Ep #99: Default vs Conscious Decisions

The Confident Coaches Podcast with Amy Latta |Default vs Conscious Decisions

When I was growing up, my dad’s default answer to any of my requests was always no. No questions, no justification, just a hard no. So, as I got into adulthood, it’s no surprise that I learned to say no to many things too until I made the conscious decision to start saying yes. 

When it comes to making new decisions and taking steps forward, many of us experience Helga bringing up our doubts and worries, attempting to bring us into default decision energy. She’s wired to show us how we simply don’t have the money, time, or energy to embark on a new journey, but how often do you actually love the decisions that you make from this place? 

Listen in this week as I offer to you that the key to loving your reasons is to make the shift from default to conscious decisions. I’m showing you what default decisions are based on, why we have such a strong desire to act from this place, and 3 ways to begin making conscious decisions instead. 

This is your last chance to apply for the October class of Confident Coaches Mastermind! If you want more consults, more clients, and be on your way to 100K in six months with me by your side, click here!

What You’ll Learn:
  • The difference between a default decision and a conscious decision. 
  • Why so many of us have the desire to use default decision-making.
  • How our job as coaches isn’t to convince our clients to make the “best” decision. 
  • Why it’s impossible to love your decisions when they’re coming from a place of default. 
  • How I coach on making the best decision for you. 
  • 3 ways to make a conscious decision. 
Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:
Full Episode Transcript:

You are listening to episode 99 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you stop making decisions on default.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hello confident coach. Hi, how are you today? I hope you’re doing amazing. I know I’m doing amazing because we have been celebrating all the amazing wins of the Make More Offers training. We had a couple of post parties last week. And that’s when I’m actually recording it, a week before you hear this. So I’m still kind of on that high.

I’m on that high of seeing what people accomplished in just five days, of reviewing applications and signing people into the October class of Confident Coaches. We’re enrolling people right now through the end of this week. And the brilliant coaches that are coming into the program.

Have you gotten your application in yet? I hope so because there is a spot waiting for you. Actually, I actually just got off the phone with somebody who was sharing with me that she has listened to every single episode of this podcast, of The Confident Coach’s podcast. And it’s so funny because she’s just been listening to them back to back to back and she was commenting on the growth that she has seen in me. Like, you guys, this is episode 99. What? 99, we are on episode 99.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to go back and listen to those first 10, 20, 30 episodes of this podcast, right? Like so many of you, and I know this, because I know so many of you are arguing with where you are and being at the start and being in the beginning that you don’t want to start because you want to make sure that your message is perfectly crafted or you want to wait until you know exactly what’s going to land. You want to wait until you know exactly what your processes. And I’m like, “Why?” That’s literally not how our human brain works.

And the first 99 episodes of this podcast are so reflective that I am a product of my own coaching. We should all be products of our own coaching, we are our own best client testimonials. You want to know how I can believe so firmly that the process that I teach in the mastermind works?

All you got to do is listen to 99 episodes of Confident Coaches podcast and be like, “Amy in episode 5, not the same Amy in episode 99. Not even close. She’s pretty fabulous in episode 5, she’s just going to become that much more. She’s just going to grow that much more. She’s just going to keep up leveling.” And so are you.

The first 99 episodes of this podcast are a testimony of the confidence work I myself have done. The work I have modeled for you here. I’m not just preaching, I’m doing the work myself. I’m sharing what I’ve learned, what my clients have learned. What helped us stop believing what no longer serves us. What has helped us to help believe new things, how to find those things, different tools that we’ve created together. Different tools that I’ve come up with in the shower, on possibility walks, whatever. How to make next best step decisions, which is what today is about.

So yeah, the CCM process works. The Confident Coaches Mastermind process works. I’m proof, my clients are proof. So get your applications in. Let’s get you enrolled for October. Let’s imagine where you’ll be six months from now. What episode will that be? We’ll be well into the one hundreds by next April, right? Where will you be in your business by next April? Come join me and let’s freaking find out. 

