Ep15: Feel Better…Without Food

Episode Description: The one where I give you the five steps to processing negative emotion, so you can feel better without having to turn to food or drink or Facebook or Netflix or anything else outside of you.
To view the show notes, ask a question, or leave a comment, visit www.AmyLatta.com/BWLW15

Episode Show Notes:

Here is the Secret of Life:
Change your thoughts, change your life.
The facts of our life are neutral.
What we think is everything.
Because what we think creates how we feel.
And how we feel determines what we will do and the results we will get.
Let’s remember the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Model:
Your Circumstances, which are the facts of your life.
Your Thoughts, which is what you think about that fact.
Your Feelings, which is a one-word emotion that thought creates.
Your Actions, which is what you do, or don’t do, about the circumstance when you feel that way
And your Results, which us what you get when you take those actions.
And the results always prove the thought, thus, the cycle, or the self-fulfilling prophecy.
Also, there’s no such thing as falling off the wagon.
Amy goes on a tangent there about the fact that there is no wagon.
Feeling better without food requires that we process negative emotion.
Five Steps to a process negative emotion
  1. Regular brain dump
  2. Ask questions
    1. Why
    2. So what
    3. What are you making that mean
  3. Own your emotion
    1. Name it
    2. You can process it if you don’t acknowledge it
  4. Sit in your emotion
  5. Rewrite your story
    1. Is that even true
    2. What is true
    3. What will serve you, i.e. get you the results you want
Action Item:
Daily brain dump – journaling – using the five steps.
Find your writing prompt
  1. What are you thinking about today
  2. Weigh yourself daily and write what you think about what the scale says
Building Community:
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Share this episode with someone who struggles with getting bogged down in negative emotion.
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Episode Transcription:

You are listening to Business Women Losing Weight with Amy Latta, episode number 15!
(Music) Welcome to Business Women Losing Weight, a community for those women business owners so laser focused on building their businesses….they have been sacrificing their health! Together we’re going to get back your time, get back your energy, and get what you say you want.
I’m your host, Amy Latta, and I’m all in! Are you comin’ with me? Let’s take care of you so you can take care of business!

Hey Friends! It’s Amy! How are you today?
Well, no matter how you are at the start of this episode, you’re going to be so much better by the end. Because I am giving you some life-changing tools today.
Right? No big deal.
For weeks, I have mentioned that if you want to feel better…without turning to food or any of those habits you are used to turning to, you simply need to process your negative emotion.
As if this were like returning a few emails or making a grocery run.
We get the words, on an intellectual level, but how do you actually do that?
We can get processing a credit transaction but how do you process emotion?
That sounds just a bit trickier. But we’re going to demystify that today, and you’re going to know learn how to process negative emotion, and eventually, you will become a rockstar at it!
A negative emotion processing badass! AKA…a grown ass woman. Mmm, hmm, you ready my GAWs?
The way to feel better without needing food or drink….or Facebook or Netflix, or sex or anything else outside of you is to change how you think.
You have heard this before.
Change your thoughts, change your life.
The facts of our life are neutral.
What we think is everything.
Because what we think creates how we feel.
And how we feel determines what we will do and the results we will get.
Guys, I’ve just given you the secret to life.
Damn near everything you can possibly think of can be solved with what I’ve just told you.
Let. That. Sink. In.
It’s everything, and it’s nothing new under the sun. Byron Katie, Dr. Wayne Dyer, the wisdom of the Tao.
Amy Latta.
There are many thought teachers out there. And we get it intellectually, that our life can change simply by changing how we think about it.
And then, many of you will then proceed to tell me how your situation is completely different.
It’s not.
By the way.
Your situation.
WHATEVER it is.
You can find a way to feel better about whatever is going on in your life, without the circumstance having to change.
You likely will not see it at first.
That’s ok.
You’re not in the practice of separating what is happening and what you THINK about what is happening.
And that is EVERYTHING.
Separating the what from the what you Think.
So. As a refresher, the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Model is that there are:
Your Circumstances, which are the facts of your life.
Your Thoughts, which is what you think about that fact.
