The one where we take a look at what our brains do when the other people in our life can eat anything they want, and you can’t. And what we can do about that.
Episode Show Notes:
We cannot control other people’s actions, but one sticking point in weight loss often comes up when those around us can eat whatever they want, and we can’t.
We allow this to cause us a lot of angst, and often leads to fighting with other people or sabotaging our own efforts so that we don’t have to deal with it in the moment.
Here are three things to consider when your closest people to you can eat whatever they want and not gain any weight:
- Is that even a goal? Eating whatever you want does not factor in a person’s health. And it’s our physical health, not necessarily the weight on the scale, that affects our business’ health. So that is a thought error – EH! Stop that unproductive, not-at-all-helpful thinking in its tracks
- Are you considering their eating patterns? Many, though admittedly not all, naturally thin people don’t struggle with overeating (i.e. eating when they aren’t hungry). And that is something you can learn.
- What are you making that mean? WE don’t have to assume that they are trying to sabotage us or that there is something wrong with us because we can’t lose weight while eating whatever we want.
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Awareness. Pay attention to where your brain goes when someone who seems naturally thin is eating whatever they want around you. Call it out as a thought error, or remind yourself that you are learning, and always remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you or them.
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You are listening to Business Women Losing Weight with Amy Latta, episode number 16!
(Music) Welcome to Business Women Losing Weight, a community for fabulous women small business owners so laser focused on building their businesses….they have been sacrificing their health! Together we’re going to get back your time, get back your energy, and teach you to live naturally thin.
I’m your host, Amy Latta, and I’m all in! Are you comin’ with me? Let’s take care of you so you can take care of business!
Hello My Friends! I am so happy to be here with you this week! The Latta family is gearing up for lots of travel and excitement over the next few months, and this is my last weekend of just relative calm…and I’m taking it in! We are seeing one of our favorite bands, Jamestown Revival, for the fourth time this year! WOW. Official Groupies, I believe! We just saw them in August at Red Rocks, and now they’re headlining a festival about an hour from St. Louis. And we’re taking the kiddos and it’s gorgeous weather and I can’t wait to just relax and enjoy before our travel every-other-weekend fall begins!
I had about five different things to possibly talk about in today’s episode, but then I had a mini-session this week that really created a lot of great conversation. It was with one of you fabulous woman small business owners, and her struggle was not as much her weight as it was having what she called “off days” where she overeats, eats junk food, has one more glass of wine than she should.
She wants to work on this to figure out why she does this – eats great most days and then bam. And she doesn’t want to and it’s not planned. And she wakes up the next day in a hangover – not a drinking hangover, but that emotional hangover you have the next day of overeating food that doesn’t make your body feel good and all the shame and anxiety that goes with that.
As we talked, one thing that came up was how easy all of this is for her boyfriend. He can eat whatever he wants and he stays slim and trim. Mmmmm hmmmm. I so wanted to jump in the pool with her and commiserate!
Because that’s my husband! 6’1” and about 175 pounds. Eats whatever is put in front of him.
Do you have people like that in your life? It may not be your partner. It may be a friend, a business partner, another family member. But someone close to you and it just doesn’t seem to matter what they eat – they just don’t have a weight problem. They can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound.
Okay, so there is a lot to unpack there. And I have three main points to consider when you are grappling with the emotions that come up regarding a partner who can eat whatever they want.
First point, let’s consider that just because someone is naturally thin does not mean they are healthy. Let’s question if this is even ideal.
We have decided in our culture that thin is healthy and fat is unhealthy. We see it often in the body positive world, when a plus sized model or athlete posts a body positive image on social media, there are always those that come out to say this is promoting bad health or promoting obesity.
This feeds the notion that we have to hate ourself thin. And why when I tell you you must learn to love yourself exactly as you are in order to lose weight, your brain kinda explodes.
It goes against what we have always heard about weight and health.
This is a belief system that we need to challenge. Thin does not equate to healthy. And Fat does not equate to Unhealthy.
You can be 120 pounds and be malnourished or have high cholesterol or be insulin resistant.
You can be 200 pounds, with fat on your body, and have perfect blood work and no signs of disease.
In other words, we have no idea what’s going on inside anyone’s body, and it is not our place to judge.
So let’s consider that our health is more important than our weight, right. It stands that when we fuel our body properly, we will weigh less than eating junk food and fast food. But weight does not dictate health, healthy looks different on everyone, and it’s our body’s HEALTH that most directly affects our business’s health.
So the thin is healthy and fat is unhealthy is just a belief system we grew up with that’s completely irrelevant. When that pops up in your mind – “Wow, I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and still be thin.” – that is a completely unproductive and not helpful thought. Just stop that in its tracks.
We call those thought errors. Like, our brain misfires these thoughts, and we have to learn to see them for what they are, when they happen.
Like, your naturally thin husband plops down on the coach with a bowl of ice cream five nights in a row, and your brain automatically thinks, “Wow, I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and still be thin,” You can learn to respond with “EH. I’m sorry we’re going to need a judges ruling on this, and yes, that’s completely unhelpful. I don’t have to think that. It’s not even true.”
It’s a skill that you can get better at with practice!
As we learned in the feeling better without food episode last week, we know our thinking makes us feel a certain way and our actions come from how we are feeling.
So thinking “I wish I could eat whatever I wanted and still be thin,” personally, leave me feeling defeated, and when I feel defeated…I am either going to retreat and not get out and be active OR I’m going to turn to overeating. Which…guess what, leaves me with the result of…well, not being thin!
