Ep19: What Other People Think Of You

opinionsThe one where you see how to live the most amazing life by viewing other people’s opinions of you – whether good or bad – for what they are. Crap.
To view the show notes, ask a question, or leave a comment, visit www.AmyLatta.com/BWLW19

Episode Show Notes:

How many of us make decisions about our lives based on what we think other people will think of those decisions.
Far too many of us, that’s how many!

Fact is, we cannot control any one’s opinions of anything. It’s impossible. Their opinions are based on their experience, their hopes and dreams (or lack thereof), and on their reality. Their opinions of us actually have little to do with us.

And yet we take other people’s opinions into consideration way too often.
First off, we just want everyone to be happy.
Yet everyone has their own sets of opinions, so how can we possibly act and speak and live in a way that will make everyone with an opinion happy.
We can’t.

And another sticking point about other people’s opinions is whether or not we think they may be true. We don’t care much about their opinion when they know they are wrong. But if we secretly worry that their opinion is true…

The best we can do is show up as our selves. Act and speak and live only as best serves us.
One caveat, this does not give us license to be mean to others or to tell lies or otherwise be a jerk. Live to your best authenticity, no matter what other people think, and then you’ll find true freedom.

Action Item:

Share a story with me of Other People’s Opinions.
Just becoming aware that we do this is so huge. And almost everyone I know has a story where they felt they rocked at something and then found out that someone didn’t like it, and they felt terrible about the very thing they felt awesome about.
Leave it in the comments.
Even better, bring it to our Facebook live later this week! I’ll be coming to you from Boston.

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Episode Transcription:

You are listening to Business Women Losing Weight with Amy Latta, episode 19 – The one where you see how to live the most amazing life by viewing other people’s opinions of you  for what they are. Crap. Let’s go!
(Music) Welcome to Business Women Losing Weight, a community for fabulous women small business owners so laser focused on building their businesses….they have been sacrificing their health! Together we’re going to get back your time, get back your energy, and teach you to live naturally thin.
I’m your host, Amy Latta, and I’m all in! Are you comin’ with me? Let’s take care of you so you can take care of business!

