Ep #23: The 3 Things Blocking Your Confidence

You are listening to episode 23 of The Confident Coaches Podcast, the one where you’re going to find out if one of these three things is blocking your confidence this week.

Welcome to The Confident Coaches Podcast, a place for creating the self-confidence you need to do your best work as a life coach. If you want to bring more boldness, more resilience, and more joy to your work, this is the place for you. I’m your host, Amy Latta. Let’s dive in.

Hello my confident coaches. How are you guys doing out there? Listen, I know everyone out there is in various states of thoughts and feelings. All the humans are. And because I’m coaching about 30 clients a week right now and I know that some of my life coach clients are – some of them are thriving, they’re doing amazing, they’re signing clients left and right. Some of them are about where they were before, coaching on very similar stuff, and some of y’all are struggling.

Some of y’all on the episode from a couple weeks ago about confidence in the time of coronavirus, still really struggling with those items. So if you have not listened to the past couple of episodes, please re-listen if you need to because there’s some good stuff in there to help you move ahead.

And so many people are in between. We’re just a little bit all over the place right now, but what I want to offer you is that first and foremost, to honor where you are, take a deep breath, and decide you want to move forward. And then let’s do it, and let’s do it together. I’m here for you.

It’s like your brain is going to keep feeding you a ton of different thoughts and you get to decide what you’re going to believe. Do you want to believe thoughts that shut you down or do you want to believe the thoughts that are going to keep you going? And do you truly appreciate that that’s all optional? It’s all in your power. This is your work. This is our work, my friends.

There is no end game to doing work on ourselves. When we stop working on ourselves, we’re gone, we’re done. You’re not done. There’s so much amazing stuff out there so keep doing this work on you. And in today’s episode, I’m going to share with you three realizations that I made this past week.

I was on a consultation call for my next Confident Coaches mastermind and she asked me what I thought my current masterminders struggled with the most and it started an amazing conversation and it created this podcast. But before we get into that, I do want to give a shout-out. I love giving shout-outs to my Confident Coaches podcast listeners.

So this is from – and I’m not joking my friends, Mom86421357. That is – whoever’s iTunes name that is Mom86421357, I’m talking to you right now. If that’s you, I would absolutely love it if you sent me a personal message so I can put a name on Mom, a lot of numbers following that.

Anyway, Mom left the most awesome review of the podcast this past week. It’s so simple and it’s so clear. Here’s what she wrote. “Amy’s content is great for a new coach just starting out, as well as for a seasoned coach. The principles apply to all. She’s real and vulnerable and confident and all the good things. Thanks Amy.”

Thank you, Mom. I appreciate it. And when I say Mom, it’s not my mom, I don’t think. And it’s so true. That’s exactly what I wanted to create something that it doesn’t matter where your life coaching business is. I don’t work with coaches in a specific time in their business. I work with coaches who have a business who are struggling with confidence.

It doesn’t matter if you are new, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been doing this for five plus years. If you’re a life coach and you’re struggling with confidence and you’re struggling to continuously sign clients, I’m here for you. This is who I work with.

And I also wanted to make sure, did you get your review in? Technically, this episode is coming out after my birthday but I’m recording it before my birthday and we haven’t yet hit those 100 reviews. So you listening right now, if you get value from this podcast, if it’s keeping you sane in the time of coronavirus, you’re taking more action now than before, if you’re applying the tools that I share with you in this podcast and you’re getting value, I just ask for one thing.

Pull up Apple Podcasts on your iPhone or on your browser, on your Android phone. With your iTunes account, subscribe, rate, and review for me. Because reading 100 reviews on iTunes would be the best birthday present a gal could ask for. That’s all I ask for you. Go leave those reviews. Let’s hit that 100 mark and celebrate with me this month.

I don’t know about you guys but my husband and I both have birthdays in the same week and we just kind of decide to celebrate the entire month of April. Right now, I’m currently doing consult calls for my next mastermind group. It launches the first week of May. So the entire month of April is all about signing people in. I’ve got three of the 10 spots already filled.

And the woman I was talking to last week, she’s a former client. We were just kind of chit-chatting towards the end of the call. She asked me such a phenomenal question. In my current mastermind, the people who aren’t getting the results they signed up for, what do you think the problem is?