All right, so decisions. Decisions, did you say, Amy? Amy did I hear you say something about decisions? Listen, I know right now that making decisions can be a real sticking point for so many of you. It is for me, I am Queen of the no decision decision, meaning I just don’t make a decision and then stuff falls off the table.

I never had to decide what color mums to order because by the time I submitted the order, it was a day overdue and they were all sold out. Decision made, I made the decision by never actually deciding, by like emailing them the day after and being like, “So what do you have left? And she’s like, “Um, none.”

My brain is so sure that we’re going to die if they make a decision and it doesn’t immediately create the result that I want, right? Or it will tell me how many decisions in the past I’ve made that were wrong, or were bad, or that were a waste of time, or a waste of money. So we don’t want to do that anymore. So let’s not make a decision, or let’s just make a default decision.

And that’s what we’re talking about today, the difference between a default decision and a conscious decision. And basically everything I just said, I’ve talked about decisions before in the podcast, and basically everything that I’ve just said is prime coaching material right there.

What if you truly believed you’ve never wasted time and never wasted money? What if you looked at every single decision that you’ve said is “wrong” or “bad” and rewrote those stories? Like right there? What if you rewrote the stories of every decision that you’ve made? How are you the person you are today because of every single decision you’ve ever made in your life up into this point in honoring that?

That’s not specifically what this episode is about, but I’ve talked about so much of that before. And that is absolutely work that we do in the mastermind right there, is really owning how every single decision, even if it wasn’t the decision that got you what you wanted, even if it was a decision that at times was detrimental, that was a catastrophe, that was so terrible and bad and you wish you could go back?

How did that decision make you who you are today? And really have your own back in those decisions so you can really own how today you are a better version of you because of that. Because what will happen, and this kind of came up in one of the post parties last week for Make More Offers, the money scarcity and the time scarcity. I’ve wasted so much money in the past. I’ve wasted so much time in the past.

Now the conversation took place before that episode last week on not enough its. They hadn’t heard that yet, so they did not know the way we did. I had to give them a little prequel to what was coming on that week’s podcast episode.

I was like, “Okay, the episode hasn’t dropped yet. But you all need to know that so much of this conversation, so much fixation on not having enough, not having enough, not having enough is going to create more of not having enough.” That’s what we talked about last week.

But when it comes to making new decisions and new steps forward, we will so often go to that place. And specifically our worries, what we were talking about in this conversation was not having enough time or money to invest in a mastermind like Confident Coaches, because it is an investment.

I want people who are serious. I want people who are going to show up to the calls because they have invested in themselves. CCM is an investment that delivers for the people who do show up and do do the work, even if they have money thoughts and time thoughts, and they have doubt and they have fear. That’s why they’re in the group because we’re going to work through that stuff.

But it still comes down to worrying about that in the moment of deciding. In that moment of decision, do I apply? Do I schedule that consult? Do I say yes? And Helga is saying, “Yeah, but what about this, and this, and this?”

And that’s what I want to talk to you about today, because Helga is attempting to bring us into a default decision energy. And I want to challenge you to go into a conscious decision energy. And especially when it comes to time and money, like we talked about last week, it’s all relative, right?

Some people will absolutely say yes to a mastermind investment when the money’s not necessarily in the bank. And even when money is in the bank, some people still won’t say yes. Some people will absolutely say yes to a mastermind investment when there is a lot of family stuff and a lot of family activity, and maybe even a significant family event going on. And there are other people who won’t.

It’s not really about there’s an obvious right or wrong answer. I can never know what the best answer for you is. I really, truly can’t. And you can’t really ever know what is and isn’t the best right answer for your clients either. Like foreshadowing, you doing this work is totally going to help your clients when they are in that same mindset too.

We never know what somebody else’s best decision is. That is not our job. My job is never to strong arm anyone or to convince you that this is the best decision. Our jobs as coaches is to help people love their reasons. Our Helga brain is wired to decide from a default decision and we want to decide from a conscious decision because we have heard that. Like do you love your reasons for your decision? There’s no right or wrong answer, just make sure you love your reasons.