So nip that thinking in the bud.
Alright, so point number two. Another aspect of having a partner who can eat anything is that we aren’t considering their eating patterns. Remember back a few episodes about the Secret to Weight Loss. I think it was episode 7. It’s a good one, friends!
It is possible to lose weight without changing what you eat. Now as I mentioned in point 1, naturally thin does not mean naturally healthy, so we do need to consider what makes your body healthy. High quality fuel that works for your body and gives it what it needs.
But many of us are overweight not necessarily because of what we eat, but because we overeat. Which simply means eating when we aren’t even hungry. And naturally thin people don’t typically do this. Yes, there are always outliers. That literally eat junk food all day long and stay thin. This is not the norm and that is a straight up thought error on our part to even go down that road. See point #1.
But there are people in this world, who’s diets are neither all fast food nor all salad but somewhere in the middle, who do not turn to food to feel better. Or when they’re bored. Or just because someone brought in cupcakes.
We’ve seen them in the world and wondered what it must be like! To have food in front of them, and not eat it.
In the Secret to Weight Loss episode, we talked about all the different reasons we eat other than hunger, and naturally thin people don’t tend to eat for any other reason than hunger.
We’ve seen them turn away chocolate cake. They don’t add, “I’m watching my weight,” or “I really shouldn’t.”
They just say “No thank you,” and then go on their merry way.
I know. Imagine if we had all learned this as children. And that’s what that is. Many naturally thin people simply learned not to eat from an emotional place when they were children.
The awesome thing is that you can learn this, too. In fact, it’s the entire basis of this podcast and my coaching, and why we are here together right now.
So in this instance, when your brain says, ‘I wish I would learn to eat like that,” that’s not so much a thought error as it is a belief system we need to adjust.
When you hear words like that come through your brain, you can simply respond to yourself…”Yes, and I am learning how to eat like that!”
Because you are. It’s a learned behavior, a learned skill – like a muscle, it will get stronger the more your practice it.
Stick with me, and you will learn to only eat when hungry.
The last point I want to make about that person in your life who can eat just anything is…so what are you making that mean?
I love that question. My regular clients who are listening right now are likely nodding their head, “ah, she’s going with the ‘what are you making that mean’ angle! One of her favorites!”
I brought that up in last week’s episode, remember? As you learn to feel better, without food, by processing negative emotion, there are three powerful questions you can ask – Why? So What? And What are you making that mean?
Remember, it’s not what happens that determines how we feel, it’s what we THINK about what happens. Its the meaning we put on other people’s actions.
So six years ago when, trying to figure out why my health was so crappy, I went on my gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, alcohol free diet, and that first time my husband plopped on the couch with a bowl of ice cream, I tore into him.
How dare you!
I can’t believe you!
What are you thinking!
Poor guy. He had no idea what hit him in that moment.
Really, what I should have been doing was asking myself “What are you thinking?”
Because when my naturally thin husband plopped down on that couch, with ice cream, and he knew I had eliminated sugar and dairy, I made it mean…
He was flaunting his ice cream!
That he didn’t support me.
He may love me…but he obviously doesn’t care.
WOW. See what my brain did there?
So with my coaching client this week – the mini-session that I mentioned at the top of this episode, who is now a 1-1 coaching client so we can get to the bottom of her “off days” – when her naturally thin boyfriend says, “let’s go grab some pizza,” or “Let’s go grab some burgers…”
She doesn’t have to make that mean he doesn’t care.
She doesn’t have to think that means it’s a reason to not eat as planned. Burger joints and pizza places typically have lots of options and she – like all of us – are grown ass women taking responsibility for her thoughts and actions!
But in that moment, when we feel anger or sadness or anxiety over our partner eating whatever they want while we planned on eating salad with grilled chicken – we have the opportunity to ask ourselves whats really going on here and what are we making this mean. And when we see it, then we can change it.
It’s such a powerful skill! And you can absolutely get stronger at it!
Because, mama, you got skills. You’ve built your business into the powerhouse it is today because you are nothing less than fabulous, so don’t ever doubt that!
So when you have a partner – a boyfriend, a husband, a best friend, sister, whatever – who can eat anything while you gain 10 pounds just thinking about a cookie, remember that there is so much more going on under the surface.
#1 we should not assume that thin automatically means healthy. And HEALTHY is ultimately what matters to your bottom line.
#2 We aren’t considering their eating patterns and their ability to only eat when hungry – which are you are now learning to do!
And #3 what are you making that mean.
There is nothing wrong with you because you can’t eat whatever you want and not gain weight.
There is nothing wrong with you because you struggle with weight and they don’t.
You are loved and you are enough. Always.
We could easily go deeper into each of these three points – so much good stuff there! But for this week…
For our Action Item, this is an awareness item. I have said and will continue to say that Awareness is 50% of this process. This journey. Pay attention to what your brain is telling you when your “can eat anything” people in your life order the bacon double cheeseburger on a pretzel bun while you order the grilled salmon and asparagus.
Or any of the 100s of different ways that scenario may play out.
Just pay attention to where your brain goes, and call it out as a thought error, or remind yourself that you are learning, and always remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you or them.
Just starting the practice of seeing your brain go there and realizing you can redirect it is an amazing skill – not only in weight loss, but in business and in life!
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Alright, you have been listening to Business Women Losing Weight with life and weight coach Amy Latta. And until Next Week…let’s go do Epic Stuff.