Ep #151: How to Keep Believing When You Don’t Have the Results

You are listening to episode 151 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you’re going to figure out how to believe when you just don’t got the results yet. I know you struggle with this, so let’s go.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Good morning dear coaches. This is your host, Amy Latta. 151, I don’t know why, something about that number just feels super, like 150 I didn’t feel this way. But 151, other than I suddenly have Sammy Hagar in my head is like, oh, we’re on the downhill slide to 200. We’re almost to 200. Isn’t that funny? 150 I was like, oh, okay. 151 I’m like, oh my gosh, we’re practically at 200 episodes. Crazy, right?

And this is coming out the last week of September. This is the episode you need to kick ass in this last quarter of the year. Now, I don’t know when you may be listening to this. So use this for your next 90 to 100 days no matter where you are. But this is actually coming out the last week of September, so we’ve got the fourth quarter of 2022 ahead of us.

And on my social media and especially in my Free To Paid Coach program we are actively working 100 days right now. We all set a goal, what exactly do we want to see by mid-December? And every single day I am posting reels, we are talking about it in the Facebook group. I’m sending people emails. If you’re on my email list you’ve seen me talking about this. And this is a skill that you’re going to need in this episode.

It also, shout out to client Leandra because this is a question that she has asked, and I’m doing a whole entire podcast on it. And that is, how do you keep believing when you don’t have the results yet? And this seems like such a legitimate question. And I want to tell you, it’s a terrible question. Asking better questions would be a great podcast episode. But I know it’s such a common one, right?

It’s so layered because it shows that you still have that dependency, another shout out to Victoria Albina. I know we’re going to keep shouting out to that episode about co-dependency. It still highlights your dependency on your results in order to determine how you feel about your business.

So let’s just note, if you’re asking that question there are better questions to ask. And we’re going to get into that in a moment. But let’s just acknowledge and like let’s bring ourselves in, and it makes sense, but also recognize it’s highlighting your dependency on your business to determine how you feel about your business. You’re waiting on your business’s behavior to allow you to believe in it.

And we’re actively working on breaking that co-dependency. So let’s dive in here. Okay, how do you believe when you don’t have the results yet? Number one, you don’t have to believe all the time. How about right out of the gate, if you only understand this first point, you’re going to be miles ahead. Because presence of doubt is not a problem, like at all. It is so not a problem that you don’t always believe.

You don’t have to always believe. Now, I get it, life coaching 101 is what I think creates how I feel, and how I feel drives my actions. So if I’m not always in a belief, that means I’m going to not feel as great as I could and my actions won’t be as great as I could. And my results are going to be compounded like that. So I need the results so that I can start believing.

I mean, you can see that that doesn’t really work, right? We’ve only had about 25 episodes in 151 on that concept right there. I made that number up, I have no idea how many episodes. But this is a concept that I teach. It’s an actual module in Free To Paid Coach, in the member site. A concept I call gradient models. It’s one of my absolute favorites because your brain wants to tell you I’m either in a model, a CTFAR where I am in belief or I’m not.

And I’m like, hi, there’s all of these tiny little mini models in between. Think about a color spectrum and the gradient between one end of the color spectrum to another. One kind of moves into another and another and another. This is what your belief is doing. You believe it just a little bit more.

You can still have doubt, but just a little bit more belief, even if it’s a tiny bit amount will feel just a little bit better. And your action will be just a little bit better and you’ll create a result that’s just a little bit better. And then you’ll build on from there and from there and from there.

Gradient models solves this problem nine times out of 10. Like, oh, it makes sense that between completely not believing and completely believing there’s 5, 10, 150 models in between and each one is just a little bit better. And that’s where I live. That’s where like all of humanity lives, in the gradient models in between.

And in fact, this also mirrors the concept that is in Free To Paid Coach, which I’ve talked about incessantly on this podcast, the belief meter. Like you want to be at 0% doubt, or, you know, at 0% belief or 100% belief, and you’re like, it’s one or the other.

