Ep #46: Neutral Action

You are listening to episode 46 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you stop judging what you do and don’t do.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hello my confident coaches. How’s everybody doing out there? It’s another pretty fabulous week around here for the Lattas. I realize that I say this a lot, the Lattas are having a great week, we’re doing great. I kind of feel the need to ensure you, we’re not living in some sort of alternate universe or something.

We are living in the same 2020 that everyone else is. I’ve got a brand-new high schooler, brand new middle schooler, they’re both trying to figure out how to operate not just in a new school setting, but with all of these additional COVID precautions, which none of us have ever done before.

My husband is back at work after being fired earlier this year, but it’s out of town. So he’s actually gone five full days a week. He leaves on Sunday, doesn’t come home until Friday. So I’m single parenting a tween and a teen, plus they still have outdoor sports happening and sports practices.

So navigating all of that single parenting, while, let’s not hesitate to mention, managing this global empire, Amy Latta Coaching, that’s grossing $400,000 a year. And yet, I’m still managing to get us fed and keep us clean and keeping Lou, our chubby chihuahua, keeping him fed and alive.

It’s not small task. There’s a lot of stuff in that C line. There could be more things in that C line, there could be fewer things in that C line, but there is a lot of circumstances going on, but it really is so true that everything comes down to how you think about it.

Because there’s no way that I could show up how I want to show up if I was over in a corner wishing that it was any different than it is. There’s no dang way. There’s also no way that I could keep showing up week after week and not feel completely exhausted if I wasn’t also paying attention to how I’m thinking and getting coached.

So whatever ails you this week, just know I see you. But know this; that I know the solutions to whatever problems you’re struggling with, they do start in your mind, with your brain, for every area of your life. You got this. Believe that, that you can handle anything that comes your way. You are handling anything that’s coming your way and you totally got this, alright my friends?

So one of the things I know many of us are struggling with this year is judging what we are doing versus what other people are doing, and I kind of had my ass handed to me, not once, but twice last week on that very thing, which I love. Because when I get my ass handed to me, when I get coached hard and I’m accepting of the coaching that’s being offered to me, I always come up with brilliant ideas like this podcast.

This podcast, I’m introducing the concept of neutral action and how you can use neutral action to stop judging yourself for doing it wrong, whatever it is. Now before we dive in, it’s been a while. It’s been at least a month or so since I’ve done any listener shout-outs, so I want to do a quick listener shout-out.

So many of you have left brilliant reviews on Apple Podcasts for the show and this is my chance to give you all, the listeners, a shout-out to say hey, I see you and I hear you and thank you. So this is a review from Catsrule67. It’s always super important to remember my friends that your iTunes name is rarely your real name and I will read it live on air unless you tell me who you are.

But in this case, actually, this person did tell me who it is. So Cats rule 67 starts off with, “Hi, my name is Lisa.” Yay, hi Lisa. This is what Lisa said. “I want to thank you for explaining things in such a compassionate way. My brain is able to take your information and I’m so grateful I found you. Your podcast on little quits especially resonated with me because I’m in The Life Coach School training program right now and I see so many times I do this on a daily basis. I feel overwhelmed multiple times per day because I’m thinking, how will I ever help people? And then my little quits pop up, like checking Facebook and playing Words with Friends and I need to go clean this or that, or I need to go organize this or that, or I need to go get on YouTube. I was seeing myself doing it, but after hearing the podcast, I can really see why. Thank you so much. This is a game-changer for me. Observe and be kind is my new motto. Your style of delivery resonates with me and I look forward to working with you in the near future. Lisa.”

Lisa, first of all, thank you for leaving your real name so I can give you a shout-out. So if that’s you, Lisa, I see you and I hear you. Second, I love this for you, Lisa. Being able to hear an episode and apply what I’m sharing with you immediately to your own work to help you get unstuck in that moment. That’s how you do it.

And make sure, Lisa, and anybody else that’s out there, make sure you’re getting emails from me. Sign up for the freebie offer at the end of this podcast so that you know when the doors open to the next mastermind. It’s coming soon. Right now, I open a new one every other month so there’s always another one right around the corner, so don’t miss it.

Now, you out there listening, you want a shout-out on the podcast, make sure you leave a review on Apple Podcasts. You can do this even if you’re not an iPhone user. So you either write on your iPhone, open up your Apple Podcast, look for the show, write there. You can write a review right on your phone. If you are not an iPhone user, you can go to your browser and go to iTunes. You can open a free account and search for the podcast on iTunes on a browser and write a review there.

