The one where you finally realize that your past has nothing to do with your future.
To view the show notes, ask a question, or leave a comment, visit www.AmyLatta.com/BWLW34.
Episode Show Notes:
When the sparkle wears off of our newly set goals and dreams, the daily grind of work sets in. And we find our minds fighting us. So how do we make a fresh start or start again or start anew? It’s possible, but it just takes awareness and practice – understand why our minds fight us, understand that we can’t base our future on our past, and learn to practice new habits and beliefs so we can keep moving forward.
What You Will Learn:
- The science behind why forming new habits can be difficult
- Why our past has no bearing on our future
- The most important thing you can do, right now, to keep moving forward
- The million dollar power thought that will get us anything that we want, no matter the goal.
Woman Business Owner of the Week:.
Jane Tuttle, author, The ABCs of Parenting a College Student: 26 Topics to Help You Navigate This Journey
Revisit your Big Hairy Audacious Goal.
Tap into the Future You that has already achieved that goal, and think with intention about how she acts and feels.
Recite the Go-To thought of: “I do not need to know all the steps. I just need to take the step directly in front of me.”
Decide the specific next step directly in front of you?
Take that step and then come share it in our Business Women Losing Weight community group on Facebook!
Ready to take the next step:
Download The Business Woman’s Quick-Start Guide to Losing Weight:
Learn from and support other woman business owners who are learning to stop sacrificing their health while they build their businesses!
Join our Facebook Community: http://www.amylatta.com/bwlwtribe
You are listening to Business Women Losing Weight with Amy Latta, episode 34 – The one where you finally realize that your past has nothing to do with your future. Mmmm, Intriguing! Let’s Go!
(Music) Welcome to Business Women Losing Weight, a community for fabulous women small business owners so laser focused on building their businesses….they have been sacrificing their health! Together we’re going to get back your time and energy, reconnect with your lust for life, and teach you to live naturally thin.
I’m your host, Amy Latta, and I’m all in! Are you comin’ with me? Let’s take care of you so you can take care of business!
Hello my amazing Grown Ass Women! How is everyone doing today!
I’m feeling pretty awesome, I gotta say, it’s a good week, it’s a new month, and I believe that one day winter will finally come to an end and it will finally warm up. Maybe that’s just the sun shining outside right now talking to me, I dunno, but I feel amazing and I hope you do, too.
And even if you don’t, then hang with me for the next half hour or so, and let’s see if we can’t get your groove back!
If you are listening in real time, meaning you are listening when these go live and not six months or more in the future, then you know that it’s February and all the shiny new sparkle of the new year is gone. I mean, it is. The new year sparkle really only lasts a good 10 days or so before reality of our lives set in, and our minds start to fight us. Some people can channel amazing amounts of willpower to keep them going, but anytime we try to make a change, our brains start yelling at us.
They are supposed to yell at us.
Our brains were designed to keep us safe, and that primitive part, tucked back behind there, yells at us all the time. Anytime it thinks we are going to step out of the cave, it starts a screaming, because it is sure there is a saber-toothed tiger ready to pounce on us.
But we aren’t in a cave anymore and there is no saber-toothed tiger. We just want to finally lose those 30 pounds.
We literally are the safest we have ever been in human history, but our brains don’t know that, so any minor inconvenience is now treated like the world is coming to an end.
First world problems are a real thing – our brains were designed for fight or flight and for survival, and I don’t know about you, but my suburban life doesn’t offer much real danger. I live in a safe neighborhood, with a solid roof over my head, no worries as to where my next meal is coming.
My brain wouldn’t know real danger if it came up and slapped me in the face. But that primitive part was designed for survival, and survive it must!
So you wanna see change?
Uh uh. I don’t think so! Pretty sure we are all gonna die!
Fascinating isn’t it! That is why it is hard to start on a new path or hard to start over again.
Sometimes we just want a fresh start and instead, our minds are screaming at us, “We are all going to die if you do that!”
So what does it mean to make a fresh start and how do we actually do that. I have spoken to enough of you this past month to know that most of us aren’t totally rocking’ out on our BHAGs – those are the Big Hairy Audacious Goals we talked about a month ago. If One is making good progress and Two is stuck, most of us seem to be at a plus or minus 1.5!
Like, we haven’t thrown in the towel, but not nearly as far as we’d hoped!
So let’s talk about what is really going on here. There’s science, there’s psychology, there’s some woo woo wah wah going on.
Oh my goodness, funny story, so I have been doing Live trainings on Facebook live on Friday – you should really connect with me on Facebook so you can join in!