And I’m like, no, there’s an entire meter in between, and it goes up and it goes down. Sometimes it’s your mood. Sometimes it’s how much sleep you got. Sometimes it’s whether or not you really love that post. Sometimes it’s whether or not somebody did or did not respond. And it will go up and down and up and down, and none of that is a problem.

So actually points one and two, gradient models and belief meter, all are together that you don’t have to believe all the time. You don’t have to feel it in your bones all of the time. In fact, you won’t feel it in your bones all the time because if you did you would be a robot and you would not be human. And if we’re doing anything here in Confident Coaches, it’s allowing for your humanity. You do not want to shut that down in order to create success.

So it’s totally normal to go up and down on that belief meter. And just check in throughout the day. Oh, I notice that I’m feeling this way right now. I use the gardening example of you’re gardening in the spring, you’re planting flowers, but the ground is a little mucky. And so you’re planting and you’re planting and then your hands get all caked with mud and you got to stop what you’re doing to go wash your hands just to go right back out and keep planting again.

And then your hands get mucked with mud. And then you go wash your hands. And then you come back out and you keep planting again. That’s how the belief meter works, is that when you notice you are particularly in doubt, you stop, you recognize it. I’m going to give you some more steps here so that you can bring your belief meter back up again. And it doesn’t have to be at 100%.

So how do you keep believing when you don’t have the results yet? The most important thing is to realize you don’t have to always believe. Let go of that demand on yourself. Let go of that being a requirement. As soon as I let that requirement go, I could just feel the tension and the anxiety fall off my shoulders. And I was like, oh thank God.

Thank God I don’t have to be in belief all the time. Amy is telling me I can still create my 100 days goal or whatever goal I decide on, even if I’m not always in belief. Fuck, I’ve just let half my anxiety go. See you’re already a little bit better. That gradient model is already a little bit better.

Okay, so then what do you do? So when you are going to wash your hands, when you are realizing that your belief meter is going up and down, and this is something that I do with my Free To Paid clients in our live coaching. They don’t know what they need coaching on and they’re hesitant to raise their hand.

And sometimes I force people to raise their hand because I’m like, “I see you. I see you sitting there in the webinar format of our live coaching. You’re coming every single week. You’re commenting in the private chat that I have with you. How about we raise your hand?”

And the question I will ask them is, scale of 1 to 10, you know, I’m not in belief, I’m not really sure what I need. I don’t have the results yet. All right, great. Here’s what you do when you go to wash those hands. Here’s what you do when you stop and you recognize where you are and you really take a look at where you are.

On a scale of 1 to 10 where’s your belief that you can create that goal that you set? And if you’re listening to this outside of setting a goal, just ask yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 what’s your belief that you can get that first free client or that first paid client?

Now here’s what you do that number, don’t think about it, just come up with a number. On a scale of 1 to 10 what’s your belief that you can sign your next client? Scale of 1 to 10, first number that comes to your mind. Don’t over analyze the number, write it down.

Now we get to get to the meat. Let’s say, because I just coached somebody in Free To Paid Coach on this exactly because her 100 days goal is eight free clients. She’s only had one free client total. And she started and stopped and started and stopped. And she set a goal of eight free clients in the next 100 days.

And I was like great, where’s your belief? And she’s like, “I don’t know, a five.” I’m like, “Great, five. Why is it a five and not a one?” Meaning you have some belief because it’s not a negative number. If it is a negative number, hold on, I’ll come back to you in a moment. So why is it a five and not a one? And write down all of the reasons that you gave it that five and not the lowest number possible.

What do you make those things mean? What’s the thinking behind that? Because this is your belief. For this client it was that she knows that she can help people She knows that the one person she worked with was so appreciative of the work they did together.

She has people telling her that she’s helping. And what she makes that mean is, oh, I can help people. I can show them their thinking. I’ve seen the work coaching has done for me. If it’s possible for me, I know it’s possible for them. That might be your belief right there. And we want to note it, write those things down because we’re going to come back to where that belief is.

Now, what do we do with the other side of that number? Why is it a five and not a 10? What are all the reasons you did not give it a 10? And what do you make all of those reasons mean? Because that is your doubt. For her it was well, I started and I stopped. And she made that mean she’s not reliable.

