Ep #168: How to Not Let Drama Stop You with Kristin Lindell

You are listening to episode 168 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you believe two things can be true at the same time with Kristin Lindell.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m. Amy Latta, let’s dive in.

Hey, coach, I am so excited to bring this interview to you today. I am interviewing one of my Path t 100k Mastermind members, Kristin Lindell, because she has been a prime example of someone who’s brain wanted to freak out every single week, and she used the entire mastermind to be able to come to this place where she has not stopped all of the drama, but she’s done something else instead.

And that’s what we’re going to talk about for the next hour. So, without further ado, here’s my interview with Kristin Lindell.

Okay, and I’m welcoming to the podcast my client and my good friend Kristin Lindell.

Amy: Kristin, how are?

Kristin: I am doing very well, Amy. Thanks for having me.

Amy: Absolutely. So Kristin has been in Path to 100k for this past round that started last August. So, I got to meet her in person last August. And let’s just start with some basic stuff.

Where were you last year versus where you are right now and we can talk about mindset-wise, we can talk about any of the things that come up for you?

Kristin: Totally. So, I’m just laughing because, I was in a pretty rough spot when I first joined your mastermind, and I was thinking I totally stuck at sales. I actually hadn’t signed any clients for a few months.

At that point, and I just remember being like, “oh my God, I’m so glad I have somebody who can coach me on this.” And I was, honestly, I remember having a conversation with my husband being like, “I might have to quit. Like, this just isn’t working.” Like it was really, you know, it was a really low-down place for me.

Amy: Yeah. Let me ask you this before we like transition, because I think a lot of people get to this place right here. Why did you think you had to quit? What was going on kind of up in your head about when you thought that quitting might have been the best option?

Kristin: That what I was doing, just it felt like it wasn’t working, and not only that, I literally wasn’t signing any clients.

And it was happening for multiple months, a span of multiple months, and my mind just started to freak out and my body started to freak out, and it really did feel like, honestly, like I had reached a place of burnout

So it wasn’t, yeah, like a number of hours or, no, not number of hours. It felt like a mental burnout. Like a mental and emotional burnout, which I had never really been in that place in my coaching business. And it was very hard, you know, to sort of think my way out of that at that point. It’s so true. When we get into that, and I know that you are not there now, and I’m kind of asking you to go back in time a little bit, what felt like the most prevalent, because when you were talking, when we were talking about mental burnout, it’s heavy.

Amy: What felt the most heavy, the most. sucking you down below the surface?

Kristin: It’s such a good question because it just felt like I had very little motivation. Like it was just like this idea, I don’t want to keep doing this. And not only that, I can’t, I just can’t. There’s something wrong with me, I can’t do it.

Amy: There is something wrong with me, which it happens, and guys, I know where this podcast episode is going. Nobody else necessarily does. This was repeated over and over again of, you know, what comes first, the mental freak out or the lack of, you know, not signing clients for months at a time. But that using that lack of clients as evidence that there must be something wrong with me.

Kristin: Yeah, absolutely. And I felt like, I think what I had been trying to do before was almost like willpower my way into thinking new things and I was sort of like maybe bypassing my body, bypassing what really felt right to me, listening a lot to what other coaches said.

And that also contributed to how I ended up in that space. I hadn’t been listening to myself. I had been trying to force myself to adopt these beliefs that didn’t necessarily feel aligned with who I wanted to be as a business owner, and I think my body and my brain just got tired of that.

Amy: This conversation that part right there is so important. It doesn’t mean that those thoughts and those beliefs that other coaches in the industry or other peers are wrong at all. But if they aren’t feeling right for you, they might be wrong for you.

Kristin: Exactly.

Amy: And then you start thinking, there must be something wrong with me.

Kristin: Exactly.

Amy: Okay, so everybody notice what we’re saying here. It’s not that the thoughts and the beliefs that other coaches and other mentors are offering you are wrong, but they might be wrong for you, but you will interpret it as I’m wrong and there’s something wrong with me, which is where you were last summer.

Kristin: Yep. Just totally like at the bottom of the hole.

Amy: Perfect. Oh, super fun. In case you’re wondering how so many people find me, I’m just in the bottom of the hole. I’m like, “hey, down here.”

Kristin: Yeah.

Amy: Okay. So, let’s just start with what did you notice as some of your first shifts? Can you remember back to what allowed you to rise from the bottom of the hole?

Kristin: Well, I didn’t quit because I was like, “I’ve invested in this mastermind, you know, thank you past self,” and I’m like, “I know Amy’s going to help me, right?” I just felt really solid in that belief, and I was looking forward to the in-person event.

And then we just started coaching. And I think the very first thing that you gave me coaching on was this idea that we’ve talked about before, that two things can be true here, right? It can be true that you’ve had, you know, 10 people in a row, and that you’re still really fucking good at selling.