Okay, so today’s podcast came out of me getting my butt coached. Because coaches have coaches, right my friends? And it was two things, two different coaching sessions that led me to the same place of this concept of neutral action.

So first of all, I am changing how you are going to apply and enroll for The Confident Coaches Mastermind. I’m eliminating the step of talking to me where I individually have talked on the phone with every single member before that they have joined. And of course, my brain is resistant to that for a variety of reasons, to which my own mastermind coach – so this is the coach that I have, this is my business coach that I work with in my own mastermind.

So not the one that I run, but the one that she runs. And she pointed out to me, she’s like, you seem to think that your method is what’s creating your results for you, i.e. the consult call is creating your results. And I was like, what? You mean the consult call is not what signs my clients?

It’s true. So I was thinking the action of the consult calls was responsible for signing so many clients, which is the entire reason why I need to move away from consult calls because I don’t have enough hours in a given month to talk to everybody individually. I need to solve this solution because the demand for the program is so high.

And my brain keeps telling me that it’s the method that’s creating my results. She was like, right off the top, why do you believe that your actions are creating your results, as opposed to the thinking and the feeling that will drive the actions that will create the results?

Like, so often we want to solve all our problems on the A line with action, and any number of actions can create the same result that you want because it’s not the actions. It’s your thinking and feeling. So my brain was already a little with that right there. So we were coaching a little bit more and she noticed that I was talking about the million-dollar coaches that I know.

So I know many million-dollar coaches. So I’m about a half a million-dollar coach and I am scaling to a million dollars within this next year. And as I was talking about that, as I was talking about them, she said, “I just want to reflect back to you. What I’m hearing is it sounds like you think that they have something that you don’t have.”

So she asked me outside of the call, go figure out what that thing is you think that they have. And I’m glad that she said that because I wasn’t thinking that, but as soon as she said it, I could feel it in my bones. Do you know that? That’s what I mean by being coachable, being open to being coached is I could feel what she was saying was true, even though I’d never considered it before.

So I did some work on this in my own coaching, and I took it to my one-on-one coach. Again, one of the ways that I’m getting through 2020 is I did hire just a general life coach to help me manage my mind. So I’m in my mastermind with my business coach that I’ve worked with for three years, and we keep growing and scaling that way, but 2020 shit is happening.

I need somebody to help manage my mind on being that single mom but who’s actually married, this is her husband and is doing all of the things. So I took this coaching to her and as I was looking at it, what I realized is my brain kept telling me I’m not disciplined, that that was my thought. I’m not disciplined enough. That what those million-dollar coaches have that I don’t have is disciplined action.

And of course, like a good coach, she was like, what does that even mean? So she had me define that. So of course, it was all A-line stuff. Disciplined action, or really just actions that I am calling disciplined action. That’s my thought. Such as calendaring my time, and then doing that thing exactly when I said I would do it, things like that. That those kind of actions where I’m very disciplined with my time.

Again, that’s a thought she had me define on the A line what that specifically looked like. And then she said the thing that made my head blow up the second time. And that is, what if your actions are neutral? My actions are neutral. And as soon as she said it, I knew that it was true.

And this tied into what my business coach had told me. My method does not create my results. So if I think I can’t be a million-dollar coach until I have the same disciplined actions I’m thinking these coaches have, then I believe their actions are creating their results, their method is creating their results. And I haven’t adopted their method, therefore I’m not sure yet that I can actually create those results.

Here’s this coaching over here and here’s this coaching over here, and then they combine together, it’s like kismet with explosion. It’s a little mind-numbing at first. But I suddenly got it. I think I can’t have what they have because I haven’t adopted their method. But your method doesn’t create your results because your method is just a series of actions and your actions are neutral.

And I don’t have to think that. I don’t have to judge my actions as disciplined or undisciplined or anything as they are now. First of all, let’s be clear. My actions ain’t too shabby. They have created $400,000 just in the past 12 months. Why am I judging them first and foremost?

And yet, I do know that I’m doing it and you’re probably doing it too because week in and week out, I’m running three Confident Coaches Mastermind groups at a time. I’m currently working with the May CCM, July CCM, and the September CCM classes. And all y’all are judging what you are and what you are not doing. This is what I coach the most on.