So how can you know if you’re going to love your reasons? I want to offer to you that it’s impossible to love your decisions, to love your reasons, when the decision has come from a place of default. Because they weren’t made from a place of love. They weren’t made from a place of belief or possibility or any of those positive emotions.

Default decisions are based on evidence from the past. It’s done from doubt, or fear, or scarcity, or lack, or just plain habit. Just plain like we’re not even like challenging your thinking, right? It’s almost like I don’t know the answer, but it’s probably a no. In the past I’ve never made my money back. I’ve always lost on the investment. I’ve always quit on myself. In the past I’ve always overworked and exhausted myself. I’ve always stretched myself too thin. I’ve always overextended myself. And I don’t want to do any of that again so it’s probably going to be a no for me.

The reason that that’s a default decision is where’s the love in any of that? It’s all based on past, who you used to be. Not at all at what’s possible for you, the possibility of a new version of you. Not at all based on that person that exists in the future who already has what you want.

Now, it might sound logical, it might sound prudent, it might sound reasonable, but that’s not love, right? A default decision, it really reminds me, after we talked about this in the conversation I immediately started thinking about my dad. My dad when I was growing up.

No matter what I asked him, the answer was almost always no. That was his default, no matter what I asked, whenever I asked for permission for anything my dad just almost always said no. Now, maybe he learned that as a kid, maybe he thought it would toughen me up, I have no idea necessarily where he got it from.

That is not uncommon because I know when I first became a parent I defaulted to no also, before I really challenged myself to default to yes, to try to say yes more often. That’s a whole other conversation right there.

So that default to go to the negative, to go to the lack, to go to the no, might have been modeled for you. I mean, it very well might have. It’s probably modeled for you in your life if that is your default. But as an adult, reflecting back, I just know that always saying no by default without actually considering this specific request at hand. My dad did not have to put any energy to come into that conclusion, right?

Why do we have a strong desire to use default decision making? Because it doesn’t require a lot of energy. You don’t have to explore possibility, you don’t have to challenge your brain to find a better place of belief. You don’t have to problem solve. It was so much easier for my dad to just say no all the time. He didn’t actually have to consider the request that I was putting in front of him. He didn’t actually have to weigh anything, he didn’t have to consider anything. The answer was just no.

And I’m sure if I ever would have challenged him, which I never really did. Let’s be honest, I mean, you catch on pretty young when you have a parent that just says no all the time, right? I’m sure he could have easily found prudent and logical reasons if you wanted to, he just never had to. And it was such a conservation of energy.

So, of course, your Helga brain is going to default to the easy what you’ve always done answer. Of course, your Helga brain is going to default to the doubt, and the fear et cetera, it’s wired to do that. You don’t have to put any conscious thought into it.

So again, you’re not beating yourself up that you are always making decisions from a default place, you’re wired to. Let’s just recognize that and how do we change that? How can you make a decision from a conscious place? Because default decisions, they’re so not possible to love because at best they’re coming from a feeling of maybe justified.

The highest vibration you can get by a default decision is probably just justified, you have a lot of justification for it. So how do you love a decision? I want you to consider a conscious decision as opposed to the default.

Now, most of the time when I coach, I coach that the best decision is the one that you make. And then you coach the hell out of yourself to make it the best decision. Like make the most positive, forward thinking decision that you can. And then let’s coach the hell out of you for the next six months to make sure that that was the best decision that you could have made.

So there’s a couple different ways you can make a conscious decision, which I’m having a really hard time saying, so let’s just run with it, a conscious decision. I’ve said it like 10 times, I’m finally just going to tell Pavel to leave it in.

There’s a bunch of different ways, there’s three different ways you can make a conscious decision. And the first one is a pretty simple question. If your emotional and your financial safety are guaranteed, what do you decide? As in you literally cannot make a wrong decision, your emotional and your financial safety are safe, they’re guaranteed. Given that, what do you decide?