Amy: Yes. Oh, okay, everybody. She says that like that is so obvious to her right now. It’s only taking her six months to finally, believe me, that you can’t, and this was so hard, the first hard time we coached on this, because you really wanted me to validate that maybe you did need to be better at selling coaching.

Kristin: Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was like, even though it felt so icky, it was like, “no, I suck. Like you don’t understand Amy.”  Like, “I must be the worst.” But even just planting those seeds that you did where you offered this idea that these two things can exist at the same time and still be true

At the Mastermind, I actually had a previous consult reach out to me and sign up.

Amy: Oh, I remember that.

Kristin: Yeah. Like it was like the energy was already shifting, and because we had done coaching, I didn’t freak out when she emailed me to sign up because I think she had said, “hey, can we just do one session because I don’t know if I want like a divorce or coaching.”

You know, I’m a relationship coach, so, and I didn’t freak out. I was like, “you know, I just don’t offer one because I can’t get results and I can’t promise you that you won’t get divorced, but I know I can help you feel better and fight less.” And so, from that calm energy, then she signed.

So, then I started to be like, “okay, maybe there’s something to this idea that she’s offering me.

Amy: “Maybe it’s possible I don’t suck,” and I think this is so important because that was the first, but repeatedly, over and over again through coaching, you would have weeks of amazing wins.

Kristin: Yes.

Amy: But if you had one or two or three Nos in a row, or if those wins ultimately didn’t end up signing up, you’d be back raising your hand, saying, “nope. I suck again.”

Kristin: So, it took repetition, right? And that’s like the name of the game is sometimes with these really deeply ingrained belief patterns, we just need to repeat, right? And you were always game for that.

Amy: Yep. So also, I think it’s really important, I didn’t think about this before, but Kristin raised her hand every damn week, almost every week. There might have been a couple of weeks where she didn’t, but guaranteed, the first hand that went up 8.5 times outta 10 was Kristin. Yes. And it was almost always, “I suck.”

“Let me give you all the evidence of how I suck,” and then we were able to go to that place, and this is where I want to introduce, only was it repetitive coaching over the same thing, we’re going to go two different places with that right there, but let’s go down the first alleyway, you paired my coaching with a lot of energetic work.

This is not a program that is an energetics-based program, but there are, you know, there is some energetic work because it has helped me. Yes. But you actually brought some to the table with you. So, tell me a little bit about how you suck and that it’s possible that you don’t suck and it’s possible that you can have these three people not pay you, and also, you’re still a really amazing coach that people want to work with.

Kristin: Yeah, absolutely.

Amy: But then you paired that with some energetic work.

Kristin: Yeah, so the way that I have been taught, and even recently, I’m still learning and investing and learning about this stuff, and it’s very important to do something with your body to release the feelings that you have that are associated with some of those beliefs.

Like, “I suck, I can’t sell for shit,” you know? And like, so oftentimes what I would do, I would take the coaching, I would have sort of the intentional idea in my head that, even if they said, no, I’m still really good at sales, and then, you know, a free sales call would come up. And I would get that like drop in my stomach of like, “oh my God, I suck. She’s probably going to say, no.”

Amy: It’s so funny. And then your body was trying to sink you back down where you were.

Kristin: I really enjoy using tapping or emotional freedom techniques. That’s like one of my main go-tos. And even just going through, you know, different tapping points and just saying something as simple as I can release and let this go, or I can feel this and be okay.

And just tapping on the different meridian points in the body, which there’s like tons of resources out there. If people want to Google what those are, there’s like all these instructional videos, super easy.

Even just doing that alleviated that visceral gut reaction. And then I would go into what is the positive thing I want to remember. For example, I’m still really good at selling and the cool thing about tapping is it can be an amplifier.

So, I might tap on the positive thing to allow my body to really feel that. And what that essentially does, that pattern of releasing the sort of more negative feelings state and then replacing it with a positive one that actually helps to solidify the new neural pathway in your brain for that new set of beliefs and feelings that you want to have.

Amy: Yes, and so much of this work through the entire time was getting your brain to believe the two things at the same time, which is a lot of cognitive dissonance.

So, again, this is this idea of, you know, regularly Kristin would come to the call with, “here’s this thing that happened, this is why.” And it wasn’t always, “I suck at sales.” Sometimes it’s like, “no, I believe I suck at sales, but clearly nothing’s working in my business right now.”

So, we got you outta the “I suck at sales” to where we shifted into “nothing else is working.”

We got her to stop believing she sucked at sales. So then once we got her through that, then it was … nothing else is working in my business right now.

So, then it became coaching on how can you believe that there are a lot of things working in your favor in your business right now. There is a lot that is working and also you can have some things that aren’t creating the result that you want.

