Ep #107: Coaching Expectancy

You are listening to episode 107 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you stop expecting your coach to deliver your results. Ouch, right? All right, let’s do it.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Well hi, coach, how you doing out there today? How you doing? It’s Thanksgiving week for those of us in the States. So this might be catching you as you wrap up early for the week before you go and face dive into a pile of turkey, and stuffing, and pumpkin pie.

And originally, I’ll be honest with you, originally I was like, “Oh, it’s the week of Thanksgiving, we should totally do like a gratitude kind of episode before.” But you want to know what I’ve done that and I have a great gratitude practice. If you’ve never heard me talk about it before, feel free to reach out, I’m happy to send it to you.

We’re totally not going to talk about gratitude this week of Thanksgiving because been there, done that cliche. And I’m going to share something else with you today that is kind of almost like the opposite of warm and fuzzy. I’m going to be calling you out on something.

I’m very excited to share this episode with you today because it is a bit of a wowzer. This is one of those episodes where we’re going to highlight some thoughts that you might be having that don’t feel like thoughts. They just kind of feel like I don’t know, obvious statements.

But there’s nothing like really taking a look at what thoughts like that create for you and really seeing how just thinking these obvious things, isn’t that just obvious, Amy? How thinking that way is really biting yourself in the ass. And we’re not going to do that anymore because I love you too much.

This is my gratitude for you. I could bring you a warm and fuzzy episode or I could deliver you a big, giant, heaping plate of let’s not tolerate this bullshit anymore. That’s what I’m giving you for Thanksgiving. You’re welcome. And you love me so much, right? Because I’m going to call y’all out on some pervasive thinking that I see so often in coaching circles, and 100% that you have seen in your own clients.

So this is going to help you, your colleagues, and your clients so much. We’re just going to be putting this thinking to rest. All right, you ready? Okay.

So one of the things that’s really important before I dive in, is that I’m going to specifically ask you all to run a model with this episode. So if you are new to me or if you are new to my style of coaching and you’re like, “I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about.” So just know right now that the model is just a coaching tool that I use. It as the coaching tool– Let’s be honest, I have a ton of coaching tools, but they all come back to this thing.

And all the model does is show you your thinking. It just shows you how your thoughts create the results that you have. And it’s very simple, we like to complicate it but it’s really not that hard. And all you do is you take a piece of paper and you just write down CTFAR down the side of the page. Not across, but down the side of the page.

So C, C is just for circumstances, these are like facts. Everyone literally on earth, all 7.5 billion people on Earth would agree. There’s no adjectives there’s no opinions here. These are just like facts. These are just the facts of life here.

T is for thoughts. And your T line is what you think about those circumstances. Now, just know right now that half of your coaching is always just realizing that what you thought were C’s were actually T’s. What you think are circumstances are actually thoughts because there’s a lot of adjectives and opinions rolled into there. A little bit of what we’re talking about today. Just a little little forewarning there.

All right, so C, T, F. F is for feelings. Feelings are how that thought makes you feel. The sensations in your body, one word emotions. And how you feel drives your A, your actions. What you do or don’t do when you are feeling that way.

And your R line is for results, what you create in your life when you do or don’t do those things. And your results, your results always circle back to your thoughts. Your results always prove what you’re thinking. And the model is self-fulfilling prophecy at its finest.

So a couple of weeks ago, I’m just going to right now give a huge shout out to my October class, and one of my brilliant clients. Because a very brilliant and a very brave client posted some frustration. At the time we were about a month into our mastermind together. And she’s just not seeing the results that she wants to see yet.

And her post was the perfect example of coaching expectancy. And I’m just going to tell you right now, her post was one of the best things she could have ever posted. And I’ve already decided that this coaching topic is one I’m going to bring up about a month into every group. Because it’s one of those things that no one really wants to admit, but that all of us think at one time or another. Including you, including me, including your clients.

And so what I mean, what do I mean by coaching expectancy? Coaching expectancy is, “I paid for coaching, I’ve done my part.” Right? Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s rooted in this thinking of like, “Listen, I had to undergo a giant transformation in order to just sign up for coaching in the first place. Where are my results?”

