Ep #159: 3 Things You Need That My Mama Taught Me

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You are listening to episode 159 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where we celebrate Amy’s mama, my mama, and the three things that you can’t do business without that she taught me. Let’s go.

Welcome to the Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m. Amy Latta, let’s dive in.

Hi, today is a super special episode. It’s not necessarily like the episode number or even the year in which we are celebrating, but today, November 22nd, is my mama’s birthday, and I don’t know if I’ve ever had a podcast episode drop on my mom’s birthday or when I might again, so I was like, “what a great time to thank my mama for being awesome, to celebrate her birthday?” but I didn’t just want to do that, right?

Like I could drop in here and be like, can we just talk about my mom and how awesome she is and everything like that. But like if you aren’t getting something from every episode that you can go use in your business right now, then then this is a Facebook post, not a podcast episode.

So, I was really thinking about. I’ve had this wrong meaning going around in my head of like, “what have I learned from my mom about business?” So, it’s really important to understand before we drop into this homage to my mama. My mom is not a businesswoman. She’s never run a business in her life. She is a speech therapist.

She’s worked since forever. She’s always worked for someone else. Business know-how, business acumen. Nope. Nope. I love my mama but that’s not what she does in this world. That is not what she has done. That is not her area of expertise. But everything in your life can teach you things that you need in your business.

so, let’s dive in. I found three things that my mom has taught me that I rely on all of the time in my business, and they are three things that you can’t do without. I guarantee you; you need all three of these things in your business if you’re going to create the business that you want. So, let’s talk about it.

Ms. Francis Louise Lee was born 69 years ago today in Washington State because she’s amazing. That’s my mama. My mom, it’s so crazy … my mom is one of 12 kids, like really think about that.

Yeah. St. Francis. They’re all, they’re all saint names. Yep. Catholic. And she’s lived up and down the West Coast as she was growing up. And she was exposed to and experienced many things that I never did. And so, she hasn’t had the easiest life and the things that she taught me weren’t necessarily things that she sat down and said, “these things are important, Amy. Make sure that you incorporate these things into your life.”

Most of my mom’s teaching was purely modeled to me over and over again for the past 48 and a half years, you know, the number one, being love every single day that I remember growing up. My mom said that she loved me every single day.

Love, love, love, love. At the root of everything, at the end of every day, there was always love. You know, be kind. My mom modeled that for me all of the time. Tenderness and care for the fellow human beings. I think having grown up on the West Coast and having moved around, she really experienced a variety of cultures that maybe somebody else of her day and age would not have.

And so, her access to diversity and her opening those doorways for me as I was growing up, just wasn’t a big deal that one of my mom’s best friends in the eighties was gay. Just wasn’t a big deal. That I was exposed to a variety of cultures, and it wasn’t a deal.

Do you know what I’m saying? Like my mom, it’s not that she would sit me down and say, “these things are important,” you know? Beach therapist who worked with a lot of developmentally disabled individuals, both children and adults, and like, it just wasn’t a big deal to go hang out with my mom and these people that she worked with that I would not have otherwise been exposed to.

I think really what it was is my mom just modeling so much for me, being comfortable with people who aren’t like me and it not being an “us vs. them,” and “oh, we’re going to take care of these people that need our help or we’re going to learn from them.” Like, it was just modeled as this is how we live, this is how we are; we are all human beings, we are all deserving of love and respect, and to interact with and be a part of as many communities, and varying everything, and not because it’s going to make you a better person, but that is what people do. I haven’t even gotten to the three things that you need for your business.

Like this is just like typical mom stuff, but my mom did it so well, and I didn’t even know I was learning life lessons. You know what I mean? She just modeled that behavior for me. Period. End of story.

I’m so glad because I can interact with different people. I’m not thinking about it so much in my head and I appreciate that so much. And I feel like that’s just like how to be a good human being, right? But what she modeled for me that our characteristics that every entrepreneur, life coach needs, I call them “The Three R’s.”