Kristin: Yeah. And I think for me, like when I really took a step back, and this is something that I think you’ve asked me and many of the other women in our group is like, can you trust yourself? Yeah. And can you know that you’re enough no matter what’s happening?

Because for me, it’s like if I know that I trust myself to keep going, to try new things, to learn when things don’t work out the way I want them to or whatever, and that no matter what happens, I’m still enough. That just takes away a lot of the mental chatter and drama about this specific email didn’t do what I wanted it to, or like nobody’s following me on Instagram.

Amy: Yeah, yeah. I remember.

Kristin: Or like somebody said yes and didn’t pay. None of that matters when I can come back to, I trust myself and I am enough no matter what.

Amy: Yes. So, did you also incorporate tapping with those? Was that another place you introduced the energetic work?

Kristin: Yes. Essentially, anytime I’ve been able to adopt a new belief, I’ve always gone into the body. To help myself believe it with more ease. And I’ve also recently learned like a self-hypnosis tool that I use to further strengthen the new neural pathway that I want to have.

We’ve talked about this Amy, vagal toning exercises to help strengthen my vagus nerve. So, I do all kinds of stuff, even just breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth to, you know, help create a state of calm in my body. And then I introduce the new feeling state, the new beliefs that I want to have, and I strengthen it with tapping or self-hypnosis, essentially, to really make it stick.

Amy: Yeah. So good. There was also, because you did keep coming up with new versions of something, something sucks, whether it’s my selling, my business, my clients, we went through that phase of where it was like “they suck because they’re not paying me.”

Kristin: I love you clients!

Amy: Like, let’s be clear, my rooms are a place to let your toddler brain come to the surface and let it all out. There’s no judgment of your thoughts in there because we all have those thoughts and feelings, and I pointed out, I’d still remember the week where I pointed out and I’m like, “you keep raising your hand and it’s always the same … something’s not working. Let’s not coach on this anymore.”

And a really beautiful thing happened that I think is really important for, I think this is important, not just for coaches who are hiring other coaches to help them, but coaches and their own clients because in that conversation, you know, I’m like, “we’re not coaching on this thing that we keep coaching on, because at this point it’s been four or five months.”

So, you reached out to me in private message almost within the hour. I remember it being rather quickly. I don’t remember exactly when you reached out to me, and I know you said, “I felt unheard.” I remember you telling me you felt unheard when I said that, and it opened up a conversation of like, it’s never my intention for you to feel unheard. Maybe a different way of asking the question is I opened up the doorway of, “if we didn’t keep coaching on you, suck, what else might we coach on?”

And that’s really what we mean by this topic that you keep bringing up, that we’ve coached six ways till Sunday with, you know, different C line but different circumstances, but it’s always the same thinking. Something sucks and, and it’s terrible, and it’s awful and everything’s going to go away tomorrow.

Then what else might we talk about? And I think it helped both of us of really understand how we want to show up in a coaching relationship with each other, with our clients and with our own coaches.

Kristin: Yeah. And I feel like that should be the relationship that we have with our clients and people who are helping us, whether it’s a coach or a therapist or whomever to express, “hey, this didn’t feel right, and meet them halfway. I feel like that creates an environment of safety. We’re not like in a dictatorship. It’s not like a hierarchy, right.? The favorite word of the podcast.

Amy: Nonhierarchical. I’m practicing saying it.

Kristin: Yeah. And so, I was really appreciative of that. And I think what it did for me is it helped me to take a step back and be like, “okay, yeah, she wasn’t meaning no harm, no foul here.”

And not only that, but like maybe this thing is just going to be here in existence, right? Going back to the two things are true and I don’t have to worry about it so much anymore.

Amy: Yeah. I feel like that conversation really shifted your coaching. to, “oh, she’s inviting me to stop trying to fix that every single week I think something is horrible and awful and sucks.”

That was the conversation that needed to be had, and I want to stay for half a second longer on this conversation of providing safety in an environment where as coaches, we are willing to see how you could have interpreted what I said that way, and also, that was not my intention.

I don’t have to be like, “oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I never meant that.” And I also don’t have to be like, “well, it’s your fault you thought that,” right?

Kristin: Your thoughts, your problem.

Amy: Your thoughts, your problem. But like really creating an environment that a client feels comfortable reaching out to you to be able to say, “you said this thing and I don’t love it.”

And I’ve certainly had people reach out to me in private messengers before, and I always approach it with “where might they be? Where might they see?” And also, “what might they not know that I know?” I think is a really great way to approach that.

And I think as coaches, that was a great lesson for both of us on that. And also, it led to that doorway of, “oh, I can have really shitty thoughts every day and maybe that’s not a problem? The first time I said that I was still trying to remember your face being like, “wait a minute … what?