Your Feelings, which is a one-word emotion that thought creates.
Your Actions, which is what you do, or don’t do, about the circumstance when you feel that way
And your Results, which us what you get when you take those actions.
And the results always prove the thought, thus, the cycle, or the self-fulfilling prophecy.
So it’s your thoughts, not your circumstances, that create feelings, that lead to actions, that give you your results.
THOUGHTS ultimately create your RESULTS.
And? Your thoughts are always optional. You will only hear me repeat this about 576 times throughout the course of this podcast. So if you forget. No worries. I got you!
In these past seven or eight episodes around the basics of losing weight – the fundamentals of weight loss – I have casually mentioned processing negative emotion.
So, at this point, you understand the hunger scale.
The different between physical hunger and emotional hunger.
Understand your hormones.
Understand neurotransmitters and neural pathways.
Understand how sugar and flour and processed foods manipulate those hormones and neurotransmitters.
And then, as I have mentioned, the need to process the negative emotion that comes when you don’t want to meal plan and you can’t turn to comfort foods.
No big deal.
But it’s actually the whole deal.
Your ability to process negative emotion without food is the thing.
Possibly the most important thing, because the rest is just knowledge and you’re freakishibfly smart and knowledgeable and yet you’re struggling with your relationship with food and can’t keep the weight off or keep quote unquote, falling off the wagon.
Which, can we talk about that for a second?
This might be a tangent. Brace your self.
There’s no fucking wagon, people.
You didn’t fall off the wagon and have to figure out how to get back on.
I cannot remember where I first heard this analogy, but over the past two years, more than one teacher has talked through how this wagon analogy is bullshit, and now I am calling you out on it!
There is no wagon.
When you say you’ve fallen off the wagon, you are removing yourself, and therefore all your power, from the situation.
When you literally fall off a wagon, the wagon keeps going and you are laying on the ground. There’s a separation between you and the proverbial wagon.
But that’s now how weight happens. When you stop meal planning and eat lot of junk food and all your dinners are from the drive through and take out, you’re still living in your body. There’s no separation between you and the body that needs taking care of.
The whole wagon thing is really nothing more than wanting to be perfect, and then removing yourself from responsibility when you aren’t perfect.
Being on the wagon represents living a certain way. And when we can’t be perfect in that, we say we fell off. Oops. There goes the wagon. I gotta get back on.
AS opposed to…you are here, living in a body, that needs your love and good fuel. The fuel it needs to run its best. Some days you are going to give it exactly what it needs. And some days you won’t.
And when you don’t give it what you need, there’s no wagon to figure out how to get back on.
There is simply needing to give your body the love it needs and the fuel it needs. There is just your next thing you are going to do.
And you can always decide that the next thing you are going to do is love your body the way it needs – however you, and your amazing life and weight coach, have defined it.
There is no wagon. Stop using that as your excuse as to why you aren’t loving yourself.
See. I told you there was a tangent.
But this idea that there’s this wagon you can fall off of and hop back on to goes against our ability or desire or need to process negative emotion.
If you can blame the wagon – and the Rocks in the road and how they make the wagon really hard to stay on….then you really never have to process the negative stuff, do you.
You can take your role out of the situation and blame everything else for your behavior.
This isn’t just not attractive or “bad”
Or however you feel when you have quote unquote fallen off the wagon.
This is completely disempowering.
And ladies, we don’t have time for that any more.
You are badass women business owners. Maybe it’s a self-employed situation and you’re a solopreneur making your way across No Mans Land with no back up.
Maybe you lead an entire team at a tech start up or a law firm or marketing firm.
You are fucking powerful because you are a glorious human being on this earth.
By blaming the wagons and rocky roads and other people, you are voluntarily giving all that power up.
You can create brilliance in the boardroom, but dammit, when X happens, you got nothing.
And that’s crap.
It’s just not true.
And the first step of processing negative emotion is to question your own crap story.
This ain’t easy to do because we, as humans with those pesky toddler brains, are so emotionally tied to uur stories.
But you have to start asking yourself…is this even true.
Actually, let me back up. I’m steering you a bit wrong, here.