And again, these are not things that she sat down and taught. These aren’t things that she said, “Amy, these things are really important. I want to make sure that you learn this yourself.” I just saw her over and over again over the course of 48 years, so here’s the first one of these Three R’s.

So yeah, all the stuff I said before aren’t even the three things. That’s just like how my mom modeled how to be a good human over and over and over again. And then she modeled these Three R’s. The first one, my mom is hella resourceful, you know, resourceful. The ability to find quick ways, clever ways to overcome obstacles, difficulties, getting scrappy, right?

I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that my mom was one of 12 kids. She was number 10 of 12 kids. She was a twin in the last of three sets of twins. My grandmother had three sets of twins. My mom was number 10 and her twin was number 11.

She was the last of seven girls. She learned from a really young age, if you want something, you’re going to have to get scrappy in order to get it. You’re going to have to solve a lot of problems if you want something. My grandma was taking care of 14 people, including herself. If my mom needed something, she couldn’t wait around for it.

There were not a lot of hands going around there. Like it was kind of every man for himself in some way. So, if she needed something, she had to figure out how she was going to get it or just decide that she didn’t need it, you know?

And I think sometimes what I saw for my mom is that sometimes, being resourceful included, leaning on other people, and sometimes it looked like taking matters into her own hands.

So, I think that it’s really important that resourceful doesn’t mean go it alone. Resourceful is about like using what you have to the best of your ability, asking for help where you need it, relying on others when you need to, but the resourcefulness of reaching out to the assets that you have in your life, that help that is already there.

And you’re going to do this over and over again in your business, right? You’re going to need to be scrappy as well as strategic. Like it might be as simple as like, what are cheaper ways to get the same thing done? You know, my mom was a single mom for many of her years. We’re going to get a little bit into that when we get into the second R.

There was frequently not a lot of money, particularly when it was just me and her in those early years. And I don’t really remember a lot of that because I was an infant and a toddler, but like even after when I was getting a little bit older, I saw my mom make dollar stretch.

I have the funkiest feet, the hardest to feet to fit. Do y’all remember Stride Right? They were the only shoe store that sold shoes narrow enough for my long ass skinny feet. And those shoes back in the seventies and early eighties were like $35 a pair. My mom did not have that kind of money, but those shoes ended up on me.

She made sure I had my Buster Browns. Those of you who are a certain age are going, “oh my goodness, I forgot all about Stride Right Shoes!”

She had to get scrappy. She had to solve that problem. She had to make decisions. She had to figure out how to make sure we had what we wanted or what we needed, and you’re going to need to be able to do the same thing. How can you solve problems?

How can you solve the problems of your clients? How can you solve the problem of whether or not they’re reaching out to you or buying from you, or talking about you? When you don’t have what you want and you need in your business, tap into your resourcefulness. You are a person who has answers and assets and availability to you right now.

How can you maximize and use those? I know there are times where I know my mom wasn’t sure how she was going to put food on the table. There was always food on the table. Always. She always solved that problem. She always made it work. That woman has modeled resourcefulness to me from day one, and I am so glad because you’re going to need resourcefulness in your business.

That is one of the biggest things I’m going to ask you. Get resourceful. Figure it out with what you got, where you are.

So, the next thing that I really learned, the second R that I learned from my mom has to be resilience. Your ability to withstand or to recover quickly from the crap. Listen, my mom did not have a life that just like went well for her.

She lost her dad as a teenager. She was already one of 12 kids. With a mom and a dad trying to take care of all of those people, my grandpa passed away when she was still a teenager. My biological father left before I was born. My sweet, sweet 19-year-old mama suddenly found herself with El Bebe and no one else to help her.

She would be married three more times in addition. Lots of things didn’t work out for mom. So how do you keep going? I watched that woman keep going over and over and over again. How do you move past what has happened that you didn’t want to and how do you keep going?