I wish I could remember exactly what you said, but there was something along the lines of, “don’t I have to fix this before I can move on?”

Kristin: Right, and this is something we have talked about before, Amy, but this idea of like, “I have too much trauma to do this and be successful.” It was like that whole narrative. And so, we’ve been slowly chipping away at that as well, because I think that’s been under the surface.

And then that opened the door for me to be like, “okay, everybody’s got their shit, and there’s tons of people who built a successful practice with all of their shit, and I can do that too.”

Amy: I don’t have to solve every piece of that in order for me to become massively successful. Sometimes I think we kind of put so much glory and emphasis on the massively successful that we kind of overlook what would feeling 2 to 5% better feel like?

Kristin: Right. and like have more ease because that’s what I feel like now so, I feel like I just have so much more control and authority over my feelings the way that I feel on default, and I feel like I know how to shift them when I want to.

And a lot of the chatter about like, you know, you suck, and this is all not working, it’s just really died down. And that just makes it easier and so much more fun to be running my business in the first place. Which it’s like if you’re not having fun, I mean, maybe not all the time, but like if it’s not fun and enjoyable, what’s the point, really?

Amy: 100%. And, and I think a lot of us struggle with that because we were raised to believe that it’s not supposed to be fun. Like if you’re having fun, you’re probably not taking it seriously enough, where I think it’s actually the opposite of like, I take this so seriously and we’re having so much fun doing it, and it’s so much easier to have fun, and it’s an interesting conversation, and we can we have with our trauma and discomfort sitting there with us.

What this is reminding of Disney’s Inside Out where you have all the emotions coming to the party. They’re all there. They’re all coming to the party.

So let me ask you this: how have you shifted in terms of how you approach your clients? How has your coaching shifted? Is what your teaching shifted at all?

Kristin: Yes, actually a hundred percent, because as I become more skilled in practice with how I help myself, and I really have like a felt sense of, this is how we change these really deeply ingrained belief patterns.

Then I bring that to my clients because the truth is me and my clients, even if our brains are worried about different things right now, at this stage in our lives, we’re the same. They don’t feel like they’re enough. They feel like they’re doing something wrong. They feel like they suck in their family dynamics.

And those are oftentimes very deeply rooted things. And so, now I bring a lot more of tapping and energy work and self-hypnosis into what I’m doing with my clients. And I also have studied a lot of the neuroscience behind this, so I have a firmer grasp of how the brain changes and how our bodies change and what frameworks to follow in order to make that happen as quickly and effectively as possible for my client.

Amy: Yeah. Oh, it’s so beautiful. It’s so fun.

Kristin: Yeah, it is. It’s a lot of fun. But you know, I’m my own Guinea pig first, so everything that I bring to the outside world, I do it from a place of having lived it or experienced it.

Amy: Yeah. Let’s switch gears a little bit in terms of the being in a community of women who were all in slightly different places in their business, but also, they’re in the trenches with you. The value of that, how did that help foster your growth? How did that help contribute to the past six months?

Kristin: Yeah, I do think there’s something very powerful about, you know, hearing other people who have the same sort of mental drama and not from a place of like, “oh, we all feel shitty together, but like, “oh, I’m normal. This is normal.”

And that’s what I always like about being in a mastermind, is that you get to see that other people are having the same thought. Maybe it’s about a different thing that’s happening in their business, but it’s really like, “no, we’re all the same. This is all normal.”

And then there’s even cases where people don’t have the same hang-ups that I do. And they can be like, “well, what’s the big deal?” And then I’m like, “oh, well maybe it’s not that big of a deal.” So that’s also really cool and empowering and it’s just nice to know that at any given time I can go into that community and get help if I need it or celebrate my wins.

Amy: Yeah, yeah.

Kristin: And that sense of community, I mean, you know, we’re designed to be in community, we thrive in community, and I know for me it’s been a very important part of growing my business and having that social support.

Amy: Yeah. You nailed it right on the head. Sometimes it’s people going, “oh my gosh, me too.” And sometimes it’s people going, “that literally never bothers me. Let’s figure out why it’s bothering you … that’s really weird. I’m not experiencing that at all.” And yet we’re like, “let’s figure out why this isn’t bothering me, and it is totally like sucking you down into the hole. Let’s figure that part out.”

So, here we are six months later when you are thinking about where you want to go, what comes up for you? What feels possible for you now that last summer felt impossible?

Kristin: Well, you know, it’s funny because I really do feel like, this is how I build my 100k business, and for me, it is the money, but also I just want to be able to help so many more people, and I really feel solid now in my abilities to trust myself and keep going and know that I’m enough, no matter what obstacles I encounter along the way. And I feel like because I have such a better handle on how to work with my drama.

Amy: You mean not shove your drama in a box and force it to go away?