It’s such a simple and such an important question. Basically, why aren’t my clients getting the result they want? And if you are not already asking yourself that question, it’s such an empowering question for you. Yes, other people’s results come from their actions and their feelings and their thoughts, but it’s our job to powerfully show them their thoughts and to show them what their thoughts are creating for them, and to help them let go of those shitty thoughts and find the powerful ones, the empowering thoughts that will serve them, that will help them get the results that we want.

And what this means is one of our biggest jobs as a life coach is to study our clients. What are the common thoughts that they’re struggling with? What are the patterns that we see? This is amazing time for you to invest in your business by studying your current clients. Really thinking about them and what their struggles are and how might you help them. What are you seeing that they aren’t? How can you help them see it? What questions might you ask to help them get there?

So here’s what I came up with when I started studying all my clients. And again, I’m working with about 30 life coaches right now. 10 of whom are in my Confident Coaches mastermind. And when I was really taking a look, thanks to this amazing question that Mindy asked me, I was really taking a look, okay, what am I seeing is the patterns here? What do I think that they’re struggling with?

And I came up with three ideas, like, boom, boom, boom, right off the bat. And so here are three confidence blocks that I found. Let’s see if any of them sound familiar. By the way, a little hint, a little foreshadowing of my clients in my Confident Coaches mastermind, all but one of them related to all three.

So I’m going to guess you’re going to relate to at least one of them, if not all three. So the three confidence blocks. The first one, not sitting in belief. That you’re not practicing your thinking and your feeling. What is the belief? What the thing in order to believe you’re going to achieve the goal that you’ve set? How does that thought – what do those beliefs feel like in your body?

This is not something you just check off of a list. Okay, I practiced my belief, I believe that I have something of value to offer and people want what I have to offer and they’re waiting for me to offer it, check, and then you go about your day. No. Is that really what you need to believe so that you will take all of those actions and keep showing up no matter what’s happening? That you will keep going, that you won’t quit on yourself?

What do you – not what I need to think or what your friend next door needs to think. What do you need to be thinking so that you create the belief in your mind and then are you spending time in it where you’re really feeling the energy of that belief in your body? Remember, it’s the feeling that’s going to drive the action.

Thinking the thought out loud does not drive the action that you need to take. Thinking that thought out loud, sitting in belief, I go into very good detail in one of the earliest episodes about sitting in belief and how to purposefully believe, of how to actually do this. The process of saying the thoughts out loud, taking a deep breath, letting it drop into your body until you feel it rooted into your gut, so that it permeates through your body. Your shoulders go back, your chest goes up.

Are you spending time doing that? These two steps, they can’t be overlooked. These are not just done, done. This is the most important work that you can do. Your number one job is to believe. Right now, one of my clients, her name is Leah, and she has been practicing sitting in belief every single day for the past three weeks.

She’s created two new lead magnets, she set up an entire email system that she did not previously have. She ran a pop-up Facebook training. Friends, she coaches classically trained orchestra musicians. None of whom have a job or an income right now.

I don’t know if you realize, but in the time of coronavirus, nobody is hiring classically trained orchestra musicians. Yet she is not letting that circumstance stop her from believing that she’s a $100,000 coach. She’s made believing that, sitting in the belief of that her number one job. She sits in the belief of that thought to create the feeling of confidence and as she described it, being alive, and then she goes to work.

She is so damn sure that her people need her right now more than ever. She is undeterred. And on our last coaching session, she was completely open. She did an evaluation of all her actions with me. She created new ideas. This is your work.

Friends, belief ain’t some woo-woo, hoo-hoo bullshit. Beliefs and feelings isn’t just some airy-fairy thing. It is your number one job. If you don’t believe, if you aren’t sitting and marinating in that belief, you’re either not going to take any action or you’re going to be taking haphazard action that doesn’t create the result that you want because it’s not going to be fueled with the belief. It’s not going to be fueled with that no-matter-what energy.

You have to practice your belief. You have to feel it in your body, like every damn day, like it’s your job because it is your job. So here’s a great little tool that another client of mine, April, reminded me of that I have not yet shared on the podcast, and this comes from my coach, Stacey.

You have the thoughts that you need to think in order to believe. We talked about that on how to believe on purpose before, but every single day, when you get up, just ask yourself, on a scale of one to 10, do I believe that I can achieve my goal today?

And if it’s not a 10, let’s say it’s a three or a five or a seven, why? Why is it that number and not the 10? And now you’ve just given yourself self-coaching areas that you need to work on. And then you can ask yourself, if I were a 10 out of 10, what would I need to think?