It’s so funny because I didn’t even relate this. When I first created my five steps to self-confidence, that are now the five things that you get in Free to Paid Coach that are the, how to handle the emotional rollercoaster of running this business. When you do what I tell you to do, the fifth step is keep going.

It is resilience and it’s just so funny because I never related, or equated is probably the better word. I never equated watching my mom have so many life events happen that she had to quickly move on from, quickly recover from, to keep going. How I know there were times in her life where she just wanted to shut down.

I know there were times where she did kind of shut down, but she always figured out how to keep going every time. And how beautiful a lesson that is for us to learn because you’re going to need it. And I will admit some of my mom’s resiliency, I have no doubt, my mom was raising a kid for 30 years because she had me at 20, she had my sister at 32. So, from 20 to 50, that woman had a minor under her care. Isn’t that insane? You know, so there might be a little bit of that to her resilience.  

She had somebody else that she was tending to and taking care of in those 30 years, of course she’s going to move through that. She’s going to be resourceful; she’s going to be resilient, she’s going to solve those problems, and she’s going to recover quickly because there’s another human being in her care.

But having that modeled for me, solidly for 30 years, and then even after my sister graduated from high school, then my mom was suddenly did not have to take care of a kid anymore. Of how I’ve seen her be resilient in all aspects of her life and throughout her life. And your ability to be resilient because you will have shit that doesn’t go the way you want, that you aren’t getting out of this business.

You are not going to make it through without having a whole bunch of stuff go wrong. That is not how life works. That is not how business works. Lots of things are not going to work out for you. That’s not a problem because that is life. Lots of things don’t work out for lots of people, for everybody, for every business, and the way that you are going to ensure that you have a successful coaching business is your resiliency, your ability to withstand that.

The strength and the fortitude that you have. You are not a delicate flower. You actually will not die. You will not crumble. Allow the space for that. I definitely know that my mom experienced low lows. I have experienced it. You will absolutely experience that in your business, but your ability to allow for that and keep going is what is going to guarantee that you have this.

My mama never quit, never quit on herself, on me, on my sister. She’s amazing. Can you tell? Gosh, she’s amazing.

Alright. The last R reinvention. You know, when you change something so much, it appears to be something entirely new. This kind of goes hand in hand with the resilience to keep going frequently.

That keep going. Looked a lot like reinventing herself. This is a woman who got her bachelor’s degree in her mid-twenties with a young kiddo that would be me in tow. She did not settle for where she was. She knew she wanted to go to college. A baby happened to say, “Hey, I’m coming instead.”

She got resourceful. She did what she needed to; she took care of me. She got to a place, and she put herself through college. It was a 20-something with a kid, and then she did it again when she got her master’s degree when I was in college and when my sister was little, she did it again. Like I said, she was born in Washington. She’s lived in Oregon as a child. She’s lived in California, Texas, Missouri, Arkansas, Tennessee, New Jersey, back and forth a few times. That woman has reinvented herself to be where she needs to be and be what she needs to be so that she can have what she wants so that she can keep moving forward. If one thing wasn’t working, she reinvented herself in a new place or in a new space.

If this isn’t working, what will and make that shift your ability to reinvent yourself? I’m not talking about like you come out as an entirely different person, but your ability to say, “I have made decisions in my life that have led me here. I can make new decisions.” You don’t have to pack up a move across country like my mom has done literally multiple times.

There’s kind of a joke there for a while. They’re like, “do we know what state mom lives in right now?” And you don’t have to physically move, but your ability to say, “I have made decisions in my life. They were good decisions at that time. They are no longer good decisions and I’m going to make a new one.”

I watched my mom do that over and over and over. To me that is brave. That to me, really invites a lot of criticism because most people aren’t willing to reinvent themselves because people are going to be like, what are they doing? I guarantee you. Family members have been like, “where’s Franny now? Where does Franny live now? What’s Franny doing now? Where is she?”