Kristin: not shove it in a box or, what I tend to do is like open it up, you know, dump it on myself, swim in it.

Amy: That’s actually way more accurate. Yes. Kristen, when it comes to you, I would say yes, you don’t shove yours in a box. You’re like, “no, I look at all my drama.”

Kristin: Yeah, I’ll wear it. But now I feel like I know how to imagine myself now just kind of like riding the waves as they come. Not resisting them, not like trying to shove them away, not like getting pummeled by them, but just seeing a hurdle, calming my nervous system down, getting into a more intentional state and then moving past it, and that just feels so much more easy and fun and lighthearted.

And for me, I feel like that’s how I create the business that I want and how I serve the people that I want to serve. You know? Because for me, this is all about, I want to help so many people and I know that the work that I do, like so many coaches can really, truly change these people’s lives for the better, not because they need it, but because their lives can just be really fucking amazing, you know?

Amy: Well, I think this goes back to a lot of the work that we did in the past six months, is I think we really underestimate the power of a 5% change, a 10% change. Like that’s Huge.

Sometimes some of the biggest shifts are actually the day-to-day. I don’t freak out as much as I used to. I am more calm in my home.

You coach on relationships. Stepparents. Marriages.

Kristin: Yep. Yep. Stepmom’s, right. Their dynamics with their step kids, their spouses, all that good stuff.

Amy: Yeah. Right. And so, I mean, I think we all love this idea of a fairytale, but I think we really under sell and underappreciate the, I don’t yell at my husband as much as I used to.

I’m thinking about your clients as a stepparent. I am a stepparent. I think about how much, oh, my goodness, we had a whole set of conversations just on that of how much life coaching would have made my first 10 years as a stepparent so much easier.

Kristin: Exactly. And it’s really introducing some of that relief. Like I really feel like I have that now in my business. Just that 10%, like some of the mental chatter is still there, but it’s like I know how to work with it, and let it be and still show up and have fun and feel good about myself.

And that’s honestly when like stepmom’s get to that place, they feel amazing because it’s like “now my life is more fun and enjoyable.” And like you said, every problem is not this huge like dramatic thing that sends me into imagining all these worst-case scenarios.

Amy: 100%. And it’s funny, the parallel, I think if everybody can find this in the coaching that you do, finding it in your business.

For you: “how my business is doing is dictated on what this person says on this consult call.”

Kristin: Yeah, a hundred percent.

Amy: So, my business is either miraculous and amazing, and I’m going to make a hundred gajillion dollars, and everything’s fantastic, or it sucks and it’s awful and everything.

And. So, for coaches who are listening, what’s your client’s version of that? Because I think for you, right, your client’s version is, here’s these stepmoms and their marriage and their family is amazing and fantastic. If everybody’s just had a nice dinner where everybody got along exactly, or the whole thing’s going to implode, you can’t take one more day. Maybe I should get a divorce.

Kristin: Exactly.

Amy: Because this kid and I are having this fight right now and my husband is siding with the child.

Kristin: Yeah, exactly. And it took me a while to really see that, to see the parallels, but it’s so true. And now having really had that experience in my business, I mean, that just gives me so much more confidence and really the ability to speak from this place with my clients of like, “no, this really does work. I really can help you and I’m going to help you do it much faster than I did.”

Amy: Yeah, right? I love that because, you know, I’ve never hired a relationship coach at all, and yet I can take all of the, going through certifications, which you automatically are receiving coaching, whether you really want it or not when you’re getting certified.

But through all the business coaching, as soon as I can relate what I’ve learned to this interaction with this potential client, an interaction with my child. In other words, I’ve never hired a relationship coach one time in 10 years, but all of my relationships are so much better.

And so, I think this conversation right here is very important for clients who are for coaches who are, whatever you see in your client, how are you that client in your business? Kind of like I’m having hindsight 2020. I wish I would’ve said that to you three, four months ago, because that might have been a really great question to like, “how are you acting like one of your moms right now?”

I would’ve been like, “you were like, oh shit, this is just like the fight that ends the whole marriage.” This consult call is just like that. And what if it doesn’t have to, what would you coach your client who was in that position? The same thing as what we were doing for your business.

Kristin: Yep. Yep. And it, and it really is what makes it easier for people to get off that emotional rollercoaster is working with the body and the mind. Not just one or the other. . .

Amy: Yeah, that’s definitely been your specialty. That is something that you’ve definitely brought to the group of like what you did body-wise to help get the thoughts to come in line, because as soon as otherwise, as soon as we’re leaving the coaching call, your brain’s like, “nope, never mind.”

Kristin: ‘I’m back to square one.” Yeah. square one. So true.

