The one where we talk about taking emotional responsibility for the excuses you give for not practicing radical self-care, and the art of arming yourself with Power Thoughts you can put to the test against any No-Matter-What circumstance life throws at you.
Episode Show Notes:
Part Three in our Radical Self-Care Series.
Part One – What is Radical Self-Care
Part Two – Getting back your time in order to implement self-care
Part Three – How to get over your excuses about your lack of self-care
Our life is ruled by the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Model (SFP Model)
Circumstances lead to…
Feelings…which leads to…
Actions…which gives us our…
The only thing we can control is our Thoughts.
Emotional Children don’t take responsibility for their thinking and blame their actions and results on others.
Emotional Adults do take responsibility for how they think, because they understand that the only way to get the results they want in life is to take responsibility for how they think.
They learn to become Aware, which is learning to observe how you think and feel when you aren’t doing what you said you were going to do.
And then they put their Go-To Thoughts into practice on a regular basis. Power thoughts that they can turn to no matter what Life throws at them.
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This Week’s Action Item: Create your Go-To Thoughts or thoughts. Write them on notecards. Have them as the wallpaper on your phone.
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Hello, friends! How are all of you doing today? How are we doing so far? We are already five episodes in, how is that even possible! The day this episode airs, my husband and I are closing on our old house. Officially selling our home of 13 years. I’m writing and recording this in the midst of all of that preparation, to get to that point of signing away a huge piece of our life, and moving onto a new adventure.
It’s so fun! I have to admit I’m not entirely sure I’ve wrapped my head around it all just yet. I imagine as we get closer to that date, an incredibly huge mix of emotions will come, including the bittersweet emotions of saying goodbye to the only place our boys have ever known. But the adventure of a new place, right now, is overriding the bittersweet. Also, we aren’t moving far. Like, 2 miles away. We are buying almost our exact same house, on a half-acre more of land. One kid doesn’t even have to change schools.
So in the annuls of moving your family, I don’t think this one ranks high up there!
And yet, MOVING is one of the top five stressors and it is during these times that Self-Care often falls by the wayside. Or, maybe for you….self-care just falls by the wayside in normal life!
And today’s episode is part three in a three-part series on Practicing Self-Care – what the heck is self-care, some practical ways to get back your time so you can implement self-care…and today…how we get past our mental blocks.
Because even with the what and the how, you may still be struggling to follow through.
Honestly, THIS is where I spend my time coaching one-on-one clients. When I first started health coaching, it was all “Here are your Actions, let’s wait on the results.”
What I didn’t appreciate is that knowing what to do is not the problem.
It’s getting over the crap in our heads…that’s the key to taking care of ourselves.
So if you want to know why you self-sabotage your own goals. Why you struggle to get unstuck. You have to understand that doing the actions to get the results you want is the easy part. Because we are all operating under the self-fulfilling prophecy model. We talked about this in episode one, but you will hear it come up over and over again.
The SFP Model has five parts.
Circumstances, which are the Facts of your life.
Thoughts, which is what we think about our Circumstances. Also, the only thing we can actually control in our life.
Which leads to Feelings, how our thoughts make us feel.
Which leads to Actions, what we do or don’t do when we feel that way.
Which leads to Results, the outcome of our actions.
And our Results always confirm what we originally thought.
So for example…
The scale says 225 pounds. That’s a circumstance. It is neither good nor bad.
But you see that and think, “I am overweight and not taking care of myself.”
That leaves you feeling defeated, maybe disappointed. Probably a nice side dish of shame.
And when you feel defeated, what do you do? Overeat? Indulge in food?
Which gives you the result of…continuing to gain weight!
Confirming your original thought of “I am overweight and not taking care of myself.”
So if you want to not continue to gain weight, you don’t just change your actions, you have to change your thoughts.
The process of changing how we think takes time, and it involves lots of Awareness. Awareness is just learning to observe how you think and feel when you aren’t doing what you said you were going to do.
And along with Awareness, it also involves being willing to try out new thoughts.
Can we do that? Try out new thoughts?
Absolutely. We can try them on like we would pairs of jeans, searching until we find that perfect fit. It can be time consuming and feel awkward in the process, it may even draw some tears, right?
But man, when you find a pair that fits perfectly? It’s Heaven. And Life is better. We always feel like we can take on the world in that perfect fitting pair of jeans. And the same goes with perfecting fitting thoughts.
Because, you see, we can change anything in our life, and sometimes we have to try some things out before we find what fits. Right?
So thinking specifically about all this self-care we’ve been talking about. If you’re just walking in on Episode 5, be sure to go back to Episode 3 – which was the What of self-care, and Episode 4, which was the How of self-care – where we talked about these things in depth.
So are you still thinking, “I can’t do this.” “This whole Self-Care thing might work for others, but it won’t work for me.”?
Then you are not alone. The number one reason I hear as to why my clients can’t practice radical self-care?
They don’t. Have. Time.
So, how many hours in a day does Arianna Huffington have? Or Chalene Johnson? Or Oprah? The same 24 hours a day we all have.
