Ep #28: Mini Quits

You are listening to episode 28 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where we stop the insidious confidence killer: mini quits.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Well hello, hello, my friends. How are you today? I hope you’re doing fabulously. I’m doing pretty good myself. You know, we’re just kind of chilling. It’s mid-May now, my friends. Things are opening up and yet things still aren’t opening up and we just keep on trucking along.

My latest mastermind has just started, so I now have two group masterminds going at the same time. And I’ve already started – this is so fun. I just filled one, I’ve already signed two into the next one. So in case you’ve been wondering, a lot of people have been asking so I want to go ahead and tell you that I’m opening another one up for the first week of July and people are already signing into it. I’m so excited.

So the Confident Coaches mastermind keeps on trucking along. The new group is fabulous. It’s amazing. The group that’s been going since January is – they’re knocking things right out of the park. So just really loving all of the great work so of many of my clients right now.

And in last week’s podcast episode, we talked about – I was a little fired up. I don’t know if y’all remember last week’s podcast episode. I was a little fired up. I was a little fired up from a coaching call that I had with my client Billiejo, and how she was just quitting on herself in the biggest ways.

Like, chuck it all out the window, I am done. So that’s the podcast episode that came out last week where we were talking about the big, I don’t want to do any of this anymore, I’m done, this is not what I want to create, I don’t want to do it, and I provided you guys with three questions to help you get over quitting on yourself in the big ways.

And here’s the interesting thing; I kind of mentioned it in last week’s episode but I didn’t dive into it, and that is how we quit on ourselves in the small ways. Now, mini quits is actually a concept that I created quite a few months ago.

So in my Confident Coaches mastermind, you not only get weekly small group masterminding and coaching with me, you also get access to my Confident Coaches member site, which is all of my confidence coaching concepts, workbooks, all of what I teach all of my people. It’s like, everything that’s in my brain, everything that I have used myself, that I’ve used with my clients, all in one place.

And one of the modules that’s in there, one of the videos that I have in there is about mini quits. And how is this different than what I talked about last week? So like, last week was like, quit quitting on yourself, like when you’re just like, I’m done, I’m over with the whole thing, I don’t want to do this business any more, I’m out. And here’s the thing; you can’t tell me that you’re not doing that. Everybody does that. You can’t fool a fooler, my friends.

I used to quit all of the time. I used to quit every third day. And so now there were some days, I remember like, I would quit three times a day. I’m done, I don’t want to do this anymore. And these are big, dramatic things. These are the dramatic quits.

But I realized what so many of my clients also struggle with are the mini quits. Like I created a whole module about this. And so this is like, the tiny ways that you quit on yourselves. The small, sneaky ways that you quit on yourself.

The, it’s Tuesday at two o clock in the afternoon and I know I said I was going to write this email or I know I said I was going to outline that webinar, but I just don’t know if I’m feeling it right now, so I think I’m going to go turn on Netflix and go watch that Orthodox show that everybody’s talking about. I’m going to go watch Wako or I’m going to go watch whatever thing.

Or I know I said I was going to create an Instagram story series, but I’m not really feeling inspired right now. I just don’t really think I’m feeling it so I think I’m going to go to that yoga class with my friend, or I think I’m going to just go clean something. We will do the most crazy things, right?

I’m just going to go clean out my Dropbox. True story. I’m just going to go clean out the cabinet under my master bathroom sink. True story. I’m just going to go take a toothbrush to the tile behind the kitchen sink. True story. Like, I know you’re doing that too. I know you’re quitting in big ways, and I know you’re quitting in small ways, which is what this week’s episode is.

And I wanted you to have something so that you can bring the awareness of when you’re doing this. So this concept also came out of a call with a client. For all I know, it’s the same damn client. I don’t know. Me and Billiejo, she and I come up with the most amazing podcast episodes together.