And maybe it’s the same thought you need to think that you’ve been practicing. Maybe it’s something a little bit different. But sit in the belief of that. So use the scale of one to 10 each morning. What would make it a 10? Maybe it’s your go-to beliefs. Maybe it’s something new that you need just for that day. But that’s your number one job. That’s your number one job. Hello, podcast land, are you listening to me?

If you’re a life coach struggling with confidence, your number one job is to sit in belief and to feel that belief in your body. Got it? I don’t even need to tell you the other two things, but you need to hear the other two things. That’s the number one thing.

So a second confidence block that I found was not evaluating. And this is the one that my client Leah needed help with. This is where you’re taking a ton of action, like she was, but without evaluation, we’re not sure if that action is working. This is where the level of action does not line up with the result. There’s an incongruency between what you’re doing and what you’re getting.

Taking action without evaluating is just busy work. There’s a lot of effort without the result that you really want. Now, you can do this for a short amount of time, but eventually your brain will rebel on you. Like, how long you can do it, that varies per person, but eventually your brain’s going to be like, we just keep showing up and it’s not happening.

So we have to evaluate, and not just what’s working and what’s not working, but why? Why is it working? Why is the stuff that’s working working and why is the stuff that’s not working, like, why is it not working? What’s your best guess?

You may not know the exact reason why what you’re doing isn’t working, but what’s your best guess? If you could step outside of yourself for a moment and look at what you’re doing from an outsider’s point of view, what’s your best guess as to why it’s not working?

And then what other ideas might be out there? What might you do next? So a really simple, easy evaluation that everyone can do, start with what’s working. Start with the positive. What’s working? I launched this, I did this, this person said this and I didn’t make it mean anything negative about me.

What are things you have accomplished? What are you proud of? What’s working both in results as well as thoughts and feelings and actions? What is positive and why? Why do you think that’s working? And then what’s not working? What are the results that you’re getting that you don’t want? What are the thoughts that you’re aware of that you need to work on? What are the feelings that you’re aware of that you need to work on? And why do you think these things aren’t working?

Why did that person not say yes when everything was working in the consultation call? Why are you posting every day and no one’s taking you up on your offer? If you could give it your best guess, what would that best guess be? Be willing to look at it from an outsider’s lens.

And then what will you do differently? You have to stay in that belief. You’re practicing the belief and you’re practicing the feelings of that belief. Now go ask yourself, okay, based on what worked and what didn’t work, what can I do differently on this next call?

And then feel free to go step away if you need to. Go take an idea walk, a possibility walk. Go walk your dog, go get out in nature. Maybe go do some gardening. Maybe go clean something. Wherever your brain can kind of just relax.

I’m telling you right now, I get the best ideas of what I need to do differently when I’m naked and wet in the shower. You’re welcome for that visual. No joke. I get some of my best ideas when I’m drying off from a shower. I’m like, “Oh my god, I totally know what I’m going to say in the next email. Oh my gosh, I totally know what I’m going to call this podcast name.”

That happened to me on this one right here. Go do something else and see what your brain offers up with you. This is also the work, my friend Mindy that is going into the Confident Coaches mastermind with me, this is the work that she needs to do. She’s super proud of all the action that she’s done, she’s so much farther ahead in mindset, in belief, and in feeling, and in action from where she used to be, but her actions and her results are still not quite lining up.

So this is her area to work on, to really figure out how to evaluate what she’s doing so that she can keep getting better. And most importantly, not waiting for other people to tell her what she should be doing. Like, how to figure this out on her own.

Alright, so the third confidence block that I discovered this week is if you let go of the beliefs that you have about yourself, then what’s left? This can be a really big block for some people. This can be a huge block for people struggling with confidence. If I’ve realized that I have these thoughts that I’m not good enough or I’m not smart enough and I drop those thoughts and I drop those beliefs about me, then what’s on the other side?

Who am I if I’m not that person? So this has been my work. I would have told you in the past that I just am a procrastinator. I’m just a people-pleaser. It’s who I am. I’m just a perfectionist. So learning how to drop those thoughts first of all, I had to get coaching to realize that I wasn’t those things. That’s not who I was as a human because it’s not diagnosable.