And so many of us in the coaching industry talk about this. I know I market my program this way. I will tell you the process of applying for the mastermind, the process of getting into it, the application process, the consult call process, the whole process of it will create a transformation in and of itself. And then my mastermind kicks off with a three day live event that takes your head and tilts its axis. You will walk out of there like, “What just happened?”

Huge growth, huge transformation before we’ve even had our first call. And so what can frequently happen is this expectancy. I signed up for the coaching and I showed up, and now I expect new results. It’s like I done did my time when I paid and showed up, where are the goods, Amy?

And as my client put it in her post, she literally said, “I kind of feel like I paid $10,000 to be in this mastermind, so I’ve done my part.” Now, again, serious shout out to her for posting that because it’s one of the things I love about her is that she is a very honest client. She does not hide what she’s thinking and feeling. Which is great because it actually makes it that much easier to coach her. I don’t have to pry stuff out of her, she just throws it out on a platter for me and then we can like dive right in.

And I know this was incredibly vulnerable and scary for her to post that in our private Facebook group because she was very well aware that it could have set her up for ridicule, or people going, “Oh my God, I can’t believe you said that.” But no, she posted it and I’m so glad that she did because so many of us, myself included– Yeah, even me. I have absolutely felt that way. I’ve signed up for coaching and now I expect the results just because I signed up, I did my part.

I did my part by getting over that vomit-y feeling, getting over the terror I felt by signing over thousands of my dollars in the first place. And that was a huge deal right there, so where are my new results? I’ve already had huge growth and transformation, so you keep telling me, where are my new results.

Now I’ve heard other coaches describe this as entitlement. And there’s definitely an element of being entitled to new results. But for me, I have really found this energy to be more of an expectation. Like I go to a restaurant, I don’t feel entitled to good service but I certainly expect it. If I pay for a service, I have the expectation of the promised result.

And we, as coaches, market results to our prospective clients because that is what they are buying. If you are doing good marketing, you are selling your ideal clients on the results that are waiting for them when they coach with you.

Ain’t nobody buying a three day live event, a Facebook group, and six months of weekly group coaching from me. No, you are buying your path to 100K. You are buying feeling so confident in yourself that you believe that whatever you can conceive of wanting to create is inevitable, whether it takes 5 months or 10 months or 15 months.

But of course what happens is results tend to come in the time that they’re going to come in. We don’t actually have control over when the universe brings that energy back to us. Results can happen in a moment and also they can take time. Both things can be true at the same time.

So what happens when it’s been a month, or two, or three months and those results aren’t there yet? That’s where that expectation can come in. And it frequently comes in– I don’t know if you can all remember Biggest Loser. I mean, it was a horrible TV show but in the early aughts, every single one of us sat down and watch that damn show with a pint of ice cream in our hand, I can tell you that right now.

And they always talked about that week two was always the awful one. Week one everything is amazing and fabulous and the weight is falling off. And then the week two is like, “Oh my god, this is awful.” You experience that in coaching too.

Once you get over the initial terror everybody comes into the mastermind very excited, people come into your coaching program really excited. And then the work shows up and they’re like, “Oh my God. Where are my results?” This is kind of awful. And I kind of feel terrible because you’ve just highlighted all my awful thinking. And I really just want the results to make me feel better, please. And so we get that coaching expectancy.

And listen, I can argue the merits of whether or not that expectation is valid or not. But what I really want to offer you is it really just doesn’t even matter. Because all you have to do is see what that line of thinking creates for you and then you will see how this coaching expectancy is like stabbing yourself in your own back. It is the root of self-sabotage right there.

So this is where I want you to grab that pen and paper. Now if you are driving or if you’re walking, if I’m on a walk with you right now, hi. Hi, trees. Hi, nature. How are you right now? If I’m out on a walk with you right now just listen, but then promise me that you’ll come back and you’ll actually do this exercise.

This is an action oriented podcast, I actually want you to get pen and paper and do what I’m getting ready to highlight right here. If you can actually do it right now hit pause real quick, go grab your journal, your notebook, whatever, and then come back in a moment.