Hello my sisters! How is this week going so far! Do you ever feel like Liz Lemon from 30 Rock – What a week, huh!?
Yeah, guys. It’s Tuesday!
These past few weeks have been flying by, I am in the middle of a six week stretch where I am out of town four of those weekends. In fact, tomorrow I head to Boston to spend a mini-vacation with my sister!
Super excited and yet… the amount of heaven and earth that must be moved in order for mama to leave town!
Ya know what I mean!
Also, as a small business owner, I am not quite to the place where I can just step away for five days. So the laptop is coming with me. I’ve worked ahead as much as I can, but will have to check in.
I so look forward to the day when I can step away and know that this well-oiled machine that has been built can run itself.
That’s our goal, right?
Well, maybe your goal is a little different, that is okay. Some people are building their small business to be able to run on its own someday.
Some people have no plans of stepping away for a short time here and there – or for those of us in the creative or service based world – to be able to run our teams and our businesses from anywhere in the world, right?
Times have SO CHANGED, that that is an option.
We can literally have whatever we want!
And something that has been so on my mind these past couple weeks is what really stops us from living the life that we want?
I’m talking about that these next few episodes, and what got me started on this path really stems from last week’s episode.
The Truth About Exercise.
I wrote that knowing not everyone would agree with me. I hesitated to put it out – because if someone doesn’t agree, I might not even know, and I wouldn’t be able to engage in conversation with them unless They Chose to engage with me!
And right before it went to publish, I was a nervous wreck.
And that, my sisters, is because I was worried that someone would not agree with me.
I was worried what other people would think of me.
Ho. Boy.
So. Just a little insight here.
I am 43 years old as of this podcast date.
And for a solid 41 years, I lived my life based on…what other people would think of me.
I can trace way back to school days, hoping I got to be teacher’s pet, hoping so and so would like me, hoping that if I just behaved the way I was supposed to, I would get the public recognition that told everyone I was a good girl and everything would be rainbows and unicorns.
Um. Yeah. Life DOES NOT work like that, does it!
And what is super crazy is I decided when I was writing The Truth About Exercise that I would make other people’s opinions as the next episode. And since that decision, holy cow. The past two years of work I have done on this very topic, all the coaching and self-coaching and realization work I have done.
It all came back up again.
It started with putting out an episode I thought I might get some kick back on.
And then continued as I continue to have mini-sessions for my updated coaching program, and having someone tell me, wow, you are really expensive. (Someone else told me I was too underpriced, by the way!)
And then, there’s an area of my life where lots of people are getting recognition, and I am NOT. And I have even reached out to the person giving the recognition, and asked about certain things and my questions have gone unanswered.
Oh, all the things my brain is making that mean!
And then, literally right before writing this episode, I had a mini-session with a small business owner who’s biggest struggle right now is external validation. And I was able to show her how her actions were not tied back to the actual recognition or lack of recognition – but what she made that recognition mean.
Uh huh.
So as an example, in last week’s podcast, I talked about how exercise is not a good weight loss tool. That it is a health tool, instead.
And I know there will be people who think this is the best news ever, because they thought that because they can’t figure out exercise, they can’t lose weight. And I just told them they can!
And I know there will be people who this is the worst news ever, because they are such believers in the health benefits of exercise, it’s sacrilegious to say exercise isn’t necessary to lose weight.
And I know there will be people who think this is the worst news ever, because they have convinced themselves the only thing holding them back from weight loss is their inability to exercise, and now I have just pulled the rug out on that belief system.
Here’s the thing.
Who is right?
Who is wrong?
What if it has nothing to do with right or wrong?
Because their opinion on what I said has way more to do with them than it does me!
I brought what I believe to be true to the public, and I did so without being an asshole. I stood in my truth and my excellence and you as listeners are either going to think it was a great episode or a horrible episode.
I cannot control whether you love me or hate me. I can only show up 100% as myself.
But that is not what we do, is it!
So many of us – not all of us, and trust me, we want to understand your brain if this is NOT your problem! But so many of us make decisions in order to try to control what other people think of us.
I wanted to change the episode more than once.
I wanted to tone down the rhetoric.
I wanted to back down on my belief at one point.
But that’s not real!
And it’s exhausting!
Holy crap, if I wrote these episodes in hopes of appealing to every person in the world – HELLO – that is impossible to do!
But so many of us are trying to make deciosns in our life and in our marriage and our business and our parenting so that we can make other people happy with us.
So that we can have other people tell us were doing a good job.
So another example is me being a public speaker. I am going to get up, put on an outfit I like, do my hair, do my make up, and I’m going to show up into a room and I’m going to speak on the topic that I’m passionate about. If I am concerned about other peoples opinions, how am I going to show up in that room?
And how different will I be if I show up without caring what other people’s opinions are.
If I rely on other people to tell me if I was good or bad, how can I ever gauge what I need to say to appeal to an entire audience.
Because if I go speak at an event, and you polled the first 10 people walking out of that room, you will likely get a variety of opinions. Maybe someone doesn’t like the color I wore, maybe someone’s bestest friend in the world is named Amy.
Maybe someone thinks the information I shared is a crock of shit, maybe I just told someone the very thing they needed here that day so that they can keep moving forward on their goals and passions.
Can you see that I can’t actually control any of that. The only thing I can control is the one constant in that situation, which is me.