I’m not doing enough. It should be more. It’s not the right action. So and so is doing this and I’m not, therefore I will never have their success. I hear you out there because I hear it every single week inside our group calls. And your clients are doing this too. They think that they don’t have their results or can’t have their results because they don’t have the right actions down. They haven’t mastered the action.

So teaching them about neutral action will change their results, and you can best teach them that by you learning neutral action for yourself. So what do I mean by neutral action? That is inherently understanding that your actions are neutral. They are neither good nor bad.

Let me repeat that again. Your actions are neither good nor bad, no matter what the result is that you’re creating. Now, your circumstances are neutral. This is model 101. This is how Amy coaches 101. I’ve done multiple podcasts on this. Your circumstances, the facts of your life are neutral. Your thoughts about those circumstances won’t be neutral.

And those thoughts will create feelings in you. They will create positive feelings and they will create negative feelings. Now, those feelings, both positive and negative, will drive your action. Now, that action won’t be positive or negative. That action won’t be good or bad. It will just be what you do and what you don’t do.

And that combination of what you do and don’t do will create your results. And your results are just as neutral as your actions. Now, here’s how to test this. Here’s how I know this is true. We know that actions are all neutral because when you’re doing models on other people in your life, we put their actions in your circumstance line, right?

So their actions are neutral. Other people’s actions don’t become good or bad until we decide to put thoughts on them, and it’s the thoughts that aren’t neutral, not the actions. You picking up what I’m throwing down here? The same goes for you and your actions.

Actions are neutral. They don’t become good or bad until you put a thought to them, until you attach thought to them. And this is how you can have models on models. I can’t remember if I’ve done a podcast on that, but I definitely coach it inside CCM where you can have a whole model and then you’ll put the results or the actions of that model into a new circumstance line and then you’ll have thoughts about that.

So there’s what you do or what you don’t do, and then there’s your thoughts about that. And if you’re judging your actions as either good or bad, then it’s not the actions that are the problem. It’s your thoughts about the actions that is the problem.

So back to my example. That list of disciplined versus undisciplined actions. So this is what million-dollar coaches do, I’m defining them as disciplined and I’m defining what I’m doing, not necessarily calendaring my time, writing a podcast episode while I’m sitting in the parking lot while my son’s getting soccer coaching, as opposed to an hour I might have earlier in the day, all of these things.

I’ve defined those as undisciplined. I’m totally judging them because disciplined and undisciplined is a thought. That’s not actually a real thing in this world. That’s just how I think about it. My thought was that I have to have their disciplined actions in order to create a million-dollar business.

So I’ve been trying – this is what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to create a line of thinking to force an emotion that will then force those disciplined actions. You want take a big guess as to how that’s working out for me? Like, the word force should probably be your key indicator there, right?

Because when I’m trying to force a set of right or good actions, I’m taking all my power away from myself because I think that there’s a how that will create what I want out there, and I totally lose sight of where my power lies. And my power lies in how I think. And is that thinking working for me?

This is a really tricky line of thinking. Let’s take a look at this. We decide that there is a set of actions that will get us the results that we want, and then we try to figure out how to think our way there, when our solution is the other way around.

What do I need to think about myself in order to believe I can achieve that goal? And then I want to go sit in that belief. And I want to explore my GG brain, my evolved woman brain to own what I do know and what do I agree with and what am I sure of. And how will I think when I have achieved that goal and how will I feel when I’ve achieved that goal and I’ve figured out the actions that will get me there?

And then connect that feeling in my body. And then make those decisions as to what to do, as to what the action should be. Only after I’ve done all of that mindset and brain work, then we’re going to talk about what actions might get me there.

Because what you do and what they do and what I do may not be the same thing and that’s okay. Like my million-dollar business and how I operate as a CEO may be different than those million-dollar mentors and those million-dollar coaches that I’m currently looking up to.

And that right there, I’m looking up to them because I think they have something that I don’t have, i.e. disciplined actions. And what if that’s not true? What if I’m already a million-dollar coach and I’m just one thought away?

What if you’re already an 8K a month coach and you’re just one thought away? What if there’s nothing that I have that you don’t have and you’re just one thought from achieving what you want? Because your actions are neutral.