Not good enough isn’t a diagnosis, my friends. People-pleaser is not a diagnosis. Procrastinator, perfectionist, this is not who you are as a human. It’s a thought that you have about yourself. And you’ve held onto it for so long it just feels true. But I want to offer you, this is just a thought that you have about yourself and is one of your blocks, is one of your struggles.

If you drop that story about you, then who are you? This was my struggle. And it’s one that I saw so many people go, their hands went up on that one. Yeah, that’s me. Here’s the beautiful thing; you can create new thoughts about who you are. And this is entirely the work of the becoming your own best mentor.

I don’t know if you noticed that all three of these confidence blocks, we’ve already talked about the solutions in previous episodes. How you believe about yourself, how you feel about yourself, there’s confidence block number one. You got to believe and you got to feel.

Confidence block number two, evaluation, how to keep going. Confidence block number three, who are you if you aren’t these negative things? Your future you. That’s who you are. We’re so afraid of what’s going to happen if we drop these stories about ourselves, but we don’t have to be afraid because future you is already waiting for you.

This is your time to step into her. She knows who you are when you drop these stories about yourself because that’s who you’ve become. Feel the feeling of dropping those shitty stories about yourself. Allow yourself, like, mic drop. Boom, I’m done talking about how this is just who I am and I’m going to go lean on my future you, like the big sister that she is.

She knows things, she’s seen things, she has done this work, she knows what you are capable of. That is who you are. Do you remember on that podcast episode where we talked about the three people you admire most plus your current superpower, that’s who you are when you drop those shitty stories.

And I actually just want to offer you that if you hear yourself saying, “I’m just a procrastinator or I’m just a people-pleaser,” this is just who I am, that sentence right there has got to go. It’s such a confidence killer. This is just who I am. Unless this is just who I am is preceded by rockstar, badass life coaches who sign all the clients that she wants.

Unless that sentence comes after some brilliant and amazing shit, you need to drop this is just who I’ve always been, this is just who I am. Those are toxic words. If you catch yourself saying that, you might be struggling with confidence block number three of if you drop the story about who you are, then what waits for you on the other side?

What waits for you on the other side is future you, my friend. Okay, so when I shared these three things in my Confident Coaches group this past week, everybody raised their hand to at least one of them, and I think eight out of nine of them raise their hand to all of them.

So this is your work this week. Number one, belief. Like it’s your freaking job, because it is. What do you need to think in order to believe? What do you need to think to be a 10 out of 10 in your belief about your ability to feel more confident and sign more clients? Spend time sitting in that belief and drop out of your head and into the feeling of that belief in your body, then go get to work.

And then number two, evaluate, evaluate, evaluate. This is the number one thing that my coach Stacey did with me a couple of years ago. It was the most helpful thing. Evaluate that webinar. Evaluate that consultation call.

If you’re new at Facebook Lives or live videos, evaluate that live video. What worked? What didn’t work and why? What’s your best guess as to why and what can you do differently next time? Evaluate your week. Do this every Friday evening or every Monday morning and decide that you’re not just going to keep taking the same action but be willing to tweak it just a little bit and keep getting better and better and better at what you’re doing when you are showing up.

And then number three, never lose sight of future you. Be willing to drop the shitty stories about yourself, drop them and know that what’s on the other side of that is future you. Who are you when you drop these stories of who you just believe who you are? Your future you, my friend. Step into her. She’s waiting for you. She’s your best mentor. She’s got you. Alright my friends, until next week. Let’s go do some epic stuff.

Hey friends, the doors for my next Confident Coaches mastermind are open. Confident coaches is what happens when you mix powerful self-confidence tools with your specific business goals. Feel confident marketing, selling, and coaching your ideal clients.

In Confident Coaches, you will have access to the brand new Confident Coaches member vault with every confidence creating concept and tool I have created and that I personally have used to take my life coaching business from four figures to multiple six figures.

And you’ll get the coaching you need to apply the information – not just learn the information but apply the information – in weekly coaching sessions with nine of your life coaching peers. We start the first week of May and there’s only 10 spots. Two are already taken and it will sell out, so fill out the application to see if you qualify.

Go to www.amylatta.com/mastermind. Again, that’s www.amylatta.com/mastermind and I cannot wait to see you there.

Thanks so much for listening to The Confident Coaches Podcast. I invite you to learn more. Come visit me at www.amylatta.com and until next week, let’s go do epic stuff.