And we were having a coaching call where she was talking about, “You know, I’m not quitting. I’m not throwing this all out the window,” at least in that conversation she wasn’t. That would come at another time. “I’m not quitting, I’m not chucking the whole thing out the window, but I just notice that I’m kind of giving up on myself in that two o’clock in the afternoon time.”

I’m not giving up on the idea of feeling more confident and signing clients as a whole. I’m not giving up on the idea of becoming a life coach who has all the clients that they want, becoming a life coach who has that successful business. But today, Tuesday, two o clock, I think I’m just going to decide that I’m done for the day.

So I just want to offer you that this kind of quitting, this mini quitting, it’s such an insidious confidence killer. It’s this under-the-radar confidence killer. It’s not the big dramatic quit. It’s these little tiny ways that we chip away at the foundation that we’re standing on.

Really understand, if you’re standing on a bedrock of integrity and belief and trust in yourself, I believe I’m going to do what I say I’m going to do, I trust that I’m going to show up, like, sometimes that’s all we have is that trust in ourselves and that belief in ourselves. There’s an entire section, it’s an entire step in my five-steps of creating self-confidence is fostering that belief and that trust in yourself and believing you’re going to do this thing.

And what these mini quits do, these tiny little quits where we just kind of check out, we’re not chucking it out the window, we’re just checking out for a little bit, that is what chips away on that bedrock of integrity that we’re standing on.

So number one, I really want to offer to you that almost all of my clients at some time or another in the Confident Coaches mastermind or even in my Confident Coaches program when I was still doing one-on-one, they have done this in some way, some shape, some form. I know I have. I have mini-quit on myself multiple times.

I’ve massively quit on myself multiple times. But it’s that mini quits where I just kind of check out momentarily. I just tend to wrap up my day a little bit earlier or maybe I just decide, I get up in the morning and I had these plans for my business and I just kind of decide I don’t want to, and so I don’t.

We’ve all done this. You are not alone. So first and foremost, mercy for yourself, grace for yourself, compassion for yourself. Grace and love and compassion are always an option. Have your own back with your go-to thoughts.

So in podcast episode, I think it’s podcast episode five, it might be podcast episode six, I talk about how to have your own back, how to create these go-to thoughts that you have about yourself when you don’t show up the way that you want to. That is also an entire section within the Confident Coaches member site.

Remembering that this is something that we all do. There’s no need to throw a shame blanket around yourself. There’s no need to beat yourself up. You get to decide what you want to make it mean when you do quit on yourself in small ways. You get to decide ahead of time that when you notice that you’re doing that, oh, I’m doing that thing. You don’t have to then punch yourself in the face because you’re choosing to watch Netflix this afternoon instead of outline that webinar.

But I also want to help you have the awareness of when you’re doing it. So I coach all of my Confident Coaches masterminders to plan their time in some way. Now, I am not a time management or a calendaring coach. This is not my specialty. I am not somebody who’s going to teach you how to plan and follow your time and schedule it to a T in any way, shape, or form.

But I do have all of my clients create a basic plan for their week. What are they going to do when? Decide what kind of result you want to see by the end of the week and plan your time accordingly. Planning your time is also a module that you will find inside of the Confident Coaches member site.

So you’ve decided what you’re going to do ahead of time. You’ve decided what your work hours are. You’ve decided what you’re going to do within those work hours. I’m so much less concerned with what the work hours are and what the thing is, other than that you’ve decided ahead of time what you’re going to do.

So for instance, you’ll have on your time that at Tuesday at two o clock, you’re going to write that email sequence. And instead, we go and we respond to Facebook posts. And sometimes, it’s time to go do that email sequence and instead, we go Netflix and chill on the couch, right?

Like, this is mini quitting on ourselves. This is where we just say, you know what, I’m just tired. I’m not feeling it today. I think I need to go get a mulligan on this day. I need a do over. I’m just not feeling it today, right? I know I said I was going to do this email sequence, it’s on the calendar, it’s on my plan for the week, but instead, I’m just going to go do something else.