That question right there gets most people. Most people from that, I can offer that question for you, and we’ve taken so much of the anxiety and the worry and the doubt and the reason for making a default decision off the table. As soon as we say, “Your safety is guaranteed. Financially you’re fine, emotionally you’re going to be fine. What do you really want to do?” The decision comes to the surface pretty quickly.

They know in their gut what they really want. And that question just reveals to them the answer and it makes it really easy peasy. So decide what you want, there’s that easy decision. We clear so much of the doubt and worry off the table. And then you’re going to spend the next six months with me so that we can coach you to make it the best decision you could have made.

Another way to get to a conscious decision that you love, I’m just going to say it wrong, is to take one of the options off the table. Right? So if you have the default decision to say no, but you’re still considering the yes, let’s just completely take the yes off the table. I’ve done this before too. I think I actually did this this week, now that I think about it.

I think I did this to help somebody make a decision on whether or not she was going to join CCM in October or whether or not she was going to wait till January. So I said, “Great.” We tried the if your emotional and financial security are guaranteed, what do you decide? And her Helga brain was still being obstinate.

So we took enrolling for October off the table. And of course, guess what happened? All this, “Whoa, whoa, wait. Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, wait, I didn’t say that.” So a lot of times, when you take the non-default decision off the table, you will see so much of your conscious desire come to the surface.

It’s a little Jedi mind tricky, but I find that that really works. When you take the non-default, notice what I’m saying, so your default is to say no, let’s take the yes option completely out. Great, you want to know what? Yes, isn’t even available to you. Don’t even worry about it, that’s not even an option for you.

When you take that option away in your mind, a lot of times your conscious desire will come up to the surface like, “Oh, whoa, whoa, wait.” And then suddenly we want to talk about problems and solutions, and let’s solve for this. But if you feel extreme relief and absolutely no regret and wondering, then okay, then that default decision maybe is not so default. And it really is a conscious choice.

So if you have a particularly stubborn Helga brain, which you might, I know I do at times. Remember, I prefaced all of this that I generally coach people not to do a lot of coaching ahead of time. To use that emotional and financial security is guaranteed question to help you make the decision. Or we take the non-default off the table.

Sometimes your Helga brain will still be, “Yeah, I don’t know. I’m not sure. What about this?” Then I ask you to take the non-default and ask yourself, how is that the best option? How might the opposite of your default decision be the best thing that you could do?

Ask yourself, why now is the best time? How is it true that you’ve always had the money that you’ve needed, even when you didn’t know how or when it was going to come? How is it true you’ve always had the time to do what was most important to you, even when you didn’t know how? And then actually go make a list of that evidence of how it has been true.

Really spend some time on how that opposite of your default decision is the best thing. What do you know about that being the best thing? How could it be the best thing for you, the best thing for your family, the best thing for your clients, if you do the opposite of what your default is?

And from that place of that list that you’ve made of how it is the best thing, go take a day and put your Helga brain on a shelf. Give Gigi some space to explore what she knows. Go on a possibility walk out in nature. Let solutions come to you while you’re cleaning, while you’re doing driving, while you’re walking. Or for me while you’re naked in the shower.

And then your decision becomes so much clearer. It’s like you create solutions to your obstacles so that everything is equal. Yes and no are absolutely equal. Then you can make a decision. And it’s pretty common that you end up saying yes to what was previously a no. But you still might decide no. I know, you weren’t necessarily expecting that.

Sometimes you do still decide to wait three more months. Sometimes you do still decide to take a left turn instead of a right. Again, this isn’t about getting you to the decision that I want for you or about you getting your clients to the decision that you want for them. It’s about you holding the space, it’s about me holding the space so that you can explore your own brain.

And that decision will come from a conscious choice that you can love because you’ve explored all of the options. You’ve come at it from a place of belief, from a place of possibility, from a place of both options are equally amazing, now what do I want to do?