Amy: Is there anything else that kind of, you know, so in the past six months, you know, that’s been the big thing. How can you really believe two things at the same time? I feel like that’s been your biggest shift and I know that you know we post updates every week, and you got into the habit of actually posting like end of the day, little celebrations.

Little celebrations, which were so beautiful and so perfect, because it was a great way to see that no matter what the day brought, you could find things that were working in, things that you could improve on every day.

But I feel like one of your last updates, you were really able to hold space for the other person, no matter what they said. And you were aware of your brain wanting to tell you that everything was all going to help, but you were like, “oh, hello. Like, it’s okay.” 

Kristin: Yeah. And so that’s another thing, like, you know, on a sales call situation or whatever, my nervous system just tends to want to shut down, wants to shrink.

It creates a lot of anxiety, and so that’s something I’ve also really been working on as well, is just like training myself essentially. And I’m talking about myself like I’m a dog, but training my nervous system to, you know, think of the things that might trigger that and repeating that and getting calm.

Let’s say someone’s like, “oh, it’s not the right time.” Or, “I have to talk to my spouse,” or, “I don’t know if this will work for me.” I would just imagine those scenarios in my head, feel myself, get anxious about them. And then calm my brain and body down and imagine how I would interact instead from that calm, curious place.

And I really worked very hard on that. And then I got to the point where I now feel really good about who I am being on these consults because even if they say no, I’m going to leave them better off than when they came.

Amy: Yes. That right there, I think is a goal that is overlooked in selling coaching, is can we, and I’m sorry, Lou has a lot to say right now.

Kristin: He agrees.

Amy: He’s like, do you know that it’s time to eat?

I think it’s very important to realize that what you’re talking about is practicing how it will feel when your brain says, here’s all the horrible things that could happen. And actually, like allowing your body to feel the uncomfortableness of that beforehand.

Kristin: Yes, exactly. Like mental rehearsal, like this is how it’s going to go down, and now it just feels like it’s much easier for me to not get super activated when people do say those things, because I’ve practiced it like, just like lifting weights, right? Like people say all the time. This is just like lifting weights in a gym because I’ve practiced it so much now, it just isn’t as hard for me to stay calm and curious.

Amy: Yeah. And so, when we’re talking about people who are like, “I need to talk to my husband to see if we have the money for this. I need to talk to my husband. Now is not the right time.” These were the things that were especially triggering.

Kristin: Yeah. And it really just felt like it was something that was out of my control. And we might have touched on that too. I think we did.

Amy: This is sounding very familiar. You’re right.

Kristin: And it really felt like that. So, you know, inviting myself to consider with coaching, with you and from the group. Maybe it can get to be to the point where it is in my control and it’s really like I created that safety in my nervous system around those things that people would say so that with their consent, if they wanted to, I could ask them more about it.

And we could uncover, is it really like you don’t actually have the money, for example, because that’s fine. Or do you just not believe in yourself? Because no matter what and even if they say no, I want them to feel that there is a solution out there and that they can do this even if I’m not the person they want to do it with.

Amy: And I think you are really landing where is a message that I think more coaches need to hear. We can’t control whether or not somebody says yes or no to us. That truly is out of our control. We can’t force somebody, and do we really want to force someone to say yes when they’re not really ready, but we can control what we say to ourselves in those moments.

We can control the experience of the emotions. And then we get to decide if we want to, and I know we coached on this too. Do you want to continue those conversations? Because you don’t’ have to.

Kristin: Right, and I said I did.

Amy: You said that you did, and so, I think that’s an important thing too. Not every coach wants to overcome objections and we don’t have to.

So, then it becomes about, how you talk to yourself, that you are willing to talk to 10 more people to get the same number of yeses because you’re opting out of the overcoming objections conversation, which is totally fine.

And if you want to overcome objections, your ability to know that the only thing you have control over is what you’re saying to yourself in those moments and how you allow your body to feel and whether you’re going to let it take over.

Kristin: Totally. Yeah.

Amy: Yeah, and that is what you have control over. And that is what feels really good in those conversations.

Kristin: It does. It feels so good to show up, just loving the person on the other side of the Zoom screen and inviting them to be curious about their objections and then if they say yes, helping them, or you know, if they say they do have concerns or objections or whatever, inviting them to believe in themselves no matter what. Like that’s really cool.

Amy: And you’ve already said it, and I think we’ll say it again. Leaving them better off than how they found you.

Kristin: Yep. And that’s something you’ve said that Amy, I feel like I don’t remember when at some point during the Mastermind, probably multiple times.

Amy: I’ve said it multiple times. Yeah. I think it was, it took a few sayings before it landed with you, which is fine.

