Ep35: Living with Radical Authenticity

authenticityThe one where we learn how to live with radical authenticity and what the hell that even means.

To view the show notes, ask a question, or leave a comment, visit www.AmyLatta.com/BWLW35.

Episode Show Notes:

We hear so much about being authentic and living with authenticity. But are we really? What if we embraced radical authenticity? What would that look like? What does that mean? Today, I am going to get really real with ya’ll and share my fears and worries and possibly for the first time, really share the real me. And I promise to do just that from here on out.

What You Will Learn:

  1. Deep conversations about my background and how it affects me every day.
  2. My journey from living with a mask to learning to live with radical authenticity
  3. The steps you can take to do the same.
  4. Why it’s even important that we do this.

Woman Business Owner of the Week:

None this week.

Action Item:

I invite you to just spend sometime with yourself. Maybe even grab your journal. What do you like about you? What would like to change about you? What have you suspected is something you say or do that isn’t really true to you?
Spend a good half an hour in this space. You don’t have to do anything with it, it’s just an exploration of self.
Start practicing that “What if this isn’t even true.” And just see where it goes.

Ready to take the next step:
Download The Business Woman’s Quick-Start Guide to Losing Weight:

Building Community:

Learn from and support other woman business owners who are learning to stop sacrificing their health while they build their businesses!
Join our Facebook Community: http://www.amylatta.com/bwlwtribe

Episode Transcription:

 You are listening to Business Women Losing Weight with Amy Latta, episode 35 – The one where we learn how to live with radical authenticity and what the hell that even means. It’s gettin’ real up in here! Let’s Go! (Music) Welcome to Business Women Losing Weight, a community for fabulous women small business owners so laser focused on building their businesses….they have been sacrificing their health! Together we’re going to get back your time and energy, reconnect with your lust for life, and teach you to live naturally thin.

I’m your host, Amy Latta, and I’m all in! Are you comin’ with me? Let’s take care of you so you can take care of business!

Hello my amazing Grown Ass Women! How are you guys today?

I am good. And I want to jump right into this week’s episode. To be honest, I have stopped and started multiple times, I’ve struggled. I gotta tell you right now. This is an episode that has been a long time coming and it’s one not only do I need to have with you, but it’s a conversation we could all stand to have with the people in our life. Get comfy and grab some Kleenex…and lean in, my friends. We are going to get real up in here.

A couple weeks ago, my life coach, Stacey Smith, asked my small coaching group to share something with the group that we were afraid of, something that we fear would make our tribe or our clients or our friends and family run the other way.

And I had trouble with this assignment. Because, in all honestly, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have never struggled with authenticity or vulnerability, and there is nothing that has happened in my life that someone doesn’t know about. My husband likely knows every single detail, and even if this specific friend here or there doesn’t know all the details, if certain things were to be brought up, I would share.

In other words, I don’t really feel like I have anything to hide.

I share my struggles.

I have shared my upbringing.

I have shared my shameful moments.

And yet….

I still feel like there’s a disconnect.

And anytime we feel like there’s a disconnect, in any part of our life, it shows up, my friends.

It’s those disconnects that come out in our self-sabotage, in our cravings, in how we show up in some places and yet not in others.

Because even though I share from the heart, as often as I can, I feel like there are some parts of me that stay hidden, like you know my stories, but do you really know how deeply flawed I really am.

So I’m not entirely sure where this episode is going, but I want you to be able to see me. The REAL, deeply flawed, often scared, broken version of me. And I want to do that so you can see the power that comes with allowing others to see that in you. Not just “let’s be authentic! Embrace Authenticity!”

But Radical Authenticity.

No holds barred real.

What if we stopped holding ourselves, our true selves, back?

What if we were willing to share every scared part of ourselves with the other people in our lives.

Yes, even in business. Yes, even in our marriages and our friendships.

What if your clients knew your heart in a way you have never allowed them to see before?

What would that change for you?

To show up 100% as yourself, a nothing less, every day.

We’d have to get honest.