Well, no more people have signed up yet. And she’s made that belief, made that mean that people aren’t interested. Because if they were interested, she had the thought that if they were interested they would have told me already. So now we know where the doubt is.

Do you see how important that scale of 1 to 10? Is? Because it’s not just what do you do when you don’t believe? No, let’s like really get in there. What doubt do you have? And what belief do you have? And what are you basing that on?

We do this all the time in Free To Paid Coach. This is a skill that when you first do it, it can be a little bit shaky because you won’t be as great at finding the thoughts behind it. But we do this in the coaching calls. And it’s so powerful because then what do you have? You have belief you can build on and you have doubt you can start to contradict, or doubt you can start to challenge.

And that’s the next step, and I’ve talked about this, introducing possibility. This is the first step to unbelieving your doubt. Another concept that I love coaching on in Free To Paid Coach, it is an entire module. And in fact I’m not entirely sure when she’s guest instructing, but we have a guest instructor, Claire, in Free To Paid Coach. It was either last week or this week and this is what she’s going to be coaching on. So good.

You introduce the possibility that that doubt is not true. You know, it’s possible it’s not true people don’t want what I have to offer. It’s possible it’s not true that it’s a problem that I start and stop and start and stop. We’re just introducing it’s possible this isn’t true to your doubt. That’s all we have to do.

Now, in a coaching session, we can go way deeper. But for you, and even if that’s all you do is just introduce to your brain, it’s possible that’s not true. Again, gradient models, you feel just a little bit better all of a sudden. You have just a little bit less doubt. You’re not at 100%, but it’s better than it was before. Again, anxiety drops off your shoulders.

So we’re just taking that doubt and we’re introducing the possibility it’s not true. And then what are we left with? We’re left with that belief. And the question I want you to ask, look at that belief, that number that you had that was a five and not a one, all those reasons. What would your belief do?

Sit in that belief. Feel that belief. Say that belief that you have out loud while you hold your right hand over your heart and your left hand over your gut and repeat those lines over and over again. And then ask it, what will we do next? Now, what are we going to do? What is our next best step?

And then of course, then you go do the things. Then you go do that thing. You got to feel about 20 seconds of extreme discomfort, and now go and go do it. Take the action. There’s this idea of like you got to swim to keep from drowning. You got to actually paddle your arms so you don’t sink down.

So when you are in a lack of belief, bring yourself in there and start swimming. Take the next step, feel the uncomfortableness of doing that when your brain is like, I don’t really want to. Put on the music, count down from five, feel the discomfort of the nauseousness, the tightness in your throat.

Another client in Free To Paid Coach talked about, “Oh, I’ve decided to do this and I’m taking the action and now all of a sudden I can feel tightness in my throat.” And I’m like, yeah, very typical neuro response right there. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. Put that hand over your heart and that hand over your gut again, and breathe into it. And now go do the thing.

Now what if your number was negative? Or what if your number is the lowest number? This doesn’t necessarily have to be a problem either because you’re just going to really focus on that it’s possible. It’s possible that’s not true. If your number was a negative, or a zero, or a one, and you have zero belief, just know this, it’s possible that this isn’t true.

And for you, I want you to write down, and this is a great exercise for everybody. I want you to think about where you were when you first had the thought that you want to be a life coach. What has happened in that time? From when the first very inkling came to where you are now.

What have you done? What have you created? How have you shown up? What have you done now that you’d never done before? List every single tiny thing you can think of. Think about that person. What’s your thought about that person between before you were even thinking about being a life coach to where you are now and what has changed for you?

Within there, you will find what belief you have. I call this the gap and the gain exercise. We do it at the live event at the mastermind. It’s incredibly powerful.

Okay, so the flip side, so this is also an advanced concept. What if you’ve been taking hella action? What if you’ve been doing and doing and doing and doing and doing and doing and doing. And you’ve been trying this, and you’ve been doing that, and you’ve been testing this, and you’ve been doing that, and you’ve been doing it for months and months and months and you’re still not getting results?