That’s what everybody in the family calls my mom, because again, she’s the youngest of all the girls. I think it’s really funny that this grandmother of five children is still called Franny sometimes.

She invited criticism with her reinvention for sure. She did these things so that she could make new decisions in her life, so she could have new things in her life. If who you were before isn’t working, be willing to step into the next version of you that’s already waiting for you. It’s literally just a new, a couple of new decisions away to enter that new place to become that new person.

And your ability to reinvent yourself again, I really want to know this isn’t about reinventing yourself to make yourself be something other people want you to be. That’s not the reinvention we’re talking about. We’re talking about the decisions that you’ve made in your life. That right or wrong, have no bearing because you are living the decisions of your life.

Do you want to change any of them? Make a new decision. Change jobs, change states, change a few other things in your life. I’ve seen my mom do it all. Witnessing her do that and like the world didn’t fall apart, the earth did not open up and my mom did not fall into it. I’m so glad that was modeled for me.

Was it scary? Did even I sometimes scratch my head. Was it scary for her? I’m sure it was. Thank goodness she’s resourceful and resilient, right? So, these three things, your resourcefulness, your resiliency, your ability, and your willingness to reinvent yourself as needed. Your resourcefulness, what do you already have at your disposal that you can use?

What assets are in your life that you are not ? Your resiliency. Are you willing to experience uncomfortable things? Are you able to increase your ability to withstand uncomfortable, difficult, shitty things? To know that you ain’t going to die, that you can keep going, and your reinvention? What decisions have you made in the past that you were living the result of today that you might want to make a new decision?

These three things. You’re going to go so far, not only in your life, but in your coaching business. I am so thankful to my mom for modeling those things for me. I guarantee you my mom probably doesn’t even know she’s modeled those things for me. Everything that I’ve shared in this podcast, I have no idea if my mom is even aware, which is why this is my happy birthday to my mama.

Happy birthday, mom. You have been the single most influential person in my entire life. Not only did you model the kindness and the openness to people who aren’t like me, but those three characteristics for me over and over again through your life and allowing me to witness that you have also been my single biggest cheerleader every step of the way.

In fact, when you read the email that has gone out today and you see the podcast art, and it’s going to be a picture of you and me, because you read every single email I send, and you’re surprised to see your face on my podcast art.   know you’re going to text me and tell me you love it because you always do. I know I always got you in my corner and I love you so very much.

Happy Birthday, mom. And for those of you who are listening, I know not all of you can say the same things about mom, or the caretakers in your life, and I want to hold space for you for that.

I invite you though, who in your life, if it wasn’t your mom, if it wasn’t in your dad, it’s okay. But who in your life modeled for you aspects that you use all of the time, and you depend on in your life and in your business? It could be a parent, aunt, family member, pastor, friend, neighbor, foster. Who has modeled for you a strength that you rely on every day, and I just invite you to tell them “thank you” this week.

Let them know, “hey, you may not even know that you did it, but you did, and I really appreciate it. I use this all of the time. I remember this all of the time. It’s important to me and I wanted to let you know that because right now, you are modeling for someone you may not even be aware of.

You are modeling how to show up in this world in a powerful way, and it means something to someone else. Right now, we’re just passing the baton on and on, and if you’re feeling it, if you’re feeling it when you’re on the Instagrams today, want to share this podcast episode in your Instagram stories? Tag me at @iamamylatta and share what your mama or your big influential person taught you that you rely on, ‘cause I really can’t wait to hear, and not only celebrate you and celebrate these little birthday gifts.

Every single one will be little mini birthday gift for my mama. And celebrating that, but also celebrating that person. Let’s give thanks this week to the people in ours who have taught us things that we rely on, strengths that we lean on, tell them thank you.

I can’t wait to hear what you’re going to share, and I’m so excited to see what you create in the world this week, and I’ll talk to you next week.

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Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.