It’s really funny, because every time I have shared a similar conversation in the past, I have always said, “Now that doesn’t mean you can be an asshole.” And someone, I think it was my coach stacey, said, “I find it interesting that you think being honest automatically puts people at risk of being an asshole.”

And that’s when I realized I did. I apparently have had a belief system, deeply ingrained, that I didn’t even realize was swimming right under the surface, that if you are truly honest with people, you risk being an asshole.

So. Intersting!

So she asked me if I thought it was possible to be honest and not be an asshole, and I said, “Of course! I know I wouldn’t intentionally be an asshole!”

So then she asked me, “what if you know that and the other person still thinks you are being an asshole when you are honest.”


So me being honest puts me as risk, not so much of being an actual asshole, but someone on the receiving end thinking I am when I am not trying to be.

So one reason I have not lived radically authentic is because of my worry of what other people may think of me.

As a life long people pleaser, the last thing I want is for anyone to think anything other than “isn’t she lovely, isn’t she wonderful” thought about me.

Please like me, please like what I have to say!

But the main reason I have not lived a radically authentic life is because…you all might find out the real truth. About me.

And the truth is…I am broken. I am flawed. Deeply flawed. I am as human as humans can be.

No, I’ve never murdered anyone, but did you know that….

I grew up in intense fear.

I grew up knowing that my biological dad wanted nothing to do with me.

So right off the bat, I assumed I wasn’t good enough. From birth. That whole inherently worthy I talk about.

I struggle to believe it myself. Because I have lived 43 years of questioning my own worth.

To this day, I have to remind myself daily that my existence is enough. I do not have this down pat. Because if I am inherently worthy, if my worth is not in question, why can’t my father love me.

Why doesn’t he want to know me. Why doesn’t he care enough.

Until recently, this was a part of my story, as deeply as any other part.

And very recently, I had an epiphany, that came out of an emotional clearing session with my amazing friend, Dr. Wendi – I have GOT to get her on the show, where I questioned that very thought.I asked myself what I ask all of you – consider that everything in your life is exactly as it is supposed to be.

What if my biological father wasn’t supposed to be a part of my life.

What if he served the exact purpose he was supposed to.

Dr. Wendi said, your spirit was getting here come hell or high water. You were supposed to be here right now, in this time. And I sat up right then.

Holy shit.

What if my life is perfect exactly as it is!

What if my father’s sole purpose was to ensure my spirit was here on earth at the exact time it was supposed to be.

What if he served his purpose?

Woah. I can’t even tell you what this realization meant to me. It changes everything.

Because when he serves his purpose and leaves my mom a single teenage girl with no income, she has to figure things out. And if there is one thing I have learned from my mama, it’s how to figure things out. It’s how to move forward in life when you don’t know how the hell it is going to work out.

And him leaving led her to my dad. The same dad that I speak so highly of in some conversations. And he’s the same dad that was also an abusive alcoholic at times.

Growing up with an abusive alcoholic is ongoing trauma for any child. It still shows up. I believe it is what makes me seek peace always. Why I’ve struggled to speak my voice so often, because if you all can just like me, if I can make you all happy all the time, then we can have peace. And all I ever really wanted when I was a little girl was peace.

I think about that now. Every time I record an episode, I am terrified. What if you don’t like it. What if you disagree with me. Oh, my goodness, what if you tell others you disagree with me, and that I’m a terrible person who doesn’t know what she is talking about and is doing more harm than good in the world. Even as I am writing this, I experienced someone on my Facebook page who went off on me because she was looking for something other than what I offered her in her comment. It immediately stirs up all my feelings of inadequacy. Please, no fighting. Please, you can not agree with me, but please do it quietly so I won’t know, and we don’t have to fight.

I’d rather just not know.

Sisters, this is the real me. Regularly scared. Constantly terrified of pissing someone off. Every single day of my life, I am having to rewrite the soundtracks of my life, from the stories that I am not enough, and that I will say anything and do anything for you to like me and not fight with me. To the stories that I am enough because I exist on this earth and that is all the enough I will ever need. And that I can have my own opinions and it’s okay that you don’t agree with me, and you can even stand up and argue with me, and it’s okay that we don’t see eye to eye.