And today, I cannot remember how it came up, but I called myself a practitioner in the woo, and eventually settled on the new title of Woo Woo Wah Wah Practitioner! Like, scrape the business cards and let’s do a reprint!
Founder of Amy Latta Coaching and host of the Business Women Losing Weight podcast. BORING!
But a Woo Woo Wah Wah practitioner? That’s fun to say!
The biggest part of this is your past self versus your future self. Now, we talked a little bit about this in episode 21, What Would Future You Do. How we can’t drag our past with us into the future, and how to create goals and actions from the person who has already achieved what you want to achieve. It’s super powerful work!
And this is a slightly different look at a similar scenario. But it’s a bit more in the moment. In those moments when your mind says, why even bother.
Or in those moments when you have made a misstep – when you “fail,” and wake up with empty bags of Oreos and Twizzlers and maybe an empty bottle of wine. Like, what the hell happened last night!
I don’t know, I knew this wasn’t going to work, why even bother.
Who has been there? Now, I expect to see everyone raising their hands because we have all been there. I mean, maybe my Oreos are your Girl Scout Cookies, maybe the exact details have changed, but we have all face planted and then struggled to get back up again.
In my olden days, this would have set me back. WAY back. Like months or years back.
As I began learning about the infallibility of willpower and the power of my thoughts, I was able to reduce that to weeks, and then days, and now even hours.
And here’s how I have been able to shrink that window of time.
Notice that I didn’t say, “and here’s how I no longer have a setback.” Or face plant, or overeat, or zone out.
Because I still do! I do not think our goal is to no longer do those things, as much as it is to realize that we can make a fresh start with each new step we take. In any given moment, we can take the next best step.
That is the big Aha here.
Not eliminating mistakes. But bouncing back from them as quickly as possible.
So the science of what’s going on here is what we’ve talked about before about neural pathways. We have habits, and they are literally hard-wired into our brains. Like when I moved last summer, and for three months I would still occasionally find myself back in my old neighborhood on the way home from the store. Oops! My brain was just used to driving me there.
Your brain is hardwired with the habits you have already had, and it takes time to form new neural pathways. The more you practice the new habit, the sooner it gets hardwired in. I no longer drive to my old house. It’s possible that sometime in the next few months if I’m not completely paying attention if I am not intentional and in my conscious mind, I may accidentally find myself there. But the habit of the new house is pretty much there now.
So neural pathways are partly responsible for the difficulty in forming new habits.
Absolutely no reason to add shame and regret on top of the mistake, when it’s literally just brain science at work.
The second reason we make mistakes on our way towards new habits and new goals is psychology. We have a history. That history has led us to form belief systems. Belief systems of what we can and cannot do.
Even if you have someone cheering you on, like a life coach who adores you, as soon as you start moving towards that new direction, that belief system, lurking right under the surface, starts speaking to you.
That voice that tells you that it isn’t going to work.
You’ve never been able to do it before, so what makes you think you can do it now.
You aren’t smart enough, strong enough, disciplined enough, pretty enough, enough enough. All the enoughs our mind start telling us we are not.
You might as well forget about it because nothing is actually going to change.
Basically, your mind is being a jerk. Right?
But there’s a reason why. Like I just mentioned, your brain’s job is to keep you safe. Well, I mean, it’s job is to run your entire body, but the primitive part of your brain is designed for survival. And since there’s no real need for fight or flight in these modern times as part of our survival, it tends to overreact to minor things.
Like thinking we are all going to die because you set some goals for yourself.
I know, it’s ridiculous, but it’s how our brains were designed and how our minds work.
Now, side note – I realize I have used brain and mind interchangeably in the past and not always accurately.
Your brain is the physical design and structure of that thing inside your head. It’s the literal matter, your physical brain.
Your mind, on the other hand, is all your thoughts and beliefs and your conscious mind and your unconscious mind, and your attitude and your imagination.
Your brain is the part of your body most associated with your mind, but your brain is not your mind. I interchange them a lot and am trying to make a conscious effort – in my mind! – to keep the two straight.
What’s important to note about your mind throwing all these old belief systems at you is that you can change them. You can change your belief systems. Or as my friend, Coach Shaquan says, your BS.
RIGHT? So perfect! Check your bs.
And this is why hiring a coach to help you identify your belief system and create new ones is so incredibly powerful.
But the main point is knowing that it is even possible to change them. No matter how hard-wired they may be.
Nothing in your past has to dictate your future. And nothing that happened in your past is a mistake because all of those things have made you the person you are today. Right here. Right now. And there is no mistake about that.
All the events of your life – things that happened to your family, things that happened to you, that you yourself have done – are part of the story of your life, the good, the bad, the ugly, and it makes up all of who you are.