It’s like, yeah, I know, it’s only Wednesday at one o clock, but I think I’m just good for the week. I think I’m just going to take the rest of the day off and I’ll try again tomorrow or maybe next Monday. So the problem with that is unless you’re planning to take that afternoon off, you’re not going what you said you were going to do and you’re quitting on yourself in a really tiny but significant way.

And you don’t have to do that. When we quit on ourselves in the tiniest of ways, we are not building that trust with ourselves. We’re not building that integrity. We’re chipping away at that integrity stone that we’re standing on. So becoming aware is the number one thing for you. Having the awareness that you are doing that. Becoming away of the kind of language that you hear yourself saying.

So for me, and for what I see in so many of my clients, we’ll say things like, “I’m just tired today. I’m just not feeling it today. I’m just a little off today.” Maybe I should just get up and try again tomorrow. So becoming aware of what your language is, becoming aware of what you know is this I my mini-quitting language, every time I hear myself saying I’m just a little off today, I’m just not feeling inspired today, that’s your litmus test.

That’s your trigger to know, oh, this is me mini quitting on yourself. So yeah, becoming aware of mini quits also has you becoming aware of calling yourself out on your own bullshit too. You have to really be aware of your own bullshit meter here.

Establishing a great bullshit meter for yourself is so important in identifying mini quits. I know you want to think you’re just feeling a little tired today, you’re just feeling a little bit off today. But that willingness to say if that was your best friend who was working towards the dream of their life, would you be like, really? You’re really just going to quit this afternoon? Are you sure you don’t want to keep going?

What would you share with them? Would you be like, I don’t think you’re 100% on board with that one? Or an even better example, like if this was your kiddo, if this was your kid and they’re working on something that is really, really important to them and you see them checking out on a Tuesday at two o clock or a Wednesday at one o clock, would you be like, come on kid, I know this is something that’s really important to you. I see what you’re doing there and I’m just not going to tolerate it for you.

That’s the kind of bullshit meter to establish for yourself is just not tolerate that for yourself because what you’re working towards is too important. And also know that your brain is working up against a lot of what our society likes to kind of joke about right?

I want to offer you that mini quitting is like the bedrock of a lot of funny memes out there. Our society in general loves to joke about, “Yeah, I think I’m just going to quit. Yeah, I think I’m just going to check out on this one. Yeah, I just decided not to.”

You know what, today’s not really going my way so I’m just going to go back to bed. I’m going to try again tomorrow. I’ve totally said that as a joke before. Like haha, isn’t that funny. But here’s the thing; it’s not funny if you’re mini quitting on yourself and that’s the thing that’s preventing you from signing more clients, if that’s the thing that’s preventing you from feeling more confident.

That’s why it’s such an insidious confidence killer. You’re undermining your integrity with yourself and your trust in yourself to believe that you are going to show up for you and you’re going to have your own back. And you’re not taking the actions that are going to have you signing those clients.

But society says, hey, I kind of think it’s okay if you want to quit on yourself. Like, it’s what everybody does so you should probably do it too. So having the awareness that you are doing this, being aware of the language that you use when you are choosing to mini quit on yourself, and having a strong enough bullshit meter to be able to be honest with yourself.

If your kid was saying this was they were working towards your dream, would you allow them to tolerate that? If you wouldn’t allow them to do it, you shouldn’t allow you to do it. Now, before I get into how to solve for mini quits, I do want to offer you that if you want to take an afternoon off, you absolutely can.

This isn’t saying you can’t ever go watch Netflix or you can’t ever scroll Facebook or you can’t ever reorganize your Dropbox or clean out the bathroom or anything like that. But is that what you were planning to do? This is the difference between deciding ahead of time, I’m going to do this thing, and deciding in the moment, I’m going to do this thing.