Literally, right now at this moment that I am writing this episode, there is someone who is mad at something I said to them in my business relationships, and I can’t do anything about it.

And that leads to yet another level of authenticity. I want to run. I want to cry. I want to eat Oreo cookies and have a cocktail. Really, what I want to do, is hide. After the running and the overeating is the escaping.

And I still struggle with this.

As this show has grown and my coaching practice has expanded, I open more doors for people to tell me I am not enough and to tell me I am wrong. To bring this veil of peace I try to carry with me all the time.

And my gut instinct is to hide. I have battled this extensively lately, and honestly is what spurred this episode.

Guys, I have been struggling. Because I am right there. This is going So stinkin’ well. This show is growing and the business is growing and that scared little girl is fucking terrified of what’s next.

I want to eat everything I see.

I have to constantly watch my thinking.

I have struggled to journal daily, I fell out of my meditation practice.

I watched four seasons of Grace and Frankie in less than two weeks.

And I am telling you because if I can’t be radically authentic with you, then what is the point of any of this.

This is me.

I am scared and excited. Pretty much all the time, every moment of the day.

I am amazingly intelligent and still have so freakin’ much to learn.

I have a wicked sense of humor and yet I don’t care or have time for fluff.

I want to have deep conversations but sometimes struggle just to walk up and say Hi.

So much of what drives us to over eat and over drink and tune out on social media is all of our shame and regret and disappointment in our life.

When we are not honest about who we are and how we are, we just make those feelings of shame and regret and disappointment even deeper.

I am not talking about complaining for the sake of complaining. For being Woah is me! This is actually the very thing that has someone mad at me right now in my business. I believe they are stuck in Woah is Me, and I am encouraging them to see otherwise. And they don’t want to hear it.

What I am talking about is being real, being vulnerable with our fellow human beings, and being authentic. Radically authentic! In all of your communication, and all of your interactions, being truthful, honest, and vulnerable.

So how do we do that! What does that look like!

One of the things I realized is that a huge struggle of living a fully authentic life is that we don’t really know who we are! I hear this all the time with my coaching clients. We have so much put on us as kids and young adults, that do we even know what we believe? Do we really know who we are without all the stuff that has been put on us over the years?

So how do we find our authentic selves? How do we know if the life we are living is one of Radical Authenticity, or just one that we are living because it’s what we think we are supposed to be living.

First and foremost, fall in love with this question: “What if that isn’t true?”

The ability to question all of our beliefs is core to finding our true, authentic selves. Just like I had to question whether it was true that my biological father really abandoned me. What if that wasn’t true? What if that happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen!

It doesn’t mean that we won’t keep some of the same beliefs that have been instilled in us!

But just the act of questioning them allows us the opportunity to say, “You know what, No, I don’t actually think that.” Or “You know what, that is absolutely true to me!”

Second, learn. Study. Explore. Learn other people’s opinions, watch documentaries on what you don’t think you agree with, read stories of people who did things a different way. And check your judgements at the door. Go in with an open mind, and invite your mind to entertain some of what you are reading for yourself. It’s unlikely that you’ll go in one person and come out an entirely different person, though it is possible. I have seen some radical transformations in people in my life. Most likely, however, you become someone who is just more open to the idea that there are other ways to view the world other than your own. And if the worst case scenario is more tolerance for others different than you, then that’s a win-win in any book. Best case scenarios, you learn something new that feels right and true to you, and you adopt it as your own – getting you closer to the real, authentic you that’s been waiting for you to lift the curtain on.

Next, we gotta get real. Start sharing who you are. Be willing to be vulnerable with those you know and love.

Here’s the amazing thing, when you speak your truth, no matter how anyone else reacts, it will feel so right inside your soul, it simply won’t matter any more. And the more you speak your truth, the more you tap into the radically authentic you, and get to know her and love her and trust her judgement. The easier it gets.

Yes, you might feel more comfortable with some more than others, it may be a process. I have often said that I used to wear a mask through most of my life – meaning I was willing to show up as someone that wasn’t even me if it meant people liking me. And then my mask became a filter – where I was me, but with a layer of protection. I would sensor myself or not speak up for what I really believed.