So I might as well wear my favorite clothes, and do my hair my favorite way, and I might as will share what I am most passionate about. I might as well show up 100% as me every single time, because I can’t possibly show up as anyone else. And yet this is what we try to do. We think if only we can make other people happy, then we will be worthy of love, then we will be worthy of celebrating. And to that I call bullshit
And here’s another part of what other people think of you that we need to consider. You can no more take responsibility for someone loving you as you can take responsibility for someone hating you.
If someone loves and adores you, that is still all about them and not about you. And here’s the thing that I have been guilty of in the past, is that I will be so excited when someone tells me they love my stuff, and then also try to play off that I am okay if someone doesn’t love my stuff.
And our brains don’t work that way. When we put so much stock in somebody’s love of us we are much more likely to put an equal amount of stock in someone’s hate of us.
And, what happens when someone’s opinion of us changes. What if someone who loves us, and then suddenly has a problem with us. Now your worth is diminished because a lover no longer loves you?
Are you starting to see the variety of ways that other peoples opinions play into how we act, and what we do, and how we actually have so little control over any of it.
An interesting point about what other people think of you is that we might secretly be afraid that they are right.
If someone says they hate my blue hair, I know it’s ridiculous, because I don’t have blue hair.
If someone says they hate my the sound of my voice, well, then I might wonder, because as someone who is podcasting with braces – yes, I am 43 and in full metal braces! – I have wondered if I sound okay.
So their opinion carries more weight if I think what they said might be true.
It carries very little weight if I don’t think what they said is true.
So fascinating, right?
When was the last time recognition came up for you? In the case of my mini-session this morning, my potential client shared an instance where she worked her butt off for a certain industry recognition. She hit the requirements in June, and in July, the recognition program completely changed, and not in her favor.
Does this mean she was any less amazing? Does this mean she is any less of a rockstar?
Aw hell no!
But here’s how this played out in her mind – this is why one-on-one coaching is so good!
She hits a certain sales and team goal.
She’s thinking “They recognize and appreciate my hard my work.”
She feels amazing.
When she feels amazing, she continues to kill it in her business because she shows up like the rockstar she believes she is.
Giving her the result of being a rockstar in her business.
Now. She hits the same sales and team goal.
But now, she doesn’t get the same recognition.
She’s thinking “they don’t appreciate what I have done.”
She feels so disappointed.
When she feels disappointed, she not longer kills it in her business because she’s no longer making the calls she needs to make and setting the appointments she needs to set.
Giving her the result of not being the rockstar any more.
Here is the thing – even without the recognition, she still accomplished amazing things for herself and for her business. She still demonstrated her talent and her skill and her amazingness.
How exhausting and frustrating to live a life where you depend on an external opinion to decide how you are going to feel about yourself.
My sisters. We cannot control what anyone else thinks of us.
We give all our power away when we depend on others to tells us if we are good or not.
What other people think of you is crap. It doesn’t matter.
We empower ourselves by realizing that our only option is to show up, 100% as our selves, every single day, and let the cards fall where they may.
Some will love us.
Some will be Meh.
And that is okay.
Now side note, this does not mean we can be an asshole. This doesn’t give us license to be jerks to people.
This doesn’t give us license to spread fake information. I can’t go stand on stage, and tell complete lies for an hour and be like…it doesn’t matter what you think of me, I’m great no matter what!
Like, learn and grow and know your stuff and honor that other people may have different opinions than you.
Basically, stand in your excellence, and don’t be a jerk.
Someone put that on a t-shirt!
Alright, so the action step for this week – share a story with me of Other People’s Opinions.
Just becoming aware that we do this is so huge. And almost everyone I know has a story where they felt they rocked at something and then found out that someone didn’t like it, and they felt terrible about the very thing they felt awesome about.
Leave it in the comments on the episode page not he website – follow the show notes link.
Even better, bring it to our Facebook live later this week! I’ll be coming to you from Boston! I’m not actually sure where I will be at 8am central, but I go live Every Friday morning at 8am central on the Amy Latta Facebook page. So be sure you are following me and get notifications when I go live!
Congratulations to Holly Murray, who got a free hour of my time for leaving a review for me!
I will be doing another drawing soon, and iTunes has made it so much easier to leave a review now!
Just search my podcast, Subscribe, and you can write a review right from there!
And, hey guys, have you signed up for What to Eat This Week yet? I know getting dinner on the table can be a struggle, especially if you have kids and a husband who have strong opinions on these things, right?
So let me help you out.
Head over to www.Amylatta.com/whattoeat, and you’ll get some meal planning love from me.
Alright, my Grown Ass Women! I believe in you. Who do you know that needs to hear this episode? I am serious. Don’t keep this awesomeness to yourself. Share this podcast with other women who need to hear it.
Let them know that there is help, there’s another way, and we are a growing tribe of Grown Ass Women who have their back.
Alright, you have been listening to Business Women Losing Weight with life and weight coach Amy Latta. And until Next Week…let’s go do Epic Stuff.

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About Amy Latta

Amy Latta is a life coach helping female entrepreneurs lose weight. Some entrepreneurs struggle with not enough time and not enough energy, and are so laser focused on growing their businesses, they sacrifice their health - not realizing their personal health is imperative to the health of their business. Women hire Amy to help them get an extra hour or two back in their day while figureing out why they don't do what they say they're going to do. The result being more time, more energy, and weight loss. When she's not building her own business, you can usually find Amy on her yoga mat or experimenting in the kitchen. When in doubt, bring her guacamole.

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