Kristin: Yeah. Before I was like, “oh, like that can be my goal. I made this up myself.” So, I got it from you and also what you told me, you used to send people resources. So, I started doing that too, “check out this post that I wrote about that specific thing we talked about.” Or like, “and there’s a specific book that I recommend … This is where I get all my exercises I do with my clients. Like, go buy that book. Yeah. Like it’s $10 on Amazon, Okay? Kindle version.”

So, I leave them with things they can do on their own that I know are going to help them get some changes in their lives and their relationships and how they feel if they put in the effort.

Amy: It’s so good, and I really want to let everybody know a lot of people will say, “well then, they would never hire you.” Actually, I think it’s the opposite because whether or not that individual human being hires you, when you are leaving people better off than how you found them, you are putting out, you know, we’re to get metaphysical here. You’re putting out that good juju out into the world.

Kristin: Exactly. Yeah. And I have had people come back actually more regularly now. Because I have not pushed them to make a decision on the call. I don’t do that anymore, but also because I’ve given them, “here, do this, try this.”

Amy: Yeah, totally. It’s so good. Yeah. And, and seriously, I know we laugh, and we joke because it literally was months of, “I suck and I’m dying.” Literally, it’s possible that that’s not true, how can two things be true at the same time?

But you kept raising your hand and I think probably what my favorite thing about you, Kristin, is you just don’t give up. You had never have given up on you.

Kristin: I’ve wanted to.

Amy: I know. And I know that you have, but you did. You didn’t give up to you. even when it was really, really hard, and really, really uncomfortable, and it did feel like week after week of like, “if you could just even understand that on Monday she would post, I got five clients and four consults and blah, blah, blah.”

And then by Wednesday “I’m dying, everything’s going, shit.”

Kristin: Yep. It’s literally, that’s how it went down.

Amy: Again, you kept showing up for yourself and you kept allowing me to enter in, we just kept finding new doorways to talk, two things can be true at the same time. How is this true and how can you show up for them and leave them better off than how you left them?

I actually don’t know exactly where you are as far as your business is going I should probably know that, probably should just ask that beforehand. But we know that you aren’t quitting, that you are consistent, right? Like you are consistently creating consults and signing clients.

Kristin: Yeah. And that’s really fun. And it just feels really good. And even when, like, even at the beginning of this month, you know, I had, I started off three people in a row said no and I got some drama, but I just moved through it, and then, two more people said yes right after that.

And I was like, “you know, so I know that I can have things happen that are unexpected or sort of out of the norm and that it’s okay,” and I think that like being able to move through, the drama that comes up quicker and with more ease is what for me is just, you know, is making me feel like I have so much more control and authority and agency over myself.

In my business, which is really just remarkable

Amy: Right. And that right there, like you can build anything from that place right there. That’s what’s so amazing. Like once you have figured that out, and here’s the amazing thing …

She may or may not think this is good news, but I’m going to drop it to her right here: the universe is going to continue to give you opportunities to believe that even harder. Congratulations.

Kristin: Thank you, Universe.

Amy: And you have this amazing foundation that you can be like no matter where you go, when it’s like, you know when your business is 10 times, or wherever you are taking this.

You can remember, “oh, that’s right. I can bring this with me. This is all entirely normal. I know how to process this,” so that’s so good.

Kristin: Yeah. Which is really cool because you know, I wanted to join your mastermind because I was like, I want to feel like Amy, and I feel like, I feel like you.

Amy: Oh, that’s so amazing.

Kristin: I just feel like I see you in your business and I know that you have failed and made mistakes, but I know that you’re having fun and you’re always jazzed up about your business even when it feels hard. And you know, I think I have learned that from you, which to me is such an invaluable lesson. It is truly.

Amy: I have to admit, I have said it a lot, confidence is not being sure it’s going to work out how you want it to. Confidence is knowing you can handle whatever comes your way.

Kristin: Exactly.

Amy: And this is why it’s so much easier no matter what today brought you to keep going. When you’re like, “oh, it’s still fine, it’s still good. I’m going to figure this out. I can figure every single thing out and I’m going to have fun while I do it.”

Alright Kristen, how can people connect with you? Because you are a fantastic coach who really does leave your clients better off than how you found them.

So, how can everybody listening catch up with you?

Kristin: They can follow me on instagram@the.stepmom.coach, or they can check me out on Facebook. www.facebook.com/coachingwithKristin

Kristin, I think you are an amazing example of what is possible when I think about where I want to see my clients start and land because you really said it best in terms of, “I now know that I can handle whatever’s coming to me. I now know that the drama’s coming with me and I can move through it, and it doesn’t have to stop me anymore.” It’s so good.

Kristin: And that’s what Amy has. I’m like, Amy now. No, I just want to say thank you for sticking with me, for coaching me the way that you did.

I mean, it just really has been remarkable, and a lot of fun. I know I had my moments where I was like, “this isn’t working.” But overall, it’s been great. It’s been wonderful, and I want everybody to join your mastermind because, I feel like this is what every coach needs. Truly, like you said, with this belief system of like, I can do this.