The first step of processing negative emotion is the story itself. You have to get it out.
That involves journaling. Or brain dumps or thought downloads or whatever you want to call them.
But creating the habit of taking pen to paper, and writing it all out.
Doesn’t have to be complete sentences.
Doesn’t have to make sense.
You are not writing for any external audience.
You are not writing the great American novel.
The point is to get all that crap in your brain into a neutral space – and a blank page can’t get more neutral – so you can literally see it.
You gotta identify and see your story before you can start to question it.
And that is the second step of processing negative emotion.
Question it.
Scan your story, on the paper, with pen. Scan it. Underline the powerful points. The points that create a pang in your heart or a twinge in your brain.
Those thoughts that make oreos and wine sound really good right about now.
And ask yourself these three questions…
Why?
So what?
And, what are you making that mean?
Ooohh, those are three amazingly powerful questions and processing negative emotion requires that you get really good at asking them. It’s also basically what I do as your coach.
So an example of this….
I am really mad at so and so……why?
Because they did such and such. So what?
At this point, your brain wants to fight back. How dare you question these stories!
So what? I’ll tell you so what. They did that and that creates this and so on… and so on…
So…what are you making that mean?
Eventually, in all that story, you’re gonna start feeling emotion.
Always look for those one-word emotions.
Anger. Frustration. Overwhelm. Anxiety. Sadness.
This is the negative emotion.
You need to find it.
You need to feel it.
You need to name it and own it.
You have to if you’re going to process it.
You can’t process what you won’t acknowledge.
As you’re journaling and writing it all down and asking yourself THE three powerful questions….
Step four is owning that emotion.
Name it and own it.
And now? Feel it.
Go ahead.
Feel the anger and frustration.
Describe the sensation.
Know that feelings are only vibrations in your body.
Anger and overwhelm and sadness and anxiety is just a vibration, it can’t hurt you.
Be willing to FEEL it.
Describe how it feels.
Does it buzz a little in your brain?
I feel my negative emotion across my shoulders and down my arms.
Sometimes negative emotion. Feels heavy? For me, it’s often tingling.
There’s no right or wrong answer but tune into how emotion makes you physically feel.
Maybe there’s a pit in your stomach.
Feel it. And describe it. And sit in it.
Breathe into it. Lean into that negative emotion.
This right here is what most of us just never ever do. Allow ourselves to feel the emotion. To feel like crap.
Yeah, it might mean crying or blubbering like an idiot for a moment.
You’re moving through it as opposed to fighting it or avoiding it. That’s what we typically do with negative emotion. But that’s not what feeling better requires.
Let whatever comes up, come up.
Yeah, the middle of a conference call is not a great time to process negative emotion, and probably not Thanksgiving dinner, but the quiet hours of the morning or the end of the day is a great time for a cathartic release.
And you may find its not as emotional as you feared. We make things a much bigger deal when we try to avoid it. So stop avoiding that emotion and dive on in.
The water is just fine.
Ok. So now what. We feel like shit, Amy, don’t leave us here!
On that other side of feeling the emotion is now to ask…
Is your story even true. Even if you are positive it is as true as a bright blue sky, question your story’s truth.
Yes, the person still said what they said or did what they did or we still got into a car accident or the product launch didn’t so much launch as it did limp out.
But that whole – what are you making that mean thing. The part that lead to the crappy bad feelings.
What if that’s not true?
What if you write a different story and one that doesn’t make you feel like a pile of crap.
What if that outside thing happened exactly as it was supposed to, and you could make it mean something entirely different.
This is called thinking in a way that serves you.
Thinking the bad doesn’t serve you, and I know this, because it doesn’t give you the result you want.
So get in the practice of thinking in a way that serves you.
In past episodes we’ve talked about your go-to thoughts. Your power thoughts that you can always rely on to help you feel better.
This is a good place for them.
Remember in that go-to thoughts episode, episode five, you could use the same thought no matter what was happening.
You lose 20 pounds.
You are a badass and you got this.
You get diagnosed with cancer.
You are a badass and you got this.
It’s not the circumstance. It’s the thinking that means everything.