That is that difference. There’s nothing wrong with deciding, you know what, it’s Monday, I’m looking at my week, I really want to take Friday off and spend the entire day with my kids. So let me plan my week accordingly. That is very different than deciding Wednesday, I think I just don’t want to work today so I think I’m just not going to. I was going to take Friday off anyway, I can probably take today off too.

Do you see how different that is energetically? How different that feels in your body? One was a conscious decision to make time for something that you want to do that’s not work related, and one is something else is going on under the surface. I wonder what it is.

And so that’s how we then can figure out why are you mini quitting on yourself in the first place? So I’m going to invite you to do this instead. You’ve got your bullshit meter up, you’re aware of the language that you use, you’re onto yourself that you are in the midst of a mini quit right now.

I’m going to invite you to do a pause and assess. It’s kind of like hitting a reset button, right? So when you see yourself wanting to mini quit on yourself, just take a pause and do an assessment. Okay, what’s really happening right now? What am I feeling?

I see what I’m doing, I see that I’m standing in the middle of my driveway to go wander around and maybe take a walk instead of go to write that webinar I said I was going to write. Or wait a minute, I see I’m laying on the couch watching Netflix when I said I was going to do that email sequence. What’s happening right now? What am I feeling? How am I feeling right now?

Go ahead and do a little bit of emotional strength training in that moment. Go ahead and like, how am I feeling in my body? Where is this centered? Where am I feeling this? Okay, I’m feeling heavy and is it anxious, it is uncertainty, is it centered in my body? Is it vibrating? Is it gushy? Is it hard and heavy? Is it like a pit in my abdomen? Is it spiny and prickly across my shoulders and my arms? What am I feeling right now?

What would I name this feeling? And now that I’m aware that I’m feeling it and I’m just allowing it, I’m not resisting it, what’s going on in my head? What am I thinking right now? Why am I feeling this way? Something is going on here and I wonder what it is.

Just be willing to be really curious with yourself. I wonder why I’m feeling so anxious. What am I trying to avoid? What am I afraid of in this moment? What sounds like a really good thought to have but is actually really super unhelpful to me right now? Am I afraid of what’s going to happen? Am I afraid of rejection? Am I afraid no one’s interested in what I have to say? Am I afraid this is never going to work?

Just be willing to be really curious with yourself why you are feeling this way. Because you’re laying on the couch or you were scrolling Facebook, or you’re doing something non-work productive like cleaning out a closet or something like that, you’re doing something that you said you weren’t going to do in that moment that’s coming from a feeling. And that feeling is coming from a thought. And just be willing to be curious, what’s really going on here? What am I trying to avoid?

Once you can identify that, just be willing to see, oh, that’s why I’m doing this right now. That’s why I’m mini quitting right now. Isn’t that interesting? I’m feeling this way because I’m thinking this way. This thought is creating this feeling and this feeling is creating this action. This action where I am mini quitting on myself. That’s what the thought is.

The reason I’m mini quitting is because I’m feeling this way and because when I feel this way, this is why I do what I’m doing. Just really calling that out to yourself and kind of repeating it over and over in your head for a couple of minutes, it just helps your brain see that it’s not some outside force that’s forcing you to mini quit in the morning. It’s all coming from inside of you.

The call is coming from inside of the house. It’s just a thought that you’re having that’s causing this in the moment and it doesn’t have to be this huge deal. Just be willing to be curious and onto yourself in that moment.

So when you’re pausing and assessing, you’re just taking a moment to check in with yourself and then this becomes an opportunity to tap back into your belief meter. Now, there’s an entire podcast episode on your belief meter. There’s an entire module within my member site on the belief meter.

Just remembering that the belief meter is zero to 100%. Where are you on your scale from zero to 100%? If your belief meter can be any different place from I can’t do it to I could do this to I will do this to I am doing it now, where are you?

If you’re mini quitting, you’re over in that zero to 25% range. And just acknowledge that. That doesn’t have to be a problem. It just means that you’re experiencing doubt right now. Where are you right now in your belief meter? Are you thinking I can’t do this, I could do this but just not today?