I trust myself. I know I can handle this. You really can maneuver through anything and just create a life that’s fun and fulfilling alongside of a business that feels the same,

Amy: A business that is fun and fulfilling. Alright, my friend. Thank you for being with us today.

Kristin: Thank you, Amy. Bye.

Amy: Okay, coach. I love this example of what is possible and it’s really fun. Funny, I’m realizing now at the end of this episode, we didn’t talk about number of clients. We didn’t talk about dollars. We didn’t talk about how much money that she’s made. Kristen was like my most successful clients. She’s made five figures.

She’s doing phenomenal. There’s absolutely no reason why this next year is her 100k year because of the work that she’s done in Path to 100k. Because this was the one thing that was continuously standing in her way. She knew she could sign clients. She knew that she had clients under her belt.

She signed up for the Mastermind because she was ready for her Path to 100k. And then in the time between the signing up and the time we started, she hadn’t signed any clients. And by the time our first week started, she was like, “I know nothing. I don’t know where it’s happening. I should probably quit, but I’ve already committed damn, so I guess I can’t.”

This ability to acknowledge what isn’t working, that there are people who will say no, that there is a lot of content and copy that you will put out there that won’t connect with people. And also, you are an amazing coach.

People want what you are offering to them. People want to buy your coaching. You are a good salesperson of coaching. You are a good coach, and you have something that a lot of people would love to have and they want it from.

These two things can be true at the same time. This is where the sweet spot is. This is what’s most important in your business. Your ability to believe two things at the same time. It’s some of the hardest work that you will do. Kristin was very honest. She raised her hand maybe not every single week, but almost every week with different versions of this same struggle, and when it clicked for her, holy!

Now she can consistently sign those clients. She’s writing brilliant copy. The copy of all the copywriting work that is included in Path to 100k.

Her, her posts are so much more powerful. She’s creating so many more consults, it’s like writing the waves and your ability to do that and not make every single no show, no pay, yes or no be that it’s working.

This really is the work. And Kristin is a beautiful example of what is possible. And I actually did take a hot minute there to look. She made almost 20% more in 2022 than she did in 2021. Like the sky’s the limit for 2023. This is possible for you too.

We are actually enrolling for Path to 100k right now. I have actually reformatted the program. I have simplified it. I have made it something that’s more affordable for more people, and I have given you just what you need, this work right here, the copywriting, the belief in yourself, how to unleash your voice, how to say the things that kind of terrify you, but also you know, you need to.

But also, you know that your audience needs to hear while also learning how to not make every yes/no/maybe be the dictator of whether or not you are doing an amazing job in this coaching business. Your ability to create a coaching business that provides you with an income that elevates your current life right now while changing the world, and you can build anything off of that foundation.

This is the work we’re doing in Path to 100k Mastermind. www.amylatta.com/mastermind Even if you have looked at this program before, you haven’t seen this. We are enrolling right now. We start in February. I would love to have you there.

Not because you have to, not because you’re going to fail without me. But make sure whether you hire me or not, that you are working with a coach who knows how to uncover those badass, brilliant fire ideas that scare the shit out of you, and be able to put them out into the community to be able to put them to your ideal audience.

And to be able to say it over and over and over again. Make sure you are working with a coach who knows how to support you in that, because if you aren’t, then you aren’t taking care of you. That is the worst self-care plan ever.

Alright. I’d love to be that coach for you, www.Amylatta.com/mastermind  And again, when you are listening to this episode, what did you need to hear today that came out of our conversation with Kristin?

What snippet stuck out to you that you said, “holy crap, that’s the piece I’m missing. That’s the piece I’m landing with.” That’s the information that I’d love for you to share on the socials.

You can tag me on Instagram at @iamamylatta and you can tag Kristin @the.stepmom.coach. Make sure you tag us both in your stories and we will be sure to share it with other people, and let’s just elevate the coaching community together.

I can’t wait to see what you create, and I’ll talk to you next week.

Coach, it’s time to sign your first free client, your first paid client, your next client, and to learn how to do it consistently and having a hell of a lot of fun along the way. This is exactly what you’re going to do in Free to Paid Coach. It’s the only program giving you step-by-step what to do to become a paid coach and step-by-step how to handle the roller coaster emotions that come with doing what you need to do to become a paid coach.

If you know you can’t not do this life coaching thing, but believing that you can do it, handling rejection and remembering how to do all of those things shuts you down, the Free to Paid Coach Community is waiting for you. Find everything that you’re looking for inside. It’s only $1,000. Payments are available, and then you’re in forever.

Visit www.amylatta.com/ftpc to join us right now. See you inside. Let’s get paid, coach.

Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.