So make it mean something that serves you, that gives you the result you want.
Some other examples might be….
Negative feedback. I don’t like your product. It promotes this idea and I don’t agree with that.
Your partner criticizes you.
You don’t get the contract.
You can’t get the financing.
A natural disaster hits! Lord knows there has been plenty of that lately.
These things can happen and it doesn’t mean you’re all over here positive thinking your way out it.
I am in no way telling everyone to just Pollyana their way through life!
Because that positive thinking, no matter what, doesn’t actually process the negative emotion.
A Pollyanna – a turn that frown upside down kind of person, never wants to feel the negative emotion.
It’s like….oh that feels bad and I don’t want to feel bad so let’s just think happy thoughts until we don’t feel bad any more!
Nope. That’s not what I’m talking about at all.
That is not what this is.
This is PROCESSING negative emotion. Not positive thinking our way through life.
Fully feeling negative emotion so we can get to the other side of it.
It’s implementing the positive thinking after we’ve allowed ourselves to feel the negative emotion.
This is an amazing daily habit. To take the days events.
Write them all down.
Ask yourself the three powerful questions, finding the powerful crap thoughts.
Name the negative emotions those crap thoughts create.
Feel them.
And then rewrite those thoughts in a way that serves us.
Now this is a habit that is easier with a coach at your side to guide you and call out your bullshit. When you are tied to your story, it is a skill – and likely an underdeveloped one – to question your own story. But you can learn with practice.
So taking one of those examples I just mentioned – let’s say you get negative feedback on a product launch.
A customer says, “I don’t like what you have created.”
Now. Are you going to let that mean you’re having a good day or a bad day.
Let’s process this.
Jane Doe customer says, “I don’t like what you have created.”
You take pen to paper.
I worked so hard on this product. How dare she not like it. She’s my perfect customer, and she doesn’t even like it. I can’t believe this is happening.
OK. Let’s take a look.
What’s going on here. Lots of negative stuff on the paper. What are we supposed to do with it?
Ok, so you’re feeling bad.
WHY?
My customer. She doesn’t like my product.
So what?
Well, Amy, she’s my perfect customer, and she doesn’t like what I’ve put out there.
So what?
What do you mean so what?
So what  that she doesn’t like what you’ve put out there.
What are you making that mean?
Well, if she doesn’t like it…maybe I misread the market. Maybe I do’t know what I am doing.
Maybe I don’t deserve to runt his company.
Woah, woah, woah.
That got real deep. Real fast.
When you’re willing to question your story, that will happen.
So then, what we are going to do is take that thought…I don’t deserve to run this company.
How does that make you feel?
Well, if I have to define it in a one-word emotion – Shitty.
Bad.
Dumb.
Inadequate.
And what do I do when I feel inadequate?
Well, I either go stuff my face with Oreos and wine. Or maybe I”m not so quick to release a new product. Maybe I retreat a little bit. Retreat with my Oreos and wine in hand.
What result will I get I, the brilliant Goddess that I am, retreat. With Oreos and wine in hand?
Well, I probably don’t deserve to run this company.
Ah….So my result – I don’t deserve to run this company – sounds a lot like my original thought…I don’t deserve to run this company.
And if I struggle with my weight, we could model that out, too, because I have Oreos and wine in my mouth. Ew. Not at the same time, people.
But what if I didn’t make that customer’s comment mean what I made it mean.
The customer can still tell me she doesn’t like my product, and I don’t have to make it mean that I don’t know what I am doing.
I CAN make it mean, so many other things.
First of all – is she one or one of many.
If she’s one person in a sea of people who love what I have put out…then that’s just hater’s math.
Where we focus on the one hater instead of the hundreds or thousands of lovers.
That’s a brain error. EH. Stop that right in it’s tracks.
If she’s not one…if there are a lot of people saying they don’t like it…or they’re not saying anything and they’re not buying anything…
Well, you still don’t have to make that mean you don’t know what you are doing.
It could mean you have great market research now.
You could reach out to that person and ask what would make it better.
You could go back to the drawing board. And see your time and financial investment as research, not wasted money.
So many different ways we could go here, but we always have the option in what we choose to think.