Be willing to be honest with yourself and call yourself out on your own bullshit because if you’re planning on Netflixing and chilling at one o clock on a Wednesday afternoon and you’re quitting on yourself and you don’t have to. You can pause and assess and check in with how you’re feeling.

You can then check in with your belief meter and say, “Where am I right now on the scale?” And just acknowledge, okay, this is where I am right now. Just because I’m experiencing doubt doesn’t mean I don’t have belief.

And then go ahead and spend that 90 seconds or two minutes or however long you need to, to bring yourself back into belief. And again, this is a skill I taught way back in the purposeful belief podcast episode, which I think is episode two. The sitting in belief.

You want to sit in the belief that you can accomplish the big, hairy, audacious goal that you’ve set out to accomplish. You can sit in the power of those beliefs, say them out loud, take a deep breath, and repeat that until that belief is rooted in your stomach.

Instead of that antsy feeling or that heavy dread feeling that you were noticing just a few moments ago, once you acknowledge where it’s coming from and realize, oh, I’m just low on my belief meter right now, this does not have to be a big deal, I can experience doubt and also still experience belief, that’s all that’s happening here. Let me bring my belief meter back up again.

I’ve been using this analogy so much with my clients lately that the in and out of belief is like a gardener who works in mud all day. So a gardener gets up for the day, they get in, they take a shower, they get all clean, and then they go out and they go to work in their garden.

And as they’re digging and they’re getting muddier and muckier, and there comes this point where they just can’t possibly do anything else. They can’t possibly dig in the mud anymore, their fingers are caked with mud and everything, do they keep digging? No. They go rinse off. They might even have to shower again.

They might even have to strip naked and get all clean and then start all over again. And then they go back outside and they keep working. And they will go back and forth working in mud, getting clean, working in mud, and then getting clean, and then going back in again.

They will do that as many times a day as they need to. They never just go, “Oh my gosh, I guess I’m just so caked in mud, I guess I should just quit and go lay on the couch. I guess I should just stop. I’m too muddy. I’m too caked in mud, there’s nothing I can do.” We wouldn’t do that. That wouldn’t make sense.

We would get clean as many times as it took. It’s exactly what is happening here when we’re mini quitting. Our willingness to bring ourselves back up into belief as many times during the day as we need to because it’s not a sign that anything’s gone wrong. It’s not a sign that you shouldn’t be pursuing this dream, that you shouldn’t be working towards this BHAG.

It’s just a sign that in that moment, you’ve been working through some mud and you got a little caked up and you got to go rinse it off a little bit. It’s not a sign that anything’s gone wrong.

So your action step for this week is you can completely become a confidence coach that signs the clients that they want, even though you do mini quit on yourself. So this week, just be aware of your mini quits and instead of quitting on yourself in those tiniest ways and chipping away at your integrity, remember these steps.

First of all, be aware of the language. What is your commonly used language? Make sure you have your bullshit meter intact and with you at all times. Would you tolerate this for your kiddo if they were struggling with this? Be willing to pause and assess. Take a moment. Ask yourself what’s really going on here.

Do a little emotional strength training to tap into how you’re feeling. Evaluate where you are on the belief meter. Let’s acknowledge that and then take a moment to recalibrate by sitting in belief so you can get that belief meter back up again and you can get back to what you said you were going to do.

Having a mini quit does not have to chip away at the integrity in which you are standing. Because you can pause and assess, which will allow you to keep going and then you don’t have to indulge in those mini quits. Alright, my friends? So that is your work this week.

To be aware of it, realize that you’re doing it, have your bullshit meter turned on, pause and assess, tap into the emotions, don’t resist them, recalibrate that belief meter, get yourself back into belief, rinse off the mud, go take a shower, and get back out there and keep going. Alright my friends, until next week, let’s go do some epic stuff.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at www.amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.