Because here’s what we are going to do. You’re going to run a model with this line of thinking because I really want you to see what coaching expectancy creates for you. I don’t want you to just listen to this podcast and be like, “Oh, that was an interesting idea.” I want you to see on pen and paper in black and white, “Oh shit, I see it now.” Remember, I’m delivering you a plate of awareness for Thanksgiving. You are welcome.

All right, so if your circumstance, your C line, this would be the results that you currently have in your business, okay? Or if you are in a coaching program right now, it would be the parameters of that coaching program. So I just want you to think about a situation that you are in or just even imagine yourself in the Confident Coaches Mastermind.

So as a for instance, if you’re my client, I have paid $10,000 to be in Confident Coaches Mastermind, we are four weeks in, and I have zero new clients. Just the facts. Did you notice that? Those were just facts. There were no loaded words in there. It was just factual information that everybody could check and say, “Yeah, I can agree with that.”

The T line, or at least hers was, I paid $10,000 to be here, I did my part. And then this is where I want you to be honest about that kind of thinking. I’ve done my part. I paid for the coaching. And I want you to be honest about how that thought makes you feel.

When you’re thinking I paid $10,000 to be in a business mastermind for six months, and it’s one month in and I don’t have any new clients yet. And you’re thinking I paid this money. I did my part. How do you feel? What one word emotion comes up for you? Frustrated? Annoyed? Indignant? Flustered?

I actually want you to pause and think about coaching investments that you have made and what that feels like for you. Because then you get to be really honest about what follows that feeling. Remember, how you feel drives what you do, it drives your actions or your inactions. So when you’re feeling frustrated, or annoyed, or indignant, or flustered or whatever words you came up with, because you’re thinking, “Hey, I paid the money, I did my part.” How are you showing up in that coaching?

Are you raising your hand every week to get coaching? Maybe you’re in a one on one program, are you doing self-coaching so that you know what coaching to bring to your coaching sessions? Are you taking the coaching that’s being given to you by your coach and implementing it? All of it, to the fullest extent that they suggested?

Are you challenging yourself? Are you challenging your thinking? Are you challenging your Helga thoughts? Are you practicing how to unbelieve those thoughts and learn to believe something new? Are you focusing on what you do know and what you are sure of and what you do believe in?

My guess is no. My guess is when you’re feeling annoyed or frustrated, and you’re thinking, “Hey, I’ve done my part,” you’re not doing anything else. You’re settling. You’re not taking action. You’re so focused on the work that you’ve already done, which is paying and showing up, that you’re not thinking about the work you haven’t done yet that will actually create the new results.

So of course, the thought I’ve invested this money, I’ve done my part creates the result of not actually doing your part at all. Which of course, to me, here’s what I want to offer you, I think this is the best damn news. Because it’s like, oh, no wonder, right? No wonder you’re not seeing the needle shift yet. No wonder you haven’t blown your own mind. No wonder you’re not creating new results you’ve never created before.

It’s not some mythical being out there that you have to go find and hung and conquer and figure out. Once you see it in the model in black and white on paper, it’s like, “Oh, the things that I would need to do to create new results, I’m not doing because I’m feeling annoyed or frustrated, because I’m thinking have already done my part already. I signed up, I paid, I’m here. Now, please deliver my results. Thank you very much.”

And that’s simply not how this works. And when you see it on paper, when you see it in black and white, you see it right? Like it’s so obvious, right? You can see it right there. You can’t deny it. This is why I love coaching. This is why I love coaching, because now you can’t deny. You can argue with it, you can stomp your foot a little bit if you want to. I’m totally fine if you want to bring little toddler energy into this, but you just really can’t deny.

And you know this because you’ve also seen this in your own clients before, I’m sure. I’m sure we’ve all had those clients or we’ve all had that one client and where you’re literally like, “Hi, you got to give me something to work with. You’re not taking the coaching I’m giving you. You’re not bringing me anything to coach on. I’m asking questions and you’re not like giving me honest answers or only partial answers.”

