This is 100% one of those times where you might be teaching me some things.

I can’t wait to see how self-connection, what that means to you, what that looks like to you. Please make sure you tag me so that I can see what your ideas are. Was it something that you got from this podcast? Is it something that maybe I didn’t mention? I can’t wait and I’ll be sharing it with all the other coaches that follow Amy Latta on social media as well.

All right, can’t wait, coach. And remember Until next week, let’s go fuck some shit up, it’ll be fun. Until then.

Coaches, I have created a brand new freebie offer just for you podcast listeners. I created a brand new training called Stop Over-Complicating Confidence. Because I see my coaches do it all the time, make this confidence thing way harder than it has to be.

In this free training you’re going to learn exactly how you over-complicate confidence, what’s creating that, and how to stop it. Here’s the best part, all of it less than an hour. Less than an hour of your time. You will feel more confident in less than an hour. Yeah, friends, this is the best training I’ve ever done. So visit amylatta.com/podcastgift to get yours. Again, that’s amylatta.com/podcastgift. Go now and feel more confident in just an hour.

Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.

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Hi, I’m Amy.

For years, I took a ton of action to sign clients.

I learned to create self-confidence and powerfully believe in myself first, and then built a multiple six-figure coaching business.

And I can help you do it, too.

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