Or maybe it’s also possible that my million-dollar business might end up looking the same as theirs, but not because I’m going to force myself to get there. Because I think those have to be the actions of creating a million-dollar business. That’s not how I’m going to get there, by squeezing myself into a mold.

But because I’m so clear in my belief that I am creating that million-dollar coaching business and that I’m in alignment with that future version of me, that million-dollar Amy, that I may adopt those actions from want, not from need. Do you see that really important energetic difference right there?

I’m taking on those actions from a place of wanting to do it, as opposed to needing to do it. This is loving what is. This is really what we’re talking about when we’re talking about neutral action. We’re talking about loving what is, whether it’s getting you the result you want or not. Loving it because only from that place can you actually figure out what’s going to work.

So instead of trying to trick our brains into a set of actions we think we should be doing, we can instead realize that our actions are neutral and thus, drop the judgment we have over what we do and don’t do. Because when in judgment of our actions, we can’t properly evaluate those actions. And evaluating what you’re doing is way more important than what you’re actually doing.

Evaluating is where you’re going to find what works. How you share your message, how you connect with others, how you stand out from the crowd. That can only come through evaluation. If you’re all up in your head about this is good and this is bad, you can’t possibly evaluate it, right?

If you already think – I’m going to throw in a few different analogies here. If you already think that the student – if you’re a teacher and you think already you’re judging the student in front of you, you can’t possibly evaluate how they’re doing because your judgment is so clouded. You already assume everything they’re going to do is great or you already assume everything they’re going to do is good and you can’t possibly evaluate their work from that place.

The same thing goes with your actions. If you are already deciding that your actions suck because it hasn’t created the results that you want, then how can you possibly evaluate them to actually see if that’s true or not? It’s really hard to find what’s working and what’s not working and your thinking and your decision making and your implementation when you’re judging the action ahead of time.

It’s the difference between it’s not working and something’s not working and let’s figure out what it is so I can either tweak it or trying something else completely. The energetic difference between that, right? This isn’t working, it’s not working, mine’s broken, versus something in here isn’t working, I’m going to go solve it, I’m going to go figure it out.

Because to be clear, you may be taking actions that don’t create the results that you want, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad. I know. I know your brain is like, Amy, what do you mean? What are you talking about? Stay with me here. Just because you are taking actions, they may not be creating the results that you want, but that doesn’t mean those actions are bad. They’re just actions.

Now, unless you’re murdering someone, the actions are pretty neutral. It’s like eating cookies isn’t bad. If you want to lose weight, eating them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is probably not going to get you the result that you want, but eating cookies is not inherently bad.

You might need to tweak that thing, probably need to go take a look at your thinking to figure out why you’re eating cookies all of the time, if that’s the result that you want. You need to go in there and evaluate your diet, evaluate what foods work for you and which foods don’t. May be different than it does for me, right?

But when you’re beating yourself up and you’re focused on I’m doing it wrong, I’m going too slow, I should be doing this and not doing that, I should copy what they’re doing, how likely are you to actually change anything? Probably be on the couch eating cookies, right? You’re probably binging Netflix, eating cookies, and not doing any of the evaluation, not doing anything that would actually move you forward.

It’s super hard to create change in actions when you’re weighed down with that shame blanket. So keep your focus on neutral action. Drop the judgment of your actions. They are neither good nor bad. Focus instead on your belief and creating the result that you want.

This is the core of what we do inside the Confident Coaches Mastermind is focus on learning how to sit in the belief of the result that you want to create and how to unbelieve those thoughts that are creating doubt for you that are preventing you from creating those results.

And find what you love in what you are doing. Be able to evaluate it. What do you love about what you’re doing? What don’t you love about it? Find actions that work for you and work with your life, as opposed to just copying what somebody else is doing.

Then you can evaluate that work that you’re taking and you can do it through that lens of neutrality. That lens of there’s nothing inherently right or wrong, let’s see if this set of action is getting me towards the result that I want. What small tweak might I make this week, or do I need to scrap everything and try something entirely different?

So much easier to do when you’re coming from neutral action, as opposed to judgment. And then you can make a decision about what you’re going to do next and what you don’t want to do. And you’re going to make that decision because you want to, not because you should or because you need to. Neutral action is remembering your actions do not create your results or their results or her results or his results.

It’s remembering that your thoughts do. Your belief about you, your belief you can do what you have not yet done. That my friends is your work. Alright, I cannot wait to see what you create in this world. So remember, until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.