And now? I’m working on consciously lifting the filter, all the time. It has not always gone off without a hitch. Back in December, I made a post on my personal facebook page that was political, and an old friend popped up. This person literally shows up on my facebook page, once every few years, just to tell me how wrong I am. I have a history with this person, and on this particular day, I was going to stretch my filterless self. And it didn’t really go the way I’d planned. I came off as the asshole. And I didn’t meant to. But here’s the thing. I am okay with that. Now. At the time, I was mortified. But now I know…okay, that wasn’t quite the way I want to show up when people disagree with me. I can do that better next time.

Because here’s the thing. The more you live without your filter, the better you’ll get to know the real you, and better discern how you want to show up in the world.

Lastly, if you want to learn to live radically authentic – allow others to be authentic with you. Allow them be vulnerable with you. We can learn from each other. Be that friend that allows others to share their story, their situation – and you don’t try to one up them, you don’t coddle them and agree with their victimhood, and you don’t be a jerk telling them to grow up. You allow them to be, in a safe space, and you hear them. With Love.

As you would hope others would do for you.

Wouldn’t that just be simply amazing. The light in me see and honors the light in you.

So for this week’s action step, I invite you to just spend sometime with yourself. Maybe even grab your journal. What do you like about you? What would like to change about you? What have you suspected is something you say or do that isn’t really true to you?

Spend a good half an hour in this space. You don’t have to do anything with it, it’s just an exploration of self.

Start practicing that “What if this isn’t even true.” And just see where it goes.

If you want to get authentic with me, I invite you to connect with me via email. I’d love to hear your story.

You can also always reach me in the Business Women Losing Weight community group on Facebook!

I’m going skip this week’s featured woman business owner, if only because this was a deeper than usual episode and don’t want to assume that anyone in my iTunes review feed is like, Yeah. I wanna be the Radical Authenticity woman of the week! I feel like this one was mine to tell.

But I will share a story with you. I often use my speak to text feature on my iPhone when I get ideas for podcasts or memes or stories, and I am driving. I can’t always remember great ideas even just a few minutes later – I gotta tell you, middle aged brain is a real thing! My mind is full of brilliant ideas I can’t remember!

So anyway, I was driving to the Rise Collaborative Workspace one year anniversary party, about a 30 minute drive. And I had radical authenticity come to me. So I started talking into the phone.

And I had titled the note either Radical Authenticity or Radical Vulnerability.

And the next day when I went to read what I wrote, the note – which was actually written by Siri, not me – said “Radical Austin tech or Radical Boner Ability.”

And that, my friends, is a podcast episode for another day. Long live radical boner ability, am I right, ladies!

If you want to be featured in the woman business owner of the week, please leave a review on iTunes and then email me your review title and a little bit about your business. And then I can share what you have written about the show and link to your businesses’ in the show notes.

Because we are building this tribe!

Alright, my Grown Ass Women! I believe in you. Are you ready to take the next step? Download your free Business Woman’s Jump Start to Weight Loss – yours completely free, just go to AmyLatta.com/quickstart.

Who do you know that needs to hear this episode? Share the show with her. Let her know there is help, there’s another way, and we are a growing tribe of Grown Ass Women locking arms, living their lives to the fullest, and who have her back all the way!

Alright, you have been listening to Business Women Losing Weight with life and weight coach Amy Latta. And until Next Week…let’s go do Epic Stuff.

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About Amy Latta

Amy Latta is a life coach helping female entrepreneurs lose weight. Some entrepreneurs struggle with not enough time and not enough energy, and are so laser focused on growing their businesses, they sacrifice their health - not realizing their personal health is imperative to the health of their business. Women hire Amy to help them get an extra hour or two back in their day while figureing out why they don't do what they say they're going to do. The result being more time, more energy, and weight loss. When she's not building her own business, you can usually find Amy on her yoga mat or experimenting in the kitchen. When in doubt, bring her guacamole.

One Comment

  1. great podcast episode! Although I’ll be waiting for your one on radical boner ability! Seriously, great episode, thanks for putting yourself out there. I’m thankful for you!

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