This is actually something that I coached a client on in the July mastermind. Where she was trying to make a decision in her business of whether or not she charged for an event or not charged for an event. I’m like you’re trying to make a decision from a place of already hating one of the options. Bring the options equal to one another.

Whenever you’re making a decision where one of them feels extra hate-y than the other one, one of them feels worse than the other. You can’t love that decision because one of them is already so weighted. You want to bring the options to an equal level because then from there you know that you’re really going to love your reasons, because you’re not presenting one as like, “Here’s this terrible, awful thing that maybe I think maybe I should do. And here’s this thing that I would actually really rather, like if I don’t have to think about it I’d really rather do.

Make both of them amazing choices. That is a conscious decision making tool when both of your options are already equal. You can love your choice so much more from that place. Conscious decisions are what you truly want, because they’re decisions that come from a place of belief in all that is possible. And next best step decisions are always better from that place of having already done the problem solving. It’s so much easier to move forward from that place.

Now, I want to like real quick, the entire opposite of this conversation that we’ve just had. This entire conversation with we just had, the opposite is true also. So if you are a people pleaser whose default decision is always yes. And you want to love a conscious decision, you want to start saying no more often and loving that and not being angry or anything, the work is the same.

So everything we’ve talked about in this podcast, it’s been all about your default is to say no to things and how can you make conscious decisions to say yes or no. And you might start saying more yeses. The entire opposite is true.

So if you are a person who’s always saying yes and always saying yes, and you want to become more of a person who says no. And you want to love the situation, and love the other people, and love yourself, the same process is true. You might still say yes to some opportunities. You might still say yes to some people, but you’re going to love your reasons when your options are seen as equal in your eyes.

Okay, so there are three ways to get to that conscious decision. And when you make a conscious decision, you know you can always love your reasons. And, again, this is so important for you to explore because these are the kind of thinking loops that you will find clients in when they are deciding to work with you.

So you want to have practice. The more practice you have in making conscious decisions on your own, the better you will be at helping them. Hey, did I finally figure out how to say that word, conscious decision? Close, not quite.

So, my coach friend, what decisions do you need to make this week? I know what one of them is. One of them is your decision is to apply for the mastermind because this is the last week that we are enrolling for October. So this is coming out on Tuesday. We are enrolling through the end of this week. Let’s get you in there.

If you want more engagement, more consults, more clients, more clients who have amazing results, and you want to be well on your way to 100K in just six months without a ton of exhaustion, without a bunch of overworking, without compromising your values, this is your mastermind. It’s all laid out in my path to 100K process. That process works. The only thing that matters not be working is your thinking.

That’s why you have a coach like me by your side. That’s why you have a master certified confidence coach, to get the thinking working as well as the process works. You ready? You ready for this? I’m ready for you. There’s a spot for you, amylatta.com/mastermind. Again, A-M-Y-L-A-T-T-A.com/mastermind.

If you love this episode, please share it with your coach friends. Let them know. Share the podcast episode in your Instagram stories. Tag me at Iamamylatta.com. Share what actions that you are taking. What decisions are you making this week?

You can share on Instagram, find the post on Facebook, or reply to the email I sent if you get emails from me. And when you do share, I also share in my stories, I’ll give you a little shout out. Shout out to the financial leadership coach today who shared last week’s episode on the not enough its. I would love to shout out you too.

All right, confident coach, I can’t wait to see what you create. And remember, until next week, let’s go fuck shit up.

Coaches, I have created a brand new freebie offer just for you podcast listeners. I created a brand new training called Stop Over-Complicating Confidence. Because I see my coaches do it all the time, make this confidence thing way harder than it has to be.

In this free training you’re going to learn exactly how you over-complicate confidence, what’s creating that, and how to stop it. Here’s the best part, all of it less than an hour. Less than an hour of your time. You will feel more confident in less than an hour. Yeah, friends, this is the best training I’ve ever done. So visit amylatta.com/podcastgift to get yours. Again, that’s amylatta.com/podcastgift. Go now and feel more confident in just an hour.

Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.

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Hi, I’m Amy.

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