This is where my guest instructor, Claire, this is her jam because she keeps butting up against this and we keep coaching her through it. And she keeps showing up like a rockstar. And what I coached her on was to allow the frustration of taking action and taking action and taking action and taking action and still not getting the result that you think you should have created.

Allow it. Remember, the presence of doubt, the presence of a negative emotion doesn’t mean you don’t have positive emotion. So rather than squash that emotion down, let it sit in the room with you and be like, “Yeah, that does fucking suck. I don’t want it to be this hard. It is this hard and I don’t love that it’s hard and this is frustrating.” And you just kind of like, ah, okay. 

Remember, I’ve talked about this repeatedly, allowing the duality of your emotions. The difference is acting on that frustration versus allowing that frustration, okay? So you’re allowing that frustration and let’s celebrate what you do have. Only two people signed up for that week’s long free training? Serve the hell out of them, love the hell out of them. Nurture them and love them and give them everything you got. Be so excited that they showed up.

Yeah, I know it wasn’t the 20, or the 30, or the 40, or the 50 that you wanted, but it’s the two. This is just like when I launched a mastermind last year and my goal was 20 and I got six. And it took me a hot minute and a bitch slap from one of my peer coaches to be like, why are you ignoring the six people who did show up because of the 14 that didn’t? I was like, “Oh damn, okay, heard. Got it.”

And then, again, rather than acting on that frustration, shift to curiosity. So instead of focusing on the frustration of why isn’t anything working? Shift the question. I wonder why what I’ve done hasn’t worked yet. Notice the difference between that frustration and the curiosity. And it’s okay if you go between the two.

Remember, it’s okay if your hands get a little muddy and you got to go wash them. But just notice how much more proactive and curious you’re going to get when you’re asking, I wonder why these things I’ve done haven’t quite worked. Let me go take a look at that. Let me go evaluate that in the mastermind, and even in Free To Paid Coach.

But for sure in the mastermind because peer coaching is a huge element of the mastermind. But in Free To Paid Coach anybody can post in the Facebook group and be like, “Hey, can you come take a look at my shit? What am I missing? I thought this was really, really good and I don’t understand.” Great, ask your peers in the Free To Paid Coach or the Path To 100k communities.

What do you see that I don’t see? Wonder, curiosity. And when the frustration comes up, allow it. And also, I’m going to set you aside so I can go get curious, okay?

Now again, restating in Free To Paid Coach we are in the midst of 100 days. 100 days can change your life. I’m pretty sure by the time this podcast comes out it’s going to be closer to 90 days, three months. You could be in an entirely new place by Christmas.

And every day, on Instagram, I’m going to be showing up with practical advice, mindset advice, some humor, because I’m right by your side, because I have my own goal. I’m doing this work right alongside you, as always. I’m sharing with you my ups, my downs, what I’m doing and inviting you to come along.

I’m sharing these ideas on my email list. And then in the private Facebook group for Free To Paid coach and sent via email some more specific things that I’m noticing. I’m sharing exactly what you need to transform over the next 90 days, next 100 days so that you can meet that goal so that you can be in an entirely new place.

Everything that you’ve created up until now has no bearing on where you can be in 90 days. And maybe that’s actually the biggest note too. How to keep believing when you don’t have the results yet is understand that nothing in your past has a bearing on what you can create in the future.

There might be some intersectionality, there might be some marginalized community situations going on for you specifically. And this is where being in one of these coaching communities, Free To Paid Coach is the place for you to be because I can coach you through that where we can acknowledge what is in your past that’s standing in your way so that we can let it go. Let’s coach on it in our live coaching calls.

All right, this is how you keep believing when you don’t have the results yet. Save this episode. Recall episode 151 every time you’re feeling this doubt, lack of belief. Share this with all the other coaches that you know that need to hear this. Tell them, here is a step by step when you’re just not feeling it or when you’re super down in the dumps. This is what you need to remember.

So share this episode on Instagram, into your stories. Tag me at I am Amy Latta and if you’re ready to have this coaching community by your side so you don’t have to do this alone join us in Free to Paid Coach, amylatta.com/FTPC. It’s nothing short of miraculous and we’re waiting for you in there. Okay. Until next week, let’s go get paid coach.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.