Even when we mess up, we don’t have to make it mean what we mean.
But we have to be able to question our story.
Sit in the crappy feeling.
And turn that story around.
Now, I just gave you one example.
And you can see that example, right?
And yet, you’ll have an example of something bad happening that makes you feel bad – i.e. negative emotion – and you’ll try to tell me that your story is the one special story that’s different.
Sorry ladies.
You’re no special unicorn on this front. Someone who has stories that are truly just crappy by fact alone and this processing of negative emotion won’t work.
So are you willing to give this a try?
You can do this. Absolutely, you can do this!
Here’s our action item of the week. That practical, tactical thing you can work one between each episode.
Start a practice of daily writing.
Grab a notebook.
And every morning or every evening or 4pm every day, I don’t care!
Write out what’s bothering you.
What’s going on today.
I like to call it a brain dump.
A healthy body eliminates waste every day, so take your morning constitutional – a healthy brain dump each day is a sign of a healthy body too!
Some people struggle with prompts. They sit there, pen in hand, thinking they ain’t got nothing to say.
I help my one-on-one clients come up with their own prompts that make sense for them.
For many of them, since they are weight clients- their prompt is weighing themselves every day and then writing about how that makes them feel.
You’d be amazed how a daily weigh in can lead to completely different brain dumps every day.
Monday. 199 pounds.
I’m the Queen of the world! If only so and so would get their shit together on this project, I’d lose even more!
Woah, what? Where did that come from?
Tuesday. 195.
Yes!! That’s amazing! This is all possible because my husband cleaned up the house yesterday and did the laundry and it’s so obvious how much he loves and supports me.
Wednesday. 201.
Oh my god the sky is falling. It’s probably because my mom called me and yet again, told me I was an idiot for not taking that corporate job I was offered last year instead of insisting I keep doing this thing on my own.
By the way, if you haven’t caught on, these are all stories, both bad and good.
And you get the idea.
Just establish this habit and see what happens. It’s so powerful.
You won’t believe the crazy shit your brain thinks!
How many times I look at my brain dumps and think. Wow.
That is cray cray.
Look at me blaming this person for how I feel.
OR, look at me, thinking I feel better because this person did what I wanted them to do.
Either way…we are responsible for our own emotions. No one else. And we always have the option to think in a way that gives us the results we want.
Making this a habit will allow you to see your thinking, in a way you have never done before.
And then you will get better at the practice of processing your negative emotion.
Still have questions?
Better yet, think you have a circumstance you can’t process?
Oh, boy, let me have it!
I’d love to hear from you.
Leave a comment on the website page for this episode, and better yet…why not schedule a mini-session with me?
See what it’s like to have your brain coached. See what it’s like to process negative emotion for real.
So you and Thanksgiving pies and Christmas cookies will finally have a better relationship this year!
Maybe its perfect for you. Maybe it’s not. But you won’t know if you don’t try.
In order to serve my clients well, I can only take five free session this next week.
Schedule your session now at AmyLatta.com/coaching. Because you are going to rock through the holidays, not be a slave to your negative emotional. And Thanksgiving pie. And Christmas cookies.
Alright, my Grown Ass Women! I believe in you. Who do you know that needs to hear this episode? I am serious. Don’t keep this awesomeness to yourself. Share this podcast with other women who need to hear it.
Let them know that there is help, there’s another way, and we are a tribe of Grown Ass Women who have their back.
Alright, you have been listening to Business Women Losing Weight with life and weight coach Amy Latta. And until Next Week…let’s go do Epic Stuff.

About Amy Latta

Amy Latta is a life coach helping female entrepreneurs lose weight. Some entrepreneurs struggle with not enough time and not enough energy, and are so laser focused on growing their businesses, they sacrifice their health – not realizing their personal health is imperative to the health of their business. Women hire Amy to help them get an extra hour or two back in their day while figureing out why they don’t do what they say they’re going to do.
The result being more time, more energy, and weight loss.
When she’s not building her own business, you can usually find Amy on her yoga mat or experimenting in the kitchen. When in doubt, bring her guacamole.

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