We’ve worked with those clients who are in this energy before. And we can see it clear as day. So what I’m inviting you to do is see how you show up this way. And that’s what I really want you to use this podcast, is to see this in yourself. How you show up in your coaching relationships with the coaching that you have signed up for. And have you experienced and just be really honest about the coaching expectancy that you’ve been engaged in.

Because then you can also notice it for your clients and be willing to ask them to put those kind of thoughts that they’re having into their T line, and ask them how that makes them feel. And when they feel that way, how do they show up in their coaching?

Take back the responsibility that you have in your life. That is so much more empowering than to be engaged in coaching expectancy. When you’re engaged in coaching expectancy, you have relinquished all responsibility for what you are creating in your life. And you’re using the money that you’ve invested as the excuse for it, which doesn’t actually feel better for you. And it certainly doesn’t create new results for you.

And be willing to investigate other coaching expectancy thoughts that you might be bringing to the coaching. And really, I know I keep talking about it’s not creating the results that you want but this is what’s really at the heart of coaching expectancy. It’s not even so much the results that you are or are not creating. It’s really about how you show up to the coaching relationship when you’ve set up this expectancy.

It’s defining how you show up and whether or not you get what you come for. No matter the situation. Be really clear, your coach doesn’t have to be the best coach in the world for you to still get what you’ve come for. You can decide this may not be the coach for me and I may not re-sign with them, but I’m still sure as hell going to get what I came for. I’m going to take responsibility for that part of the coaching relationship.

And I want to offer to you I’ve just offered one thought that creates coaching expectancy, which is I’ve done my part. Can you find any other thinking you may be having? What are you aware of that maybe I didn’t already mention? Just some things that I could think of might be I thought this would be more. I did my part. I’m not sure I’m really getting what I need. I’m not sure this was actually the best decision for me. This might not have been the best use of my time. This might not be the best use of my money.

These are the kind of thoughts I want you to be looking for that create coaching expectancy. And I’m sure y’all have all kinds of experience with this. I would love for you to connect with me on social media. Either hit reply on the email that goes out if you get this via email. Or when you see this post on social media, comment in the comments your coaching expectancy thoughts that you’ve seen clients have or if you’re willing to share your own?

What coaching expectancy thinking can you find? Because when you put those T’s into the coaching model, like we did in this episode, how they make you feel and how you show up in that A line for the coaching that you signed up for, which is probably very expecting. And then you’re not taking the coaching you’re being given, you’re not putting it to use to the fullest.

You being able to identify how you do this will help your clients identify it in them. And then with so much love and so much compassion, you can then coach yourself and coach your clients through this. Show yourself and show them the thinking. You can choose coaching expectancy, you can choose, “Hey, I paid this, I expect results.” But why, if it has you showing up in a way that blocks you from getting the very results that you say that you want?

All right, my coach? Okay. And I have some super good stuff coming up for you in the next few weeks. The next three episodes are going to break down the process that you follow for your path to 100k. And that is what I teach. This is the very process that I teach in the Confident Coaches Mastermind.

It is simple, it is what I used. You will try to make it complicated and I will try to coach you out of making it complicated. You can use it too. And I want you to pay attention and look for a bonus announcement in this next week. Because we are rebooting my most raved about free training, Make More Offers.

If you missed it before, you 100% want to be there. And if you’ve done it before, you know how good it is. It’s coming back and so are you. Make sure that you pay attention there will be a bonus announcement dropping on the podcast so you can get signed up. Because as soon as we do Make More Offers, that means we are enrolling for the next class of Confident Coaches Mastermind.

Now for 2022, there’s only two next classes. The class is going to be February 2022. So decide now that 2022 is your year. It is, it is your year for the path to 100K. Get the free training in and that means that applications will be open. Let’s get you applied to the mastermind This is coming in over the course of the next couple of weeks.

All right, my coaches. I do hope you have, if you are stateside I do hope you have an amazing holiday week. If you are out of the United States, just have a great Thursday. Think about all us Americans shoving our faces with turkey and fresh cranberries.

And take the time to do this activity that I shared with you today. Look for that coaching expectancy that you are carrying around with you. Take back your responsibility. Take back your empowerment and let that coaching expectancy go. All right, I love you guys so much. Until next week, let’s go fuck some shit up.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.