So when I hear “I don’t have enough time!” I start asking questions. Why don’t you have enough time? How are you spending your 168 hours a week? Let’s break it down.
And that’s often when the Emotional Child shows up. Yes, I’ve just called some of my clients Emotional Children. Trust me, we have all been there.
Emotional childhood essentially means not taking responsibility for how you think and feel. And how you think and feel is directly related to the actions and results you get in your life, right?
So if you aren’t taking the actions you need to get the results you want – I can tell you right now.
It’s not because you’re frustrated your client didn’t renew their contract.
It’s not because you’re overwhelmed that your kids aren’t listening.
It’s not because your spouse plops down on the couch with a bowl of ice cream at 9pm for a three hour movie.
It’s because of what you choose to make these things mean – and you ALWAYS have a choice in what you think.
This is powerful.
When you are an Emotional Child, you are giving all of your power away to someone else. You are saying you can’t have what you want because of something someone else says or does, or because life’s circumstances are not going your way.
Life’s Circumstances have nothing to do with it.
And an Emotional adult sees that, and embraces their power and takes full responsibility for how these things make them think and feel, and in learning to do so, acts in a way to get the results they want.
Let me illustrate this power. Try this exercise with me. I coach my clients to create Go-To Thoughts. Where we try out different Thoughts to see how they fit, just like trying on different pairs of jeans until we find the perfect fit. Go-To Thoughts are power thoughts you can use no matter what is happening. They have to be in your own words and resonate with you. But some examples are:
“Life is a great adventure, and this is just the beginning.”
“I am an example of what is possible.”
“This is gonna be fun!”
My personal favorite Go-To Thought is: “I am a badass and I got this.”
Pick one of these or maybe you have a few already you lean on.
Because now we are going to put these to the test, putting our Go-To Thought up against a few No Matter What life circumstances. Are you ready?
You win a big contract.
Yes! I am a badass and I got this.
Right? What if…
Your number one client fires you.
(Deep Breath) Alright. I am a badass and I got this.
OK, how about…
You lose 20 pounds.
WooHoo! I am a badass and I got this.
You are diagnosed with cancer.
Does it still work? Of course it does.
I am a badass and I got this.
Embracing your Emotional Adult instead of your Emotional Child makes all the difference in how Life affects you. Because what you think, not what’s happening, determines everything.
And being armed with your Go-To Thoughts is huge in practicing that Radical Self-Care. I have mine literally written down. On brightly colored note cards. I can pull them out of my planner at any time.
No matter what I am facing during the week – and ya’ll know I’ve been facing some crazy ass shit lately – I always have my Go-To Thoughts in my back pocket to keep me from spinning out and using that as an excuse to neglect myself.
Do you feel confident to put some Go-To Thoughts into practice?
Before we wrap up, I want to leave a few little side notes, a couple of P.S.es.
First off, you do have to honor your seasons. The week of a product launch is not the best week to launch a new workout. Follow your minimums, maybe not your full routines, when Life is putting more on your plate than usual. My past two months has been unlike any I ever have or probably ever will go through, and I was absolutely operating on modified routines.
And then…there is no room for perfectionism. You’re gonna fall on your face some days. That’s OK. There’s nothing wrong with falling on your face, as long as you don’t lay there, face down, in the mud. Pick yourself back up and keep moving forward.
So this week’s Action Item is to brainstorm some Go-To Thoughts of your own – or borrow mine – and start putting them into practice. Write them on note cards. Save them as wallpaper on your phone. I can’t wait to hear how this goes! I’d love to hear what your Go-To Thoughts are that you come up with!
Be sure to follow my Facebook page and connect with me there. You can search for Amy Latta, or go to Facebook.com/IAmAmyLatta. I post links to each episode every Tuesday. And every Friday, I am actually hosting a Facebook Live to discuss these episodes. You can meet me, kinda in person! Live! Every Friday! FYI, this is the Summer of 2017, so if you are finding me years in the future (how fun is that possibility) I don’t know if I am still doing this, but come find me on Facebook anyway, and you’ll see how to connect with our Business Women Losing Weight community, okay!
And you’ll find lots of goodies on the Facebook page through out the week!
I’ll leave links to Facebook and Instagram in the show notes.
Oh, and have you left that review on iTunes yet? I had a goal for 20 reviews in the first month, as part of my guest spot on Kelsey Humphrey’s reality show – YES, Reality Show – “The Pursuit: In The Trenches!”, I am counting on you awesome listeners to help me hit my goal! Plus, it’s your chance to tell me what you honestly think of the show and what you’d like to hear more of!
Imma just tell you you rock in advance, OK? Now, go show the show some LattaLuv, my LattaLuvs!
Okie dokie, my Grown Ass Women taking emotional responsibility with your lives, armed with your Go-To Thoughts ready in your back pocket! You have been listening to Business Women Losing Weight with life and weight coach Amy Latta. And until Next Week…let’s go do Epic Stuff.