And no matter if it’s been good or bad or ugly, it is all good.
Really listen to what I am saying.
Your life has happened exactly as it should have. I know this because that is how it happened.
To argue otherwise is to argue with reality, and as one of my teachers, Byron Katie, says, to argue with reality is what creates suffering.
Your past has happened exactly as it should have to bring you to this moment, right now.
What matters most, now, is not what happened then, as much as what happens next.
And that is the Woo Woo Wah Wah part!
No matter what happened 40 years ago, 20 years ago, 20 minutes ago, the next step is still in front of you and you always have the option to take the next best step you can.
If in this moment, there are a handful of cookies in front of you, you can take a deep breath and decide that is not the action you need to take to get the result you want, and you can consciously decide to put them down, brush yourself off, and then decide the next best step.
You can make a fresh start at any moment in time.
You do not need to wait until next week, next Monday, next day.
Just the very next moment.
It’s always available to you.
Back in episode 21, I had you define your Future You, where I showed you how to tap into that future version of yourself, the one who already has everything you want.
You can tap into her in those moments and you take the next step that she would take.
Ya’ll know I have a life coach because coaches have coaches. My life coach right now is Stacey Smith, I’m in her Diva Business School. Now she does what I do – she is a business coach who does a little business strategy and a lot of thought work and mind crap. Just like I am a weight coach that does a little meal planning and workout planning and a lot of thought work and mind crap!
Anyway, she shared a million dollar power thought with us this week in a training. I’ve done an episode on power thoughts, or go-to thoughts, before. These are thoughts that you pull out of your back pocket when you are struggling to take the action you want to take. When your mind is trying to take you down with all those old limiting beliefs, we need new beliefs that we can put into practice. Not only do our new habits need to form new neural pathways, but our new beliefs need to, also.
So it’s incredibly powerful to have these thoughts already worked out and tucked in a easily accessed spot.
I also recommend journaling on them every day if you are trying to keep it top of mind, that will help them get hard-wired faster.
But Stacey’s million dollar power thought was super simple and super helpful, and it helped me coordinate the chaos in my mind. She said, “I do not need to know all the steps. I just need to take the step directly in front of me.”
This is a much better, more succinct way of telling my clients what I always tell them. It’s just the next step. That’s all you have to worry about.
So no matter what has happened in the past month or the past hour or the past year.
Commit right now to making a fresh start.
Your past has no bearing on your future, just the very next step you are going to take.
So for this week’s action step, revisit your BHAG for the year. Tap into that future you who has already achieved it. How does she act and feel about that big goal?
And then take a deep breath and recite that power thought.
I do not need to know all the steps. I just need to take the step directly in front of me.
Now. What’s that step directly in front of you?
Take that step and then come share it in our Business Women Losing Weight community group on Facebook!
This week’s featured woman business owner is my good friend and former client, Jane Tuttle. She is the author of “The ABCs of Parenting a College Student: 26 Topics to Help You Navigate This Journey,” a great little guide for parents of college students or soon to be college students, and is based on her career working in administration and student affairs for a major university. She’s kind of a big deal on campus!
On iTunes, Jane wrote, “The host Amy has energy and a passion to help women or men lose weight by taking a new perspective on weight loss. Controlling the feelings, the mental mind load and learning how to care for yourself. If the first few episodes are any indication we are in for a treat. I prefer short (30 minutes are less) podcasts and this fits the bill.”
Jane, thank you so much for your kind words, and ladies in BWLW land, make sure you stop by Amazon and pick up a copy of her excellent guide for college parents – for yourself or for your friend who’s over in the corner freaking out over their child headed off to college this year!
If you want to be featured in the woman business owner of the week, please leave a review on iTunes and then email me your review title and a little bit about your business. And then I can share what you have written about the show and link to your businesses’ in the show notes.
Because we are building this tribe!
Alright, my Grown Ass Women! I believe in you. Are you ready to take the next step? Download your free Business Woman’s Jump Start to Weight Loss – yours completely free, just go to AmyLatta.com/quickstart.
Join the Business Women Losing Weight Facebook group community, make sure you are Subscribed to the podcast, and who do you know that needs to hear this episode? Share the show with her. Let her know there is help, there’s another way, and we are a growing tribe of Grown Ass Women locking arms, living their lives to the fullest, and who have her back all the way!
Alright, you have been listening to Business Women Losing Weight with life and weight coach Amy Latta. And until Next Week…let’s go do Epic Stuff.
Subscribe and Leave a Review:
Subscribe and then leave a review! Your feedback helps shape future episodes!